Twleve Steps

by Veronica Bartles

  “Come on. You can tell me.”

  I take a deep, shaky breath and set the cup and the decimated cookie on my nightstand. Then, I shrug and pick at imaginary balls of lint on my quilt.

  Laina wraps an arm around me and pulls me in for a protective, big-sister hug. “Talk to me. Maybe I can help.”

  I shake my head and pull away. “I’m just so tired of being grounded. You’d think they could overlook one silly, little D. I still have a B average, and who cares about biology anyway?” I frown and look up at her through droopy eyelashes. “What’s it like, being the favorite child?”

  Laina laughs nervously. “Mom and Dad are just as hard on me as they are on you. More, even, since I’m the oldest.”

  I snort. “Really? So Mom didn’t go storming into Ms. Detweiler’s office to demand justice when you got a D last year? Because I don’t remember you ever being grounded for a whole semester.”

  “Well, that was only because Ms. Shea hated me.”

  “Yeah. I love how my D means I’m a failure, but your D means you were being picked on. You’re right.” I sigh and sniffle, squeezing out another tear. “They don’t have a favorite daughter at all.”

  Laina squirms. “Well, gym is different. I wasn’t failing a real class like biology.” Her voice trails off as I glare at her. “I’m sorry.”

  I exhale slowly and then take a long swallow of milk. Time to move in for the kill. “No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t complain.” I put on my best trying-to-be-brave-but-not-quite-succeeding face and smile weakly, dabbing at my eyes with the edge of my sleeve. “It’s just …”

  Laina leans toward me, layers of concern etched into her expression. She’s fully in protective-big-sister mode now, and all I have to do is plant a few seeds.

  “I didn’t even get to go to the Snow Ball last weekend,” I complain. “It was your big night, and I wasn’t even there to watch you be crowned Snow Queen.” I squeeze my eyes shut to prevent a flood of real tears. I had been so certain that I’d be elected Snow Queen, but I wasn’t even nominated. Meanwhile, Laina didn’t want to go to the ball, and she didn’t campaign, but she still won by a landslide. Because it’s not enough for her to get everything she wants. She has to get everything I want too.

  “It’s really not that big of a deal,” she says. “It was just a stupid dance.”

  I dissect another cookie, trying to regain my control. “I’m missing everything important. And it’s not like me being cooped up in my bedroom has made Mr. Keeler any less boring. It’s not going to improve my grade.”

  “Do you want me to talk to Mom for you?”

  I shake my head and push the corners of my mouth up into an obviously fake smile. She’ll be more persuasive if she can honestly tell Mom that I didn’t ask her to intervene. “No. I’m okay. I’m just a little whiny today. But the pity party’s over. I promise.”

  “Well, if you need anything, let me know, okay?” Laina hugs me again and I nod. She stands up and stretches. “I have a ton of homework to do, but we’ll talk later, okay?”

  She strolls out of the room, pausing to look back at me when she reaches the door. I ignore the twinge of guilt that seizes my chest and wipe away a genuine tear rolling down my cheek. I wouldn’t be manipulating Laina if I had any other options. But Mom and Dad never say no to their favorite daughter, and I’m desperate.

  By tomorrow morning, I’ll be free, and then I can show Jarod what he’s missing.

  “You got your parents to drop the grounding?” Emily asks. “How did you pull that off?” She slides her lunch tray onto the table and rips open a packet of ketchup. After carefully squeezing squiggly red lines over her pile of limp cafeteria fries, Emily looks at me expectantly, as if I hold the answer to all of life’s secrets.

  Summer rolls her eyes and takes a swig of her Diet Coke. “Andi’s a total kiss-up, didn’t you know?”

  “I cleaned the garage,” I say. “Mom’s been bugging Dad to do it for months, and he was never going to get around to it. Everyone has a price. Even parents.”

  Emily laughs. “You really are the master manipulator, aren’t you? Have you ever not gotten out of a punishment?”

