Second to No One

by Palmer, Natalie

  “The one you bought the dress for.”

  “Yep.”

  “But you like him, don’t you?”

  “It doesn’t matter. He doesn’t like me.”

  Tag took another card off the top of the pile. “Well, I would bet my best horse that that’s not true.”

  “You don’t have any horses.”

  Tag discarded a four. “I might be an old crow, but I know how that boy was looking at you, and I don’t think your friend stands a chance.” Tag knocked on the table, which meant I had one more turn before we both showed our cards.

  I picked up a two and laid my final hand on the table. “Twenty-four.” I said. “I just can’t catch a break.”

  Tag laid his hand out. He had twenty-nine. “Unlucky in cards, maybe. But I have a feeling your luck in love is about to turn around.”

  After a few more games, I left Tag and stopped in to say hi to Mae and her roommate Toni. I loved hearing Mae’s stories about Ms. Delrose as a child, and Toni always had a contagious laugh that put me in a good mood whenever I was around her.

  I had completed my twenty hours of community service about ten hours ago, but I couldn’t keep myself away from the assisted living center. I had really grown fond of my new set of friends. After reading to Mr. Hemmingway and looking at Mrs. Peachtree’s photo book with her, I checked out at the front desk and headed out to the parking lot. It was snowing, but strangely not very cold, and I breathed in the fresh winter air with a feeling of relief. I looked up at the dark sky where clouds were moving briskly in order to reveal an endless canvas of stars. I let the snowflakes rest on my nose, lips, and eyelashes. I studied the feel of them melting into my skin. I was completely alone. For the first time in years, I couldn’t think of a single guy that I had a crush on, and there wasn’t a single group of peers that I wished knew my name. I wasn’t waiting on anyone else to make me happy, and for the first time, in a long time, I actually was.

  Chapter 17

  “Where are you going?” Bridget poked her head in my room just as I was contemplating whether to wear my hair up or down. Her question had sounded more like an accusation, and her face was twisted into a frown.

  “Some lame party,” I mumbled into my chin while trying to connect the latch on my necklace.

  Bridget stepped toward me with an annoyed huff. “Here, let me help you.”

  “What are you so mad about?” I had actually gotten used to Bridget being somewhat pleasant to live with the past few months, but tonight her old edge was creeping back into her voice.

  “I’m not mad.” She clipped my necklace together, then stepped back and sighed. “I think Rick is avoiding me.” Bridget and Rick had been dating steadily since New Year’s Eve, but lately, his daily phone calls had tapered off to a couple times a week. Clark and I hadn’t gone out again since New Year’s Eve but we spoke on the phone a few times, and from what Clark would tell me it sounded like Rick really liked her.

  “He’s probably just busy,” I offered.

  “Yeah, that’s what I like to tell myself too.” A crash of thunder rattled my open window. Bridget moved toward the other side of my room and shut it. “I think he might be weirded out about the whole Valentine’s Day thing.”

  “What’s the Valentine’s Day thing?”

  “Just that it’s coming up in a few days, and we’ve been dating steadily for over a month. Guys get spooked about that sort of a thing.”

  “Just don’t make it a big deal,” I said, sliding my earring into place. “Make plans with someone else that night.”

  “Like who? All my friends are either away at college or will be with their own boyfriends.”

  “I think you’re forgetting that you live with a girl who has a very sad social life. We should go to a movie or something.”

  “Really? You want to hang out with me on Valentine’s Day?”

  I looked at Bridget like she was nuts. “Of course. It will be fun.”

  Bridget sat on my bed, and when I looked at her reflection in the mirror, a small smile was spread across her lips. “So whose party are you going to?”

  “Lauren’s,” I replied gruffly. “It’s her birthday.”

  “Is Jess going to be there?”

  “I guess.”

  “Are you going to steal him right from under the birthday girl’s nose?” She let out a conniving laugh.

