by Kathryn Moon
“Hey there, sunshine,” Cyrus said from the counter, beaming at me and holding out his arm.
I hesitated for a moment and then tiptoed forward, accepting the half hug, his dizzy scent bringing back the bright, happy buzz I’d had the night before without the same queasiness. He released me quickly, but warmth prickled over my skin. Caleb passed behind me, his hand touching my shoulder briefly as he leaned around me and left another ginger ale fizzing in a glass in front of me, along with a plate holding two crispy strips of bacon.
“Morning, love,” Caleb murmured as he passed.
Wes looked over his shoulder at me and we blushed at the exact same moment. I’d sort of…hit on him the night before. Not that Wes didn’t deserve to be hit on. But from me of all people?
“Hey, sweetheart,” Wes said, voice cracking slightly and his cheeks turning even redder, then he turned back to his skillet.
“Hey, sex on the beach, can I get another slice of bacon?” Rake asked, grinning.
“Fuck off,” Wes and I shouted at the same moment.
I could see Leo’s smile from my stool as I leaned into Rake’s side and passed him a broken piece of my own bacon. No one mentioned the night before, aside from Rake’s playful teasing, and every chance one of the men had, they touched me. Casually and in passing, but each moment was a subtle reassurance. I was safe here, and in spite of the weakness they’d seen from me last night, I was accepted.
Painless, I thought. Or nearly there.
“So it’s not a professional grade photo, I know, but this is my friend, Baby,” I said, showing Zane a shot of Baby one of her guys had taken. She had a cheesy grin on her face and her hand was raised to show the bite mark on her palm. “She’s got one on her bottom lip too that you’d see with the highlighter effect. And one on the side of her breast, which would show with the right shirt.”
“Jesus, five bite marks? They practically tenderized her,” Zane said, eyebrows jumping.
We were at our desks taking a brief brain break from copy editing and photo touching when Baby sent me the photos I’d asked for. I was hoping to recruit Baby and her plethora of bondmarks for the highlighter makeup concept.
I swiped the photo quickly to Seth, and Zane whistled. Yeah. Seth was like…model pretty. I’d noticed it before too. “He’s got a mark as well. They’d look good in a shot together.”
“I mean, obviously we have Rakim on board, but most of the other models we found who were interested in the shoot have scars or birthmarks rather than bites,” Zane said. “It would be nice to have their bondmarks. She’d be great for the purpose of the shoot, and he’s gorgeous.”
“Hey. She’s gorgeous too,” I said, pulling back.
“Sure,” Zane said with a shrug. Right. Zane probably wasn’t real concerned with Baby’s looks in general. “Hey, so…has Betty talked to you?”
I dropped my phone to the desk and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, glancing between Zane and my computer screen. What had I forgotten? Or was Betty pissed with me?
“Nooo,” I said slowly. “Why? What’s up?”
“It’s nothing,” Zane said, too fast. I raised an eyebrow at him, and he sighed, staring into the distance. A moment later, he gave in. “Okay. It’s not nothing. But it’s something you need to keep to yourself if I say anything, okay? Just like…just between you and me. And then Betty when she says something, but don’t say I said something. Act surprised. Well, not surprised, just act the way you act when I tell you—”
“Zane, ohmigod, what?” I laughed and stared at him, eyes wide.
Zane leaned in and double checked the room. There was no one but us, just as there had been no one but us when he started rambling incomprehensibly. The other girls had all gone out for Thai food, but I had a packed lunch—thanks, Leo—and Zane said he was fasting.
Which was concerning too.
“So, Wendy really likes your work,” Zane whispered.
“Oh. Good,” I said, nodding, still not entirely sure where this was going.
“It’s just, I don’t know if you noticed, but Wendy has issues with some of the magazine staff.”
“Cyrus you mean?”
“Yeah, well, yeah, that’s a personal thing, but actually, it’s way more widespread than that. It’s just, you know, Designate has been around for forever. And for every policy or layout or point of view Wendy successfully convinces the magazine to reinvent, there’s like fifteen more that Voir won’t let her touch. Like the paper model instead of focusing on digital content to bring us out of the dark age.”
