“Sometimes. The physical therapy they are having me do is helping, but I am so tired once I finish.”
“Mama, did the doctors give you any indication to when you would be released?”
“I asked, sweetheart, and I’m just not stable enough to be on my own.”
“Mama, it pains my heart to say this, but I have to get back to California. My boss needs me to return to work and wants Carter back as well.”
“Honey, I understand. I of all people know how important your work is to you, but I’m just not ready.”
“If I can get your doctors to clear you to fly, would you consider coming home with me?”
“I can’t, Thea. My home is here.”
“Mama, that may be true, but you are alone, and how do you expect me to leave while you still need me to stay?”
“Thea…” she said calmly as she ran her fingers through my hair. She always did that when she felt I needed comforting. Here I was supposed to be here for her, but mama just always knew what I needed, no matter the circumstance.
She said, “I will be fine. I already talked with Stella this morning, and she is going to stay with me once I am discharged and strong enough to be on my own again.”
“Mama, you would choose Stella over me?”
“When you say it that way, it sounds awful and mean. She is my longest and dearest friend. For Stella to postpone her trip home to help me is beyond kind, and I have already welcomed the idea.”
“Now, Thea, don’t worry about your mama here. I got her back too,” someone said from the doorway.
“Sonny!” Mama called out with her hands open, ready to hug one of her late husband’s longest friends.
He said, “It’s so great to see you up and around, Frannie! You scared me.”
“I know, and I am sorry for that.”
“Yeah, you should be. What were you thinking not taking your medicine?”
“I believe I can answer that one for you,” I interrupted the friendly banter they always shared between them. “Hi, Sonny.”
“That’s all I get? Get over here, and give me a hug,” he called out.
In this moment, I felt as if I was a kid again with one of my favorite people in the entire world, next to my father.
“You look good, Thea, but what are you eating out in California?” he joked.
“Are you calling me fat? Because I still can pack a powerful right hook. You should know, you taught me well.”
“That I did, sweetheart. You look beautiful and happy. I heard all about your fella from your mama. Good for you.”
“Yeah, did she also tell you how I almost lost him too?”
“Nonsense. The way I heard the story, that guy was going nowhere without you. Just be happy. It’s all we can ever wish for in this life.”
“Thanks, Sonny, I needed to hear that, and seeing you made my morning. I am so worried about my mother.”
“Hello? She’s fine and still in the room,” she interjected.
“Okay, mom, I can see that I am outnumbered here, but will you at least consider a nurse? I will hire one for you, and it will give me some peace of mind knowing you have a professional overseeing your care.”
“If it makes you happy, then yes, I will concede to having a nurse.”
“It makes me very happy, so thank you for agreeing.”
“Okay you two, play nice. I’ll check back with you soon,” Sonny said as he hugged us both and then left. He was a good man and friend to our family.
“Just know this: that nurse is fired the minute I am back to 100%, deal?”
“You got it mama, and thank you. I know you have your pride.”
“Yeah, and what do I always say about that? Do you remember?”
“I think so.”
“Tell me,” she said as she sat up straighter and waited for me to quote her.
“If memory serves, you always said that it is always better to lose your pride to someone you love…”
“And? The next part?”
I huffed in frustration. Mama had many sayings she frequently used all throughout my childhood.
“…than to lose the one you love for your pride.”
“Exactly. I love you Thea, and I never doubt that if I call, you will be here. I know this is not your favorite place to be, but for what it’s worth, thank you.”
After talking with mama and then seeing Sonny again, I was reassured with mama’s acceptance for the nurse. I felt better and more confident about leaving for LA in the next few days with Carter. If I could split myself in multiple forms, I would, but that was not possible, so we worked with what we had.
I didn’t get Nick’s text message until I had reached Bryant Park and took a few minutes to grab a coffee. I slid my finger across the screen and his message read:
NICK: Hi! Running late. Multiple calls. If you don’t want to wait, I understand, but I sure hope you do.
ME: I can wait. I have some time since I visited with mom already. Be safe.
Since I now had time on my hands, I enjoyed my coffee while the cool September breeze floated across my face. I loved fall, probably one of my favorite seasons. I retrieved my laptop from my bag and began catching up on e-mails, writing a few to my assistant.
I could only imagine the state of the office with my absence and Carter’s too! Although Stan was my boss, he relied on me to keep everything running smoothly. I was his buffer when the powers that be would come sniffing around. I read his twelve e-mails to me, all a waste of time. I was not going to defend my reasons why I was here through e-mail, so I tossed my tiara and replaced it with my “go for the jugular” hat and called him.
He answered on the second ring, probably seeing it was me who was calling.
“Do you have any idea how much chaos you have thrown this fucking studio in? I need you back, and I mean, tonight!” he bellowed on the other end of the phone.
“Stan,” I said as directly and calmly as I could, “please do not yell at me. I am not on an exotic vacation. I am in New York for my sick mother, who by the way, could have died if I was not here.”
