North Star - The Complete Series Box Set

by Tracey Ward

  ***

  We argued about it for hours but we decided not to leave for another six months. Kellen was insistent that I couldn’t leave with a business to launch and I insisted that I had to have a whole new roof installed soon so the place couldn’t open for at least a month anyway. In the end he won when he said he simply wasn’t ready. He wanted more time, more sessions with Ben. He also wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to run from me. I was amazed and afraid when he admitted that.

  We made love that night in his apartment with the windows open so the cool evening air could blow through the room. He took his time, touching every inch of me. Giving me every inch of him. A breeze blew in through the window that chilled our exposed skin, making everything more sensitive. Hot felt hotter, cold gave me shivers and with the open window we struggled to remain as silent as possible.

  I gasped as he licked a line from my toes to my tongue. As he tasted me. Tangled with me in a knot I’d never be able to untie, one that I hoped would hold us together forever. His body was made for mine. Made to crush me, destroy me, set me on fire, and douse my desire from the inside out. By the time Kellen gave me all of him, sinking inside me painfully, I was nearly screaming with joy, but I held it in. I kept quiet, let him taste my cries and dined on his moans. His grunts. The throaty growl that started in his chest, passed over his lips to mine, and settled in my stomach so full and happy with every part of him.

  We fell asleep afterward, a small gap of cold air between us on the bed but it was under the same blanket. The same roof. The same sky.

  In the morning he asked me to stay so I did. I stuck around the entire day. It wasn’t perfect. There were times when he got that far away look on his face, when he shut down and wouldn’t look at me. But as the day progressed and we simply hung out as we always had, he came back to me. His eyes grew warmer, his laugh was fuller and by the time we went out to get dinner that evening, Kellen was himself again. He was him with me, his hand holding mine as we walked, and even though it was a little thing, it felt like everything.

  Over the next few months we didn’t spend every night together. I was busy getting the store ready to open. He found a job with a local fire department and started his training. Both of our hours were insane and it would have been easy to lose track of each other but we never did. On the nights we did see each other, we stayed together as long as life would allow. Eventually Kellen’s eyes would become distant less, though it never stopped entirely. He had trouble talking to me about simple things sometimes, but when he got mad or frustrated he didn’t run. He stayed and he fought. He fought for me, for us.

  We didn’t always win, but we never gave up.

  Epilogue

  Six Months Later

  “What souvenir are you going to bring me? I want a shamrock. Or a four leaf clover. Are those different?”

  I tuned out Sam’s constant questioning to try and focus on the spreadsheet I was looking at. I was tweaking the schedule for the two weeks that I’d be gone with Kellen in Ireland. I had thought it was all worked out but at the last minute one of my artists had up and quit. No notice. Just decided they wanted to move on to somewhere bigger and better which left me and the entire shop in a lurch. The joys of being the boss.

  “We might have to close a couple of days,” I muttered to myself, trying to figure out how I was going to keep the shop open and running with one licensed tattoo artist.

  “I don’t know why you don’t close the shop entirely while you’re gone,” Sam argued. “Everyone coming in is asking for you. Only the walk-ins are willing to work with Kristopher or Angie.”

  “Fucking Angie,” I grumbled.

  “I told you not to hire her.”

  “I know.”

  “You should have listened to me.”

  “I know.”

  “Just like you should listen to me now.”

  “Oh my God, fine!” I shouted, pushing away from the desk. “You take care of it. I have a flight to catch.”

  “Good! Catch your flight then. Get me that shamrock.”

  I grinned at her, grabbing my bag. “I thought you wanted a four leaf clover.”

  “Are they different?” she asked again, getting impatient.

  I shrugged as I pushed out the door. I shouted over my shoulder, “Close Tuesday through Wednesday!”

  “Shamrock!”

  As I burst outside, Kellen took my bag from me and lifted it easily into the back of his truck.

  “What was that about?”

  “I don’t know. That bitch is crazy.”

  I climbed inside the truck. Kellen jumped in beside me and pulled us out onto the street just as my phone rang.

  “Hey,” I answered with a grin.

  “What’s up, bitch?” Laney asked happily.

  I didn’t flinch at the phrasing. Since that afternoon in my apartment when Kellen and I had broken the news about our mistake, Laney had taken to calling me ‘bitch.’ At first it had been out of anger. Then it started to sound more grudging. Eventually it simply became habit. It was a scar from a wound I’d inflicted on myself and I bore it happily. She’d eventually come to forgive me for what had happened, though she still hated Kellen with all her heart. I hoped someday that would fade, but I wasn’t holding my breath.

  “Not much. On our way to the airport,” I told her.

  “Kellen’s with you now?”

  “Yep.”

  “Tell him to eat shit for me, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  Silence. “You’re not going to do it, are you?”

  “No.”

  “Fine. Are you excited for the trip?”

