by Rachel Hanna
“Miller, you don’t need to be so defensive with me. I’m on your side.”
He stood up suddenly and pulled Sophie to her feet. “How’s your head? Can you walk?”
“It’s fine. Why? Where are we going?”
“I’m not going anywhere but you’re going back to the main house.” He took hold of her elbow and began steering her out the den but she resisted him and spun around.
“You’re throwing me out?” Sparks of indignation leaped into her eyes as she glared at him.
“You need to go.”
“Why?” she demanded.
“Because I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Well what do you want to do?” she snapped angrily at him.
He reached his hand behind her neck, pulling her none too gently against him as he claimed her mouth with his own. The impact of their jarring bodies knocked the wind out of Sophie, causing her lips to part, and he seized on the opportunity mercilessly, his tongue raiding her mouth as the taste of him mingled with whiskey assaulted her senses. Backing her up against the wall, he kissed her fiercely as his hands roamed down her sides, his body pressing against hers as his touch and kiss set fire to her blood.
Just as suddenly he wrenched his mouth away from hers, resting both hands on either side of her as he effectively penned her in and bent his head down, breathing heavily. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.” He kept his head down as his breathing stilled. “And now you really have to go.”
Feeling flushed, with her skin tingling, Sophie tried to process his words coherently. “Why do I have to go?”
“Because I want to do much more than that, Sophie.”
“What if I want you to?”
He looked up at her sharply. “Don’t go there, Sophie. Tonight is not the time to test my patience and self-restraint.”
“I don’t want you to be restrained. You’ve had six years of being restrained. I don’t want you to hold back.”
His stare turned into a glare. “This won’t change anything between us. You’ll go home to San Francisco and I’ll stay in Texas.”
“I understand that.”
“Do you?” He grasped her chin with his fingers as he stared at her. “Do you think if we have sex that I’ll open up to you? This is a purely physical act, Sophie. I don’t want a relationship with you. I don’t want to confess my secrets to you. I just want to screw you.”
She knew his words were intended to be harsh and crude, to put her off and make her change her mind. Well she wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of getting out of this situation so easily. The fact that he was trying to get her to change her mind was proof enough that he still cared for her, regardless of the person he had become. “For someone who doesn’t want to open up, you’re doing an awful lot of talking.”
“Why do you always have to be so stubborn?” he growled. “So be it. I gave you your chance.” His mouth descended on hers in a mixture of fury and lust but she met him halfway, kissing him with equal hunger as she reached for his shirt and tugged it over his head, her fingers raking down his exposed back as she pulled him close. While he licked, teased and suckled her lips and tongue, his fingers deftly unbuttoned her shirt before yanking it open and partly off her shoulders, exposing her to his touch.
Moving his lips from her mouth he kissed a slow and seductive trail to her jaw and down to the side of her neck as his fingers skimmed along her shoulders, sliding the straps of her bra down. He continued to kiss her throat as one hand slid down over her collarbone and grazed the swell of her breasts while his other hand began to work at the button and zip of her jeans until he had the front of her jeans open and was able to slide his hand in to cup her.
She groaned in pleasure as he began to massage her through the fabric of her panties while his other hand pulled the fabric of her bra down, exposing a nipple which he swiftly took into his mouth. Alternating between sucking her nipple and flicking it lightly with his tongue, he kept his massaging deliciously slow and teasing while his free hand worked her jeans down her legs. Sophie reached for him but he chastised her with a quiet tut, reaching around and unhooking her bra before pinning her arms above her head and kissing her with a demanding passion as he stopped massaging her in order to trail his fingers from the swell of her breasts, kneading them each in turn, before running his fingers down her stomach, across her hip and then back to her belly button. Agonizingly slowly he drew his thumb back and forth along the top of her panties before dipping his hand in to cup her flesh to flesh.
Sophie gasped in ecstasy as Miller began to tease her swollen mound of nerves. She arched involuntarily against him, her breasts pushing against his bare chest, but he simply laughed softly in her ear as he continued to keep her arms pinned above her while he massaged her. “Is this what you need, Sophie?” His voice was low and husky, his tone commanding and arrogant at the same time as he tortured her mercilessly, his fingers dipping inside her core and eliciting a moan from her.
“Ohhh my god, Miller. Yes…” Her hips moved of their own free will as she thrust against his fingers and he chuckled in dark delight. He released her arms and cupped the back of her head as he ravished her mouth, giving her the opportunity to grasp his jeans and undo them, though he refused to make the task easier for her as he continued to pleasure her with his fingers. Finally getting his jeans undone, she summoned all the will she could manage to resist the pleasure he was giving her and pushed him back towards the couch. Pulling his jeans and boxers roughly down, she pushed him back so that he sat on the couch. It was only then that she noticed the jagged white scars that zigzagged down one side and hip.
Miller noticed her stare and instantly froze, but a second later he cursed and attempted to stand up in order to pull his jeans back up. Sophie immediately laid her hand flat against his chest and applied pressure to push him back down. She reached out her hand towards the scars but Miller grabbed her wrist.
