Bear With Me

by Tara Gill

  Local healers came to visit regularly, until my surly rebuffs took effect and they let me alone.

  As the weeks went by, I went for long walks in the forest, and sometimes I came upon people – bear shifters who also roved the forest — or human picnickers, who invariably reacted to my appearance with horror, distaste or worse — pity. So I shifted to my bear form, and found places where I could enjoy solitude in the forest and tried to just be.

  Though I led a half-life now, I thought of Jasmine constantly. I replaced my phone and waited every day to see if she would call — not sure what I’d do if she did.

  Hopeful, half-human Jasmine, full of innocence and passion. I was letting her down so bad. But I didn’t know if I could face her rejection.

  *

  Today though, I reached my limit. Or maybe I was coming out of my funk. It had been three months since Jasmine and I met. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself, of trying to accept the inevitable. Or maybe my bear was getting through to me at last.

  Stop that. You’re her mate. You know she can never be happy with anyone else. Man up. I’m tired of you being a dickless wuss, my bear said.

  This was true.

  I was her mate. It would be hard for Jasmine to give herself completely to another man once she was with her mate. Not impossible. But not easy either.

  My bear was right. I felt like I was thinking clearly again, after three months.

  What if Jasmine was hurting and worried? Maybe she missed me, maybe she wondered why I didn’t call. Maybe she waited for me to come back. It had been three months since I met her and knew she was my mate. What if my staying away was only making both of us unhappy?

  I wasn’t ready to approach Jasmine, but perhaps I could observe her from a distance, see if she was happy or was dating someone. If it seemed like I had a chance-then I would approach her.

  A jolt of hope ran through my body.

  Okay, I was doing this. Sam would know of a good shifter PI who’d help find Jasmine for me.

  I was going after my mate. A burden lifted off my chest.

  Finally, said my bear. Both I and my bear rejoiced.

  Chapter 5

  Jasmine

  “I wish you hadn’t gone without me,” said Max’s voice from the speaker on my phone in the front of my car.

  “I have to do this by myself. It’ll be okay.” But my voice shook, belying the confidence I asserted. I was drained after days of throwing up and barely sleeping in between bouts of tears. The past few months were a strange, blurry time. I was down in the dumps and up in the clouds with no rhyme or reason to explain the mood changes.

  Today I was simultaneously terrified, hopeful, fearful, and giddy. Butterflies in my stomach duelled with the anxiety in my chest. My fingers clenched on the steering wheel. I was driving to Clearwater to see Reuben, three months after we met in Tampa.

  I planned to tell him I was pregnant with his baby.

  “Oh sweetie, it will be okay. If Reuben doesn’t want anything to do with you or the baby, its his loss. We’ll raise the baby together and love it and spoil it – like no other kid has ever been spoilt before. I’ll be godmother — or like I said, I’ll even marry you if you don’t want to be a single mom!”

  A smile tugged at my lips. I could always count on Max to make me smile, when I wasn’t in the mood.

  “I might take you up on that last offer. What will Lex say, though? Wasn’t he the flavor of the month?”

  “He’s history! Turns out he hid a drug habit and got fired. Forget him! Will you have a place to stay?”

  “Yep, I’ve booked a room for the night at a local bed and breakfast.”

  “Okay, call me once you talk to Reuben. If he gives you any trouble or hurts your feelings, I’ll come up and shoot him for you.”

  I bit my lip. “I don’t want Reuben to be hurt.”

  I just wished he would have wanted me. Wanted us.

  “Oh Jasmine, you’re so amazing and sweet. If he doesn’t want you, he’s an idiot!”

  “I guess,” I agreed listlessly, fingering the locket on the chain I wore around my neck.

  “That’s my boss calling for me! Got to go. Don’t forget to text. I’ll be waiting.”

  Max hung up. I slowed to a halt at a stop-light. My gaze fell on the couple in the silver Nissan Leaf next to me. At the wheel was a fit, bald guy with tatted arms who reminded me of Vin Diesel, holding hands with the petite brunette with a pixie-cut who sat in the front passenger seat. Although they weren’t making out or doing cutesy stuff, the quiet intimacy in their exchanged smile seemed proof of their deep connection as was the chubby baby in the car seat at the back. A happy young family together.

