Elements of Desire

by C. M. Stunich

  I shook my head. Obviously it wasn't, and what a horrible thing for him to suggest!

  "Right then, concentrate and listen. Got it?" He glared at me in a scolding way that made my oversexed hoo-ha clench with excitement. As it had turned out, Dustin not only had the contacts and means to hire ASS for our assistance, he used to be an ASS. Some might argue he was still an ass, but for the purpose of this conversation we were discussing ASS.

  After my bath earlier, I'd come downstairs and found the guys chatting with two stern-faced looking delegates of ASS, and Dustin had been all business. Stern. Dominant. Hot as fuck.

  Biting my lip, I flicked a glance at Billy beside me on the couch. While I knew guys weren't technically his thing—other than his brief liaison with Warden—I knew that a little bit of BDSM was right up his alley, so was curious to see if Dustin's in charge act was having any effect on him, too.

  Sure enough, his cheeks were a little flushed, and his arms were folded tight across his chest, tension bulging his muscles out. His black denim pants showed the stirring of a hard-on, and I had to force myself to look away before Dustin noticed my lack of focus. Again.

  "… held within the national CUM receptacle. It's where they keep all their death row prisoners," one of the ASS had just finished saying as I tuned back in, and I raised my hand tentatively.

  "Sorry, is this a different location than where we found Dustin?" My question must have already been discussed when I was busy daydreaming because Dusty narrowed his eyes at me.

  "Ah, yes," the ASS man responded, then continued with what he was saying. "It's our plan that we can penetrate the back door while they're all asleep, then slip through the halls with smooth, lubricated precision. Once the targets have been obtained, we will withdraw and disappear into the night. Sound good?"

  Reg snickered, and I thanked the baby Jesus that it wasn't me who laughed this time. Based on Dustin's scowling face, I was already on thin ice here. But come on! Did that guy even hear what he just said?!

  "Sounds good," I squeaked out, pursing my lips tight to keep from laughing too.

  "Excellent." The ASS man nodded. "We will execute the penetration at midnight, sharp."

  Raising my hand again, I waited until he nodded to me before I spoke. "Uh, and what will our jobs be during all of this … penetration?"

  The ASS man frowned at me in confusion. "Nothing. You stay here and drink wine; you've hired us to do the penetration and rescue your friends."

  At the mention of wine, my mood plummeted like a lead balloon and I sighed. I mean, I supposed I could run down to the shops and get some, but it just wasn't the same! Not to mention I could barely afford a shitty bottle of California White. Don't even get me started on how expensive it'd be to try and replace my Gram’s stash of Old World wines and the jaw-dropping collection of Penfolds Grange.

  "T'anks, Jeff," Dustin murmured, shaking the ASS man's hand in one of those super manly sort of handshakes. You know, the ones where they sort of grip each other’s wrists like how Rose should have held onto Jack in the end of Titanic? Or fuck, she should have just let him share the floating door with her! It was plenty big enough for both of them. Selfish bitch.

  My sexy Irish hubby showed the ASS men out of my house and then came to stand over me with his fists planted firmly on his hips and a deep frown marking his brow.

  "Arizona," he growled in a menacing tone, "I knew you had some issues with concentration and discipline, but I never realized quite how bad they were. We're going to need to work on this."

  "Hell yeah, we are," Billy agreed with a dangerous looking smirk.

  "Um, guys?" I changed the subject, sensing one or both of them was picturing me bent over their knee—an idea I wasn't sure if I was afraid of or overwhelmingly into. "Could we maybe just run to the shops for a couple of bottles of wine? It might make me feel better to have something in the house until we can fuck Francesca up?"

  Dustin gave me a tight smile, but it was Billy that spoke. "Reg, George, Shane and Warden can go."

  "It doesn't take four of us to buy wine, Billy," Warden scoffed, but Billy just raised a brow at him.

  "Have you met our wife? It'll take four of you just to load the car.” Billy smirked and stood up, his tight black tank clinging to his muscles, his right hand rubbing over his tattooed arm. The look he was throwing my way said please get these assholes out of here so I can tie you up and spank you.

  Pretty sure the look I was throwing back said dear God, yes, please spank the hell out of my ass and show me all those BDSM techniques the other guys say you have, but that I've never seen.