  “Yeah, well, I don’t really believe in paying for my mistakes. That’s boring.” Laina’s face flashes in my mind, and I swallow a flutter of remorse as I think about the way I used her. But if Laina hadn’t set such impossible standards, Mom and Dad wouldn’t have had a fit over my biology grade in the first place. And if she’d kept her big mouth shut, I could have talked my way out of the grounding on my own. It was only fair that Laina should negotiate my release. I should be commended for my resourcefulness.

  I have nothing to feel guilty about.

  I flip my hair over my shoulder and grin as Emily nods thoughtfully.

  Summer shakes her head. “You are my hero.”

  It doesn’t matter that I’m obviously lying through my teeth. They believe me, because they want to.

  My eyes flit across the cafeteria to where Jarod is sitting with his friends, Josh and Rob, and I turn the sigh that escapes my lips into an I’m-so-bored-with-this-topic exhalation. Admitting that I sometimes fail to get what I want goes against the whole persona I’ve worked so hard to construct.

  Dave Maestas stops next to our table, balancing his lunch tray in one hand and a stack of books in the other, and totally blocking my view. “Hi Andi,” he says, subtly shifting position every time I try to look around him, so that I’m forced to acknowledge his presence. “Have you picked a research topic for Mr. Mayer’s class yet?”

  “Of course.” History is the one class worthy of my time, and Mr. Mayer makes it totally fun with these crazy research projects instead of exams. I’ve had all of my topics picked since the second week of school. I take a giant bite of my cheeseburger, hoping Dave will get the hint and go away.

  Instead, he sets his lunch on the table beside me and pushes his fingers through his wavy, brown hair, causing it to stick up at odd angles. “I was thinking, maybe we could partner on this one. You’re the only one in class who’s even close to my level, and I really don’t want to get stuck with someone who won’t pull his weight again.”

  I nearly choke on my cheeseburger. “Are you implying that you have a higher grade than me in Mayer’s class? I kicked your butt on that last project.”

  Dave grins, his brown eyes sparkling mischievously. “So you’re paying attention to my grades now, huh? What do you say, partner, want to get together after school to plan our strategy?” He grabs his lunch tray and balances it on top of his books before tossing a fry into his mouth.

  I roll my eyes. “I told you, I already have a plan. You’ll have to find some other sucker to do your work for you.”

  He shrugs and walks away. “Maybe next time.”

  I shudder and Summer laughs. “Come on, Andi. He’s not that bad.” She turns around to watch him walk across the cafeteria. “I think he’s kind of cute.”

  “You can have him.” I frown as Dave drops his books onto an empty table between me and Jarod. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he planned it. I can’t even sneak a peek at Jarod without looking right past Dave.

  Emily throws a fry at me, and I duck out of the way, narrowly avoiding an unsightly ketchup stain.

  “You aren’t even listening to us, are you? I could be confessing to a gory, violent crime, or professing my undying love for you here, and you wouldn’t even notice,” she says.

  “Sorry, I was thinking. And I already know you want my body, so that’s not exactly a huge revelation, Em.” I raise my eyebrows and she laughs. “So now that I’m forgiven, tell me what I missed when I was so rudely ignoring my utterly fascinating best friends.” I reach across the table, snag the rest of her uneaten fries and pop them into my mouth, all at once, before she can lob any more ketchup bombs at my head.

  “See?” Emily says to Summer, waving her hand at me, like she’s one of those game show girls showing off the big prizes. “This is why I hate her.” She t
urns to me with an exaggerated frown. “How can you eat all that junk and stay so pencil thin? I have to count every single calorie, and work out for, like, an hour every day just so I don’t look like a total cow.”

  “Whatever, Em,” I say. “You’re adorable.” She’s obviously forgotten about when I was a chubby, frizzy, freckled mess back in junior high, and I’m not about to remind her.

  I work too hard to make beauty look effortless.

  “And you could never look like a cow,” Summer says. “You don’t have the udders for it.” She shimmies, and then she glances over her shoulder and winks at the group of freshman boys watching her from the next table. They duck their heads and start shoveling food into their mouths.

  Emily laughs. “Whatever. I don’t expect pretty people like you and Andi to understand my pain. You wouldn’t know what to do with yourselves if you didn’t have your little fan clubs following you around the school.”