“Oh.” My eyebrows jumped. I’d wondered about Designate’s general lack of digital content in the past, but Cyrus had jumped on board with the idea of the gold leaf challenge. “Yeah…that makes sense.”
“Basically, Matthieu Segal has his boot on Wendy’s throat and is keeping the magazine five years behind in media format,” Zane said, and I was glad he was rolling his eyes and missed my stunned expression.
That didn’t sound like the Matthieu I’d seen, but I had to remind myself that I knew him in his home, not in his office.
“What does this have to do with me?” I asked.
“Well, right, so it has to do with Wendy’s interest in you. Wendy is…taking special note of those working here who are actually forward thinking, coming up with fresh content and not just relying on tired old tropes. There’s nothing concrete yet or anything, it’s just…you know, if she ever leaves Designate, the next thing she’d do would probably be to start her own magazine. She’s a big deal.” Zane watched me, his expression on lockdown as he waited to see my reaction.
“She’s a major deal,” I said immediately, my voice bright as I nodded. I scrambled to speak, to sound excited. Zane was talking about a serious betrayal to Designate. I may only have been at the magazine for a month, but David pulled a favor with the very people whose backs I’d be sneaking behind if I took this offer seriously. And how long from now would it be before Wendy was ready to leave Designate? All that time I’d be here waiting and knowing that I was going to walk out on Cyrus?
“That would be just—” I fumbled, and Zane nodded, wide eyed.
“I know, killer. But lips sealed, yeah? I mean, we don’t even know if it would ever happen, right?”
“Right, totally, lips sealed,” I said, miming my lips zipped shut.
God, I was lucky Zane didn’t know I was in a relationship with Rake and Leo. There was no way he would’ve brought this to me. Or maybe it would’ve been better if he had known and never said anything. Now I had to decide what to do.
Twenty-Two
Matthieu
“Do you like the wine?”
Carolyn hummed and nodded. Of course she did; it was her favorite. That’s why I’d ordered it for dinner. I was just searching for some way of starting a conversation with my suddenly silent girlfriend. I scanned the restaurant for the third time since we’d sat down.
It wasn’t a recent development that Carolyn and I had started to run out of things to say to one another. That’d been going on for almost a year. But I’d considered us comfortable up until…
Lola.
No, until the dinner party really. I could admit that I’d been short with Carolyn, insisting on taking her home, away from Lola before she tripped into another sensitive subject. But I was doing my best to make up for the rocky weekend. Favorite flowers, favorite restaurant, favorite wine—minus the Diet Coke.
“How’s the symphony?” I asked.
Carolyn hummed again, swirling the wine in her glass. Oh good, she wanted me to suffer in silence. Perhaps less of a punishment than she thinks, I thought, frowning at myself for the bitterness. If Carolyn didn’t want to dive into the latest gossip of the Metropolitan Symphony’s finest where she was first chair cellist, then I was officially in the dog house.
“Caro,” I murmured, leaning across the table, my hand outstretched between us in offering. I needed to make the effort, didn’t I? And not a half-hearted one.
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Green eyes slanted down to my palm, and I prepared myself for another chastising hum. Carolyn sighed, and her free hand lifted from her lap, settling over mine. Her eyes flicked up to mine and I smiled.
“I think it’s time, don’t you, Matt?” Carolyn murmured without returning my smile.
My brow furrowed. Time? “I…” I shook my head, missing her meaning, although a slow dread trickled cooly down my spine, some subconscious part of me aware of what was coming.
“I do…I do love you,” she said slowly.
Time for what? Not marriage, surely? She couldn’t stand Rake, and she knew I would never leave my pack.
“It’s just that I don’t really need you,” Carolyn said, my spinning thoughts grinding to a halt. “And I think that you need to be needed. Or that you want badly to be needed, at least.”
“I’m…I’m an alpha,” I said shrugging and staring back at her. “It’s in my nature, Caro.”