  “Not likely.” Bridget looked bored. “So are Lauren and Jess making wedding plans now or what?”

  I shrugged a shoulder while inserting the second tiny sparkly earring into my left ear. “They haven’t even kissed yet.”

  Bridget leaned back on the bed. “They haven’t kissed yet? How much could Jess like this girl if he hasn’t even kissed her?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, unscrewing the cap on my lip gloss. “Jess takes the whole relationship thing really seriously. I mean, it took him ten years to kiss me. Maybe he’s just a slow mover.”

  “You really can’t compare your relationship with Jess to his relationship with Lauren. It’s totally different.”

  “Yeah, he actually wants to date her.”

  “Wow.” Bridget shook her head while she took it all in. “I can’t believe he hasn’t kissed her. I wonder what’s holding him back.”

  “I don’t know, but Lauren wants to play spin the bottle tonight to try to get things rolling.”

  “What happens when the bottle lands on you?” She cackled like a witch. “This is going to be good! You have to tell me every detail!”

  “I can tell you right now, if the bottle lands on me, I will give him a polite and friendly kiss on the cheek.” I grabbed my jacket out of my closet and headed toward my bedroom door. “After all,” I said with a sigh, “that’s all we are… just friends.”

  Lauren opened the door with an exaggerated smile and took my wet jacket before motioning me toward the great room. Drew and Lauren had been working furiously to decorate it all afternoon in every obvious sweet sixteen embellishment you could imagine. Pink and white balloons were floating delicately from the ceiling while small paper-heart boxes filled with red jellybeans graced every table, nook, and windowsill. A table was set up in the back with a pink table cloth, and in the center of the table was a gorgeous, white cake that was fit for a wedding.

  I was trying to look busy at the refreshment table when I heard a familiar voice behind me. “It must be hard for you to see Jess and Lauren together like this.” The voice belonged to Trace, and it didn’t take long to realize he’d caught me watching Jess and Lauren laughing together on the other side of the room.

  I turned to meet his eyes with a completely different subject. “Tell me about this dancer you’ve been dating.” I picked up another cracker and took a small bite. “I used to see you sitting at her table at lunch every day. You made a really cute couple.”

  “What do you want to know?”

  “I heard you two broke up.”

  “There wasn’t much to break up. We weren’t really together.”

  “Really?” I picked up my cup full of pink lemonade and took a sip. “I thought—”

  “I know, everyone thought that. But truthfully, I wasn’t that into it. You know the feeling, I’m sure.”

  I ignored his accusation. “But she’s cute. She’s a dancer. What’s the issue?”

  Trace searched his empty cup for an answer. “I think I feel the same way about Kaci as you feel about me.”

  I studied Trace’s face for an explanation.

  “No matter how much it makes sense to be with her, no matter how great I think she is, there’s always going to be someone else that I want to be with more.” Trace watched me with steady eyes as the awkwardness of his insinuation settled around us.

  I looked down at the pink ice in my cup. Why did it have to be that way?
Why couldn’t I like Trace the way I used to? Why was my timing so off? Why was nothing working the way it should?

  “What’s up with the deep conversation?” Drew was at our sides, looking emotionally drained. “This is a birthday party, you guys, lighten up a bit.” When Trace stepped away to talk to Kit, Drew took hold of my arm. “This is absolute torture.”

  I smiled into my cup. “Why?”

  “Because all these people think they’re here for a birthday party when really they’re just being used as extras in Lauren’s twenty-first century version of Dawson’s Creek. I can’t stand it. I’m secretly hoping Jess doesn’t kiss her.”

