by Dayo Benson
“It’s going good,” I replied, although it wasn’t. I felt angry, confused, and frantic. And there was this constant internal urge to scream. I hadn’t given in to it for two days now, but I just might when I got home today.
I smiled at Carl like there weren’t a million emotions churning around in my stomach, making me feel nauseous and like I should just fall asleep and never wake up again.
Carl focused cool sapphire eyes on me. “Do you want to come to my birthday party? It’s on the eleventh of Feb.”
That reminded me, “I thought Michelle was supposed to be having a party in January some time. When’s her party again?”
“It’s off. She canceled it when she started going to church and hanging out with Tanya.”
I wrinkled my nose. “What did you think of church?”
“It was good, but I have my own church.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I’m Catholic. I’m not a freak about it, but I do believe there’s probably Someone up there.”
I grinned at Carl. He was looking really cute today.
“Are you listening to me?” Carl asked.
“Sorry, my head is fried today. What did you say?”
“Just that you have to be at my party.”
“Why?”
“I’ve promised the guys hot girls and booze.”
Luckily, I didn’t have to think too hard to come up with an excuse. “I might be going to England for a couple days around that time, but if not, I’ll definitely come, as long as you can promise that there will be ice cream.”
“What flavor?”
“Caramel with bits of toffee swirled through.”
Carl gave me a look that said ‘whatever.’ “Um, yeah, that will definitely be there.”
***
Monica called me on Saturday morning. I hadn’t seen her at all on Friday. I felt abandoned. I guess she didn’t need me anymore now that she’d found religion.
“Just wanted to make sure you’re still alive, since you choose not to talk to me anymore. Guess who’s dating?”
Jace and Andrea? “Who?”
“Matt and Michelle.”
“Cool.” I couldn’t believe Matt had told me he only liked her as a friend.
“Actually, they’re calling it courting, not dating. They seem really serious.”
“Good for them.”
“What are you doing today?” Monica asked.
“Nothing,” I said glumly. I didn’t feel like telling her about Jace and Andrea.
“Do you want to go shopping?”
“With Tanya?”
“Yeah, and Michelle, and Andrea, and some of the guys.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I just don’t.”
“Come on, Lexi. It’ll be fun.”
“Monica, I have to go.” I hung up.
I wondered if I was getting depressed. I constantly felt sick of life, and I was sure that had to be a sign of depression. I contemplated booking an appointment with Dr. Paula, but I decided against it. Her therapy session hadn’t helped Monica; she’d still attempted suicide.
***
The next week at school, I kept to myself. Monica kept asking what was up with me, but truth be told I couldn’t be bothered with her anymore. She was all about religion and the Bible, and how God had helped her through her darkest hour. I didn’t want to know.
I started hanging out with Carl a little. He was nice, and he wasn’t trying to get with me like I thought he might be. He was just a good platonic friend. Jace noticed, much to my delight and glee.
But then, I heard a rumor, from Sandy precisely, that Jace asked Monica out. I didn’t want to believe it, but apparently, they went to the movies. I wanted to tell myself that Monica wouldn’t do that to me, but I had to get real. Now that she was a Christian and presumably couldn’t date just anybody, Jace was probably starting to look quite attractive to her. I asked Carl what he thought and told him to bear in mind the fact that I’d caught Jace and Andrea making out not that long ago. He said he didn’t think anything.
Now that was annoying, how could he not think anything? I definitely needed a girlfriend. Someone I could have a good gossip with. I couldn’t gossip about Monica with Sandy because they still hung out.
I kept thinking about it and wondering whether it could be true. I really didn’t want to believe it, but when I saw Monica getting into Jace’s car after school on Friday, I had to wake up and smell the cappuccino. It was the way they were laughing and the way Jace held the door for her that set my teeth on edge. I told myself I didn’t care.
I watched them drive off: Jace Washington, my ex-boyfriend, and Monica Williams (though Lewinsky was more appropriate), my ex-best friend.
Chapter 32
Monica Lewinsky was by my locker on Monday morning. She beamed when she saw me. Just the intensity of the smile hurt my head.
“I just wanted to tell you, Lexi, that I got accepted into med school. I’m doing the two year exchange thing where you spend two years in New York. I have to work really hard to get the grades now.”
She went on and on and on, and I just ignored her. It was time for economics, which meant it was time to walk past Jace, who always sat by the door, and go sit next to Michelle. This was a challenge I faced every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, but today, it was an even bigger challenge, because I had to do it without slugging him as I walked past. And I really wanted to slug him! I took out my economics book.
“Lexi? Are you listening?”
“No, I’m not.” I slammed my locker shut and walked off. Monica could go overdose again, and right now, I felt like I really wouldn’t care.