  “I could set you up with someone,” I say.

  Emily huffs and folds her arms across her chest. “I don’t want your leftovers.” She shakes her head in disgust. “What’s it like to be every guy’s fantasy girl?”

  I snort. “Yeah, that’s me. I’m a sailor’s dream. Sunken chest and all.” I wave my hand across my front to indicate my barely-there B-cups. “At least you have some curves.”

  Summer giggles. “Whatever, Andi. Your boobs are fine. I haven’t seen any guys complaining. Not every boy is obsessed with giant boobs, you know. Only the real creeps.”

  She glances to the overcrowded table in the center of the cafeteria, where Laina and her best friend, Kendra, sit surrounded by the entire varsity football team. Laina laughs at whatever asinine thing the quarterback says, and then she yawns and stretches, capturing the attention of every male within a fifty-foot radius in one fell swoop.

  Except Dave.

  He’s staring at me like some creepy stalker guy, and when I glance over to see if Jarod is participating in the ogle-fest, Dave waves at me and winks. As if we’re sharing some kind of private joke. He smiles slowly, revealing a dimple in his left cheek, and I have to remind myself not to smile back. He’s much too cocky as it is.

  “Yeah, I wouldn’t want to date a creep.” I roll my eyes at Dave and then turn my attention back to my friends. “So what movie are we going to see tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know,” Summer says. “Maybe that one about the race car driver who robs a bank?”

  Emily giggles. “Yeah, Summer wants an excuse to hang out with Josh again. She heard him and Rob talking about it in first period.”

  Summer blushes. “I know. I’m pathetic. But we had so much fun at the Snow Ball, and he’s called me three times since, but he hasn’t officially asked me out again. So, yeah.”

  I glance across the cafeteria as the bell rings. “You’re not being pathetic. Let’s do it.” If Josh and Rob are going to the movie this weekend, Jarod will be there too.

  ***

  The scent of buttered popcorn fills the air, and my mouth waters as I step into line with Summer and Emily to buy our tickets for Fiero Furious. I don’t see Jarod or his friends, but the movie starts in ten minutes. They’re probably already inside.

  “Hey, Andi. What’s up?” Dave appears in line behind me.

  “Are you following me now?” I take a half-step away from him, carefully maneuvering so that Emily stands as a buffer between us.

  He laughs and points to the long line forming behind him. “I guess, if getting in line behind you means I’m following you, then I’m guilty as charged. But so are about thirty other people.”

  I cross my arms and turn my back on him. “Whatever. I just think it’s awfully coincidental that you happen to show up right after we get in line.”

  “You’re right. I planned it. Because it’s completely unbelievable that two random people could both want to go to the movies. On a Friday night. At the only good theater in town.”

  “Hey, Dave, what’s up?” Summer asks, giving me her patented, exaggerated eye roll. I can practically hear her thoughts screaming at me. What are you so afraid of? Dave’s harmless. It’s not like he’s going to attack you right here in the middle of the mall. But she wasn’t there when Dave tried to kiss me in the coat closet after recess in fourth grade. She’d be freaked out too if some guy had been flirting with her nonstop since they were nine years old, even though she kept telling him she wasn’t interested.

  Dave is totally following me. I’d bet anything that he was listening to our conversation in the cafeteria. I bet he doesn’t even like race car movies, and he’s only here because he wanted a chance to “accidentally” run into me. And if Summer can’t see what a creepy stalker he is, I’ll just have to prove it.

  I give Dave a million-megawatt smile. “What movie are you going to see?”

  He blushes and points to a little boy who’s probably about four years old hiding behind his leg. “My aunt and uncle are visiting, and I promised my cousin I’d take him to see Ninja Unicorn Strikes Back. He’s a little shy, so my aunt always worries that he isn’t socialized enough. Not sure that hanging out with his old cousin counts, but he’s a cool kid, so it’s all good. What are you here for?”

  Very clever. Of course he’d choose a different movie, so he could pretend to be all innocent. And I have to give him bonus points for bringing along a decoy kid. I bend down and wave at the cute, little mini-Dave. “You like ninja unicorns?”