  And then his smirk got all triumphant, and I felt like he was replying fuck yes, I'm going to make you scream my name and beg for me, tie you up in fancy rope bondage and toe the line between pleasure and pain before I—

  Okay.

  Yeah.

  I was definitely reading too much into my fire elemental husband's facial expressions.

  "Yeah, uh, go buy wine," I said, waving my hand around loosely and then pausing. "Oh, and also chocolate, tampons, and panty liners. Might be starting my period soon."

  "Damn," Shane cursed, running his fingers through his hair and giving me a look. "No sex for a week? Not sure if I can handle that."

  "What do you mean no sex?" I snorted with a laugh. "I get horny as shit on my period. You better be kidding right now."

  Shane flushed which was a totally weird look for him since he was the strong, asshole, leader type.

  "My mama said ladies don't like to be bugged by the menfolk durin' their special time o' the month …" he started, and I got the impression that this was wisdom handed down to him from his biological mother, the one from Texas.

  "Brah," Reg said, quirking a brow, "your mom did not talk to you about period sex, did she?"

  "O' course not," Shane snarled out, exhaling sharply. "She's a proper Southern belle. But she implied that women do not like the attentions of men during that time of the goddamn month."

  "I don't know much about your Southern belle mama," I said, grinning and crossing my arms behind my head. The expression and the emotion felt too Britt/Reg to me and I stopped. "But I like a little red tide sex, okay, so get over your hang-ups and be prepared."

  "A woman's menstrual flow is perfectly natural," George said, and I glared at him because the word menstrual was up there on my ‘Most Unsexy Words in the World’ list along with stench, greasy, slimy, and the phrase spurted hotly. How can someone even spurt hotly? How does one do something hotly anyway? Heh. Any romance author that used that term oughta be hung up and spanked. Fiercely. Like now. Know of any authors that used the term spurted hotly that needed to be spanked? Better yet: know anyone that can spank them?

  "You're gross," I told George, but all he did was chuckle as Warden appeared at the bottom of the stairs with a little hum going in his throat.

  "Period sex, period sex, put down a towel, it's period sex," he sang, and I raised both brows. "What? Come on, please tell me you've seen Crazy Ex-Girlfriend? It's like the most amazing feminist comedy TV show ever."

  "Uh, have you seen it? There's singing in it." I wrinkled my nose. "Besides, 'crazy ex-girlfriend' is a sexist term."

  Warden snapped his fingers and pointed at me.

  "She says that in the opening song! That the title of the show is a sexist term! If you watched more than two episodes, you'd be into it."

  "Whatever," I said, flipping gold hair over my shoulder. "The four of you go and bring back wine and chocolate and feminine products and maybe I'll consider watching it sometime." I stood up and surreptitiously yanked Dustin's wallet from his back pocket as he checked out the curtains with a frown on his face.

  "Your weird neighbor is digging through your trash again," he murmured as I pretended to grope his ass, but really pulled his credit card out and handed it to Reg, before stuffing the wallet back.

  "Go talk to her. You're both Irish."

  The look Dustin turned on me then was … well, it w
as probably well-deserved.

  "Ye think you're a bit worldly, but really, you're as bad as your weird werewolf friend. I'll go talk to the lass," he said with a small scoff, and another quick flick of his eyes out the window, "but being from the same country doesn't exactly give me superpowers over her."

  Dustin headed outside and approached Alberta O'Sullivan, palms up like he was approaching a rabid dog. The longer their conversation progressed, the … nicer Alberta seemed to get? Oh my God, she was flirting with my husband! And he was flirting back! That motherfucker …

  "Have fun while we're gone," George said, pausing on his way out to give me the most … exquisite kiss. It was warm, possessive, but not controlling. The earth elemental seriously needed to give the rest of my boys a lesson in how to tongue a girl properly.

  As they walked outside, I tried to hand Warden the keys to my hearse, but he turned them down.

  "We're taking Dustin's cars," he said, and I could've sworn I heard that as plural.

  "Cars?" I asked as Warden dragged me to the front door and pointed across the street at … A BENTLEY AND A … A BUGATTI?! "Wha …?"