“Sophie, don’t.”
She looked up at him. “Do they hurt?”
“No.”
“Then what does it matter if I touch them?” She twisted her wrist free from his grasp and laid her fingers over his scars, tracing the length of them softly with her fingers before following the trail with her lips. Miller watched her with a mixture of shock and disbelief as she caressed his scars with her mouth before her lips kissed a light and teasing trail to the base of his rigid member. When she took him in her mouth all he could do was collapse back against the cushions of the couch while she pleasured him. The sheer bliss he felt was more powerful than anything he had imagined during the fantasies about Sophie he had been unable to block whilst he was serving in the army. Her black hair fanned out around him and he gently grasped a handful of it as he watched her. If he died now, he wouldn’t care.
“Sophie…” His breathing was ragged, his tone desperate.
She continued to torment him with her mouth for several more seconds before she rose to remove her panties. Straddling him on the couch, she lowered herself slowly onto him with a hiss of pleasure. He gripped her hips as he began to thrust inside her with deep, slow strokes, steadily increasing his tempo as their moans of passion mingled until they were hurtling towards mutual climax with a frantic velocity, achieving their goal with cries of ecstasy that filled the room.
Breathless, Sophie collapsed against him. “Am I still alive?”
He laughed, a sense of male triumph filling him at the completely satiated tone of her query. “Does it matter if you’re not?”
“Not really.” She grinned as she raised her head to look at him.
Miller glanced at his watch. “It’s late. You’re better off getting some sleep here and heading back to the main house in the morning than leaving now. I can get you up when I go for my morning run.”
“Sounds good to me. I don’t think I could get my clothes back on right now, let alone drive back.” She offered him a grin.
Returning her grin with a smile, he led her to the ba
throom where they showered briefly before climbing into bed. Even though it was night, it was warm enough not to require sleeping clothes and they were both soon fast asleep.
Chapter Ten
He knew he was shouting but the ringing in his ears blocked out any other sound. Nobody responded to his calls. Damn it, why wouldn’t anybody answer him? He realized he was clutching his side and pulled his hand away but it was covered in blood. Looking down he saw his clothing on one side had been ripped open but where there should have been an expanse of skin, all he could see was red. The pain that hadn’t registered until then suddenly slammed into him, bringing him to his knees as he cried out in agony. Everyone lay dead at his feet. He could feel his own strength seeping from him as he collapsed onto his back. He would join them soon. It was just a matter of time… It was right he should suffer at the end before joining them. They were dead because of him.
The blackness that had descended on him suddenly became light gray. He could hear voices, though he wasn’t sure what they were saying as they were muffled. The ringing in his ears hadn’t gone away yet but light beckoned beyond his eyelids. Was he finally about to see what came after death? His eyelids opened, narrow slits at first but opening increasingly further as his eyes adjusted to the light. Horror filled him at his dawning comprehension. He was in a hospital. He wasn’t dead. Why wasn’t he dead? Why had they saved him? He was supposed to be dead…
“Miller.” Sophie’s voice pierced his thoughts. How had she gotten here? Again he heard her call his name.
“Miller, wake up.”
With a jolt Miller came awake, grabbing hold of the thing that was jarring his body back and forth as he scanned his surroundings, assessing the situation. Realizing he was in his bedroom back on the ranch, he glanced down in surprise to find Sophie pinned beneath him.
“Shit!” Rolling off her, he sat upright and hastily checked her over. “Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”
“I’m fine.” Sophie pushed herself up to a sitting position, pulling the covers over her top half. “What were you dreaming about?”
Miller ignored her question as he checked the time on his watch. It was just past five ‘o clock in the morning, which meant Sophie and he had been sleeping for around three hours. Then he remembered what he and Sophie had been doing before they slept, and he groaned. How could you have let this happen, you idiot! Suddenly a sobering thought slammed into him, making him feel sick. “We didn’t use any protection…”
“You don’t need to worry about that. I get injections every few months that serve as contraception. I’ve seen how unwanted pregnancies can affect people so I’m careful.”
Miller heaved a mental sigh of relief. Thank god; he was in no fit state to be a father. However, that didn’t change the fact that he should never have let last night happen… Well, what was done was done. The priority now was to get Sophie as far away from him as possible.
“You need to go.”
“What?” She stayed where she was, staring at him with a confused expression.
“Now. You need to go right now.”
“I don’t understand. What were you dreaming about?”
“Sophie, didn’t you hear me? Come on, get your stuff.”
She folded her arms across her chest. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what you were dreaming about.”
“Why does everything have to be a battle with you?” He glared at her and reached for her arm but she pulled it out of reach.
“Sophie, don’t make me throw you over my shoulder for the second time in your life.”
“Stop ignoring my questions. What were you dreaming about? What was your fault?”
He looked at her sharply. “What do you mean?”
“You kept murmuring ‘It’s my fault’ in your sleep.”
“None of your business.”
“Miller, let me help you.”
“Sophie, I warned you. Just because we had sex it doesn’t mean I’m going to answer your questions. I shouldn’t have slept with you. It was a mistake.”