I met Carl and a couple of his friends at lunchtime in the cafeteria. After lunch, Carl walked me to my locker. His locker was full of books, so he’d stashed his gym bag in mine.
“So you’re supposed to be black, right?” Carl asked out of the blue, while I opened my locker.
I frowned. “That’s kinda random, Carl.”
“Well, are you?”
“Yeah.” I took out his gym bag and dropped it on the floor. It was so heavy.
“You look quite white, though.”
“I look quite white?”
“Yeah, and you’re blonder than I am.”
I gave him a weird look. “You try’na say I’m not black?”
“No,” he smiled. “But how are you black?”
“My dad was black and my mom is half Cuban.” I grinned. “Or maybe my mom cheated.”
Carl picked up his gym bag.
“Is my blond hair confusing you?” I asked.
“Yeah, and the green eyes.”
“They’re only green for today. Never heard of contacts?”
Carl looked at my eyes. A group of his buddies walked past toward the guy’s changing room. “Well, maybe you can give me some advice,” he said. “I’ve been hanging out with a black girl, and I really like her.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah, she’s cute, Lexi. Really cute! But I don’t know if she’d date me. I’m scared to ask.”
“Why?”
“I’m white.”
“Oh.”
Carl shrugged. “I know her ex, and he’s black—the cool, slick type. I don’t know if she’d like a guy like me.”
“You’re hot, Carl. You know that.”
Carl gave me a surprised smile. “Thanks. So what advice do you have for me?”
“Just be yourself. Don’t start trying to act like something you’re not. Definitely don’t be trying to act ghetto or anything.”
“Right, so I shouldn’t start wearing a durag then?”
We both burst out laughing. “Definitely not.”
“And I shouldn’t braid my hair?”
“Not unless you really want to.” I’d been planning to go to my afternoon classes, but now, I felt like going home. I shut my locker, leaving the lone economics book inside. No studying for me tonight. “Be yourself, Carl. I th
ink most girls would find you pretty attractive, whatever race they are.”
Carl gave me a cute grin.
Just then, Jace emerged from the changing room with a group of fellow basketballers. “Yo, Carl. You coming, or what?”
“Yeah,” Carl called back. He hugged me. “Thanks, Lexi. I’m going to her place tonight. Maybe I’ll take her some flowers.”
“Great idea.”
“Wish me luck.”
***
It was Top Model night. So much for Monica joining me to watch it each week. I didn’t even want her to anymore. I sat on the floor in my den with a bucket of popcorn and sipped my raspberry soda.
The doorbell chimed through the house, and I groaned. Who was ringing the bell when Top Model was on? This was such bad timing. In fact, it was inconsiderate and insensitive!
I went to get it. It was Carl. He was holding a pretty bouquet of pink daisies. “Nice,” I said. I hoped he wasn’t expecting another pep talk because although I wanted to help him, Top Model had started! “Are you on your way to her place now?”
“This is her place.”
“Oh,” I was confused. It clicked. Oooh!
I started dating Carl, and I wanted to keep it low. But, of course, everyone knew within like two days. I guess I shouldn’t have told Sandy if I wanted to keep it low. She was like ABC, always having the breaking news, and always wanting to share it with everyone, whether they were interested in knowing or not.
Carl was fun. In our first week together, he took me out on a date every day, which was really cool. It served as a distraction for me as my dad’s memorial service loomed before me.
Chapter 33
The day before I was to leave for England, Monica called me. “What?” I answered grudgingly.
“Hey, Lexi, I’m going to meet you guys at the airport tomorrow. I was going to come by after school and get a ride with you, but I’ll just get a taxi to the airport instead.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m coming to England with you for the memorial service.”
“Huh?”
“Didn’t your mom tell you?”
“No.”
“Well, you were out with Carl when I stopped over. Maybe she forgot.”
“I’ve hardly seen my mom for like three weeks.” My mom had been working late, trying to distract herself by booking as many clients as possible. “Are you seriously coming to England with us?”
“Yeah.”
As much as I didn’t want to feel touched by this, I was. “What about school?”
“I’m only missing one class. I’ll catch up.”
I didn’t know what to say.
“You try to get some sleep tonight, okay?” Monica advised. “The memorial won’t be so bad. You’ll both be fine.”
***
“Why is he here?” I snarled, pulling Monica aside. Jace waved at me and took my mom’s bag from her.
“I’m sorry, Lexi, but he insisted on coming.”
“Coming to the airport or coming to England?” I asked, hoping Jace was only seeing Monica off and not tagging along.
“He’s coming to England.”
I swore.
“I couldn’t stop him. He insisted.”
I couldn’t believe this! This was going to be one long weekend “So you guys are going to flaunt your relationship in front of me all weekend?”
