Memory: Volume 1, Lasting Impressions, A Tale of Pride and Prejudice (Memory: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice)

by Wells, Linda

  “Thank you, sir.” The older woman whispered.

  “Now, what can you tell me?”

  “Miss Anne is a very good girl most of the time, sir. She suffers so.” She said earnestly, his raised brows encouraged her to continue. “She had scarlet fever as a girl, a mild case, and was nearly recovered when it became rheumatic. I understand that the fever was terrible, and it was touch and go for a long time.” Darcy nodded, but had no memory of the event. “The fever, they think, addled her a little.”

  “A little?”

  “Well sir, she was confused for a good long time, but she began to feel herself again, but the disease took its toll on her. It affects the joints and heart, you know.” She saw his agreement. “Well sir, the disease also comes back from time to time, flare-ups, and well, each time is worse, and the patient recovers but they are weaker, in the heart, you see.”

  “That does not explain her delusions.”

  “No sir, Lady Catherine has not spoken to me of that. She is afraid that word would get around and she might be sent to an asylum. She could not abide that, sir.”

  “For many reasons, I am certain.” Darcy mused. “Tonight my cousin was very alert, despite her delusions. Can you explain that?”

  “Yes sir, she usually only receives her elixir when she is to see you. It wears off during the night. She must have awakened …”

  “Why does she only receive it …?” He stopped and saw the woman’s face grow fearful. “Never mind, I will speak to her mother. May I ask; what does she take?”

  “It is a mild dose of laudanum, sir, just enough to make her compliant, but still able to function. We also use it to keep her calm when she becomes agitated.” She looked at her hands nervously. “I begged her Ladyship not to take Miss Anne on this trip.”

  Darcy sighed and stood, then handed a guinea to the amazed woman who rose with him. “I believe that you were correct in your feelings. Thank you. You will remain with her tonight?”

  “Yes sir, thank you, sir.”

  He showed her out and wearily returned to the sitting room where he scratched out two notes. He called the footman, and asked that the first be given to Lady Catherine’s maid to be delivered when her mistress woke, and the second was to be delivered at first light to Matlock House. Glancing at the time when he returned to his chamber he saw that it was nearly four o’clock. He stood still and took in the view of his bed, the bedclothes spread over the floor from his hasty escape. He closed his eyes against the vision of Anne standing naked before him and shuddered with the memory of her hands under his nightshirt and grasping at him … Never again can I sleep here! Instead he left the room for his study to sit and try to drink the disturbing assault away, and wonder what damage the fevers had done to his cousin’s mind, why she needed to be sedated to tolerate his presence, and why, in heaven’s name, would his aunt demand that he marry her?

  Chapter 20

  After a sleepless night, Elizabeth decided that she needed to repair the rift that had developed with Jane. She knocked on the open chamber door and smiled. “Did you enjoy yourself?” She entered and sat on the bed. “I was so dismayed with the attention.”“Were you?” Jane said quietly after glancing up. “It certainly seemed that you rather enjoyed it.”

  She laughed and groaned. “Oh, no those interviews by the so-called friends of Mr. Darcy’s family were not enjoyable. I was trying so hard to not make a fool of myself in front of him. I kept trying to remember Lady Matlock’s instructions, stand straight, look them in the eye, breathe, smile, disarm, charm …be intelligent but not a bluestocking …oh it was so difficult! But Fitzwilliam by my side made it bearable. He said that he was proud of me.” She smiled happily and blushed a little. “I wish that he would speak more, but I think that his stoic presence was really all that was necessary.” Her words were met with silence as Jane moved about the room. “Jane?”

  “Oh, were you finished?”

  “What has happened to you?” Her tenuous good humour evaporated. “I tell you Jane; I am tired of your …what is wrong? Have I done something to upset you?”

  “No, you do not upset anyone Lizzy; you are perfect in nearly every way. You are witty and accomplished.”

  Elizabeth watched her with narrowed eyes. “And where am I lacking?” Jane shrugged. “How do you feel that you are doing with Mr. Harwick? He seemed to try very hard to engage you in conversation.”

