Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice)

by Wells, Linda

  “You sir, are an idiot.” He shook his head, remembering once again how he let her walk away in the park that day. “You gave her up, and left her to be snatched up by another.” Closing his eyes he thought of his uncle’s attempt to speak of his father’s words on marriage. “Do your duty.” Darcy said softly. “Well, in another month or so Father, I shall begin.”

  21 DECEMBER 1808

  The Gardiners arrived today for Christmas, thank heaven. At last I will have a buffer between me and Mama, who has not stopped her shrill accusations of my ungrateful behaviour since the afternoon that Mr. Stewart rode from our drive. Even if I were to tell her the truth of the matter, that it was she and our family’s behaviour that caused him to flee, she would find a way to twist it and place it back on my shoulders. I did not love him; I know that for certain now. I do not regret him so much as I regret the sure knowledge that I am not good enough for any gentleman.

  A soft knock at the door made her look up and Mrs. Gardiner smiled and entered, closing it behind her. “Writing in your journal, I see. Does it help?”

  “It keeps me from blurting out the worst of my feelings.” Elizabeth smiled and closed the book. “When may I come to London again?”

  “It is truly impossible for you here.” She took a seat on the bed and patted it, inviting Elizabeth to sit beside her.

  “Aunt you have been here but one day, but I assure you, Mama’s voice is not going to stop declaring my worthlessness anytime soon.” Elizabeth’s eyes pricked with tears. “Papa does nothing to check her. He allows me to come into his bookroom for a little while since I cannot escape so often on my walks but …Oh Aunt, it is not my fault!” She fell into Mrs. Gardiner’s open arms and they embraced while Elizabeth sobbed and her aunt stroked her hair. “I suppose it would have been worse if I had loved him.”

  “Then thank the Lord that you did not.” She whispered.

  “May I come home with you?” Elizabeth pled.

  “That is up to your father, and I think that he is inclined to keep you here. He has no outdoors to escape your mother either, and he sees you as his buffer during the winter.”

  She sat up. “That is ridiculous! He has a houseful of daughters!”

  “They are not you.” Mrs. Gardiner stroked back her hair.

  “Yes, and by receiving his favour I am deemed unsuitable for all men.” Elizabeth said bitterly.

  “Did Mr. Stewart say anything of your accomplishments being wanting?”

  “No.”

  “Then do not regret the favour your father gave you by the education you did receive.” Mrs. Gardiner laughed at her disbelief. “I know, you do not feel quite so charitable, but it is a gift, and one day a truly special man will recognize that and revel in what you may give to him.”

  “Oh how do you always know what to say?” Elizabeth smiled a little. “Well, if nothing else, I am not quite as naive as I was with courtship.”

  “That is very true, so when the next young man comes along, you will be able to assess him with open eyes.”

  “And perhaps I will be the one to send him away first!” She declared and laughed. “Oh imagine me finding a gentleman wanting for a change!”

  “It will be glorious, I am sure.” Mrs. Gardiner stood. “Come now dear; are you ready to meet the family again?”

  She sighed. “I suppose, but keep the escape route clear!”

  “THANK YOU.” Darcy nodded to the maid who left the tea tray and turned to smile at Georgiana. “What shall we do today?”

  “Do?”

  “Why yes, I am certainly tired of bookkeeping, it is too cold to ride, and with the family here for Christmas and New Year’s we did not have much opportunity to spend time together. Of course if you would prefer lessons I will be happy to ring for Mrs. Somers …”

  “No!” She said quickly and he raised his brows. “I mean, no, I would rather spend time with you. Soon it will be March and we will be back in London and you will be busy with the Season.”

  “Excellent, so what shall we do for the next month?”

  “Will you teach me billiards?”

  “Georgiana!”

  “I knew you would say that!” She giggled, and he smiled. “Well, I suppose that there are any number of games we could play …” She laughed again at his wrinkled nose. “I know, you dislike cards. Well, what do you suggest? And nothing educational!”

  Darcy closed his mouth and swallowed his suggestion. He looked at her speculatively. “Have you ever seen the Darcy jewels?”

