So many times I had to stop myself from driving to her little hick town, just to see if I'd catch a glimpse of her. Was she laughing with her loud friend Beth? Was she jogging with her brother after a night of pigging out with her family? Did she go on with life normally? Had she forgiven them? Could she forgive me?
My mind was plagued by thoughts of her. There wasn't even any temptation when Frances sent over one of the better looking girls that he knew. She came to my apartment, looking for a good time, and I kicked her out the door. She wasn't Lillian. I didn't want anyone but her. If he could, by some miracle, send her to me I'd be forever indebted. But he couldn't. So I would sit and sulk and waste away to nothing.
Would Lillian come to my funeral? Would she cry over the casket; or would she dance? How many people would be there? Frances would, only out of duty. The rest of the family wouldn't. I was nothing but a trouble maker to them, spawn of the devil really. Would I finally be with my mother? Would I see my father and get to beat the shit out of him for what a dirty bastard he was? Both of those sounded good.
Maybe that was the answer. Maybe I should just off myself. Or just go visit Rodger's group. I was pretty sure they were just laying low until the perfect time to strike. I laughed bitterly to myself. At that point in time would have been the perfect time. I was weak from lack of nutrition, sleepless nights, and troubled thoughts. They could have got me easily if I ever left my house.
I got up from the couch and went to the bathroom downstairs, I couldn't use the upstairs bathroom either, remembering Lillian covered in bubbles and nothing else. I stood in front of the mirror with my hands on the sink. I looked at myself. I looked…Old. There were circles under my eyes and frown lines, probably only because I was frowning at the moment, I was still too young for lines. I had stubble all over my face. My eyes were dull, looking almost grey instead of blue. My hair was a mess, and not sexy messy like I usually had, no it was just a mess, period.
It was unacceptable. Was I truly going to let a girl ruin my life like that? She may have been the sexiest, funniest, most innocent and loveable woman I ever met, but she was just that: a woman. I angrily stomped out to the living room, pulling out a phone book and ordering some pizza, I was going to start eating again. That done, I stripped off my clothes and took a hot shower for a change, scrubbing my body, washing my hair twice, and shaving my face when I got out. I gelled my hair into the sexy messy fashion and braved the upstairs to get some fresh clothes on. Faded jeans with a belt and a button down shirt tucked into the belt. I put on my best shoes, an expensive watch and a chain around my neck.
By the time I was done the pizza arrived. I didn't understand why all pizza deliverers had to be boys. If it was a hot girl I'd probably just tell her I'd pay whatever she missed from work and then some if she'd keep me company. I was all dressed up and had nowhere to go. I sat down with my pizza on the couch and flipped through some channels on TV. Nothing interesting was on so I left it on the history channel. I felt like a loser sitting at home, eating pizza by myself, watching the History channel. Come on, who really does that? Me, obviously.
I tried to keep my anger in check. I was slowly slipping back into my depression mode. I think one of the girls on the history channel looked exactly like Lillian. She had that sort of foreign look with the dark skin and hair, the only difference was Lillian had light eyes. Damn, her eyes were beautiful. I stood up and began pacing the length of my apartment. I was slowly driving myself insane.
I wanted to cry. I. Don't. Cry. End of story, I don't cry. I never had, I wasn't about to start then. But I felt the unfamiliar burning in my eyes and started pacing faster. I was almost running back and forth through my house. I needed to go to the gym or something. I needed to do something. But instead I sat down on my couch and- though I hate to admit it- bawled like a baby. It was a foreign sensation to me. But I was alone, no one would ever know that Decklin Moretti cried.
Just as I was getting comfortable with that feeling, I heard a knock on the door. I swore loudly, wiping at my eyes as hard as I could. I couldn't hide the redness, but maybe I could pass for hung over or something. I breathed in deep before walking to my door. I didn't even bother looking through the peep hole. I opened the door, only barely recognizing who was there before being attacked.
Chapter Sixteen: DominantAnd baby when it's love
If it's not rough
It isn't fun.