“Okay, okay, but I need you back here. I am drowning without my lead producer and lead anchor. I mean, you both had to go?”
“Have you forgotten that Carter is my boyfriend—no, scratch that—he is now my fiancé. And please let me remind you that our weekend free time is ours to share. My mom falling ill was unexpected, and I just thank God I was here or my mother would not be.”
“I am the biggest jerk-off on the planet, aren’t I?” he said.
I stifled my laughter and then of course, disagreed with him. I assured him that we would be home by the weekend, and all would resume for Monday’s show. He apologized several times before I disconnected my call. Stan was good people and human like the rest of us. He had room to fuck-up once in a while, but he shouldn’t have when it came to my reasons for being here.
I went back to working, and then my stomach began to rumble.
Is that the time? I thought as I glanced down to my watch. I had been here for more than two hours, and Nick still had not shown.
God, if he shows up and sees me here waiting for him, he’s going to think I am a total loser and probably pathetic too. What the hell am I doing? I should be with Carter, not here waiting for my ex-boyfriend, ex-friend…I guess, ex-everything. I have an amazing man in my life, and here I am, waiting for Nick, as if I do not have anything better to do in the world or to do wonderful things with.
“Idiot!” I screamed to myself.
And suddenly, my eyes filled with tears, and I could do nothing to stop them. I wiped my face, but the stupid tears kept falling. I checked my phone again, and then I was done with waiting. I was about to get up and leave, and then Nick finally arrived and was standing before me. I wiped my face again and looked up toward him. He appeared to be remorseful due to his lateness, and I was sure that my tears did not go unnoticed.
“You’re late,” I said.
“I know. I am
so sorry for having you wait on me. I only intended to make a quick stop down at the house, and then a call came in and I had to go.”
I watched him lower his head, a regretful move, knowing that I was crying. He never liked it. None of us did when one of us was in pain. I sat up and straightened my shoulders and went with acting scrappy instead of weepy.
“You smell like smoke.”
He couldn’t deny it. It was a mix of camp fire and soap.
“Even after a shower? I guess I need stronger body wash.”
“Or maybe you should stop running into burning buildings,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest.
“You know I can’t do that. It’s my job.”
And then my strong resolve weakened a bit. I knew he loved his job and was damn good at it. He had more saves than losses and valued every one of them.
“Yeah, I know. I have always known, Nick, and that is why I left.”
He sat down at my table and reached for my hand.
“Okay, let’s begin there, shall we?” he said.
I nodded and agreed.
Let the truth rain down on us like the summer rain. Am I ready?
“Are you okay? I couldn’t help but notice that you were crying. Is that my fault?”
“No, that blame is on me. Believe it or not, I wasn’t pining away for you to arrive. I was actually working for a while, and then I shocked myself on how long I was sitting here.”
“And how long is that?”
“More than two hours. I started to cry because I didn’t want you to think that I was a loser just sitting here waiting on you to show up.”
I sat down beside her and out of natural instinct, I reached forward and caressed her cheek. Her big, bold eyes that layered with sadness looked up to me, and then instead of shoving me away, she leaned in and sighed.
I said, “I would never think you are a loser, and don’t talk shit like that again about my friend, or I will kick your ass.”
“I’d like to see you try, but thank you for the warning.”
“Have you eaten anything?” I asked as my stomach began to grumble.
“No, not really. I drank one too many coffees and had a pastry, but I could eat.”
“How about the grill? And no worries on the bill, I got it.”
She smiled, accepted my invitation, and the easiness we always had between us had returned. We walked over to the grill, keeping in stride with one another. I walked in to secure our table while she remained outside to make a call. After a few minutes, she joined me.
“Everything okay?” I couldn’t help to ask.
“Oh, I don’t know, but I am sure to find out later once I return home.”
“I guess the mister is not too happy you are dining with the ex? Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me. Your eyes already confirmed it.”
“He thought I would be back by now, that’s all.”
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that.”
“What? Are you going to bust my balls, or what? Because I did fucking wait for more hours than I should have,” she said.
“I wasn’t aware you had balls, does Carter know? Could make for an interesting honeymoon.”
“Fuck you! And you of all people should know what I have underneath this skirt, and you should also know that I am not to be fucked with. My lady balls will crush yours on any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Now, if you will excuse me, I have lost my appetite and my fondness for my present company.”
“Wait,” I took hold of her arm.
“Let go, Nick, or I swear my very pointy shoe will find its way to your shin.”
“Please, sit down and I will. I’m sorry for being late today and making jabs about your guy. I promise, no more talking shit about him.”
“Okay, but if you do it again, I am out of here.”
“You have my word, Thea. Now please sit down.”
“You know, it feels ever since you showed up at the luncheon, it has been one fight after another, and it bothers the hell out of me. I don’t need a reminder of our past because I was there and so were you. What I need are answers to the questions I never wanted to ask you back then, but I am ready to today.”