  “He did, but he also spent a great deal of time looking your way.”

  “If you spent more time endeavouring to capture his attention yourself, he would not be distracted by someone else!”

  “Are you implying that I am dull?”

  “I am saying that you are making no effort! Jane, I am marrying Fitzwilliam Darcy, this silly jealousy over men looking at me is ridiculous! Can you not see that it makes you look unattractive?”

  “Mr. Bingley smiled and spoke to me.”

  “Mr. Bingley smiles and speaks to everyone!” Elizabeth cried in exasperation. “And may I ask; why were you paying so much more attention to him than Mr. Harwick?”

  “I was not!”

  “Jane, I know that Mr. Bingley is a very comfortable man to talk with, but he is not courting you! He is in no position to marry yet, and he knows that! I am sure that you may be flattered by his easy ways, but do not mistake them for anything other than that of a man who is young and has not learned to curb himself. You laughed and talked to him more readily than you ever did to Mr. Harwick, and he noticed, Jane! He saw the difference! What do you think that tells him?”

  Jane’s face grew red and she stammered her excuses. “I …I am behaving as I should with him. I am being demure, I am not exposing my interest before he shows me his, I am doing as I should!”

  “Did it ever occur to you that Mr. Harwick did expose his interest by calling on you to begin with? Why do you think he is here? Because he is indifferent? You are the one behaving in that manner. Why on earth would he be so frustrated with trying to talk to you that he would instead fall into a deep discussion with Mr. Singleton instead?”

  “Mr. Singleton was intoxicated. Mr. Harwick was keeping him occupied.” Jane looked away.

  “I grant that Mr. Harwick is a good man and very well might have been driven to protect Audrey from embarrassment by her husband, but if you recall, he was doing that while you were clearly enjoying speaking with Mr. Bingley. Why would Mr. Harwick choose to compete with that? He does not have to compete! Jane, do you not understand? Mama was incorrect; to attract a man you must do more than smile! You must promote yourself! Mr. Harwick has a whole city full of women to court. He chose you for a reason, but that does not mean that he will offer for you.”

  “I will not remake myself for some man. Mama said …”

  Elizabeth jumped up. “I cannot listen to more of this. Mama did us and our sisters no favours, Jane. You know it is true. She drove Mr. Stewart away as surely as Papa hurt us with our nonexistent education and poor dowries.” She left the room to go down for breakfast. Finding Mrs. Gardiner alone at the table, she sat down heavily, and tried to hide the tears of frustration.

  “What is wrong, Lizzy?”

  “I do not understand, Aunt. I … I am so happy with Mr. Darcy, but Jane, Jane is so different ever since we found each other. We used to be so close and now …I cannot seem to do anything right!” She wiped her face and looked up. “I apologized for my behaviour with Mr. Harwick at first, and I have come to like him very much. I think that he and Mr. Darcy will surely become good friends. But I am afraid that if Jane does not at least try to …”

  “Is Mr. Harwick rethinking his courtship to Jane?” Mrs. Gardiner asked quietly.

  “I asked Fitzwilliam last night, and he said that he was discouraged. All Jane can focus on is the way that men respond to me. I do not know what to do. I have dealt with her being the centre of men’s attention for years and while I wished it for myself, I certainly did not hold it against her!” Elizabeth twisted a napkin then tossed it on the t
able and clasped her hands together. “Forgive me, Aunt. I do not know what to do. I know how important this match is for Jane, but she just seems to take it for granted that it will happen without any effort on her part, and I am afraid that if it does not, she will lay the blame on me.”

  “I see.” Mrs. Gardiner squeezed her hand and smiled. “It seems that I need to step in between you girls. How was the night otherwise?”

  Elizabeth managed to smile. “Overwhelming, but wonderful.”

  “Good. I look forward to hearing every detail. Mr. Darcy is very happy with you, Lizzy.” She left the table and walked upstairs to where Jane sat at the writing table. “Writing home?”

  “Yes, I owed Mama a letter.” She set down the pen as Mrs. Gardiner closed the door, then sat on the bed.

