Quake: #8 The Beat and The Pulse

by Amity Cross

  By the time I rolled up for work the next day, I was bleary-eyed and heartsick.

  A deep melancholy had settled in my chest, and nothing I did managed to budge it. The tram ride into the city was spent in a zombie-like state, commuters moving around me as they got on and off, the haze over my eyes blocking them out even though I was aware they were there. I couldn’t even remember the elevator ride up to the office I was that numb to everything. Not even the energy drink I’d popped once I got to my desk gave me a boost.

  Last night had been the ultimate ‘almost kiss’ moment at my front door, but everything leading up to it had been a complete and utter mess. I’d freaked out, a panic attack almost claiming me and forcing Caleb to babysit me all the way home.

  There were so many things wrong with our relationship, including my backstory. I hadn’t exactly lied to him, but I hadn’t told him the truth, either.

  Staring at my full inbox and the list of items on my to-do list that Jade had added to overnight, I sighed and took another sip of my energy drink. I couldn’t stand coffee, so I had a stash of sugary fizzy drinks in my bottom drawer for occasions such as these, but today… Well, today stank already.

  I glanced up as Jade flitted from her office, surprised she was already here. I was forty-five minutes early, and she looked like she’d been here far longer than that.

  “Juliette,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You’re early.”

  I nodded, setting down my can of drink. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

  “I like your attitude,” she said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. “Are you always early?” She laughed and shook her head. “What am I saying? Of course, you are. How goes the slush pile?”

  I felt my cheeks begin to heat, the temperature rising. “I…”

  Jade waved her hand. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I did the exact same thing when I was in your shoes. Raiding the slush pile was a favorite pastime. Unfortunately, I never found anything there, but you never know.”

  “Am I in trouble?” I asked, knowing I had the copy of The Fighter in my bag as we spoke.

  “Pfft, no,” she said, her eyes gleaming with mischief. “Just don’t tell anyone else.”

  “Thanks.” Sighing in relief, I sank back into my chair.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, perching on the edge of my desk. “You look a little pale.”

  “I’m fine.” I attempted a weak smile to punctuate the notion, but I wasn’t really feeling it.

  “You’re a long way from home, aren’t you?” Jade went on. “It’s a big deal moving far away from family and friends for a job. Are you doing all right with it?”

  I shrugged. “It’s difficult. Starting over, I mean. More than I thought it would be, actually. I didn’t know anyone here…”

  Jade ran her gaze over me, her eyes lingering on the can of energy drink before standing again. Brushing off her skirt, she checked her mobile phone and smiled.

  “You’re doing a good job here,” she said to me. “Just know that. Things get tough now and then, but that’s life, I suppose. Imagine how boring it would be if everything was as smooth as a baby’s ass cheek.”

  Despite myself, I laughed, the weight on my chest lightning a little.

  “See, you know it,” she declared. “Now, we’ve got a full list today. The expo is next week, and we have to make sure all the marketing materials have been delivered downstairs. The boxes have to be triple-checked, and I want to make sure the banners have been printed correctly this time. They made an absolute dog’s breakfast out of the last lot, the morons. We’re running out of time to send them back if they’ve stuffed up again.”

  “I’ll make sure it’s all checked today,” I said, glad for the distraction the expo would give me from my fighter problem.

  Jade smiled, her shoulders sagging. “You’re a star, Juliette. An absolute bloody star.”

  At least someone thought so.

  When lunchtime rolled around, I was still eyeballs deep in a carton of flyers promoting Slattery’s latest and greatest book release when my phone beeped. It never beeped, so my heart skipped a beat, and I jumped to the conclusion that it was from my mum, who’d been oddly silent since the anniversary of Mel’s death.

  I’d snapped her head off, but she needed to hear it. Sometimes, I felt like it was the only thing that would bring her back into the land of the living. A good slap in the face with some raw emotion.

  Steeling myself, I slipped my phone from the pocket in my skirt and checked the screen. The message wasn’t from my mother at all, but it was from the last person I expected to hear from, given the circumstances in which he’d left me at my door the other night.

