The Londum Omnibus Volume One (The Londum Series Book 4)

by Tony Rattigan

  Okay, Imperial to Decimal, divide by ten, so the answer is … fifteen cubic litres. Just a minute, that’s not right either, let’s see … there are five furlongs in a kilometre, four and a half litres in a gallon, so that would make it … nine feet six inches?

  Er … let’s try that again. So if you’ve got £15 17s 6d , at 240 pence to the pound … and John has five apples … how long did it take the train to go from Londum to Brimidgham?

  All right, if you want to know what it is, buy a calculator, it will only cost you … er … six ounces.)

  As Cobb and Adele turned to leave the stallholder and his “golden apples”, there was a female cry of, ‘Stop thief! He stole my purse!’

  A man came tearing down the aisle between the stalls in Cobb’s direction. As he reached the apple stall, Cobb gently pushed Adele back, out of the way, and stuck his foot out.

  The purse thief crashed to the ground and Cobb put his foot on the man’s back. The grounded thief tried to wriggle free but Cobb knelt down and whipping the man’s belt off, tied his hands behind his back.

  When he saw that he was unable to escape, he let loose a torrent of abuse aimed at Cobb. Adele tutted and picking up one of the “Pommes” from the stall leaned down and shoved it in his mouth so he looked like a suckling pig.

  ‘That’s no way to speak in front of a lady!’ she admonished him.

  ‘Yeah, how do you like them apples?’ Cobb asked him.

  Cobb knelt on his back to hold him in place as in the distance he heard a police whistle. A moment later a policeman came running up.

  ‘Good work there my man … why it’s Mr. Cobb. How are you, sir?’

  ‘I’m fine thank you Constable, got your cuffs handy?

  The policeman handed him his handcuffs and between them they managed to put them on the struggling man. Cobb then took the belt off the man’s wrists and then tied it around his ankles.

  ‘Right you stay there,’ he said to him. ‘Adele, are you all right?’

  ‘Yes I’m fine, don’t worry about me,’ she replied cheerfully. ‘Just enjoying the street theatre.’

  ‘Okay, watch this, I’ll now fold him into a swan!’ he joked.

  The woman whose purse had been stolen arrived on the scene and the policeman took her details and asked her to come to the station.

  The policeman also asked Cobb to come down to the station and give a statement. Cobb said he would be down later and as the policeman obviously remembered him from his days in the Metropolitan Police, he was quite happy to take his word that he would do so.

  Another couple of policemen finally arrived, responding to the whistle for help. While they assisted the first policeman, Cobb looked around and noticed that a small crowd had grown up around them. As they got the thief to his feet and lead him away, Cobb stepped back into the crowd to let them pass. Standing next to him was a small, wide-eyed little girl, clutching a doll. She sucked on a lollipop as she stared up at him.

  Cobb stared back at her. He was never very good with children but for some strange reason they seemed to like him. He didn’t know how to talk to them so usually ended up just treating them as if they were small adults. (Which is probably why they liked him, because he didn’t talk down to them.)

  ‘So, a kid eh? How’s that working out for you?’ he said.

  ‘Are you a peas’man?’ she asked him.

  ‘Well, I’m sort of a private policeman.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘I don’t have to wear a uniform.’

  What’s a ooniform?’

  ‘Erm … a big, blue coat like they’re wearing,’ he answered, pointing at the policemen.

  ‘Are you a good man?’

  ‘Well, I like to think so,’ said Cobb, puzzled by the question.

  ‘Then why don’t you bloody well help Harlequin, you bastard!’ she said and kicked him viciously in the shin.

  Cobb hopped around on one leg as the girl ran away through the crowd.

  Adele came over to him. ‘What was that all about?’

  ‘That was Columbine! She’s playing games with me. You wait until I see her again, I’ll give her a piece of my mind.’

  ***

  After Cobb had seen Adele home with her shopping he took himself off to the solicitors, Sewem, Grabbit and Runne to explain why he wouldn’t be providing them with a witness.

  The senior clerk, Mr. Catchpole wasn’t too happy and demanded back the retainer he had already paid Cobb. He gave it back gladly; this whole affair was beginning to stink and he was glad to be washing his hands of it.