Poker Face- Lady Gaga
Lillian.
Before I left for Decklin's I went to go talk to my dad. I needed to know why he'd lied to me my whole life, why he told Brian but didn't feel like he should tell me.
I found him in our work out room in the basement. My whole family has always been into staying fit. He was running on the treadmill, listening to music. My dad had a beautiful voice, I could sit and listen to him sing all day. But I really didn't have time for that. He saw me and gave me a hesitant smile, taking his headphones out of his ears. It was weird for my dad being nervous of me approaching him. We had always had a really tight relationship. But for the past month I hadn't spoken to him or anyone else for that matter.
He stopped the treadmill and grabbed a hand towel, wiping the sweat off of his face and taking a swig from his water bottle. I sat down on the bench press seat and he collapsed on the floor, breathing heavily.
"Lillian," he finally said. That was all.
"Why did you never tell me?" No use beating around the bush really. I had a city to go to anyway. He sighed but didn't answer right away. "Dad, I don't have all day. I'm leaving today so if you can please hurry up," I said snappily. His head shot towards me.
"Leaving?" He asked.
"Yeah, I'm going to the city and you aren't going to stop me. Don't worry, I have my gun. Now, back to the question," I said, crossing my legs and my arms in unison.
"I wanted you to have a normal life. And you've always looked up to me. I didn't want the chance of that changing if you knew I was killing people for a living babe."
"Well why did you tell Brian?"
"Two reasons really. One, he's way more persistent and nosey than you. He wouldn't leave me alone until I told him what the phone calls were about. He never gave up. Two, it'll be his job too if he wants it. The men handle the dirty stuff. The women we just like to pamper," he said with a small smile. I didn't smile back.
"I'm better at him than everything dad, I would be so much better at the job than he would," I said stubbornly. He glared.
"Do you want it? Do you really think you could go out killing people all the time? Do you think you'd be able to handle it, if they got the chance, and they were pleading for their lives? Could you look somebody in the eye and kill them. It's murder Lillian and I don't want to see you doing it," he said firmly.
"Mom did it," I said pointedly. He sighed.
"Your mom and you are two very different people. You'd be more like me when it came time to kill people. You'd feel bad, you'd hesitate. That's all it takes; a hesitation and you're dead," he said. I sighed. I really didn't want the job I was just being stubborn. I stood up and he followed suit. I went to him and hugged him around his waist. He kissed my head. "I'm sorry kid," he said quietly. "Be careful, and get that boy back. He's not so bad once you get past all of the plotting to kill the family and stuff," I laughed quietly, though I found no real humor in the situation.
"Alright, love you dad," I said.
"Love you too Lil," he let me go and I went upstairs. I passed Brian on the way and punched him in the shoulder.
"That's what you get for hiding this from me," I said. I punched him in the chest. "That's what you get for thinking I wouldn't find out," he was looking at me like I was crazy then. I smiled at him and he nervously smiled back. I swung my fist up and hit him in the jaw. "And that's what you get for not paying attention and not being fast enough to block me," I finished. He was holding his jaw cursing under his breath.
"I think you broke it Lillian," he complained. I shrugged and gave him a h
ug. I felt him tense and laughed.
"And that is because you're my brother and I love you even if you are a sly douche bag," I said. He sighed in relief when he figured out I wasn't going to hit him again.
"I love you too Lil, sorry I couldn't tell you," he said quietly, giving me a one armed hug considering he was still holding his jaw.
"It's alright. I'll be back sometime, I don't know when. Probably tonight or tomorrow morning. I'm going to go see Decklin," I told him. He muttered something under his breath. "What was that B- Bear?"
"I said it's about time. You should have done that weeks ago instead of sitting around being pissy and moping all over the place," he said. I rolled my eyes.
"Well I'm going now, but not to make up with him."
"What are you going to do then?" He asked, confused.
"I'm going to go screw him and leave," I watched my brother's dumbstruck face with amusement before walking away.