  Caleb.

  Jules, are you coming back? I need to see you.

  I snorted. He knew me better than I realized if he doubted I’d go back there. I hadn’t planned on it, actually. Humiliation was winning out the more I delved into this carton of flyers.

  How could I look him in the eye knowing he thought I was too much work? He wanted me to go back so he could keep a happy, paying customer, nothing else. Did he want to stop me from giving Beat a negative review on Yelp? Pfft.

  He needed to see me? To what? Explain the notion of professional boundaries?

  Another text message popped up onto the screen above the first.

  It’s important. I need to explain about last night.

  I closed my eyes, disappointment washing over me yet again. Sniffing, I turned to the boxes and shoved all thoughts of Caleb Carmichael out of my mind. There was nothing to explain.

  Another text message arrived.

  I’m not good at this. I need to see you, Jules. If you don’t come to Beat, I’ll wait for you at your place. Please come.

  I stared at the message, completely torn. Fuck him. Fuck everything. Fuck my broken life.

  I went simply because I couldn’t stay away.

  My humiliation was absolute, but his text message had risen enough curiosity in me to set my after work course for Beat.

  It was Wednesday, so when I arrived, the roller door was closed, and I had to knock to be let inside. There were no classes tonight, nor were there any beefy boxers lingering to get in some extra hours of training. Well, there was one beefy boxer inside waiting for me, and I was still unsure how this was going to play out.

  I’d changed at work, more out of habit than anything, and I buried into my hoodie. I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the final chapter. At least being alone was safe. If I didn’t have anyone around me, I wouldn’t get hurt. Right?

  I knocked lightly on the door, half of me hoping Caleb wouldn’t hear, and the other half hoping he’d stood me up so I didn’t have to face him.

  Inevitably, movement from inside the studio drew my attention, and Caleb’s familiar silhouette came into view. Tall, wide-shouldered, and hardly clothed. There was no doubt who it was.

  He unlocked the door and held it open, his gaze meeting mine. My breath hitched a the sight of him and at the realization a wall had slammed down between us.

  “Hey,” he murmured, standing aside so I could enter.

  I hurried into the studio and lingered as he locked up behind me.

  “Caleb, I—”

  “Jules,” he interrupted. “I think you should let me explain…”

  I was frozen to the spot, unable to think for myself, and he placed his palm on the small of my back, guiding me away from the exit and into the weight room. We were alone, no one else lingered in the shadows, but in here, we had the illusion of privacy.

  The straps of my bag were digging into my shoulder, so I set it down on the floor, my gaze sticking to it. Looking anywhere other than Caleb was a good move. Self-preservation and all that.

  “I… I didn’t mean to put you in that situation,” I muttered when the silence got the better of me.

  “I offered,” he said firmly.

  I opened my mouth in an attempt to get the words past my lips, but nothing came out.
Probably because there was nothing else to say. I knew what I felt, but I couldn’t describe it.

  “Juliette,” Caleb murmured.

  My heart ached, my fingers trembling as I desperately sought a way to extract myself from him and Beat. I had to leave. Coming here was a bad move.

  “The other night…” he began, but he couldn’t find the words, either.

  It was hot in here. I shook off my hoodie and wiped my forehead with the back of my hand. I was going to keel over.

  “Don’t,” I whispered. “I get it.”

  “Do you?” he asked, the goofy smile I’d come to fantasize about nowhere in sight.

  “I get that I’m hard work,” I shot back. “I get that I’m so messed up I can’t even stand walking home at eight in the evening. I can’t even glance at a shadow without shitting myself. I get that nobody wants to deal with it. I don’t want to deal with it. I just want it to go away. Just go away.”

  “I’m not going away.”

  “You want to,” I cried. “I saw it. I saw it.”

  “We met at exactly the right time,” he said firmly. “We both needed our lives to change. I can give you what you need, Jules.”

  I stared at him, blindsided by his conviction. What about him? With the baggage I was still carrying around, could I give him what he needed? Bullshit.