She nodded. “It’s just…Rake is so blasé, I kind of assumed that wasn’t something you looked for in a partner. But I think I need to be needed too. And that’s just not what we are to one another anymore, if we ever were.”
I sat back in the deep booth in Carolyn’s favorite corner of her favorite restaurant, staring at a glass of wine I didn’t even really care for.
“You want to break up,” I said. Slow on the uptake these days, aren’t you, old man?
“You’re always going to be a dear friend, Matt. I’m not angry, and I do care for you. It’s just taken me this long to realize that what we have…”
“Isn’t enough,” I said, looking up at her.
Carolyn’s shoulders squared, and I shut my mouth. She needed to say these things. And for the sake of her peace of mind, it was probably better if I didn’t mention feeling the same way for a long time.
“No, it’s not,” Carolyn said, nodding and taking another sip from her glass of wine.
The waiter would come back to take our order soon. Would we sit here together and eat a last supper, or call it over by the end of our glasses? I might’ve preferred to get up and walk out now, but that was just my bruised ego and I was pretty sure I could do better than a display that would leave Carolyn embarrassed and holding the check.
“I’m sorry you didn’t find what you were looking for between us,” I said, hoping it was a diplomatic version of my thoughts.
“I did. I really did, and then I guess I wanted more.”
Yes, that was it exactly. I wanted more too, I’d just gotten complacent. And truth be told, I was never very good at splitting up with women. Too afraid of their tears, or too disappointed in myself for causing them. But you could still cause someone pain by trying to hold things together. Carolyn was doing us a mercy.
I glanced at Carolyn and noted with relief that tears were not an issue at the moment.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for too,” Carolyn said, a wavering smile on her lips.
I opened my mouth, maybe to be gallant and say that I had been happy in our relationship, and she shook her head.
“Don’t lie to be sweet, Matt.” Her eyes narrowed slightly, and the sharper Carolyn appeared. “I understand why that girl falls into your pack so neatly where I never did.”
“Carolyn—” I started, close to a bark.
“Matt, you look at Lola like… God, you look at her like she’s an omega.”
I scoffed and turned my face away, jaw ticking. “I am nearly twice her age, Caro. Do you really think I’m trying to relive my youth or one of those other ridiculous cliches?”
Carolyn leaned forward and dropped her voice. “I think that she needs someone to care for her, and that is an irresistible siren call to you. I like you, Matt, I really do. But you can be kind of impossibly alpha for a man who has some strange platonic role with his own omega.”
I breathed out slowly, Carolyn and I glaring at one another from either side of the booth, neither one of us wanting to attract the high profile stares of the other diners. Maybe a dinner in would’ve been better. Carolyn could’ve really let off some steam shouting at me and I…
No, I didn’t like to lose my temper. That was one alpha habit I made sure not to indulge in.
Buying gifts, pampering…sexual appetite? I thought Carolyn had liked those qualities, but maybe not.
“I’m not judging you. I’m just saying, look in a mirror. You are just waiting for that girl to glance twice at you,” Carolyn said. “Just be careful with your own heart. Lola needs your pack now, but there will be a time, someday in the future, when what’s happened to her is in the past and it’s not about needing you anymore.”
I gaped at Carolyn, stiff in my seat, my brain skittering to a stop. Being transparent was one thing, but being cautioned…
The waitress arrived in her black dress and placid smile. “Have you decided what you’d like to order?”
“Yes, I’ll have the scallops,” Carolyn said, a cool, crystal-perfect smile on her lips. “And I think I’d prefer a dry chardonnay for that dish.”
I swallowed my pride and shook off my stupor. An awkward dinner it was, then.
I had three days to mull over Carolyn’s accusations or advice or whatever I could call her words. And then Lola returned to the house.
I was so busy watching Lola and Caleb, their heads bent together and faint smiles on their lips as they spoke to one another in hushed tones, I didn’t notice Rake calling my name.