* * *
I sped on the way to the city. As much as I loathed him at the moment, I was still anxious to see him. I only hoped to find him alone and at home. A valet parked my car and I made my way up to his door. I stood outside it for a minute, taking deep and calming breaths. I was suddenly nervous. I told myself I was being stupid. I remembered how he had lied to me, what his intentions were in the beginning, how he almost went through with killing my family and I got my anger back.
I knocked on his door and waited impatiently. He opened it and I saw his bloodshot eyes but didn't smell any alcohol. I saw remnants of tears on his face and realized he was crying. I never imagined Decklin crying. He was too tough for that. I came to the conclusion that he was in as much pain as I was. This took all of about five seconds before I jumped him. He was so startled that it made it really easy to push him inside his apartment, and to shut and lock the door behind me. I turned back to him to find him staring at me as if I wasn't real.
I slammed him against the wall as hard as I could before my lips found his. I kissed him with all of the anger and passion that I felt, forcing his mouth open with my tongue and biting down on his bottom lip. That's when he finally came to his senses and his hands gripped my waist. He pulled me flush against him and tried to dominate the kiss. I wasn't about to let that happen. I put one leg up and hooked it around his waist and his hands slid lower to lift my other leg up so they were both wrapped around him.
I pulled on his hair, forcing his head back to leave my mark on his neck. He was squeezing me tightly, biting back moans as I ripped his shirt apart. Buttons went flying but I didn't care. I was too impatient to have to deal with the stupid little buttons. He pulled back from me roughly, hitting his head against the wall.
"Lillian, stop, wait," he said breathlessly. I put my legs back on the ground and put my fingers to his lips. I pushed him against the wall again hard.
"No, no talking Decklin. I came here with a goal and I'm going to succeed. No more talking," I said roughly.
"But-" I cut him off with another shove.
"No Decklin!" I said. I grabbed the edges of his shirt and pulled it off his arms, baring his whole torso for me. "You want this just as much as I do! I'm not denying myself just because I'm angry with you. I'll take out my anger in a way that satisfies other needs as well," I said before kissing down his neck to his chest and shoulders, my nails digging into his skin. He just stood there, breathing harshly. It was no good. I wanted him to fight back, to rough me up a little bit. I bit his shoulder hard and he breathed in deep, clutching my sides in an almost painful grip. "That's right, fight back," I breathed in his ear. He groaned.
"Fine, I'll play your game," he finally said before roughly grabbing me up again and switching our positions. I found myself slammed into the wall hard enough to almost steal my breath. His hands ripped at my shirt, literally tearing it apart.
"I liked that shirt," I growled. His lips were on mine again hard and demanding. He gripped my hair tight and pushed my face to his.
"You said no talking Lily," he said in a low voice. One of his hands found the button of my pants and I ripped it away. I pushed at him with my lower body, making room for me to slide down him causing a moan to come from him. I pushed him backwards and my hands found his belt buckle and quickly undid it, pushing him towards the stairs as I did. The button and zipper soon came undone afterwards. He lost his pants, along with his footing at the bottom of the stairs. He fell backwards and I straddled him right there. Our mouths met again and again, angry and biting. His hands roamed my body, reaching for the clasp of my bra and taking it off, throwing it somewhere in the apartment. "This is a lot different than the first time," he said with a smirk on his face. I glared at him.
"I'm better at anything I do when I'm pissed off, and I've never been more pissed off in my life. Now, shut up," I said. I finally let him rip off my pants, not literally this time. He grabbed my arms in a tight grip and put them around his neck. He stood up, his hold on my legs was bruising. He quickly climbed the rest of the stairs and threw me on the bed, causing me to hit my head on the headboard. He soon followed, pulling me down further so I wasn't in so much of a sitting position. He ground his hips against mine causing me to cry out. His mouth went to my breasts sucking and nipping in the most painfully pleasurable way. I continued rubbing myself against him, running my fingers down his back, clawing at him- I'm pretty sure he bled.