Before she could answer, the waiter was back and filling our glasses with the wine I ordered. I tasted the sample and gestured him to continue to pour. He left the bottle with us after taking our orders, which I told him to take his time with.
I said, “If I can hit the rewind button on every wrong I ever made with us, I would, baby. You have to know that.”
She took a sip of her wine and then moved away from me. She was putting up her protective walls again. It was the one thing I hated.
“Please, Thea, don’t pull away from me.”
“Don’t call me baby. That right no longer belongs to you, Nick.”
“Okay, I’m sorry. A hard habit to break.”
“Yeah, I know about habits because I was one of them, right?”
“Stop it. You know you meant the world to me when we were together, and I never lied to you.”
“Yeah you did. You lied to me when you didn’t trust me enough to tell me what was truly in your heart. I bet all of our friends knew about your Fire Chief dreams except for me.”
“Yeah, they knew, T, but the one person that should have known was you. But you never wanted to hear me. You never wanted to see the real me standing in front of you, the real me that held you at night, and the real me that made love to you and gave you every part of me.”
“Yeah, you did that, Nick, but you also didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth about your plans: your plans of not working down on Wall Street nor your plans of becoming a NYC firefighter. No, you did not share those plans with me. How could I mean so much to you in one way, but mean so less in the other?”
“Thea, you are twisting my words to make yourself look better when you fucking know that you had your secrets too. Tell me how you landed your dream job in California? How does a newly graduated college student step in gold and begin her career not at a tiny, local news station, but ABC. Now tell me how that happened? Because isn’t this what this lunch was supposed to be about? The truth, Thea, and nothing but.”
“Nick, it is no secret that I interned for only ABC and had contacts in the mayor’s office due to all the programs I had been involved in throughout all four years of high school. I continued padding my file with all the promises ever made to me by those politicians. You remember, Nick, don’t you? They would always say, “If there is anything we can ever do for you, don’t hesitate to ask.” So I asked, and that’s how I got my dream job. But here was the glitch in that plan: I wanted New York so I could remain here with you, but only Los Angeles was available. It was made perfectly clear to me that it was a take it or leave it offer, an offer that was only going to be given once, and if I chose to not accept, I would be on my own with no more favors to call in.”
“Wow that was a mouthful to take in.”
“Yeah, just like the bad tasting medicine that mama made me take when I was sick, it goes down easier with honey, but I don’t see any on our table, so drink your wine instead. Okay, ask me, you know you are dying to.”
“You told me that you were going to begin working at ABC the Monday following our graduation party. Why did you lie?”
“It didn’t begin as one. With all the assurances in place, I believed New York was in the bag, and I had no reason to question what I was told.”
“I have to know, T. When did you know about the job offer in LA?”
“It doesn’t matter anymore, Nick. It was a long time ago.”
“It matters, Thea. It matters a whole fucking lot. Here I was, after all these years with guilt for hurting you on the night of our party, and all this time, it was you that was hurting me. If my mother hadn’t opened my eyes with the unknown that I never wanted to see, we probably wouldn’t be sitting here right now and having this conversation, but we are, so you have to fucking tell me everything. It’s too late
to worry how the truth will hurt or even set me free, because either way, my head is spinning.”
She said, “You mentioned Stella. How did she help you?”
“It was just a conversation we had after you went back to LA.”
While Thea waited for an answer, I thought back to the very conversation with my mother that brought me here today with Thea…
“Did you know about her job offer in Los Angeles?”
“There was never an offer for LA. It was for here in New York.”
“No, she didn’t get that position. She was offered something better that was in LA, and according to Frannie, on the night of the graduation party, she was going to share that news with you, but your announcement trumped hers.”
“No, Thea, I will not answer your question until you answer some of mine. When did you know about LA? And when were you planning on telling me?”
“You’ll hate me if I tell you.”
“I already fucking hate you, but I have to hear it. What you didn’t tell me changed not only my life, but my heart and how I chose to close it off and not share it with anyone ever again. You owe me the truth, and if you ever cared about me, you will tell me now.”
Nick was determined to break me. We’d been here before when I used to shut down after my father’s death. He would continuously push me until I finally cried or flipped out and then I felt worse because I always said things I didn’t mean. I would just act out because I was angry at my father for dying.
“Nick…”
“Just tell me T, please. I know we fought hard back in the day, but the one thing we both counted on was the honesty we had between us, even with the things we didn’t want to hear. Just talk to me, and you have my word I will not storm out of here or even raise my voice.”
“Okay. Let’s see how true that is once I tell you.”
I took another sip of my wine and then looked down to my untouched lunch that I didn’t have an appetite for. Neither did Nick, as his food was also getting cold.
I said, “I found out about losing New York and gaining Los Angeles the day before our party. Mama was the only one that knew. She begged me to tell you right away, but I wanted to wait until the night of our party. I don’t know what made me believe that you would just congratulate me and then just give up your dream to follow me across the country. Having said that, I also believed that you were going to propose and it wouldn’t have mattered where we lived because we would be together.”
Revive Page 19
