I sat there for God knows how long. Finally I heard him start to stir upstairs. "Lillian?" He asked tiredly. I stayed quiet. He sighed deeply and I heard him muttering to himself. I wasn't able to make out what he was saying though. I heard his breath start coming short, as if he was hyperventilating and I began to get a little worried. I heard the bed squeak as he got out of it. I waited, staring at the stairs. He appeared at the top of them.
His look was piercing. He looked straight into my eyes and I saw his were glassy again. I pitied him in that moment. He looked so… Defeated. "You're still here," he finally breathed, slowly coming down the stairs until he stood right in front of me.
"Yeah Deck, I'm still here," I whispered.
Chapter Seventeen: TroubleDecklin
My first thought was that it was a dream, when I woke up in my bed alone. But I noticed how messed up the bed was and that I was still naked, so it couldn't have been. Lillian was gone though. "Lillian?" I said tiredly. I panicked, thinking she was gone. Funny, she used me how I used other women all the time. I guess I knew how they felt. Except for me it was ten times worse because I actually loved Lillian, and they couldn't have possibly loved me.
I sighed, muttering to myself. I knew it, I knew she was going to be gone. She just wanted to get off and because I missed her so much I let her. Sure, the rough sex was a way to get rid of some of my pent up emotions, but in the end I still felt like shit. Breathing started to get harder to do and I felt myself hyperventilating. I felt pain behind my eyes that was becoming annoyingly familiar. I cursed at myself. I was being a fucking pansy. I never thought I'd be brought to tears over anything, especially a woman. I got out of bed and pulled on my boxers.
I started to make my way downstairs when I looked up and saw her. I stared right into her eyes, only semi-embarrassed that she could see the glaze over my eyes. I couldn't read her expression but it didn't matter at that moment. She still had bedroom hair and her make up wasn't fixed, and she had never looked so damn beautiful, and I knew that I had done that to her. Finally I found my tongue and voice box. "You're still here," I mentally flinched at the breathless dreamy sound in my voice.
"Yeah Deck, I'm still here," she said in a whisper. My body relaxed somewhat at that.
"You were planning on leaving?" I asked. She nodded.
"That was my purpose for coming here. Show you what you'd be missing out on and walk away. Unfortunately I'm not that strong," she said bitterly. I slowly made my way over to her, sitting in the seat next to her. She sighed and put her head in her hands, her elbows supporting her on the counter of the bar.
"So, now what?" I asked, hesitantly.
"I don't know Decklin. I just don't know," she sounded tired. I put my hand on hers and she tried to pull away but I held it tight.
"I'm so sorry. I don't know how many times I can say it, but I'll say it until you believe me," I said.
"It might take a lot of times considering everything you've told me since I've met you has been a lie."
"Well I'm not giving up. I've never given up on anything in my life and I don't plan to start now. Think about this, your mom and dad were in the same situation… Almost. The roles were reversed and your mom was actually assigned to your dad. But still, in the end, he forgave her because he loved her," I said.
"And because she was pregnant and my dad is way too good of a guy to leave anyone stranded," she pointed out.
"Sometimes Lil, we just need a little push. I think that even if she hadn't have been pregnant, he still would have gone back. I've seen the way they look at each other. It's twenty years later and the love still hasn't died. Don't you want that?" I asked almost pleadingly. "We could have that Lillian. I know we could," I said firmly. I wanted it and when I wanted something bad enough I found a way for it to happen.
"Maybe we could. But it's going to take awhile to get to that point Deck," she sounded so defeated. She needed sleep badly.
"You need to get some sleep Lil, we can talk about this later," I said softly. She sighed.
"Well, I guess since I know I can't force myself to bury you in my past, I need sleep," she said and started heading for the couch.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Going to sleep Decklin, we just discussed this," she said with a sigh.
"You can sleep in my bed," I offered.
"Don't you want more sleep?"