The toe of Wes’ boot nudged my ankle, and I snapped my stare away from the girl. Lola had been absent from our house for the past few nights, and I was both relieved and nervous to see her again. She seemed subdued, and unless Rake, Leo, or Caleb were coaxing a smile to her lips, she was wearing an anxious expression most of the night so far. Had that Indy character sent her another message? She would tell us, wouldn’t she?
“I’m sorry, I was…” I cleared my throat as Rake arched an eyebrow at me, lips slanted in an attempt to stifle his laugh at my expense. He knew what I was doing. I recovered awkwardly with, “What were you saying?”
“I said I was surprised Carolyn could spare you so much this week,” Rake said, slicing a thin strip of his steak and dipping it into the bèarnaise sauce I’d made. “You haven’t missed a family dinner.”
Ah. I wondered when they’d notice.
“Carolyn and I split up,” I said, focusing on my own plate so I could ignore the sudden quiet that fell over the table like a blanket, conversations dying off at my announcement.
“What? Matt, when?” Rake asked, hushed, as if it were meant to be a private conversation.
“On Tuesday, when I took her out for dinner.”
My pack looked more distressed by the news than I had probably felt when Carolyn eviscerated our relationship.
“Matthieu, I’m so sorry to hear that,” Caleb said gently.
“Are you all right?” Rake asked, brow furrowed.
“I am,” I said, nodding. When Rake’s eyes narrowed, I added, “Honestly. She said it was time, and she was right. If we’d both been happy with where our relationship was at, it might’ve been a different story, but neither of us really was.”
“She knew you were a part of our pack—” Rake said, hackles rising and hands fisting around his fork and knife.
“She did, and when we started dating, that wasn’t an issue. The pack will always come first for me,” I said, holding Rake’s gaze so he would know that whatever regrets I had with Carolyn, giving her up for my pack was never going to be one of them.
Rake’s lips pursed, and he dipped his head in agreement.
“I’m sorry for any pain it caused you, but I am happy to know you’ll be at more family dinners now,” Leo said, and I raised my glass to him.
“To the pack,” I said.
Around the smaller family table, my packmates raised their own glasses, echoing my sentiment. Only Lola hesitated, pink on her cheeks and her fingers on her own glass, but uncertain on whether or not to join the toast. Rake�
�s arm wrapped around her shoulder and he leaned in, pressing a kiss to her temple and chinking his glass against hers. She wasn’t a formal member, but how long would that take?
Perversely, and perhaps unwisely, I hoped it didn’t take long. Leo and Rake might not be able to claim her formally, but with the approval of us alphas, no one would question her place with us. And maybe, with enough time…
I swallowed and dragged my eyes back to my plate. The thought of claiming Lola was so far-reaching, and possibly even violating to the young woman, I was ashamed of myself for letting it cross my mind. Caleb made more sense. He was Leo and Rake’s alpha, he would provide her with a bond to both of them. Not to mention, he was one of the gentlest and most patient alphas I’d ever met.
He’s not twice her age either, I reminded myself.
“Is it wrong of me to say I’m a little relieved?” Rake asked.
“Rake,” Cyrus cautioned in a low tone.
I huffed at my plate and shook my head. “You would not be the man I know if you didn’t,” I teased back, gifting Rake the tired smile he’d be striving for.
Satisfied, he relaxed, his arm slipping from Lola’s shoulders as we returned to our dinners, conversations finding their way back to their usual patterns. Wes watched me, and I met his stare.
“You’re a bit relieved too, aren’t you?” Wes asked, quiet enough that only Cyrus on my other side might hear.
“A bit,” I said with a shrug. “I didn’t like that she never warmed up to our pack as a family. I’ll be glad not to worry about that tension.”
Wes nodded. “You’ll find someone that fits in with us,” he said.
Wes was often impossible to read. He could crack a smile or a joke like the flip of a switch, but he could hide his worry and anger beneath an impenetrable stone veneer. Only a decade of living with him gave me the sense that I was being laughed at. His eyes never left my face, but it was like he was pointing a finger down the table to where Lola sat at the corner. I glared at him, and just like that, his grin flashed and he returned to his dinner.