  “Just by being here, you…” He hesitated, his jaw tensing.

  Say it. I stared at him, my throat tightening with blossoming tears. Please.

  I wanted someone to say they needed me and mean it. I was tired of floating through life alone and unwanted, deemed too difficult to bother with. I wanted to matter. I wanted to love. I wanted to live, but I needed help. I needed Caleb.

  But he didn’t say anything, and the look in his eyes said it all. He regretted the words he’d already spoken and was wishing he could take them back. I’d seen that look a thousand times before.

  “It’s okay,” I whispered, attempting to hide my anguish. Stepping away, I picked up my hoodie and shook it out, pulling the sleeve back in the right way. “I understand. I don’t blame you.”

  “Juliette…”

  “Don’t,” I said, closing my eyes in an attempt to control myself. “Thank you, for taking the time to help me learn, but I think I should go somewhere else from now on.”

  “Juliette,” he said firmly, closing the space between us. “Stop.”

  I shook my head, my fingers tightening around my hoodie.

  “You’ve got this all wrong,” he murmured, his hand curling around my wrist. His touch sent a familiar burst of sparks rushing up and down my arm, and tears began to well.

  I wanted him, but he was about to tell me it was too much work. I knew it, he knew it, and all that was left was for him to say the words.

  “Juliette,” he said again. “Look at me.”

  I was frozen to the spot, too afraid to leave and too afraid to stay. When I didn’t move, his hand cupped my cheek, his thumb brushing away a stray tear that had dislodged itself.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he whispered, coaxing my chin up. “I don’t want you to go someplace else. I don’t want you to go at all.”

  “But…”

  “Stay,” he said, lowering his lips toward mine. “Stay with me.” His breath tickled my skin. “I need you to stay.”

  He needed me. I was transfixed, caught in his web, stuck with nowhere else to go but down the rabbit hole hand in hand with a man who was scarred, maybe not as deeply as me, but still willing to jump.

  “I… This…” I couldn’t get the words out to explain that I didn’t want this to be a just physical thing. It was far too late for me to extract myself and not be brokenhearted. I was more than attached to Caleb. I was sliding uncontrollably down a slippery slope with no way back.

  “Juliette,” he said roughly, his fingers weaving through my hair, his hand cupping the back of my head.

  Lifting my face to his, he drew me close and brushed his mouth against mine. He kissed me softly at first, then his tongue pressed at the seam of my lips, and I melted against him, my fingers searching for purchase on his tank top in case my knees buckled beneath me.

  His tongue dove deep as did mine, the feelings I’d been struggling against bursting to the surface and taking hold of my senses. He was warm and sweet, gentle yet firm, and everything I’d imagined him to be.

  Caressing my palms over his chest, he dropped his arms and circled my waist, holding me close as I thrust my hands into his hair, my control completely shot. His touch became demanding, his hands rubbing over my ass before settling on my hips and tugging me against his thigh. He moved me back and forth, massaging a sharp burst of pleasure between my legs.

  Oh, God, it was too much. My fingers dug into his scalp, and I kissed him hard, alarmed at the passion I’d been bottling up inside me. If I didn’t stop, I’d let Caleb do me right here in the weight room.

  Finally, I pulled away, completely breathless.

  “Caleb, I—”

  He silenced me with another kiss, his mouth closing over mine, and a wave of longing overcame me. It tingled through all my nerve endings and pooled between my legs, and I sank against him once more, relishing the hard plane of his chest against my breasts.

  I wanted to explain—about my sister, about that day, about everything since—to let him know what he was getting into so we could both avoid the inevitable disappointment of parting ways when things became too rough. I wanted to spare myself from the look in his eyes that told me I was a dead weight dragging him down. He obviously had issues he was dealing with—his injury and his stalled career—and adding mine would tip the scales over the edge.

  His arms enveloped my slight form as he held me tight against his body, his tongue pushing against my lips. With a sigh, I opened to him, and he devoured. I couldn’t help it, he’d made me drunk with lust, and all I could think about was drowning in the sensation his touch was igniting.