  Georgiana’s eyes grew wide. “No.” She whispered. Darcy’s face broke out in a wide grin.

  “Well, come on then.” He stood up and held out his hand. Georgiana followed him to the study where she watched him open up the hidden door behind a bookshelf. He disappeared for several minutes and returned carrying two cases.

  “This case,” he touched the larger one, “contains the jewels that will always remain with the mistress of Pemberley, so they will go to my wife one day.” He met her eyes to make sure that she understood and was therefore not jealous when she saw what it contained, then touched the second box. “This case contains the jewels that Father set aside for you alone when you are out. There is one heirloom from the Darcy collection, most of the jewellery that he purchased for Mother, and some things that he selected just for you, to be given at specific moments in your life. I will not show those to you now. He selected them when he first learned of his illness and showed them to me when we arrived home.”

  Opening up the case with the Darcy jewels, he began removing velvet bags and boxes. There was a mirror in a corner and Georgiana was up and down time after time, trying on each piece and running to see how she looked. She determined that sapphires were her favourites with diamonds close behind. Darcy laughed and delighted in seeing her excitement. Finally when the last piece was properly stored, he opened the second case. Georgiana was practically trembling with anticipation. He took out three boxes and set them aside, and chuckled to see her eyeing them speculatively, imagining what was inside. Then he began opening her jewel cases.

  “Oh, Fitzwilliam! These are all sapphires and diamonds!”

  “And pearls.” He smiled. “These jewels all looked very well on Mother, so they are sure to be lovely on you.”

  “Mama wore these.” She stood before the mirror and touched them. “Do you remember her wearing them?”

  “Oh yes.”

  Georgiana looked back to him and saw his sad face. “Stop, this is a happy time.” She walked over and sat beside him. “Papa told me that my duty was to take care of you. How can I make you happy?”

  “Is that what he told you?” Darcy laughed softly. “Well you make me happy everyday with your music and your company. I am happy watching you grow up.”

  “And I am happy to see you smile.” She whispered. “Please do it more often, I miss it so.”

  “I am sorry to have become so serious, dear. I think that I am at last becoming confident with my duties, well at least a little, and perhaps with that I will relax a little more. Bear with me.” He hugged her. “I am trying.”

  “Will you find a wife this Season?”

  “Do you wish for a sister?”

  “Sometimes.” Darcy tilted his head and raised his brows. “I would like a sister to talk to and spend time with, but then I do not want to share you with anyone either.” He chuckled. “And I am afraid of who you might choose.” She said softly.

  “Why is that?”

  “I have seen the ladies of society, Fitzwilliam. I may be young, but I have eyes. Please find someone kind who will take care of you when I am gone someday.”

  Darcy closed his eyes and hugged her tightly. “I promise; I will do my best. That is what I hope for, too.” A knock sounded. “Come.” He called.

  Mrs. Reynolds entered, and did not look twice at the fortune in jewels spread before her. “Sir this just arrived from Matlock. The messenger will wait for your reply.”

  “Thank you.” He took t
he letter and standing, ripped it open and walked to the window to read. He let out a long breath. “Thank God.”

  “What is it?”

  “Richard, he has returned.” Georgiana jumped up. “He is exhausted and ill, but he landed in Portsmouth four days ago, and found a carriage to London. He is in Matlock House. Our Aunt and Uncle are departing tomorrow for town and will simply remain there for the Season. Stephen and Alicia will remain at Matlock to continue the preparations for the spring then come to town in a month. Uncle asks if we will come early. He said that Richard specifically asks for our company.” Darcy licked his lips and began thinking. “I still have some things to accomplish before I can go.” He walked to his desk and paged through his calendar, then looked through the stack of papers. “A fortnight, that should be sufficient.” He turned to see Georgiana standing with tears rolling down her cheeks. He held out his arms and she fell into his embrace. “It is a month sooner than I expected, but I think it is a worthy reason to go, do you not?”

  “I do, Brother.” She sniffed and pulled away, taking off the jewels and carefully packing up the cases. “We will just put these things away for another day.”