  That made two of us. A clap of thunder filled the room, and I heard Lauren tell Jess that the storm was the perfect addition to her sweet sixteen birthday party. This night was going to be a nightmare. There was no way around it. Lauren had only invited a few guys—Trace, Kit, Jess, and Bryce and no other girls besides Drew and I, so there wasn’t a big-enough crowd to avoid watching her and Jess together all night long. Eventually everyone ended up on the couches that were set in a semicircle in front of the huge fireplace. Drew and Bryce were next to each other on the biggest couch, with Kit beside them flipping through a magazine that he found on the end table. Trace sat awkwardly with his arms folded next to Lauren and Jess—who looked pretty awkward themselves—on the opposite couch. And I took claim of the only single-person love chair available. More thunder and a low howl of wind rushed past the floor-to-ceiling windows, and I curled tighter into my love chair. Kit slapped the magazine back on the end table and said, “I’m bored. Let’s get this party started.”

  Lauren shifted with a look of embarrassment. “We could start playing some games,” she said.

  “I have an idea,” Drew said, sitting up straight. But just as she said it, another clap of thunder raddled the entire room, and the house immediately went pitch black.

  Lauren squealed in delight, and Bryce let out a big “Mooh-wah-ha-ha!”

  “Who wants to play murderer in the dark?” Drew asked.

  “Can I murder Kit for reals?” asked Lauren.

  “I can’t see a thing,” I said. “Not even my hand in front of my face.”

  “Do you have a flashlight or something?” Jess asked; the question was obviously addressed to Lauren.

  “I have no idea,” she replied. “This house is so huge, and none of it is our stuff. The other day I spent an hour looking for a hammer.”

  “Why did you need a hammer?” It was Drew’s voice.

  “I was trying to hang a picture in my room,” she replied. “You know, the one you took of us in Atlanta when we got lost.”

  Drew laughed. Jess asked how they got lost, and I wanted to tell them all to get lost for reals. I hated that Lauren and Drew were such BFFs lately, and I hated that Jess was sitting next to Lauren and asking her about her life and listening to her stories. I hated that Kit was such a moron, and I hated that Trace hadn’t said a word all night since he practically confessed his love for me at the refreshment table. Everything was so backward, and it was making me crazy.

  “I’m going to go find a light,” I finally said. “I’ll bet I can find something in the kitchen.”

  “Be my guest,” Lauren said.

  I felt my way over the furniture, around the refreshment table, and through the narrow archway that led to the kitchen. I skimmed my hand carefully over the granite counter top and then dipped below to find a drawer handle. I opened one. Knives. I opened the next one. Measuring cups. I pulled open the third. Junk drawer. I sifted through what felt like a bunch of old bills and receipts until I found a tiny little key chain with a tiny little push-button flash light attached to it. I clicked it on, and the kitchen was filled with a dull light.

  “Hey! I saw that!” Bryce yelled from the other room.

  “Keep it in there!” Drew said. “It’s more fun to cuddle in the dark.”

  I clicked the light off and then on again to make sure it worked; then I used it to light up the junk drawer to see if I could find something bigger. The volume in the other room was slowly getting louder as—from what I could hear—Bryce wrestled Drew to the ground, and the others had joined in some kind of pillow fight or something. The squeals of laughter were momentarily muffled by another crash of thunder and a spark of lightning filled the house. In the back of the drawer, I found a red emergency flashlight, but it was out of batteries, so I continued my search.

  “You need help?” I jumped at the closeness of Jess’s voice as he rounded the counter and stepped to my side.

  “Oh, sure. Thanks.” I clumsily stepped to the side while Jess shared my little light to help search for a bigger one. “Are you having fun?” I asked in an attempt to fill the obvious silence between us.

  “Yeah, I mean there’s a lot of pink in this house, but I’m having a good time.”

  I stopped searching the drawer. “You know why she’s doing all of this, right?”

  “All of what?”

  “The paper hearts, the romantic music…the chocolate kisses?”

  Jess took a deep breath. “Subliminal messages, huh?”

  “Um, yeah.” I stood up straight and looked at his shadowed face. “I just have to ask, Jess. Why haven’t you kissed her yet? I mean, after all this time, all the dates and movies and dances. What’s holding you back?”