  As he left the lawyers and was walking down the street looking for a cab, a little old lady stopped him and asked, ‘Excuse me young man, can you see me across the road?’

  Cobb looked down at her. This is Columbine again isn’t it? he thought to himself.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he replied sarcastically, ‘I’ll just go over there and have a look, shall I?’

  ‘Why you cheeky young man! How dare you speak to me like that?’ she said taking a swipe at him with her umbrella.

  ‘I’m sorry … ow! … I thought you were someone else …ow! Stop hitting me!’ He fled up the street as she hobbled along after him.

  ***

  Adele knocked on the bathroom door. ‘Are you in there, Cobb?’

  ‘I said I was going to have a bath, where did you think I was going to be?’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know, in the coal cellar maybe.’

  ‘Well you can’t come in, I’m nekkid!’

  ‘So you’re nekkid are you? Well, I’m coming in anyway.’

  She walked into the bathroom, ‘I’ve brought you a fresh towel.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  She sat on the edge of the bath and looking down at his body said, ‘I was going to buy you a yacht for your birthday but I’ve see you’ve already got a small dinghy.’

  ‘Oi! Stop that. I’m a policeman.’

  ‘Used to be a policeman.’

  ‘Well, I’ve still got my handcuffs and I’m not afraid to use them.’

  ‘Cobb? Remember that little trick I can do of melting candles using only the heat of my hands …?’ She put one hand in the bath and the water began to bubble.

  ‘Okay, okay … you win,’ he conceded.

  ‘Give me the soap and I’ll scrub your back.’

  He handed her the soap and she repositioned herself on the rim of the bath. She worked silently for a moment until Cobb spoke.

  ‘Go on then,’ he said, ‘let’s get it over with.’

  ‘Get what over with, dear?’ she asked, innocently.

  ‘That conversation with me that you came in here to have.’

  ‘Am I that transparent?’

  ‘Only to someone who knows you as well as I do.’

  ‘I hate to have to say this but you should go to that other Universe and save Harlequin, you know. Otherwise you won’t be able to live with yourself.’

  ‘I know, I’d already reached that conclusion myself.’

  ‘What? Then why have you been fighting it so much?’

  ‘Because if I go there, there’s no guarantee that I can make it back.’

  ‘I know that, Columbine knows that too but I can understand why she’s asking. If it were you trapped there and there was a way of getting you back, I’d move heaven and Earth to rescue you.’

  Cobb reached his hand up to his shoulder and took her hand. ‘I know you would, I know you have. But now I guess it’s time for us to help her out.’

  ‘When do you want to do it?’

  ‘Tomorrow. I want to have chance to say goodbye to Thornton properly, he may not be around when I get back.’

  ***

  When Cobb finished his bath, he dressed and came down to the drawing room, where Adele was waiting.

  ‘How do we get in touch with her?’ she asked.

  ‘Well I guess, like this … Columbine, I need to talk to you.’ There was no reply so he tried again, ‘Columbine.’

  Su
re enough, she appeared before them. ‘I’m here. You wanted to talk to me?’ she sounded hopeful.’

  ‘All right, you win,’ said Cobb. ‘I’ll go to this other Universe and rescue Harlequin.’

  ‘Oh thank you Cobb, thank you Miss Curran. I don’t know what to say.’ Her eyes sparkled with tears. ‘Thank you,’ she repeated breathlessly.

  ‘Okay,’ said Cobb, ‘how are we going to do this? I have no control of where I go when I jump to another Universe. So how do you expect me to go to the correct one?’

  Columbine wiped her eyes. She looked at him and said, ‘You really have no idea how you change dimensions, do you?’

  He shook his head, ‘No.’

  ‘Well,’ she continued, ‘this is going to take a short science lesson, I’m afraid. What do you know about “Molecular Resonance”?’

  Cobb shrugged but Adele replied, ‘That’s something to do with Electro Magnetic Fields, isn’t it?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Columbine. ‘Go on … what do you know about it?’