"I'm good. And even if I did, you can still have my bed. I can catch some shut eye on the couch," I was feeling more than a little bummed that she wouldn't even sleep with me at the moment, but I guess I understood. "Isn't it the guy who gets kicked to the couch after an argument anyway?" I tried for humor. She rolled her eyes.
"Maybe when they're living together and the woman isn't in his house," she said but headed up the stairs.
"I love you Lillian," I said quietly. She halted in her walking, her shoulder slumped and her head bowed for a minute. She sighed and started heading up the stairs. It felt as if my heart were being squeezed, like it was going to explode and the remnants whither away. Maybe she didn't really love me like I thought, and like she admitted.
* * *
I decided I needed a shower, they always had a way of relaxing me. It was tempting to go upstairs and just sit with Lillian as she slept, but I was pretty sure she wouldn't appreciate that. But I couldn't help just look at her when I went upstairs to get some clothes. She had dried tear stains on her face and looked paler than usual. I knew she was going through a tough time and I wasn't being any help. If I had never come into her life, she probably would have stayed young and ignorant forever. And I realized how selfish I was when I found myself thinking I wouldn't trade meeting her even if it meant all of her happiness would come back. I scowled at myself.
Someone knocked on my downstairs door loudly, startling Lillian awake. "Just stay up here," I told her quietly as I threw on some boxers and pants. I didn't bother for a shirt. I went downstairs opening the door without looking through the peep hole again, you'd think I'd learn. I was presented with a punch in the face. I stepped back to keep my balance.
"What the fuck?" I asked. I looked over to see Roger's brother standing there with a knife. He didn't like guns and could handle his knives well.
"You killed my brother you asshole," he said in a deadly tone. He lunged for me and I sidestepped him. He caught my foot and I fell to the ground. He was quickly over me I grabbed his hand with the knife and twisted it backwards until he let go. I kicked it out of our reach. The whole time I was hoping Lillian was smart enough to stay upstairs. Bruce was livid which caused him to hit harder and think less. He was being sloppy but the blows he got me with were painful.
"You have two seconds to step away from him, or I will shoot you," I heard Lillian's voice, dead calm in anxious atmosphere. She stood at the top of the stairs, gun held out. Bruce looked up and laughed.
"Yeah right. Like-" he was cut off. No sound resounded from the gun, but all the sudden his arm was bleeding he screamed in pain.
"That was my warning shot. If you want to lose your life, feel free to keep attacking Decklin," she said lowly. She had a purely focused look in her eyes. His eyes narrowed at her and he slowly stood up.
"You bitch," he spat. He started to charge towards her, not running in a straight line so she would have a harder time shooting him. But I saw her eyes follow his every movement, getting his pattern down and when he was half way up the steps she shot him again. This time he collapsed to the floor in a pool of his own blood. We both stood there, just watching it for a minute. That's when I realized, she had just killed somebody for me.
I rushed to her, almost slipping on the blood, jumping over the body. I took her into my arms and hugged her to me. She was still except for her shaking body. I kissed her head. "Are you okay Lil?" I asked in a whisper.
"You're the one who was getting the shit beat out of you and you ask me if I'm okay? I should be asking you," she said. Her arms finally going around me gently. I hugged her tighte
r.
"You've never killed anyone before. I think the trauma would have more of an impact on you than his lousy beating could ever have on me," I told her, running my fingers through her hair.
"I hated seeing him hurt you. I knew that he would kill you if I didn't kill him first. I don't regret it. Sure, I can't believe I killed somebody, but I'd do anything to make sure you're okay," she said quietly. She pulled away. "What are we going to do about him?" She asked, looking around me to the body. I felt her shiver.
"I'll call Frances, he'll take care of it. We're getting out of here. We need to go back to your parent's house. They're going to keep coming after us. I killed one of theirs, and now you did too. They don't take that lightly," I kissed her softly on the mouth. She responded, putting her hand to the back of my neck and pushing me harder against her, deepening the kiss.
"I do love you Decklin I was- still am actually- hurt. I wanted you to feel it too," she admitted.
