Their Baby Blessing

by Heidi McCahan

  “Look at me.” Her voice was tender, and the comfort of her fingers still wrapped around his forearm drew his gaze to meet hers. “You can’t keep carrying the weight of that guilt. It’s going to eat you up inside. Like you said, the cause was equipment failure, so how could you have prevented that?”

  He searched her face. She was right; he couldn’t. Yet he didn’t know how to surrender it, either. “It’s not that simple.”

  Empathy filled her eyes. “I know,” she whispered.

  They stood there staring at one another, unspoken words lingering in the space between them. His arms ached to pull her against him, to ask her to share the burden she carried yet kept buried deep, as well. Instead, her hand dropped to her side, he tore his gaze away and they resumed their walk. He wouldn’t force her to share, because he was afraid she’d retreat and never allow herself to be vulnerable.

  * * *

  Gage blamed himself. It all made sense now—his quest to find McKenna and Connor, his unwavering determination to be a part of Connor’s life and his selfless care of the baby. Skye’s heart swelled. She knew what it was like to carry blame like that. If she’d made better choices, maybe she wouldn’t bear the emotional scars of a controlling boyfriend. If her family hadn’t enabled McKenna or let the feud between Dad and Uncle Kenny fester, life might’ve turned out differently for her cousin. Connor, too.

  “What are you thinking about?” Gage gently nudged her elbow as they left the city streets and strode down the paved path circling the lake.

  The first signs of spring dotted the ground between them and the water. New daffodils and crocuses poked up, and patches of grass had emerged in places where the sun had melted away the snow. Could these symbols of spring and renewal signal a change in her own life, too?

  She sighed. “Thinking about McKenna and the past and if we will ever break free from the stuff that weighs us down. What’s going to happen to Connor.”

  Gage chucked his coffee cup in a trash can. “If you don’t mind my asking, what’s weighing you down?”

  She stared across the lake. A breeze rippled the blue-gray water, and a shiver raced down her spine.

  Gage’s arm looped around her shoulders. “Are you cold?”

  The concern in his voice and the warmth of his gaze cracked something open inside, and she let herself lean into him. “Scared.”

  They stopped walking and he gestured to a wood-and-wrought-iron bench facing the water. “Want to sit for a few minutes?”

  She nodded. Once they sat down, she set her half-finished coffee and her purse beside her, then draped her coat around her shoulders. Gage rested his arm across the back of the bench without touching her. She wanted to lean into him again but settled for her leg barely resting against his. The warmth of the sun at their backs would have to be enough.

  “Is this okay?”

  Her mouth was as dry as cotton and blood rushed behind her ears. Gage waited patiently, his concerned gaze trained on her. The words piled up in her head, like cars on the freeway during rush hour. Where to begin? It wasn’t easy to share her story, which was probably why she hadn’t told anyone other than Laramie and her therapist. “I— The guy I dated a couple years ago, he wasn’t very good to me.”

  “What happened?”

  “At first, everything seemed fine. Great, actually. He was kind and funny and very much a gentleman. There were gifts delivered to my apartment, and he took me to some of the best restaurants—” She glanced down and picked at a loose thread on the cuff of her sleeve. “I should’ve seen the signs. Maybe I didn’t want to.”

  “What kind of signs?”

  “He had a temper and an intense competitive streak. Most of the time it was directed at other people—sports, a competitor in a video game, a heated political debate with a friend at dinner. Occasionally, he’d say something really harsh to me, especially if I’d had a productive week at work or earned a bonus or something.”

  “I really don’t like where this is going,” Gage said.

  She plowed on, staring straight ahead. “One night we went back to my apartment after dinner out with friends, and I invited him in to watch the rest of a football game. I made one comment about an assistant coach’s appearance—he was very handsome—and I should’ve kept my opinion to myself. My boyfriend came unglued.”

  Gage’s fingers gently cupped her shoulder and he scooted closer. “I am so sorry.”