  ‘As I understand it, some advanced theory is that everything is made up of Atoms, which consist of Electrons, Neutrons and Protons. The Neutrons and Protons combine to form the Nucleus of the Atom. Then the Electrons circle the Nucleus, like planets around a sun at a certain speed, which makes it resonate or vibrate at a specific frequency.’

  Columbine looked at Adele with a newfound respect. ‘Harlequin was right, you are smart!’

  ‘So how does Molecular Resonance come into this?’ asked Adele, indicating Cobb.

  ‘The way it works is that everything you can see, everything you can touch, all resonates within the same frequency range. That is the reality that exists around you.

  ‘Now … imagine there was another world, full of people and animals and objects, that vibrated at another, completely different, frequency range. What would be the result?’

  Adele thought for a moment, ‘Well, we wouldn’t be able to see them or hear them or touch them, I suppose.’

  ‘And if there was then another world, with another frequency, and then on top of that another world, and another, and another … ad infinitum?’ Columbine prompted her.

  ‘My Gods … I think I see where you are going with this. You’re saying that all the other Universes are right here,’ she opened her arms wide to indicate the room, ‘where we are standing?’

  ‘Exactly! When Cobb goes to another dimension he doesn’t enter some sort of space/time tunnel and go across the Galaxy to another Universe, he stays in the same spot. That’s why he always arrives at the same place that he left. If there is an office, in a house, in this street, in the alternate dimension, then he would appear in that office.’

  In the background, unnoticed by either of them, Cobb rested his hand on the desk to see if he could feel it vibrating and then looked at them both suspiciously.

  ‘But how does he move between them?’ asked Adele.

  ‘Isn’t it obvious?’ teased Columbine, ‘he changes frequency.’

  ‘I do what!’ interjected Cobb.

  ‘You change the frequency that your body atoms vibrate at,’ she told him. ‘You phase out of this reality and appear in another one. Of course this is all done unconsciously, when you are in danger or under stress, so the rate of vibration is changed randomly and consequently, so is your destination. That is why you’ve never been able to visit the same place twice.’

  ‘Okay,’ said Cobb, ‘It sounds crazy but I’ll buy it, I’ve seen enough weird things in my life to make me believe that this could be true. But answer me this, although I can’t control where I go to, how come I can always manage to come back to right here, the correct Universe?’

  ‘Because that’s your natural frequency. When you’re ready to come back, you assert your natural frequency over the one your currently vibrating at and … voila … back you come. Because it is your natural frequency, you can re-assert it by an effort of will, anytime you wish. It’s like stretching a muscle to relieve a cramp. When you relax, your muscle goes back to its natural shape.

  ‘Or imagine an un-inflated rubber balloon, no matter how much you stretch it out of shape or contort it, when you let go the pressure it snaps back into its original shape. That is what happens with you and why you always come back here.’

  ‘But how come only Cobb can do it?’ asked Adele.

  ‘On this world many people have strange talents, isn’t that right … witch? Some are more unique than others.’

  ‘So then, I understand now what it’s all about and how it works. But what I don’t get is how you expect me to go to a specific Universe,’ said Cobb.

  Columbine didn’t answer immediately. She wandered over to Cobb’s desk and picked up a pencil. She held her hand out to them with her palm facing upwards and the pencil lying across it. ‘Simple … I change your frequency to that of the Universe that Harlequin is trapped in.’ As she spoke, they saw the pencil in her hand slowly fade out until it became transparent and then disappear completely.

  Adele had been thinking while Columbine had given her explanation of the mechanics of jumping between Universes and as she saw the pencil fade away, a question came to mind. ‘If you can do that to anything or anybody … why do you need Cobb’s help? You could send anybody.’

  Columbine didn’t reply, she just stood there looking from one to the other expectantly, while she let them figure it out for themselves.

  Cobb got it first. While Adele was a scientist and trained to try and see the whole of the jigsaw puzzle, Cobb was a detective; he was usually presented the puzzle with some bits missing. His job, his speciality, was figuring out the size and shape of the missing pieces.