  “Of course, yeah. I can’t imagine how beautiful it will be.”

  “Is Dickbag nervous?”

  I glanced at Kellen sideways. He looked utterly calm but I knew that didn’t mean anything.

  “I think so. And watch it.”

  “You watch it. I gotta go. I called to say goodbye and have fun. Be safe!”

  “I will. Thanks, Lane.”

  “No prob. Love you.”

  “Love you too.”

  I slipped my phone into my purse, staring out the window at the city as it swept by.

  “Dickbag, huh?” Kellen asked.

  I laughed. “It’s better than what she used to call you. It’s progress.”

  “I guess. And the answer is yes.”

  “Yes to what?”

  He licked his lips. “I’m nervous.”

  “I can understand that,” I said quietly.

  “It helps. The fact that you’re here. It helps. A lot.”

  “Well then I’m glad you’re letting me come with you.”

  “There’s no one I’d rather be with.”

  I smiled then slid across the bench seat toward him. Kellen draped his right arm over the back of the seat, giving me room to tuck myself in close beside him. He smelled so good. Just as he had all those years ago when we’d sat together and written a love letter in French.

  “Vous êtes mon nord,” I whispered.

  You are my north.

  His hand clasped my shoulder, squeezing me to him.

  “Vous êtes mon espoir,” he replied gruffly.

  You are my hope.

  The airport was ridiculously packed. Apparently everyone had chosen that day to get the hell out of Dodge. Or the OC as it were. Kellen and I waited in long line after long line, the herd of people blessedly thinning with each new checkpoint until finally we were in the international departures area. I stood at the window watching planes land and take off. Kellen was in his own world with his headphones on and music blaring. He had said very little since we’d left the car and I let him be because that’s what I had always done with Kellen. It’s what he had always done with me. He let me be me.

  When they announced our flight was boarding, I felt him come to stand beside me.

  “Jenna,” he said, his deep voice pulling me down and to my right.

  I stared at him slack jawed, nearly st
uttering in shock.

  He was on one knee beside me, a small black box in his hand.

  “Kel, what the hell?” I gasped shakily.

  “I was planning on doing this in Ireland,” he said, his voice steady. His eyes deep and dark and sure. “I wanted to wait until we were overlooking the ocean or somewhere beautiful. I was going to do it the right way and surprise you.”

  “You’re surprising me,” I told him. “You’re shocking the shit out of me.”

  He smiled that crooked smile, the one that had always done me in. “I thought there were ways I was supposed to do this, but I don’t think there are. Not for us.” He opened the box, exposing a simple diamond and platinum ring inside. “I can’t promise I’ll always tell you everything, but I’ll never lie to you. I can’t promise that I won’t run away, but I will always come home. I’ll always be faithful, I’ll always be there when you need me and I will always, always love you. Jenna, wil—”

  I fell to my knees in front of him, pushing past the box and pressing myself tightly against him.

  “Yes,” I whispered in his ear. “Yes, yes. Fuck, yes.”

  “So much piss,” he chuckled, wrapping his arms around me tightly.

  I knew it would be hard being married to Kellen. I knew that because I knew him. Better than anybody. I knew the man, not the myth or the body or the rumors. And he knew me. To my core. We would get lost sometimes because everybody does. But that’s why you travel with the people you love. Because no matter how far off course you get, they’re always there to guide you home. They’re your lighthouse on the shore. Your star in the evening sky.

  Your True North.

  RINGSIDE

  North Star Book #3

  By Tracey Ward

  RINGSIDE

  A North Star Novel

  By Tracey Ward

  Text Copyright © 2015 Tracey Ward

  All Rights Reserved

  All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the author, except as used in book review.

  This is a work of fiction. Characters, names, places, events or incidents are products of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to places or incidents is purely coincidental.

  Table of Contents

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Prologue

  JENNA

  I loved Kellen Coulter from the moment I met him. From the time I was a thirteen-year-old girl staring at a gorgeous guy with battered hands; hands that had just earned him a night in jail. He was beautiful and dangerous. Brilliant and brutal. Four years older than me and brought up so far on the wrong side of the tracks that he couldn’t even hear the train, we were separated by a cavernous divide. We never should have been friends. We never should have met, but fate is strange. It’s bigger than bank accounts and boxing gyms. It’s bigger than ocean-view addresses. It’s bigger than our heads and our hearts and the hurt we land on each other simply by walking through the world.

  And so is love.

  I loved him through it all. As I grew up, as we grew into friends, as he dated a string of other women - my sister Laney included - and never once stopped to look at me the way he looked at them. Not until I was seventeen and I couldn’t take it anymore. That was the night when my lips finally found his, his hands burned me alive, and he very nearly made every fantasy I had come true.

  But then he ran. He ran and he hid and it hurt so bad I could barely breathe, and just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, it did. Just days after I dreamed he would finally be mine, he tied himself so tightly to Laney that I couldn’t ever see them separating again.