  “Your sister is very upset.”

  Jane cast her eyes down and spoke softly. “I do not mean to upset her.”

  “Then why do you continue to pour cold water over her happiness? I have heard enough mean comments from you to think I was speaking to Lydia. This is not your nature, Jane. What is bothering you?”

  Jane stared back at her letter and spoke quietly. “She seems to have every man looking at her.”

  “You are not used to that. Do you know why they look? She is lovely, just as you are, despite your mother’s opinion.” Mrs. Gardiner noted Jane’s confusion. “Lizzy simply needed to grow into her features, although Mr. Darcy apparently knew when he saw her at fifteen.”

  “Yes.”

  Mrs. Gardiner heard the bitterness in her tone and understood. “Did that upset you, knowing that he was not at all attracted to you then? Is that why you slight him and his attentions towards Lizzy? He is deeply in love, Jane. Even the most well-behaved man will display his feelings eventually if he feels as strongly as Mr. Darcy does, and as long as he is discreet, your uncle and I will not chastise him. The question is; why do you?”

  “I should be the first married. I was the one to save the family and do my duty.” She said petulantly. “Mama told me that I am so beautiful for a reason.”

  Mrs. Gardiner held back her thoughts that they should be grateful if any of them married. “Well, you have an outstanding suitor paying you court, but I wonder if he will continue much longer. He seems undecided to me, and this is before meeting your father. Mr. Stewart left when the family became too much, and Mr. Darcy stayed because he loves Lizzy enough to ignore them. Mr. Harwick is no young lover with stars in his eyes. He is a father, a widower, and a master. He has no reason to fight his feelings if you have given him no encouragement.”

  “How can I give him encouragement when he smiles at Lizzy all of the time?” She cried out.

  “Oh, is that it?” Mrs. Gardiner shook her head at her naive niece. “Jane, Mr. Harwick is still mourning his wife. Did it ever occur to you that Lizzy reminds him of her? Looking at Lizzy smile and laugh gives him some comfort.”

  “It does?” She whispered.

  “I have seen the man watch Lizzy and Mr. Darcy. A sad smile appears, and I have no doubt at all that he is remembering his days with his deceased wife. He chose you because you are different from her, I am positive, but even that resolve to marry someone opposite of his first love will not be enough to settle his decision on you. What can you offer him besides a wan smile? I tell you, if he sees your jealous behaviour towards your sister, he will not think that you would be a good example for his daughters.” Mrs. Gardiner stood up and looked her in the eye. “Your sister loves you and has been doing her best to encourage you, and you reward her with envy and spite. It is not attractive. Your mother was incorrect. You do need more than a smile to win a man. You have done nothing to educate yourself, but you can sing if you choose, you can sew, you can provide pleasant company if you would speak. I suggest that you apologize to Lizzy and ask her for help before it is too late.”

  “WHAT IS THIS?” Lord Matlock took the note from his valet and with a groan, settled in his shaving chair. He opened it and sat up just as the blade was about to sweep his face. “Good Lord!” He leapt up and ran to his wife’s room, and into her bath. “Helen!”

  “What has gotten into you Henry!” She cried. He shooed out the maid and slammed the door shut.

  “This was waiting for me. From Darcy!” He tried to give her the note and she glared at him. He stayed still long enough to hold the letter over her bath water so she could read, at least until the shaving soap began to drip off of his face and onto the page. Her mouth dropped open as Lord Matlock waved the ruined letter. “I suspected she was addled in some way, but I thought it was the weakness from the illnesses, Catherine never let on about this, this, condition!”

  “Well, we need to go over there right away. Go get shaved and dressed, he asks us to come for breakfast. We can be there in an hour if we hurry.”

  “We will be there sooner than that!” He stood up and threw the door of the bath room open with a bang. “Good Lord!”

  A few streets away, Darcy blinked his eyes. He had found no peace; he could not sleep in that bed again, ever. He intended to have the room scoured from floor to ceiling and as soon as the staff was awake to boil water, he had his valet scrub him raw. He felt violated and sick, and spent the remainder of the night drinking, resisting the urge to drag his aunt from her bed and demand an explanation before throwing her into her carriage and out of his home. What stopped him was realizing that seeing one female de Bourgh in her nightdress was all he could stomach for one evening.