  Her stomach churned, and her fingers trembled as the memories came rushing back. “He was yelling and making demeaning comments about women.” Still avoiding his gaze, she smoothed her hand over her skirt. “Most of the time, I can focus on the positive and ignore the memory of the horrible things he said. But I’ll never forget the way he made me feel. Like I was nothing.”

  “Hey.” Gage touched his fingertip to her chin and tenderly angled her face toward his. “You are a beautiful, intelligent woman with a generous heart and an unwavering inner strength. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

  Her heart soared at his kind words. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “You deserve to be treated well.” His eyes had darkened, and they scanned her face, before landing on her mouth.

  Her breath caught, and she quickly pushed to her feet. “It’s a beautiful day. Do you want to keep walking around the lake?”

  Disappointment flashed in Gage’s eyes before he pushed to his feet and joined her. “Sure.”

  She winced and turned away. Kissing Gage again now would only complicate matters. While she was determined to do what was best for Connor, she hadn’t declined the promotion at work. It was still an option, as long as she found a day care with space available in Denver. If her time in Merritt’s Crossing was coming to an end, she didn’t want to mislead Gage. Between working full-time and caring for Connor and Gage starting his new job, they wouldn’t have space in their busy lives for one another.

  She stole a quick glance at him as they walked in silence. Her stomach twisted in knots. While she’d started thinking about staying in Merritt’s Crossing permanently, spending the afternoon in Denver made her acutely aware of how difficult it would be to resign from her job and move back home. She’d have to tell him about her promotion. Soon.

  * * *

  After dinner, tucked away at a round table in an intimate corner of Skye’s favorite bistro, Gage reached across the white tablecloth and took her hand. The fantastic food, including the cheesecake they’d just shared, and the flickering candlelight between them blotted out any doubts he might’ve had about their spontaneous outing. She smiled, and he felt his heart expand.

  “I hate to ruin a perfect evening by talking about reality,” he said. “But what do you think is going to happen with Connor?”

  Her smile faltered. “I’m going to have to hire an attorney. I want to become Connor’s permanent legal guardian.”

  His stomach tightened. “Have you heard from McKenna?”

  “I texted her and told her Ryan’s parents had come to visit and demanded to see Connor. That got her attention because she finally answered me. She said she was sorry she hadn’t been in touch, but she’d checked herself into rehab in Kansas City.”

  Rehab. Maybe Gerald and Irene weren’t so wrong about her after all.

  “Do you think she’ll come home when she’s finished?”

  Skye shrugged. “She didn’t say. I tried to get her to tell me more, but she ignored the rest of my messages.”

  “Wouldn’t the threat of losing her child motivate her?”

  “Maybe in her mind, she already lost him when she left.” Skye frowned. “This must seem so ridiculous. You probably had a much different upbringing with a mom, a dad and a golden retriever in your fenced yard.”

  Her words caught him by surprise. Had he led her to believe that was the case? He scraped some crumbs from the table with his palm and carefully measured
his response before he spoke.

  “Gage?” She leaned closer. “Did I say something wrong?”

  “My mom was a lot like McKenna,” he said softly. “That’s why I care so much about what happens to Connor—I don’t want him to grow up like I did.”

  Her eyes widened. “I—I didn’t know. I’m sorry. What I said sounds so insensitive now.”

  “It’s all right. I didn’t exactly advertise my past.”

  “But it’s the driving force behind your concern for Connor.”

  He nodded. “That and my promise to Ryan that I’d make sure Connor had a strong male role model in his life.”

  Skye leaned her elbow on the table and rested her chin on her hand. “I’d say you’ve honored your promise. We appreciate everything you’ve done, and Connor adores you.”

  “I think he’s pretty awesome, too.” Gage swallowed hard against the emotion clogging his throat at the mention of the little boy, who now took up so much space in his heart. How would he ever be able to say goodbye? What if he’d worked hard to keep his promise to Ryan but lost Connor after all?