  ‘Sure,’ he explained, ‘she can send anyone there … but no one except me has the ability to come back unaided. I’m the only one that can alter his frequency at will and escape. Anyone else would be stranded there.’

  ‘Ah, yes of course,’ conceded Adele. ‘I see now.’

  ‘Okay, so that’s all the science sorted out,’ said Cobb. ‘But you never told me what was so dangerous about this other place.’

  ‘It is not so much dangerous, it is just a bleak, soulless place, full of unhappiness and pain. They’ve lost the meaning of the word ‘joy’ there. If you’re not there long it shouldn’t affect you.’

  ‘Sounds delightful, I must put it on my list of holiday destinations,’ said Cobb. ‘How will I find Harlequin when I get there?’

  ‘That’s the tricky bit, I’m afraid,’ she admitted. ‘Because of the block on that Universe I can see only see bits and pieces, fragments of conversations, impressions more than anything. All I know is that he was captured and imprisoned in the capital.’

  ‘So, I’m looking for a prison in the capital. Shouldn’t be that difficult,’ said Cobb.

  ‘When do you want to go?’ asked Columbine.

  ‘Let’s make it tomorrow morning, I want time to prepare and say goodbye to everyone.’

  ‘Tomorrow it is then,’ she agreed. ‘Call me when you are ready and I will come.’ With that she disappeared.

  ***

  That night after Cobb and Adele had … “said goodbye”, he fell asleep but he couldn’t seem to relax, he kept tossing and turning as if he was worried about his forthcoming trip to the other Universe.

  After being jabbed in the ribs several times Adele finally gave up trying to ignore him. She put her hand on his forehead and said, ‘Sleep.’

  He quietened down into a deep sleep. She smiled and settled down herself.

  The Jump to Angleland

  Cobb stood beside Thornton’s bed looking down at him. ‘Well, this is it, I’ll be going shortly. I’ve just come to say goodbye.’

  ‘Thoughtful of you to come in, Cobb. How long do you think you’ll be gone?’

  ‘Hard to say really, at least a week or two I imagine.’

  ‘Well, I just hope I’m here to welcome you back.’

  ‘Oh don’t talk like that Thornton, you’re a tough old buzzard. From what t
he doctor told me you’ve survived much worse than this in your time, gunshots, stabbings. Who knows what else? This is just a little cold.’

  ‘Yes true, but I was a much younger man then. I’m sure you’re right, I’ll be fine but just in case … I just want you to know that I was proud when you married my daughter. Since then you’ve become like a son to me, yourself. It’s been an honour knowing you.’

  ‘No, the honour’s been all mine, Thornton. Look, I don’t have to go you know, blow Harlequin, let him sort out his own mess. I could wait until you’re better.’

  ‘It’s kind of you to offer but if you didn’t go and rescue him we would both be disappointed in you. Now don’t let down my faith in you, go and do the right thing.’

  ‘Just you be here when I get back,’ said Cobb.

  ‘I can’t guarantee that,’ replied Thornton. ‘You see, everything has its time and to overstay that time is, well … bad manners. These things work to a pattern to see. We all have our day in the sun and then it is time to move on to the next level.

  ‘An Eastern holy man once told me a story that I’ll tell you now and I want you to remember it.

  ‘A monk goes to the wise elder and asks, “What is the secret of happiness?”

  ‘The wise elder says, “Happiness is - Grandfather dies, Father dies, Son dies.”

  ‘ “How can this be happiness?” questions the monk.

  ‘And the wise elder replies, “They die in that order.”

  ‘What I’m trying to say is … it’s the natural order of things so there’s no sense in grieving about it. My time may be past now, it may be time to hand over the reins to you younger types. And if it is my time to go then I’m ready for it. I’ve lived a full life and it’s not the first time I’ve faced death, I’m just glad that I lived long enough to see my daughter marry someone like you. You’re a good man Cobb.’ Thornton held out his hand.

  Cobb took it in both of his and shook it warmly. ‘I shall see you again,’ he said forcefully, although whether it was to convince Thornton or himself, he wasn’t sure. He was reluctant to go. ‘Look, why don’t I stay until you’re better? That’s probably the best thing to do, eh?’