  Jess stared at me in the dim light. “You really don’t know?”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “Know what?”

  Jess ran his fingers through his hair and let out a frustrated breath of air. “I’m trying here, Gemma. I’m really trying.”

  “What are you talking about?” I pressed. “You’re trying to do what?”

  “I’m trying to move on. I’m trying to pretend like nothing happened between us, just like you said. But I guess I’m not as good at it as you are.”

  “Trying to move on? Pretend like nothing happened?” I shook my head in exasperation. “What are you talking about, Jess? Why are you saying these things? Why did you break up with me—just so you could spend the next six months playing games with my brain?”

  “Wait.” Jess stepped closer to me, willing me to stop talking. “What?”

  Someone howled with laughter from the other room, and I heard Lauren ask if anyone had seen Jess. “Don’t deny it,” I whispered close to his face. “You’ve been sending me mixed messages all year. You want to have me, my time, and my attention, and at the same time you want to keep me at arm’s length. But you can’t take back what happened, Jess. Things are never going to be the same between us. We can’t be the kind of friends that we used to be. Not after what you did.”

  “Gemma.” Jess shook his head in tiny little movements. “I only wanted to be friends with you because I thought that was all I could have. I thought that was all you were offering.”

  I closed my eyes and felt my head spinning. “Why would that be all I was offering?”

  “Because of Trace.”

  “Trace? What does this have to do with Trace?”

  Jess stepped back with his hands held out wide. “This has everything to do with Trace.”

  “But me and Trace aren’t even together. I don’t even like him!”

  “You did like him though. For the past two years, he’s all you ever talked about, and then he showed up that night with that charm and—”

  “But I asked you in the court yard that day if you were mad about Trace coming over, and you said no.”

  “Because it wasn’t just that. You spent the whole summer with the guy and never said a word to me about it.”

  In the other room, Drew announced that we were going to play a game, and Lauren asked if anyone had found a flashlight or, again, seen Jess.

  Jess wiped both hands over his face. He looked exhausted as he continued. “Vivian’s bedr
oom window looks out at your house. She had a front row view of everything you did all summer.”

  “You had her spy on me?” I stepped back, a little perturbed.

  “No, of course not. But for three months, I got unsolicited reports from my little sister about how often you and Trace were together. She sent me ten texts a night, giving me a play by play of your life. ‘Trace’s car is in Gemma’s driveway.’ ‘Trace was at Gemma’s house past midnight.’ ‘Trace hugged Gemma on her front porch.’ Then the night I got home, he shows up with a charm for the bracelet that he thought was from your parents. What was I supposed to think, Gemma? You liked him for so long. What other conclusion was I supposed to come to?”

  “That I liked you. How could you really think anything else?”

  “How could I not?”

  “But we kissed—”

  “I kissed you.”

  “And we talked every day.”

  “Yeah, as long as I called you.”

  “I didn’t call because you were working.”

  “A text or voice message from my girlfriend would have been nice. Though I was never really sure that that’s what you were.”

  I stepped an inch closer to him and instinctively reached out for his arm. “That’s what I wanted to be. That’s all I ever wanted to be. That day in the courtyard when you said it was mistake…”—I blinked back the tears that were teasing my eyes—”my heart broke into a million pieces.”

  Jess held my eyes with his and effortlessly moved closer to me. The room was completely black except for the tiny little flashlight that was now flickering on the kitchen counter beside us. His face was only a dark shadow, but I could feel his breath close to my face and his hand slip into mine when he said in a low, pleading whisper, “Gemma, I’m so sorry. I thought that was what you wanted.”

  “You guys!” Drew’s voice snapped through the darkness, and Jess and I both jumped to face her. Her eyes were narrow, and her jaw was clenched. She obviously wasn’t happy to see us alone together, let alone so close. “What are you two doing in here?” She waited for a moment, but neither one of us answered. “Lauren wants to start playing games. We need the light. Now get in here.”