Using all my strength I flipped him off of me and I sat on top of him. I kissed down his torso, biting him all over, leaving marks everywhere. I smirked in smug satisfaction, even if he wanted another girl after me, they'd all see them and know he was a man whore. Not like most of them would care. The thought of another girl with him made me angrier than I already was. I pulled down his boxers and gripped him tightly in my hand, moving slowly. I had never been so dominant before, it was a rush and definitely something I would do more often.
"You're mine Decklin. No one else can have you," came out of my mouth before I could even stop it. I was going to leave in the morning, or whenever he fell asleep anyway. It didn't matter what he did when I left, I would stop caring. But I wanted to hear him say it. Something in me needed to hear him tell me. "Say it D, say it," I said almost desperately. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head down to his.
"I'm yours Lily, no one else will have me," he breathed harshly before pulling my mouth down to his again. Our bodies pressed so tightly together felt so good, I didn't want to wait anymore. I sat up and pulled away from him so I could take my underwear off. And then I was on him again, and we were connected in the most intimate way. I liked this, I could control everything. I drew out his torture in my slow pace, ignoring my own building climax. I wanted to make sure he suffered. His hips were coming up to meet me but I kept pulling away.
"Damn it! Move faster, you're killing me!" He shouted. I just smiled at him and stopped moving all together. He growled. "Fucking move, or I'll move for you," he threatened. I just looked at him with a lazy smile and hooded eyes, tightening myself over him. He hissed. His hand found their way down to me and began rubbing. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, involuntarily moving.
"You cheat," I breathed. "You cheat you bastard," in a venom laced voice. I was so distracted that it surprised me when I felt the soft mattress on my back. Decklin sucked on my neck as he pounded into me furiously. I wrapped my arms around him, meeting him, matching his every move. Twice he brought me to the peak before he was even done.
"That's right, scream for me. You were doing a fine job of screaming at me earlier, use those lungs for something more pleasurable," he said. His sweat was dripping on me but I didn't care. I held him closer, letting out the scream he wanted, he silenced it with his mouth on mine though. Finally I felt it as he came too. He collapsed on me, his full weight pushing me into the mattress.
Gone were the angry shoves and brutal touches. He kissed my forehead, my cheeks, my eyes and my lips. He kissed my jaw and my throat, feather light kisses all over. Between each kiss he muttered, "I'm sorry," and
I felt his hot tears on my body. He came back up to my mouth. "Lil, I love you and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he said. I looked into his tear filled eyes and felt mine filling too. I wiped his sweat drenched hair out of his face.
"I'm not ready to forgive you yet Decklin," I whispered. He dropped his head onto my chest and held me tight.
"Do you think you ever will?" He asked nervously. His voice was muffled and I felt his every breath between my breasts and down my stomach. I shivered a little bit.
"Yes," I answered softly.
"Then I can wait," he said. He squeezed me and then rolled to the side, gathering me with him. He held onto me as if his very life depended on it. I hoped he would loosen his hold sometime during the night so I could sneak out, there was no way I was going anywhere with him wrapped around me like that. "I do love you," he said quietly against my neck, laying a soft kiss there. I squeezed his hand.
"I know you do; I know."
* * *
His grip on me loosened a few hours later. I felt tired but couldn't sleep. I slowly inched my way out of his hold. He kind of groaned but didn't wake up. I gathered my clothes on the way downstairs, putting them on as I went. I sat down in his kitchen, putting my head in my hands. My anger was mostly depleted. I just had the picture of Decklin, tough Decklin, don't cry about anything Decklin, actually crying in my head. Tears swelled from his big blue eyes and he looked so sad.
I couldn't leave. I couldn't just forget what he did, but I could not make myself leave. I loved him so much that it hurt. If I were to leave, it would break not only him but me as well. I saw how pale he was, how tired he looked when I came in. I ignored it because of the rage inside of me, but I couldn't ignore it in that moment. He honestly loved me, he truly felt remorse. I doubted he'd ever cried before and yet, there he was, crying for me.
Sweet Is Revenge Page 9