"It's okay Lil. I'm going to call Frances, do what you have to do to get ready, will you grab me a shirt too?" I asked. She nodded. "Thank you. Just come downstairs when you're ready."
I called Frances and explained what happened. He was sending a couple guys to take care of the mess. I knew when, or if I ever came back to the house it would be spotless, no sign of death anywhere in the house. When Lillian appeared downstairs she was the epitome of calm and collected. She walked like she owned the place and didn't take a second glance at the body. My heart thundered in my chest. She was strong.
"I'm ready," she said and walked towards the door. I followed her, grabbing my keys and wallet, throwing on the shirt she brought down for me.
I tried to keep a calm appearance like her, but it was hard for me not to speed to her house, to get her to safety. I knew it was only a matter of time before they sent people, more than one person, after us. I had to have my hand on her thigh the whole ride there. Just feeling her was calming. She didn't mind and she set her hand over mine, gently rubbing her thumb along it.
I got to her house in a record breaking time. I hopped out of the car and she finally started to move a bit faster, showing that her nerves really were as bad as mine. We hurried, not quite running, into the house. Delilah and Isaiah were sitting on the couch watching a movie.
"We have a problem," Lillian said softly. Both of them stopped what they were doing and gave us their full attention. Brian came downstairs in the middle of our explanation. When we were done Isaiah already had his phone out. He quietly told the person on the other end what we had told him. The conversation was short. When he was done he hung up the phone and looked directly at me.
"It's time to eliminate another gang," he said coldly.
Chapter Eighteen: TakenHiding behind the shadows
I'll be waiting in the dark…
Ride the Wings of Pestilence- From First to Last
Lillian.
I couldn't let it go, what Decklin had done to me. What he planned for my family. I couldn't get it out of my head. But it all vanished when I saw that man attacking Decklin. My whole body was paralyzed with fear, yet appeared calm. I knew in that moment I would do anything to protect Decklin. No matter what he had done to me, my heart yearned for him. I needed him more than I'd ever needed somebody in my whole life. So I did what I had to do.
I had murdered somebody. And I would do it all over again if I had to. Decklin was that important to me. He was my other half. Despite the lies and intent for murder, he was perfect for me. Maybe even those things were good because I had to learn that I trust way too easily, I wouldn't be fooled again. Plus if he could fool my whole family and me, it just meant that he was really good, not that I was really naive.
Nobody wanted me to go once it was decided to take down the whole group. I was getting pissed off with all of their doubts in me. Sure, they were probably just wanting to protect me, but I felt like it was them doubting I could actually do it. They all- maybe not Decklin- knew me better than that. I could hold my own against anyone, even the best. I had been trained well and didn't want anyone holding me back.
"I'm not staying here while you go and fight," I said angrily to the group surrounding me. They were all loading their guns, getting everything ready for the attack that was going to take place the following day.
"Babe, you're my only daughter and it's my duty to protect you," my dad tried to reason. I scowled at him.
"What about mom? She gets to go, it's your duty to protect her too," I shot back.
"I can't tell your mother no. Plus she's been doing this for a very long time," he said.
"Seducing men into a false sense of security and screwing them like a common street whore is not the same as going in there, guns blazing," I said sharply. I immediately regretted my words when I looked at my mother's face. I was rather harsh. I didn't take them back though. I didn't take anything back that I said in anger while my anger was still boiling, the apology would come later.
"I know your angry, but don't talk about your mother like that. She had her orders," he said firmly.
"It's fine Isaiah, she did get her sharp tongue from me. You remember what I said to you when you offered to take me away. It's really not her fault," my mom said in a soft voice. I saw the pain go through my dad's expression as he remembered. I was curious as to what she had said, but not enough to ask in front of my dad and cause him more pain.
"And then there's Brian!" I protested instead. "I'm better than him. I'm so much better. He's a sissy little mama's boy," I growled. Brian's head turned sharply to me.