  "Yeah, see, so we're going to the store in style. Two men per car," Warden said with a grin. "They were delivered earlier, when you were still in the middle of your wine fit. Hey, good choice on my part, fucking the guy and binding him to us, huh?" But then my gaze snapped over to Warden's hazel eyes and the excitement fled both of us. We weren’t bound anymore. Serious fucking sad face.

  "Your neighbor's a right proper lady, she is," Dustin said, grinning as he passed the guys, seemingly unconcerned that they'd be driving a car worth like … a thousand of my Gram's house put together. "She's also a double agent for the Unseelie Queen, and had no problem droppin' some dirt on our friend Francesca."

  "Oh?" I asked, still in shock that Warden was getting behind the wheel of a billion-jillion dollar car. "Looks like you flirted it right out of her."

  "Gotta use the charms God gave me," Dustin said as Billy chuckled. The fire elemental was far too sour to use his good looks to get what he wanted. Nah, he was more likely to punch someone in the face. Wait. Dustin had done that, too? Huh. Maybe these two were more alike than I'd given them credit for.

  "And?" I asked, as Dustin paused and crossed his arms over his massive chest. "What was the dirt? How do we get this bitch back?"

  "Apparently, CUM, the Seelie Court, and your bio parents have made up their differences. This 'war' they're all talking about involves eradicating the elementals completely, starting with COCS."

  "You … just mentioned genocide and yet, you seem awfully calm there, Dusty," I said, heart hammering in my chest. "Why the hell would all those people want to get rid of our people? And why would Daniel and the bio moms join in the fun?"

  "I'm not bloody worried about a bunch of nasty CUM," Dustin snorted. "The whole reason the succubi and incubi are teaming up with the fae and Daniel in the first feckin' place is because they don't stand a chance against COCS."

  "What if … the other groups abandoned us?" Billy asked from behind me. "What if the wolves and the angels, and the rest of those idiots broke up the COCS alliance and left the elementals to fight on their own? We'd be fucked."

  "Why would they do that?" I asked as Dustin frowned and turned his green eyes up to the ceiling in thought. I bet compared to the places he'd lived, this one was a serious dump. I hoped instead of moving somewhere else, we could just remodel the old place. I liked it here. Besides, in how many other neighborhoods could we have had a full-on dragon battle in the front yard and not have the cops pulling up and loading us full of bullet holes?

  "If they think there's a chance for heavy losses against their own people, COCS will fall apart faster than the UN in the middle of an arms race." Billy sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Okay, so you learned all this by flashing your nipples to the neighbor?"

  "You flashed your nipples?!" I shrieked, briefly forgetting that my biological parents were planning to commit genocide.

  Dustin just shrugged his big shoulders.

  "We all do what we have to, to get information." I was still standing there gaping and wondering if I was still slutty enough to let this asshole tie me up—answer: I was—when the front door flew open and not one but two handsome werewolf men appeared. I recognized the first as Aldrich, and I guessed the second must be that beta that Britt was honing in on.

  "Whoa, ever heard of knocking?" Billy growled out as the two men growled right back.

  "Not when my future alpha female is stuck in CUM!" Aldrich roared, and I had to choke back a laugh. Like, Britt was in danger and I was honestly freaked the fuck out, but he'd seriously just said stuck in cum which was funny as hell. "And to save her, we need you."

  "Touch my wife and I'll scorch your nuts off," Billy snarled, stepping up on one side of me while Dustin took up the other.

  "Really, guys, I can take care of myself," I said as testosterone flew around the room and coated everything in it. Totally gross. "Hey!" Four sets of eyes swung to me. "Can you all stop acting like machismo assholes for a second and listen to me?"

  "Maybe your husbands should listen, because I was in no way suggesting you actually turn yourself in," Aldrich snarled, a serious mirror image of Charlie Hunnam in Sons of Anarchy. "Brittany cares about you too much for that."

  "Brittany?" I asked because, uh, I seriously never called her that.

  "She loves you," Aldrich said with a sigh, like this was a totaly inconvenience to him. His beta, whose name I just remembered was Ragnor, narrowed dark brown eyes at me. Hell, they were almost black. As black as his heard and his headful of glossy, shoulder-length hair (Herbal Essences commercial, anyone?). Hmm. Not my type, but definitely Britt's. "And we need your help to get her out. A bound elemental sept as powerful as you all are could be enough to free her."