  My heart twisted as I watched them. Would I ever have something like that?

  The lights turned green and I drove on. The miles on the road to Clearwater passed by in a blur. Clearwater was a shifter town in the south. I’d never visited but heard Dad mention the place on occasion. Werebears had lived there for generations.

  It was probably a beautiful drive, but I didn’t notice, lost in my thoughts. It felt like I observed myself from very far away. My fingers kept fiddling with the gold locket. It held a thumbnail-sized picture of my parents. The back of my eyes tingled, and I blinked, wishing so bad that they were still alive.

  I was all alone in the world, and I never felt more so now.

  Dad would know what to do to prepare for the baby. He was great at organizing things. Mom would have been thrilled. Sweet, understanding, and funny, she felt things deeply and was the heart of our family. Only she could tease Dad and I out of the occasional funks we fell into. Nevertheless, Dad always said I was more like her than him.

  When he died in a bomb blast while fighting in the Middle East, I was ten. Mom was devastated. In spite of being human, she was Dad’s mate and their bond ran deeper than normal human ties. Without me to focus on, I think she’d have just given up and faded. But she’d stayed on for me and was a wonderful mother, attending every school event and encouraging me to pursue my passions. When she’d died in a senseless car accident, I was just eighteen. My world became bleaker without her in it and for a while apathy mired me.

  Thank God for Max. She pulled me out of my depression and kicked my ass until I started living again. I got a job as a receptionist with a local dentist, Dr. Markey.

  Max, who was a whiz at investments and worked at a stock brokerage firm herself, invested the small trust fund Mom left me, the monies from Mom and Dad’s insurance, the settlement from the car accident and the sale of our house, which I couldn’t bear to live in by myself. The funds grew over the years, and now at twenty-three, they brought in a tidy monthly income, sufficient to live on. If I lived carefully, I didn’t ever need to work again.

  When my boss retired, I decided to take the risk and branch out — gamble on my green thumb and start a small nursery garden. I’d always enjoyed puttering about in the backyard with Dad and had a knack for coaxing the most stubborn plants to flourish.

  The day after I’d quit my job, I met Reuben. Things had happened so fast and I’d let my instincts take control. It had been an unforgettable night, but in the morning, I’d woken alone to a note on the pillow next to me.

  My Jasmine,

  I’ve gone to sort out some problems on behalf of the family and will be back soon. Order any breakfast you like from room service. Eat, relax and wait for me. You looked so beautiful in your sleep that I could hardly bear to leave. When I return, I’m going to taste your sweet pussy until you scream.

  Can’t wait.

  Your Reuben.

  PS: I put my number in your phone.

  In my contacts, he’d input his name under ‘Hot Manly Bear’ with a picture of him looking brooding and handsome. I’d giggled, spent some time daydreaming and staring at his picture. Then I showered and ordered breakfast. By lunchtime he hadn’t returned. Worried, I attempted calling him with no luck.

  Was he ghosting me?

  No, sh
ifters didn’t do that to their mates.

  But as the hours passed with no news, I left the hotel, as Max insisted I meet her for lunch to sign some documents. By the end of the day, the hotel confirmed that Reuben wasn’t back. Once she saw how worried I was, Max advised me to check with the hospitals or the police in case Reuben was in trouble.

  In reality, Reuben was a shifter and wouldn’t need a human hospital. I couldn’t tell Max that. The next few days, I screened the news for any mention of Reuben’s name with no luck. When I checked with the hotel, I was told someone came by and took Reuben’s stuff. Repeated calls to his phone were no help at all.

  That’s when I gave up, although from Max’s worried looks, I could tell she thought Reuben flaked on me or used me. She thought I was being too hopeful and had believed the best of Reuben only to be fooled.

  It wouldn’t be the first time.

  Plenty of people told me sob-stories in Dr. Markey’s office and at times, I ended up paying the dental bills of single moms and kids from the poorer side of town, or old people who didn’t have anybody — out of my own pocket. Most of them needed the help, but sometimes I got taken for a ride by individuals who took advantage of my soft heart.