He saw the hurt look in her eyes but it was quickly replaced by a hard expression. “You’ll answer this one. What was your fault?”
He looked at her without saying anything. It was impossible for her to remain an untainted part of his past. It had been too late from the moment she’d experienced his anger and known that something was wrong. Then he’d made things infinitely worse by sleeping with her and to finish with a bang he’d almost physically hurt her when he’d pinned her down. He shuddered to think that in his semi-conscious state he could so easily have done something worse than pinning her down. No, she had to stay away from him. It wasn’t safe for her to be around him, but the only way to make her go would be to make her hate him. Rather she hate him for being a jerk and what she thought was the truth than what was in fact the actual truth.
Steeling his resolve, he murmured nonchalantly “You know, this wasn’t part of the fantasy.”
“What? I don’t understand.”
“Oh, numerous times over the past six years I’ve fantasized about screwing you as an adult. Taking you in various positions, making you beg me to screw you. I’ve banged other people while I was in the army. Just because I wasn’t seeing anyone long-term, didn’t mean I couldn’t screw whoever took my fancy. I remember at one point when I had leave and I was in a brothel and I kept thinking to myself ‘I wonder if I could get Sophie to do some of the things they do here or if she’d be a prude about it’…”
“Why are you telling me this?” She stared uncertainly at him.
“You want to know why I didn’t want you to know I was back?” he continued nonchalantly. “Well it’s because I knew you’d want to visit and I didn’t know if you’d be a cock tease or whether I could actually get you in the sack. Turns out it’s pretty easy to get your panties off. Now I’ve banged you, fantasy complete. So feel free to see yourself out.” He lay back with his head on his arms, watching her calmly. He could tell by the expressions that played across her face that he’d done enough, it was merely now a matter of waiting for her to decide to leave. Sure enough, after several moments Sophie left his bed and walked through to the den. He could hear her getting dressed and then the open and close of his front door, followed shortly afterward by the sound of a car engine starting up.
He called on all his military training to exert an iron will that refused to go after her. He stayed where he was until he was sure she had driven away. Then he put on his running gear and left the house, running until he was sure no human could possibly hear him before he let out a bellow of rage. All he wanted to do was run back to the house, get in his truck and drive to her, confessing it was lies and begging her to forgive him for hurting her. But he would not. It was better this way. Rather Sophie had nothing to do with him than risk dragging her down with him.
***
Philip watched and waved as the sun set and Sophie’s car disappeared into the distance. The smile he had plastered on his face instantly turned to a fuming scowl as he turned to his wife. “I’m going to go and find out what he said to her.”
“Are you sure that’s wise right now? Maybe he should just be left alone for a while.”
“He already is alone. He effectively saw to that when he isolated himself from everybody, including the one person we thought could reach him. That boy’s messed up big time.”
Philip drove over to Miller’s and knocked on the door, which was answered after a minute by a sweating, tired-looking Miller. “Hello, Philip.”
“Am I disturbing you?” Philip tried to keep his tone as civil as possible.
“I’m in the middle of a weight training session.”
“That can wait. I want to talk to you. Can I come in?”
“What do you what to talk about?”
“Sophie.”
“I’ve got nothing to say regarding that subject. Thanks for stopping by but sorry you wasted your time.” Miller moved to close the door but Philip blocked th
e action with his hand.
“She’s gone, Miller. She left half an hour ago.”
“Well she has a life back in San Francisco.”
“What did you say to her to make her leave?”
Miller folded his arms over his chest. “None of your business, Philip. But trust me, just be grateful she’s gone.”
“How can I trust you, Miller? You’ve shut yourself off from everybody who cares about you. We want to help you but you won’t trust us to do so.”
“I don’t need your help. Now I’m going to ask you to leave, Philip.”
Philip sighed. “She cares about you, Miller.”
“Well then she’s a fool.” Miller closed the door without waiting for Philip to leave, and then he returned to his workout. He tried to burn out the dark rage that consumed him by pushing his body harder and for longer to the point where he was numb. Then he showered, dressed, retrieved the bottle of whiskey and sat outside, listening to the sounds of the night around him as he drank. Why was everybody so damn eager to help him? He hadn’t asked for help. He didn’t want help. He just wanted to be left to get on with things.
Miller took a particularly long swig and cursed. And how dare they tell Sophie that he was back? That wasn’t their choice to make. He’d told them he didn’t want to see her. Well, that wasn’t true…he did want to see her, he just didn’t want her to see him. Not the real him; the sergeant who had killed the men under him, men who looked up to him as their leader and friend, men who trusted him….not even men; half of them weren’t even twenty. Why was he the one who survived? He was the one who had led them into that abandoned warehouse to seek shelter for the night. He’d gone in first and checked it out…everything had been fine. Then he’d gone outside to retrieve the remainder of their equipment once everybody was inside and just as he’d reached the entrance the explosion had flung him backwards and he had hit the ground and crumpled like a rag doll thrown by an angry child.