  The waiter approached to collect the check, and Gage slid his credit card into the leather folder and handed it to him.

  “Thank you for dinner, and for coming to Denver to see me.” Skye’s eyes glistened. “It means a lot.”

  “You’re welcome.” This sounded like the beginning of a goodbye. A rush of adrenaline pulsed through him. He didn’t want it to end. Sure, they’d see each other in a couple of days when he came to the house to watch Connor, but he sensed it wouldn’t be the same. “Can I walk you back to your car? We’ve got a two-hour drive ahead of us, right?”

  “Oh.” She averted her gaze and reached for her phone. “I’m actually staying the night at my apartment. I have a breakfast meeting with my boss about a promotion he’d like me to consider.”

  Her words landed like a gut punch. A promotion. Her boss. His mind raced, and reality closed in fast. “You’re planning on moving back here soon?”

  She glanced up from her phone. “Right after Easter. My leave is almost over.”

  Right after Easter. A month from today.

  “Wait. What about Connor?” He clenched his fists in his lap. What about him? Had today meant nothing?

  “I’m not sure McKenna will come home, or if she even wants to. When I move back, I’ll have to enroll Connor in day care full-time because he can’t stay with my mom or my brothers long-term. I’m assuming Ryan’s parents will sue for custody or visitation, but it will be several months until there’s a hearing.”

  The waiter returned with Gage’s credit card and receipt. “Thank you, sir. Enjoy your evening.”

  “Yeah, thanks.” Gage dismissed him, still distracted by Skye’s news.

  “What about the furniture store? Is your brother going to take over when you leave?” It wasn’t any of his business, really, but he couldn’t fathom her leaving Merritt’s Crossing or the budding relationship they’d forged in recent weeks. How could she dismiss him so easily?

  She slipped her arms into her coat. “I’ve told Mom and my brothers that the furniture store isn’t viable financially. We are trying to come up with a plan to save the business, but it isn’t going to be easy. Mom and Drew think we can still turn things around, especially with so many new families moving here.”

  He slumped back in his chair. She’d thought of everything. No mention of him, though.

  “My Uber’s waiting outside.” Skye stood and looped her purse strap over her shoulder. “Walk out with me?”

  “Yeah, sure.” He stood and grabbed his jacket, trying to conceal his hurt.

  Outside, a gray sedan idled at the curb.

  “That’s my ride.” Skye turned, went up on tiptoe and pecked him on the cheek.

  “Skye—” The intoxicating scent of her perfume enveloped him, and he reached for her, his hand barely skimming her jacket sleeve before she pulled away.

  She bit her lip and walked backward toward the car. “Thanks again. For everything. See you Tuesday?”

  He could only nod, his stomach plummeting as she climbed into the backseat and slammed the door. The driver’s turn signal blinked and he waited to merge into the oncoming traffic. Gage shoved his hands in his pockets and stared after her until the car turned the corner and drove out of sight.

  Why was he surprised she’d politely reconstructed her protective shield? His efforts to build a relationship with her—something more meaningful than just their mutual concern for Connor—were no match for her fierce need for independence. After spending a day in her world—the trendy shops and boutiques, fantastic restaurants, a lakefront park two blocks away—why would she choose a quiet life in Merritt’s Crossing with him? But he wasn’t giving up, especially now that he knew McKenna was battling an addiction. He’d fought his whole life to overcome the pain inflicted by his mom’s choices, the people who enabled her and the absence of his father. Gage didn’t want Connor to suffer like he had. Even if a relationship with Skye wasn’t possible, Gage was more determined than ever to be a part of Connor’s life.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “How was your date with Gage?” Laramie sat cross-legged on Mom’s sofa and munched on pretzel sticks.

  “It wasn’t a date.” Skye helped Connor into his pajamas with the fire truck pattern. As usual, he tried his best to resist her efforts.