  It hurt when I learned I’d been used, but I didn’t let that stop me or turn me bitter. Even now, I couldn’t bring myself to hate Reuben. I remembered his adoring touch, his passionate words and couldn’t make myself believe he used me. Nor could I forget the strong, overwhelming attraction between us that felt like we were mates.

  But maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was a fool.

  I moped about for weeks. Even the thought of starting my own business didn’t invigorate me. My body screamed for Reuben’s embrace, and I felt lost. Disoriented.

  Then I fell sick. Given that I wasn’t taking the best care of myself, I wasn’t surprised. After a few weeks of this, it hit me that the nausea and tiredness were a symptom of something else. A positive pregnancy test, and the doctor’s appointment that Max forced me to make confirmed what I suspected — I was going to be a mother.

  Surprisingly, that broke me out of my funk. I floated on clouds, happy beyond belief. I’d have a family again. A little one to adore, to lavish love on, maybe a little boy who would run around getting into mischief and bring laughter back into my life. I rushed around rearranging my home, buying baby necessities, in a nesting frenzy.

  But at three months pregnant, it settled in that I’d have to tell Reuben. When my child grew up, he or she would most likely be a shifter, and he would need a parent with an ‘in’ in the shifter world, which unfortunately I couldn’t completely provide. Besides it was the right thing to do.

  I’d tried calling Reuben in the weeks after we met, but my efforts were fruitless. Even so, I couldn’t make myself believe he was avoiding my calls on purpose. In the end, I decided this was important enough to merit delivering the news in person.

  I’d tell him I was pregnant, that I needed nothing from him, but he could be a part of his child’s life if he so wished. That was what I told myself as I drove around the corner of his street, stomach dropping.

  Oh, God, I was so nervous!

  My GPS told me I’d be at Reuben’s place in about ten minutes. I’d entered in the address from the snap of his ID Max sent me.

  My heartbeat quickened. I consciously slowed down my breathing and exhaled through my mouth to keep my panic — which escalated the closer I was to Reuben’s home — under control.

  I was here. I scanned my surroundings as my car passed the open gate into Reuben’s property.

  His magnificent property.

  A high wooden fence went around the sizeable acreage. A post-box and a nameplate reading ‘Reuben Duke’ in bold, gold letters stood next to tall, metal gates that opened onto a curving driveway. The driveway led towards a farmhouse style building made of glass, stone and wood, appearing both modern and earthy. A few hundred yards from the house was the converted barn slash workshop. Behind the building was the peach tree orchard that Reuben’s mother planted.

  This place was just like Reuben described to me — exquisite at this time of the day, the pink rays from the setting sun gleaming on the glass surfaces of his home.

  I rolled down my window and inhaled the wonderfully clean air and every cell of my body sighed in contentment. This place felt like home. There was so much space here, unlike my compact apartment, where I grew a small container garden.

  My fingers itched to dig, plant, nurture.

  I checked my appearance in the rear-view mirror and braced for the meeting. I needed to get in and get out fast; sometimes I got nauseous at night and I’d rather not be driving then. Parked in the driveway, I climbed out. My legs shook, and my hands were clammy.

  I took my purse and adjusted my clothes. Needing to feel confident, I’d slipped on black, two-inch heeled boots, a wraparound blouse in teal, and a flowing skirt in black with tiny flowers in cherry pink, purple, white, and teal. A scarf completed my ensemble. I squared my shoulders. Outfit or no outfit, at the moment I didn’t feel very self-assured.

  I chewed my lips. It was a habit I was trying to lose, but the urge came upon me whenever I felt edgy.

  Stepping over paved tiles, I rang the bell. Butterflies fluttered in my belly, and I tried to admire the yellow rose bushes on either side of the well-polished green door as I waited.

  My tension increased with every minute the door remained closed. Was he out? Was he traveling? Maybe he was in his workshop? I pressed the bell again and the door abruptly swung open.

  “I’m coming. What’s the damn hurry?” a male voice snarled.