  The little boy nods solemnly and releases his death grip on Dave’s pant leg.

  I glance at Dave and then smile at the kid. “How long did Dave make you wait around for us to show up before you got into line?” That’s one thing Dave didn’t count on. Kids always tell the truth. He is so busted.

  The little boy smiles and pats my cheek. “You have lots and lots of freckles,” he says.

  I stand up quickly and cover my face with my hands. Summer and Emily are laughing so hard they’re practically rolling on the floor. “Well, it was nice meeting you,” I say and shuffle forward as the line slowly advances, leaving my friends to fend for themselves.

  Dave scoops the demon kid up and closes the gap between us. “We think your freckles are adorable.” He hugs the kid. “Don’t we?”

  The little boy nods. “I like freckles.”

  I shrug and try to look unruffled, but I’m pretty sure my burning cheeks have blown my cover. I move up in line again and glare at the guy in the ticket booth. How long does it take to collect money and print tickets anyway?

  “Yeah, so I guess you’re here to see that?” Dave closes the gap between us and points over my shoulder to the poster for Paris Romance hanging on the wall next to the ticket booth.

  “Nope. I saw that last weekend, and it was really good, so you can wipe that judgmental smile right off your face.” I pass my money through the little window and collect my ticket.

  “Fiero Furious? Really?” Dave asks, pulling the ticket out of my hand and inspecting it, as if he’s sure he heard wrong. “I didn’t think that was your type of movie.”

  “I guess you don’t know me as well as you thought you did.” I grab the ticket and shove it into my pocket. “I love movies like this.”

  “Oh, really?” Dave sets his cousin down and folds his arms. “Well, I’d love to talk to you afterward and hear your thoughts about the race scene and how it compares with Silver Blaze.”

  I shrug. “I don’t know. Most sequels aren’t as good as the originals, so I don’t have high expectations. Blaze will be tough to beat. But I’ve seen good reviews for this one anyway. It’s a totally different plotline this time around.”

  Dave laughs. “It’s definitely a different plotline. Especially since Silver Blaze is a Sherlock Holmes short story and has nothing to do with race cars or bank robbers. But I’m sure you already knew that.”

  I can’t believe I fell for that.

  Dave just gets me so flustered, and I can’t think clearly when he starts spouting off about things. He always acts li
ke he knows me so well, but if he really knew me at all, he’d know I hate being made fun of. I walk away without answering. I don’t have to prove anything.

  “Bye!” Dave’s cousin yells.

  I turn around and smile at him. “Have fun with your ninjacorns and keep your cousin out of trouble,” I say.

  The boy smiles and squeezes Dave’s hand. “I like her,” I hear him whisper. “She’s really pretty.”

  I push through the doors and into the theater lobby, and Summer runs right into me when I stop dead in my tracks.

  “What’s wrong with you? Why are you stopping?” she asks.

  Jarod and his friends are standing in line, waiting to buy popcorn, and Laina is right in the middle of the group, basking in their undivided attention.

  “Laina hates action movies,” I say.

  “Then what’s she doing here?” Emily asks.

  Summer frowns as Josh laughs at something Laina says, and I cringe when Jarod puts his arm around her shoulder to lead her away from the concession stand. By the time we get in line to buy popcorn, Jarod and his friends have followed Laina into the theater for Ninja Unicorn.

  “Great,” I mutter. “We wasted our money on a movie none of us wants to watch, and the guys didn’t even see us.”

  I grab my snacks from the kid behind the counter and shove a handful of popcorn in my mouth as I turn away, anxious to get into the darkened theater before anyone can see the tears forming in my eyes.

  And I nearly run into Dave, who is staring at me like I just shot his puppy.

  I swallow my mouthful of popcorn. “Sorry, I didn’t see you.”

  Dave grabs a jumbo tub of popcorn and a large drink from the counter and shakes his head, his lips pressed together into a tight smile. “Enjoy your movie,” he says. “I hope it’s everything you expected it to be.”

  Then, he and his cousin disappear through the same doors that swallowed up Jarod and Laina.

  Living in the shadow of perfection really sucks.