  “Jules,” he whispered, his lips hot against my swollen mouth. “Fuck, I want you so much.”

  He flexed his groin against my hip, and I could feel the evidence pressing into me. I tensed, my body shivering at the thought of writhing between the sheets with Caleb Carmichael. Sculpted out of pure marble with a heart of gold. Eyes with the depth of a thousand lives and a touch that had already ensnared my heart.

  “I need you,” he went on, his words becoming more and more desperate. “So you can’t leave. I have no fucking idea what you’ve done to me, but I see you, Jules. I see you.”

  “Don’t break me, Caleb,” I said through a moan. “I…”

  His lips traced a line from my mouth, across my cheek, and into the crook of my neck where he sank his teeth lightly into my skin. The pressure sent a bolt of longing right between my legs, zapping me into life. I wriggled in his arms as his tongue laved the spot he’d just bitten, his chest rumbling with a growl that only caused my want to flare hotter.

  “You said…” I began, hardly able to catch my breath. “You said you stayed here…”

  “Upstairs,” he replied before biting my neck again and pressing his erection against my thigh.

  “Take me.” I circled my arms around his neck, wanting nothing more than to kiss him stupid. And all that other stuff… Him inside me. Naked. Sweaty. His mouth on my clit. His tongue all over. His erection slamming to me. The more I melted into him, the dirtier my thoughts became.

  Caleb picked me up like I weighed nothing at all, and my legs wrapped around his waist, anchoring my core right above his.

  Without a word, he pushed out of the weight room and carried me upstairs, then down the hall to where he kicked open another door.

  Untangling myself from him, he lowered me to the ground, his hands tracing up and down my waist.

  “I want to lose myself in you,” I whispered, the last wall I’d held between us crumbling. “No one else…”

  Caleb’s bright blue eyes darkened, and he grasped the hem of my tank top and pulled it up over
my head. Then his thumbs hooked underneath the little crop I wore below and tugged.

  Cool air hit my breasts, then warm lips sucked, teeth nipping at each sensitive bud. I moaned, overcome with pleasure as we fell in a heap on the bed. He tore off his shirt before ridding us both of our shoes and shorts. The last parts of the puzzle were his boxer briefs and my black bikini bottoms. The most important part…

  Kneeling over me, Caleb, hooked his thumbs under the hem of my underwear and pulled them down, his gaze moving from mine to between my legs. Palming my thighs, he spread me wide, then dove, his tongue laving the length of my seam and his lips closing over my clit. He just…went for it without a second thought.

  The sudden burst of pleasure tore a cry from my lips, and I arched my back off the bed, wriggling against his mouth. He moaned, the vibration sending another spark through my body.

  “So wet…” he muttered, pulling himself away.

  Kneeling over me, he pushed down his boxers, freeing his erection, and for the first time, I saw all of him.

  Staring up at him, I saw the gleam in his eyes and knew he was lost to the same sensation I was. Who gave a fuck about our problems, our jobs, our lives…all that mattered for tonight was this. Us, together. Finally.

  Hands grasped my knees, and I was dragged across the mattress and spread wide. He slid the head of his cock into me, once then twice before fisting himself and rubbing up and down my seam, circling my clit.

  The anticipation was killing me, and I arched my back off the mattress, my breathing short and sharp.

  His feet were on the floor, his hands cupped my breasts, his cock was positioned, I was wet and open, and all he had to do was…thrust.

  Caleb buried deep, his body joining with mine in a satisfying slap. I writhed, but his hands kept me down and in place as he drew back and thrust again. He slid in and out of me, my body responding to every little movement. He felt so good, so right. Nothing else mattered.

  My fingers found my clit and rubbed as he stroked, and every so often, he grasped my knees and opened me further, dragging me back when the force of his thrusts moved my body away.

  All too soon, I felt my orgasm rising, the ebb of pleasure so fierce I couldn’t hold on. I wanted to feel this good forever.