"Just because you're a girl and my sister does not mean I won't hurt you," he said lowly.
"Oh stuff it. You may be bigger than me from all those damn steroids but I can still kick your ass, even hand to hand," I said bitingly.
"And if she doesn't kick your ass, I will," Decklin finally cut in.
"Bring it on then dickhead. All this trouble started because of you. If you could have just kept to yourself and left my sister alone, we wouldn't be in this mess," Brian said, glaring daggers at Decklin.
"It would have happened sooner or later. You would have had to tell me everything anyway and you wouldn't have had Decklin to help calm the blow I took from you guys deceiving me all of my life. So shove it Brian I don't even want to look at you, let alone hear your voice," I had never been so cruel to my brother and he looked at me like I was a totally different person. I found I didn't like that at all. I would have a lot of apologizing to do when the whole ordeal was over.
"I wish you could hear yourself Lil," Brian said softly. "You're cutting down your whole family and we're doing nothing but trying to keep you safe. You're being an ungrateful bitch," his tone hardened as he got to the end of his sentence.
"I'm going, whether you guys let me or not, I'll find a way," I threatened.
"Just let her go," it was a new voice and I spun around to see my "uncle" Brian. Him and my dad had been adopted by the same people, but he had chosen to go out to see what else was available to him. Now I knew what he had really chosen to give up and I didn't blame him. He was short, my height with blonde hair and friendly eyes.
"Finally, someone is talking some sense around here!" I exclaimed.
"And what do you know of sense?" I looked past uncle Brian to see little Isaiah, Brian's son. I scowled at him.
"Right now is not a time for teasing cousin, I have some pent up frustration I would willingly take out on you," I warned. He smiled his one dimpled cocky smile.
"And who said I was teasing?" I growled and flung myself at him but was held back by two familiar strong arms.
"Let me go Decklin! Let me go! I won't kill him, just rough him up a little bit. That will take him down a few notches, being beaten up by a girl," I said, kicking at Decklin.
"Lily," he breathed in my ear. I found myself melting back into his embrace and his grip loosened some. "Save your rage for the group we're about to take out. You know you always get your way and you're going to go. Save your energy," h
e said, kissing my ear and neck.
"Lily?" Little Isaiah asked with a raised brow. "You hate being called Lily," he said, sounding amused.
"It's different when he says it," I said stubbornly. "Fine, I won't hurt him now, but he can be ready for an ass kicking when this is all over," I said and quickly left the room. I went up to my own room and loaded my guns. I sat on my bed staring at the ceiling for awhile. When did everything get so out of control? I use to have such a normal life. Now it was filled with mobs and murderers, my family lying to me, falling in love with a man who meant to kill me. It was like a bad daytime TV show. I sighed.
There was a soft knock on my door and I told them to come in. It was my mom. I sighed and sat up. "I'm really sorry mom, I was really angry and didn't mean to take it out on you. You know I don't think of you as a common street whore," I said immediately. She sat down next to me and put an arm around my shoulder. I rested my head against hers.
"I know you didn't Lillian. Like I said, you got your sharp tongue from me," she told me, running her fingers through my hair, getting the knots out. It was soothing.
"What did you say to dad, you know, when he offered to take you away?" I asked quietly. She sighed.
"He asked me if I loved him, really loved him. I thought I was saving him by making sure he wouldn't come back for me. I told him he was nothing but a puzzle to solve and another paycheck in my pocket," she said softly. I felt a pang in my heart , knowing how it must of hurt my dad to hear that.
"Wow, I really did get my sharp tongue from you," I murmured.
"Yeah, and I'm not the one you need to be apologizing to right now Lillian. Brian is the one you should be talking to. He's missed you while you were brooding over Decklin. He loves you and has always adored you. I think he misses the connection you two use to have. I also think he's jealous that you've found somebody to love. He thinks Decklin is going to take his place," she said. My eyes widened. Could my brother really think that? No one could take his place. He was my other half.
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