  Darcy stayed her hand and kept out a delicate chain holding a pendent containing a single large pearl set in diamonds. He placed it around her neck and adjusted the chain. “I think our cousin would like to see you wearing this.”

  She looked down and touched it, then back up at him. “Why?”

  Darcy laughed. “Because when he was a boy of five, he broke a strand of pearls Mother was wearing and they scattered all over the grass. This was the only pearl that was retrieved, and Mother named it Richard in his honour.” Georgiana giggled. “He also received a scolding from his mother that I think he still hears in his sleep.”

  “The pearls were never found?” She said wide-eyed.

  “Well, not exactly.” Darcy opened up the case with the heirloom jewels and held out a velvet bag. Georgiana opened it and he poured the contents into her hands. “I found them all, and never told him.”

  “Fitzwilliam!”

  He chuckled and took them back. “I gave them to Father. But to this day, Richard will go out in the grass to that spot and casually hunt around for them.”

  “I thought that you dislike disguise of any sort!” Georgiana placed her hands on her hips and pursed her lips, looking so much like her mother that he nearly gasped.

  “Oh, I will tell him someday. Besides, Father knew.”

  “So you are innocent.”

  “Precisely.” Darcy grinned.

  “Please do not lose that smile!” Georgiana hugged him and ran from the room. Darcy picked up the rest of the jewels and returned them all to the lockbox. He felt the best he had since the day he returned from his tour. Maybe this is the beginning of the good times again.

  “I AM NEVER MOVING FROM THIS SPOT.” Fitzwilliam muttered happily. “Never.”

  “Sir, your bath is ready.”

  He lifted his head from the pillow where his face was buried and looked at his new batman. “Well, so much for keeping promises to myself. I will never turn down a chance to bathe again.” He rolled out of the bed and stood on wobbly legs. The lance-corporal was right by his side and ready to help him to walk. “No, no, I am fine, Sanders. Well, relatively.” Shuffling into the bathroom he sank down into the warm water and groaned. “My God, this feels so good.” A glass containing brandy was offered and he lifted a brow and grinned. “I think that we will get along very nicely.”

  “Yes, colonel.”

  “Well, from what I understand I will not be leaving these shores again for quite some time, if ever, so you have been assigned a safe post. My last man was not so fortunate.” Fitzwilliam raised his glass. “To Corporal Hargrove.” He took a sip.

  “May I ask sir, the fighting, I only read the accounts in the Times …”

  “It was hell on earth, on a frozen battleground. Any romantic notions any man there had of war were dispelled when the screams of dying men and horses filled the air.” He sighed. “But the 15th served well. God bless the Hussars, God bless Sir John Moore!” He raised his glass again, then set it down. “I am ill.”

  “I was inclined to ask for a physician, sir.”

  “He would just want to bleed me. I have seen enough of blood.” He closed his eyes. “No, what I need is sleep, good food, and quiet. I think that my father’s house will serve me well. I expect that they will arrive soon.” He opened one eye. “Look out for Mother.”

  “Sir?”

  “You will see.” Slowly he sank down below the water and blew bubbles as he exhaled, then rose back up. “Ahhhhh.”

  A knock sounded. Sanders answered and held a whispered conversation. He turned around. “Sir, a message was just delivered; your parents will arrive tomorrow afternoon.”

  He chuckled. “That was faster than I expected.” He arose from the water and let Sanders steady him as he stepped out and into his robe. “Well, I am going to dry off and go back to sleep. Wake me when they arrive.”

  “Tomorrow, sir?” Sanders asked in disbelief, and Fitzwilliam met his eye.

  “Tomorrow.”

  “MMMMM.”

  Lord Matlock smiled and waved the piece of bacon under his son’s nose again. “Come on, Son. You know you are hungry.”

  Fitzwilliam’s eyes opened to see his father smiling and blinking back tears. “Father.” He sat up and the men embraced.

  “You had us worried, Son.” He held him tight. “Forgive me. Forgive me for making you choose this life. Forgive me for not providing you an estate.”