  Was that Reuben? It sounded like his surly twin.

  Then the voice spoke again, amazed and incredulous. “Jasmine?”

  Chapter 6

  Jasmine

  There was a pause ripe with meaning.

  “Reuben, is that you?” I asked in a tremulous voice. The sky darkened even more. It was gloomy inside the building and my eyes took time to adjust.

  “What are you doing here, Jasmine?” He sounded confused.

  A steady pressure grew in my chest. I drove all the way here, was out of my mind with worry for months, and he wouldn’t even invite me in?

  But Reuben sounded odd. I frowned, and my eyes searched his shadowed face. There was something wrong.

  “Can I come in?” I lifted my eyebrows. I needed to suss out the situation before I dumped everything on him.

  He startled and stepped back. “Oh. Of course. Come in,” he said, and vanished into the dim interior of the house.

  I entered the living room. It was semi-dark. A table lamp was on, as was another dull light right above me. Reuben stood in the corner farthest from where I stood.

  In the gloom, he loomed large and menacing. Tension revealed itself through every line of his body; he stood at attention like someone facing a military trial. His hands were clenched tight.

  “Are you all right?” I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry.

  “Yeah.” His voice was gruff. “Just…I’d just decided to return to Tampa for you, and here you are. I was surprised, that’s all. Sorry if I didn’t seem welcoming.”

  He was coming for me?

  I tried to be glad, but his comment left open so many questions. Why did he wait all this while? Why didn’t he answer my calls? I wrung my sweaty hands and then wiped the dampness on my skirt, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

  “Why didn’t you call me after that night? I know you said you had to do some family stuff, but I…waited for you. I thought we were mates…” My voice quavered with distress. “Was it a once and done thing for you?”

  I was so confused. I wanted so badly to believe that my trust in our connection wasn’t misplaced. Reuben hadn’t seemed like a sweet-talking Casanova who was out for the next conquest. Still, was Max right? Had he played me? Maybe I wasn’t really his mate, and he’d entertained himself with me and before moving on to the next conquest. Was that the reason why he’d stayed away? For him
not exactly rolling out the welcome mat upon my arrival right now?

  But still it was such a mixed-up situation…what was going on?

  Reuben stepped forward in an abrupt motion and then seemed to coil within himself. His hands clamped hard on the back of the nearest chair. “Of course it wasn’t a one-and-done kind of thing! I told you I’ve never approached a woman like that. You’re my mate, not just any woman to me!” He appeared agitated.

  “Then why…” I swallowed. My vision clouded with tears. This whole day was so emotionally exhausting.

  “Why didn’t I call you? That’s easy. I don’t have your number anymore. I was in a…an accident the morning I left you and my phone was damaged. Smashed into pieces, in truth. I replaced it but lost your contact details.”

  He’d been in an accident? My heart clenched. But werebears - like all shifters - could heal almost anything when they shifted.

  “But you’re fine now? You shifted and healed yourself, right?” I asked urgently. I couldn’t have borne if something worse had happened to him. Shifters were hardy, but they were mortal, too — like Dad.

  He didn’t answer.

  My eyes narrowed. Something was wrong. Why was he so cautious in his answers, and why did he Stan d so far away in the shadows? He looked as if he was physically restraining himself from nearing me.

  “What kind of accident was it?”

  There was a silence. The only sounds were Reuben’s fast and rough breaths. Then Reuben’s chest expanded on an inhale and he stepped out into the circle of light.

  “Oh!” I gasped.

  “You better know all of it,” he said with resignation, not meeting my gaze. He stared somewhere above my left shoulder. “I was trying to get justice for my aunt and got in the middle of some cougar claws and blood magic . As you can see, I’m fine — I walk, I talk, I work — but the damage will never go away.”

  My shaky hand covered my mouth, and I bit back a sob. The beautiful chocolate eyes, the brown wells of warmth that sucked me in, now appeared wooden, almost dead, hardly a spark of life in them as he explained what happened — his aunt saving a child, her being bullied by werecougars and how he’d been tricked into an ambush and had to fight for his life.