  “Um, there were flowers involved, a walk beside the lake and dinner at your favorite restaurant.” Laramie ticked each off on her fingertips. “Was there any kissing involved?”

  “Nope, no kisses.” She helped Connor sit up. “C’mon, buddy. It’s time for a bottle of milk.”

  Connor pressed a sloppy kiss against his chubby hand and flung it in Laramie’s direction.

  Skye’s breath hitched. He was so precious.

  “Well, aren’t you the cutest thing ever.” Laramie’s green eyes gleamed as she blew Connor a kiss in return.

  Skye picked up the bottle of milk she’d warmed before she’d changed him and sat down near Laramie in the recliner. With Connor snuggled close, she rocked softly and offered him the bottle.

  “It’s probably about time to wean him from this, but I just can’t.” Skye smiled down at him, love and affection spreading through her. These quiet moments with him in her arms, fresh and clean from his bath, had become a part of the day she looked forward to. It was hard to imagine giving that up, especially if she didn’t have many bedtimes left with him.

  Meeting Mr. and Mrs. Simmons confirmed the truth she’d circled around for several days but refused to admit to anyone—she didn’t want Connor to go live with his grandparents, and she didn’t want McKenna to come for him. The little boy had won her over and she was terrified of losing him.

  “Are you going to share any more details about your not-date with Gage, or am I going to have to fill in the gaps with my imagination?”

  Skye forced herself to quit staring at Connor’s cherubic face and meet Laramie’s curious gaze instead. “It didn’t turn out like I’d expected.”

  Laramie’s brow furrowed. “Yeah, you don’t seem like someone who had a great time. What happened?”

  It was true. She wasn’t acting like a woman who’d spent an amazing afternoon and evening with a gorgeous, considerate guy. Tossing and turning in her bed at her apartment last night, she’d mentally rehashed the details, trying to pinpoint when exactly her anxiety spiked. “We had a wonderful time together. The weather was nice, and we had time to process our visit with Connor’s grandparents. He told me more about his backstory, and I said some things I—I don’t normally share.”

  “It sounds pretty awesome so far.” Laramie reached for her can of soda on the coffee table. “Where did it go wrong?”

  “Somewhere between meeting at the coffee shop and dinner, I got really scared.” Skye swallowed hard. “Once I w
as back in the neighborhood, saw the pace of life and stopped by my apartment, I...I don’t know. Something was off.”

  “You started thinking about what you might be missing, didn’t you?”

  Skye hesitated. How to explain her feelings without sounding totally self-absorbed? “Gage is a wonderful guy, and I can feel myself falling for him. But at the same time, I don’t want to lose my independence. I worked hard for my career. My boss is offering me an incredible promotion. On the other hand, McKenna texted me that she’s in rehab, and I don’t know if she’ll ever be back. I love Connor, too. It’s more than feeling obligated to do what is best—I want to find a way to be his mom.”

  Laramie’s eyes widened, and she slowly set her drink back on the coaster. “Did you say any of this to Gage?”

  Skye shook her head. “I told him about McKenna and the possibility of a promotion, and that I was leaving Merritt’s Crossing right after Easter.”

  Laramie gasped. “But what about him? Doesn’t he factor into your future plans?”

  Skye sneaked a quick glance toward the hallway. Last she’d checked, Mom was in the extra bedroom working on a quilting project. Skye leaned closer to Laramie and lowered her voice. “What if I have to hire an attorney to keep Ryan’s parents from gaining full custody? Who do you think is going to have to pay those fees? The furniture store is struggling. I can’t quit my job now.”

  Laramie bit her lip. “I didn’t realize Connor’s grandparents wanted to be actively involved in his life.”

  “They know McKenna isn’t in the best shape to be a full-time mother, and money doesn’t seem to be an issue, so I expect we’ll be in court soon. I don’t mind if they want frequent visitation, but I’m afraid what they want is custody. And if McKenna isn’t fit to be a mother, why wouldn’t the judge rule in their favor?”