The Londum Omnibus Volume One (The Londum Series Book 4)
Page 67
P. S.
For those of you with enquiring minds (and I know who you are, you are the ones that keep asking me, ‘Who are these people with enquiring minds?’) yes, the Anglish Revolution was successful. Mainly due to the “Cobb 45” as it became known.
Many people died on both sides, the battle was long and hard, but eventually the Lillibetans won through.
Unfortunately, Torquelauda was never honoured for his part in the Revolution due to his insistence on anonymity. When they dug through the wreckage of Castle Greystone and found the remains of the Armoury, there wasn’t enough left of him to identify. However, he got his reward in heaven. He was a bit disappointed to learn that there wasn’t a single God but many, but he got his reward anyway.
But the people they did know about were remembered. In Brimidgham, in the centre of the Ox-Round, there is a statue of Esme, Cobb and Harlequin. Incidentally, it’s not the only statue of Cobb in an alternate Universe … but that’s another story.
THE END
Alternate Ending
The butler did it!
Deleted Scenes
The following scenes have been deleted from the book for reasons of brevity or because frankly, they have no relation to the story whatsoever.
Deleted Scene 1
Cobb, Adele and Won Lungh gathered round the table and armed themselves. Cobb had to admit that Adele looked rather fetching with the bandoliers draped around her shoulders and pistols stuck in her belt.
Cobb slung two shotguns over his shoulders and then picked up Thornton’s elephant gun. He missed Thornton but he had died, sacrificing himself bringing down the Alien mothership, with explosives.
That only left the Alien Tripods patrolling the streets, trying to suppress the Human revolt against the enslavement of Mankind.
Adele and Won Lungh also picked up shotguns and Won Lungh slung his Nun-chucks around his neck in, case there was to be any hand-to-hand combat.
Cobb cocked his elephant gun and said, ‘Right. Let’s go kick some Alien butt!’
Deleted Scene 2
Cobb and Jim Darby burst into the room. There in the middle of the room, on a table, lay the leather bag. They crossed to it quickly and examined it carefully, looking for booby traps. Seeing none, Cobb gently eased open the bag.
Inside were six sticks of dynamite, attached to a windup alarm clock. A red wire and a white wire ran from the clock to some kind of detonator. The time was showing three minutes to eight, it was probably set to explode at eight. Cobb checked his watch, the clock was accurate. That gave them three minutes to defuse it.
‘Quick, look around for some scissors or a knife to cut the wires,’ he ordered Jim. They scoured the room, opening cupboards and drawers until finally, Jim found a pair of scissors and handed them to Cobb.
‘Which one to cut though?’ asked Cobb.
‘It could be either,’ replied Jim. ‘Tell you what, which wine do you prefer to drink, red or white?’
‘Red.’
‘All right, cut the red wire,’ suggested Jim.
The clock was down to one minute to eight.
‘Okay Jim, in case this doesn’t work, we just have time for one quick question. What are you doing here? You’re not even in this book!’
Deleted Scene 3
The armies of Man, led by King Victor of Albion, were ranged outside the black gates of Nextdor, the kingdom of Sour-one, the evil wizard Lord. The human army waited there in their thousands, both on horseback and foot, their armour shining brightly in the sun as they waited for this, the final battle between Man and Oiks, good and evil, to commence.
King Victor turned to his advisor, the kindly wizard known as Thornton the White, and said, ‘I know that we face certain death here today and this may be the end of Mankind but if we can only divert Sour-one and his Oiks long enough for Cobb and Jim to throw the ring into Mount Doom, then we may just win the day.’
‘But they’ll have to be quick,’ replied Thornton, ‘we won’t be able to hold back this foul horde for long, can we give them enough time, though?’ And he gazed fearfully on the sight of Mount Doom, far away in Nextdor.
***
Cobb and Jim Darby made their way painfully up the slopes of Mount Doom. They were hungry, thirsty and exhausted after their long journey, so nearly at an end.
Cobb said to Jim, ‘I still don’t understand how throwing this bit of cheap jewellery into a lava flow will bring about the downfall of Sour-one.’
‘Look Cobb,’ sighed Jim, ‘for the hundredth time, if we destroy the ring it will take away all of Sour-one’s power and he will fall. The Oiks will be nothing without Sour-one to back them up and will be easily beaten by our army.’
‘Yes, but I still don’t understand how melting the ring will cause that.’
‘I don’t either; it’s something to do with Magick. If you want to know how it works, you should ask Thornton, he’s the wizard.’
Unnoticed by either of them as they argued, Harlequin crept out of where he had been hiding in the rocks above them, on the path. He was barely recognisable as his red and white clowns outfit had been reduced to tatters, he had lost his shoes and most of his hair had fallen out, leaving only a few wisps to cover his head.
He looked down on the two as they unsuspectingly walked along the path below, and whispered to himself, ‘My Precious. They have stolen My Precious. I’m going to kill the nasty men and take it back, then the Precious will be all mine. Mine!’ He slid forward to the edge of the rocks and threw himself down on them.
Unfortunately, due to his weakened and crazed state, he completely misjudged the jump, missed the two men on the path and hurtled over the edge of the mountain and with a faint cry, fell hundreds of feet to an unpleasant death on the jagged rocks below.
Jim turned to Cobb and said, ‘Did you just hear something?’
‘No.’
‘Never mind,’ Jim shrugged and they carried on up the path.
‘Look,’ said Cobb, ‘tell me this again. If we throw the ring into the lava then Sour-one will die, yes? And you’re sure that’s all we have to do?’
Jim sighed and, shaking his head, carried on trudging up Mount Doom.
Rufus Cobb
will return
in another book,
er … one day …
just you see if he doesn’t.
In the meantime, Jim Darby will be back
in Snake Eyes.
About the Author
Tony Rattigan* is the author of a series of books about an alternate Universe, one of many different Universes that make up a Multiverse.
After 22 years in the Royal Air Force, 5 years in the National Health Service and 10 years at one of the UK’s largest charities, Tony decided he’d done enough for Queen and Country and he was about due some ‘me’ time.
Consequently he took early retirement in 2010 to work on his writing. He lives in Oxfordshire UK with his Albatross and a pet monkey. (No, not really. That’s just a vain attempt to sound interesting.)
*Tony Rattigan is the founder member of the Anti-Reincarnation Society, whose motto is – “Once is Enough!” All members carry a card that reads, ‘If found dead - please do not reincarnate’.
Table of Contents
SPLIT INFINITY
Prologue
Sausage and Tips
It’s More than Just a Job, It’s an Adventure
The Divine Mrs. Stiverley
Low-Lifes and High Principles
Harlequin
Caledonia Bound
Loch Dupp
Little House on the Moor
The Plot – Pay Attention!
Cantonese Takeaway
Friends in High Places
Endgame
Chickens, Coming Home to Roost
Epilogue
HAIR OF THE DOG
Prologue
Death of a Duke
The Werewolf of Olde Londum Towne
The Great Seal
This is your Mi
ssion
Sister of the Craft
Pils-Holstein Rules
The Man With the Silver Eyes
Epilogue
THE SPEED OF DARK
Prologue
The Limping Man
Thornton’s not Well
The Physics of Jumping
The Jump to Angleland
Spitting Image
The Road to Brimidgham
Drinks at the Lodge
Some Good News and Some Bad News
Castle Greystone
Friends Reunited
Nobody Expects the Castilian Questioning!
The Will of the Gods
Epilogue
Alternate Ending
Deleted Scenes