  And still I loved him. Still I refused to quit on him, even now as I stood in the airport watching planes ascend into the sky, waiting and wondering if he’d advance or retreat. I waited because I promised him, just as he promised me so many years ago.

  Because fighting isn’t always about winning.

  It’s about not giving up.

  KELLEN

  I’m not scared of much in this world. I’ve walked the seedy streets of south L.A. after dark, unarmed and underage. I’ve hit the hot dirt of a brittle, dead lawn as gunfire tore down the street, bullets peppering the buildings around me. I held my mother’s hand as she died - a kid in an unfamiliar city without a soul to turn to watching his only family slip through his fingers and disappear in a cloud of cancer and memories. I’ve faced violence, abuse, neglect, and I’ve barely flinched. I’ve buried it all inside, tucked it all away in the dark corners of my mind, locked the doors, and thrown away the keys. I’ve used those burning, buried embers as fuel to fight in the ring. To feed the animal inside me, and it never mattered. I never cared that I was an empty shell of a boy growing into a man. Into a monster. None of the girls I dated minded either. Not even Laney. They wanted the body and the bad boy, not what was underneath. And that was fine by me because there was nothing. I had nothing to give anyone.

  Not until Jenna Monroe. Not until I fell into her round gray eyes and knew what it was to feel.

  And that scares the ever-loving shit out of me.

  The day my love for my friend turned to lust I felt sick with myself. Sick with the kind of man I was. With the fact that I couldn’t keep anything pure, not even the one person on the planet who I’d ever fully trusted. So what did I do? I ran like a fucking coward. I hid behind every empty emotion I could find. Behind different girls, different lies, different farces – all to bury myself so deep beneath the endless longing for the one thing, the one person that I knew I could never have.

  Jenna.

  I hurt her in every way possible. Not because I wanted to but because I’m an idiot and I didn’t know any other way to keep her safe from me. But life isn’t what you make it – it’s what you make of it, and if I corrected any of my million mistakes would it still get me to where I am today? Would I have had the courage to listen to my heart instead of my head for the first time in my life? Would I have walked away from Laney finally and forever, tossed every toxic relationship aside, and pulled Jenna into my arms where she belonged?

  Would I be sitting here in this airport now, shaking scared with a rock in my pocket, a warm stone in my gut, and the entire night sky exploding behind my eyes?

  Chapter One

  JENNA – FOUR MONTHS AGO

  “Fuck my ducks,” I muttered under my breath.

  Kellen craned his neck to look back at me from his spot on the couch. “What’s up?”

  I glared at the computer screen. “Nothing. Nothing is up. Everything is down.”

  “The shop?” he asked knowingly.

  “Always.”

  He nodded slowly, turning back to the TV and lifting his beer to his lips. “You’re not supposed to sweat it, remember? Your dad’s accountant warned you that businesses take time to start earning instead of losing. Callum and his dad went through the same t
hing when they opened the restaurant.”

  “It’s so easy to tell someone who’s hemorrhaging money that they shouldn’t sweat it. Try being the hemorrhager.”

  “That’s not a word.”

  “It is now.”

  “You’re not hemorrhaging.”

  “I’m drowning,” I argued morosely. “I’m drowning in a pool of my own blood, sweat, and tears. And money. It’s flooding around me and killing me slowly.”

  “All work and no play makes Jenna a dull girl,” he droned. “Come sit down and forget about it. You get very Shining when you’re tired.”

  “I’m not tired.”

  “Really? You’re working twelve hour shifts at the tattoo parlor six days a week. It makes me tired thinking about it.”

  I ran my hand across my burning eyes, the blurry numbers on the screen dancing up and down across my vision before finally settling. Unfortunately they didn’t change. I was still in the red.

  “I have to,” I reminded him. “My free labor is the only thing keeping me remotely afloat.”

  “Sam said she’d work for free.”

  “I’m not taking advantage of my friend.”

  “Give her a stake in the shop. Three percent or something.”

  I chewed on my lower lip, feeling stupid and childish. “But it’s mine.”

  Kellen chuckled but he nodded in agreement. “That’s a good point.”

  “I’m sorry I haven’t started paying you back yet,” I blurted out. “I will as soon as I can. With interest.”

  The room went silent, the air instantly thickening around us. The only sound was the TV turned down low and the faint tick of a clock in the kitchen.

  “I’ve told you, Jenna,” he started to explain quietly.

  I stood up and rounded the couch, coming to sit down next to him. He watched me warily and I knew why. We had had this argument so many times before. Part of me wished he had been honest with me from the start and told me the money buying the building where North Star Ink - my North Star Ink - now sat was coming from his deep pockets and not my dad’s. I would never have let him pay for it and that’s exactly why he didn’t tell me.