  Fitzwilliam hugged him back just as hard. “Stop Father, you are correct, I chose this life.”

  “You had romantic ideas of the cavalry.”

  “I wanted to serve my country, and I have. I will not be going back out, Father. I have been promoted to colonel and will be training men for now on.” He drew back and wiped his eyes. “I am safe, sir.”

  Lord Matlock nodded. “Very well. But if you get the fool notion of fighting again, be assured that your mother will take you down before you mount your horse.”

  Fitzwilliam chuckled and then it grew into a loud laugh. “Mother would probably succeed. She was always the disciplinarian.”

  “Really?”

  “Oh come on Father, you were the soft touch.” He smiled and saw his father’s sheepish grin.

  “Your brother and sister would beg to disagree, I think. I was easy only with you, Son. You were special.” He hugged him again. “I love you, Richard.”

  “I love you, Father.” Fitzwilliam blinked back the tears, and his father sat back.

  “Now eat. Be prepared for your mother to arrive at any moment so I suggest that you at least don a robe.” He smiled and stood up. “Darcy will be here in about ten days.”

  “How is he?”

  “Better in some ways, and worse in others. Perhaps you can help each other to heal.” He smiled and paused at the door. Suddenly it was thrown open.

  “Richard!” Lady Matlock swooped into the room and sat on the bed to embrace her son.

  “Mother, I am not clothed!”

  “Oh, I have seen you unclothed before!” She kissed his face and held it in her hands. “You hold no surprises for me!”

  “MOTHER!” He pushed her off of the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. “Father could you do something about her?”

  “Come Helen; let the man eat in peace.” He took his wife’s hand and led her from the room. “I will give you one hour, Son, then you are on your own.” He chuckled and closed the door behind him.

  Fitzwilliam lowered the blanket with a sigh. “It is good to be home.”

  Chapter 7

  “You have changed.” Fitzwilliam said as he took in Darcy’s face. They were sitting before the fire in leather wingback chairs, each holding a glass of port, and with their feet propped up on hassocks. “As have you.” He retorted.

  “Ah, but my change is that of experience and wisdom.” He
laughed to see Darcy’s eyes roll. “Well, alright, my change is due to a hellish experience, but it is also over forever. I will have to live with the memory, but I also know that it is unlikely that I will have to experience it again; the wounds took care of that. You however, carry a burden that will never be relieved and it shows.”

  “How so?” Darcy looked down into his glass.

  “Your smile does not reach your eyes anymore, Cousin.” Fitzwilliam set his feet on the floor and leaned forward. “Georgiana walks around you with caution and seems to cry for attention. Father worries over your sheltering yourself from living. Mother is determined to find you a wife to draw you from yourself.”

  “I have not been a hermit!” Darcy insisted. “And I have made a concerted effort to smile and be pleasant for Georgiana!”

  Fitzwilliam laughed and sat back again. “You cannot force happiness.”

  “She is taking Father’s charge to take care of me too seriously.” Darcy muttered.

  “Perhaps it is you taking your duties too seriously that is the problem.”

  “Oh, and I suppose that your performance on the battlefield would have been so much better if you had been lax in your duties? Or should I be toasting your short life right now instead of looking at your ugly face?”

  “tsk tsk. I am not the Adonis that you present, but I am hardly homely.” He smiled and sat back. “Very well, point taken. I will not question your dedication to duty and honour and all that. However, you do need to let go a little. I can see how tightly wound you are; and I have no doubt that is what Georgiana senses.”

  “I have missed you, Richard.” Darcy said softly and looked up at him. “There has been nobody to talk to.”

  Fitzwilliam nodded to let him know that he was heard, and said quietly, “Father is more than willing to aid you.”

  “It is not the same.” Darcy shrugged and smiled a little.

  “I hear that you have adopted a puppy.” A crooked smile crossed his lips. “Named Bingley.”

  Darcy laughed with genuine happiness. “So I have. He is a good man, and I am enjoying teaching him how to be a gentleman and how to move in society. I admit that he frustrates me at times and he is entirely too easy with those below him, but he is learning.”