  "I already sent ASS to deal with it," Dustin said with a smirk. "And a well-paid ASS always does the trick." I raised an eyebrow at that, but didn't comment.

  "You sent paid mercenaries in to rescue my mate?" Aldrich snarled, and I had to wonder if Britt knew how serious he was about her, or if she was just playing around as usual. "This is a job for the pack."

  I felt Dustin sigh beside me. Clearly, he wasn't a huge fan of werewolves.

  "Your pack would be covered in CUM in seconds, rolled with sex magic, and raped or killed—maybe both—before your furry asses could get inside the building."

  "We know about the war," Aldrich snapped out, once again this mysterious war that everyone seemed so concerned about. "This is the start of it. If the elementals don't get me my mate back, I'll pull the Hudson Valley Pack out of COCS." The man lifted his head, hazel eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "And then I'll come back and tear your nuts off with my teeth."

  "We'd never let Britt die," I said, feeling this creepy spider hand on my back. At first, I thought it was like, a premonition or something, but then I realized it was Gram.

  "Your twin is here," she whispered, and then disappeared again.

  "Hold the conversation," I said, moving around the big werewolf men—they smelled kinda nice actually, like grass and wet earth and … Britt. "What the fuck do you want?" I asked as Gemma moved up the front steps, dressed in a tight pink dress and … pearls. Just like Joan's. She smirked at me, and I just couldn't help myself. "We know you're in love with my bestie Siobhan, and I met Nevada, and she got stung by a platypus, and I know I'm rambling but … Siobhan is being held hostage by CUM, and they've threatened to kill her if we don't turn ourselves in."

  Gemma just stood there looking hot as hell and gaping at me.

  "Siobhan is … what?!" she squeaked, and then she literally clutched her pearls.

  "Question is: why'd you even take my men if you didn't want them in the first place."

  "Oh, I want them," Gemma said with a long exhale. "I'm bisexual, and I like big harems, but Siobhan …" Her eyes went glassy as she looked down at my feet. "CUM wants us to
turn ourselves in?"

  "So a death sentence for our friends or a death sentence for us," I continued, crossing my arms under my tits. "My husband, Dustin, has ordered ASS to go in there and retrieve her for us, but if you think you'll stand a chance with her after bonding my soul mates to you, you've got another thing coming. Siobhan and I are like this." I twisted my fingers together and even though we'd had a falling out, it still felt true inside my little cucumber heart.

  "Really?" Gemma asked with a quirked brow. "Because she was the one who said she was in love with Dustin still. Adding him to my harem only helps her …" She trailed off and lifted her face to look at me. But there was something about her words that didn't quite ring true.

  But whatever. Screw her. I couldn't know the truth until Siobhan was safe, now could I?

  "How did you even meet my bestie?" I asked, forgetting for a moment that I had two rogue werewolves in my living room. Chicks over dicks, right?

  "Looking for you, originally," Gem said with a smirk. Huh. Same way Warden had stumbled on Siobhan. Me. The connection here was … me. After a few seconds, Gem's smirk fell and she sucked in a deep breath. "I came here to give my husbands this." She lifted a house key in her palm and let the stray rays of gray sunshine filtering through the clouds catch on it. "It's the key to my new place. I'm staying in Joan's guest house."

  "Of course you are," I said, snatching the key from her hand and chucking it into the yard. It landed right in the trash can. Total accident, but hey, I would take it.

  "Now that I am here," she continued, tossing glossy dark waves over her shoulder. "Tell me how I can help. Surely, with my connections and the boys' connections we can get more than just ASS?"

  God, that acronym.

  "ASS is fine," Dustin said from behind me, and a small, nervous chuckle escaped me. Yes, yes, his ass was fine. If only I were looking at it, naked and thrusting into Billy, instead of looking at Gem-Gem Darling and two pissed-off werewolves. "Let them do their job first and then worry about alternative plans later." He paused next to me, the least sympathetic of all the guys in my harem—I kind of decided that reverse harem was slightly sexist because, you know, that's assuming normalcy for the word harem and then assuming it needs to be reversed. "Besides," he added with a big grin, "we've got your blood mum in the cellar."