  Mrs. Mercer found him when she began her duties, and had already been informed of the predawn activities by Darcy’s valet, who was summoned by the footman to aid his distraught master. The housekeeper plied him with strong coffee, and informed him that the staff had been warned not to speak a word, and she even took the unprecedented step of reassuring him that the staff felt that he had done nothing untoward. Darcy took that news in silently and thanked her, and then told her to destroy the bed linens in his room and that he would replace the mattress, draperies, everything associated with the bed, and spoke of replacing the furniture as well. Then he informed her that he would be sleeping in the mistress’s room until further notice and asked not to be disturbed until his relatives arrived. Mrs. Mercer took it all in without a flinch.

  After his bath, when Darcy first returned to the study, he composed a short note to Elizabeth, telling her that he would be unable to call that afternoon, and apologized, begging for her forgiveness. He sent the note off with a servant, and stared down at his hands, knowing that the forgiveness he sought was not for breaking their appointment, but for holding another woman in their bed.

  His exhausted mind punished him again. “I must confess this to her, but will she reject me? She was so certain that I would leave her behind after meeting her family. I had to convince her I would allow nothing to come between us. Will she stay by me through this? Will she believe me?” He sank into his thoughts and barely registered the knock when it came. Cautiously Foster opened the door but it was pushed hard when Lord Matlock impatiently entered.

  “Darcy, what the devil happened?” He demanded.

  “Uncle, Aunt, thank you for coming.” Darcy rose and approached them.

  Lady Matlock brushed the hair from his bloodshot and drooping eyes. “You look terrible dear, come and sit down.” She led him willingly to a sofa and pulling up a chair; Lord Matlock sat and leaned his elbows on his knees.

  “Well?”

  Darcy told them the events of the night, beginning with the barely announced arrival and Lady Catherine’s objections to Elizabeth. He indicated that Anne had made advances upon his person but did not speak of her state of dress. He did tell of her fluctuation in mood and what Mrs. Jenkinson had said of her illness. “Did you know of this?”

  Lord Matlock studied him, knowing that he was holding back, the man was incapable of deceit, and his sorrow was evident. “We certainly knew of the fevers and the recurring illness. We know that the rheumatic fever will make her heart weaker each time a
nd that it will likely take her life one day, but as to the other …I suspected something was hidden from us, but she has never been in this drug-induced state when we visited, has she Helen?”

  “No, but I remember that Catherine was careful to keep conversation about you to times when Anne was not present. Where is Catherine? Does she know of this?”

  “I wrote a note, she should have received it by now.” Darcy said tiredly. “Anne is still asleep, I believe. I want them gone from my home as soon as possible.” His relatives exchanged glances.

  “I cannot disagree with that at all. I will go up to Catherine.” Lady Matlock stood and kissed Darcy’s cheek. “You did everything properly.”

  When she left Lord Matlock saw Darcy staring at his hands. “What are you not saying, Son? Get it off of your chest before it eats you alive. Did you and your cousin …”

  “No sir, we did not, but in my sleep I imagined it was Elizabeth in my arms. I woke from a beautiful dream to find myself in a nightmare.” He closed his eyes and fought back his emotion. “I have betrayed her.”

  Lord Matlock gripped his arm. “No, I will not accept that. You had no idea, and you escaped as soon as you had your faculties, did you not?”

  “Yes.” He whispered and swallowed hard. “Elizabeth asked me about my behaviour with women … I assured her I had never taken a mistress, but I dodged telling her I was not without experience.”

  “Darcy, the girl is not naive, of course she expects you to be experienced! You have kissed her have you not?”

  “Yes.” He said wistfully.

  “And you were not a bumbling fool?”

  “I hope not.” He looked away and tried to hide the tear that escaped and ran down his cheek. Lord Matlock sat back and looked at him with amazement. He could compare the emotion his nephew was feeling to nothing he had ever experienced.