Monica gave me a dirty look. “I let you believe it because I was mad at you for thinking I would even do that. What makes you think I want to date your ex? You’re deranged.”
I lifted an eyebrow casually, although I felt like a load had been lifted. “Well, that’s what I heard, okay? How am I supposed to know if it’s true or not?”
Monica glared at me angrily. “No wonder you’ve been so cold. You’re stupid.”
“I don’t think that’s a very Christian thing to say.”
“Sorry, but you get on my last nerve sometimes. I can’t believe you stopped speaking to me because of a stupid rumor like that.”
I held out a hand. “Friends?” I asked, sheepishly.
She shook my hand grudgingly. “I wouldn’t date Jace, even if he wasn’t your ex. He’s Jace. Eww!”
When we boarded the plane, I found that I had a window seat. My mom traded seats with Monica so that Monica and I could sit together. Jace was sitting somewhere near the very back, which was just as well. He shouldn’t have come, and I wasn’t going to speak to him unless it was absolutely necessary. This weekend was going to be hard enough without the added pressure of his presence.
I put my earphones in my ears as we took off. The thought of sitting there for ten hours was almost too much to bear. I wondered if Monica and Jace had known it was a ten hour flight when they volunteered to come along. And that was just to London. From London, we’d be getting a two hour train to Liverpool.
I scrolled through the songs on my iPod, wondering what I felt like listening to. That was the problem with having so much choice. The more options you had, the less decisive it made you. Monica took one of my earphones out of my ear and put it in hers.
“Got any gospel music?” she asked.
“No.”
“I know you don’t. I’m just winding you up.” She watched as I scrolled through all my songs. “So, when did you start dating Carl?”
“A couple weeks ago.”
“How’s it going?”
“Good. Why?”
“Just asking.”
“Carl is okay.” I was more relaxed dating Carl than I had been with Jace. I didn’t have that ‘heart in my mouth’ feeling with Carl, which was good; I was more in control.
“How are you these days anyway?” I asked Monica. “How’re your mom and your stepdad?”
“They’re still at it now and again. I’m looking forward to leaving for college.”
“Oh, yeah, congratulations, by the way.” I remembered the way I’d ignored her as she’d gushed about getting into med school. I winced internally. Thankfully, she didn’t bring it up.
“Hey, girls.”
We both looked up. It was Jace. I looked back down at my iPod screen.
“Monica, do you mind trading seats with me for a minute?” Jace asked.
Monica removed my earphone from her ear. “Okay, but I hope your seat isn’t next to some smelly, old man or something.”
“Smelly, old men are God’s creatures too, Monica.”
I stifled laughter.
“Your one minute starts now.” She stood up, and Jace showed her to his seat.
I shut my eyes. I knew when Jace returned because he dropped into Monica’s seat heavily, bouncing against me, probably on purpose.
He grabbed my iPod, and I opened my eyes. “Give it back.”
“Or what?” he asked.
I made a go for it, and he dropped it down his shirt, knowing I wasn’t going to reach for it there.
“What do you want from me, Jace?” I asked, a grudging smile tugging at my lips, although I really didn’t want to smile.
Jace looked around. “Where’s your mom?”
I pointed, and he looked over. “Oh. I get the feeling she hates my guts now.”
“She’s not the only person who hates your guts.”
“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about you, Lexi.”
“Oh, please.” I studied my nails to avoid his gaze. I wasn’t sure what he meant by ‘care.’ Did he mean friendship care or something else? It was probably the former, but something inside me still wanted it to be the latter. Therefore, it was a bad idea to talk to him at all. I didn’t need him confusing me.
“I might add that I don’t see Carl here.”
“It’s his party tomorrow.”
“Even if it wasn’t, he still wouldn’t have thought to come.”
I felt like yelling at Jace to just leave me alone, but we couldn’t really have a proper fight on board a flight. Since my iPod was presently bulging under his shirt around his stomach region, I loo
ked in my purse and took out the book I’d bought at the airport; a chick lit novel about finding love after heartbreak. Cool!
“Do you skip school these days?” Jace asked.
“No.”
“Then why do I never see you?”
“I don’t know.” I studied the book cover.
“So how long are we staying in England?” Jace asked. I could tell he was trying hard to make conversation.
I opened my book and flipped to the first chapter. “You’re coming, but you don’t know how long it’s for?”
“Yeah, my heart overruled my head.”
I ignored that. “We’re supposed to stay until Sunday night, but I think my mom’s booked us to leave tomorrow. I’m not sure.”
“So how are you holding up?”
What kind of question was that? Obviously, I couldn’t be holding up that well; and even more obviously, I wasn’t about to share my pain with someone like him. I didn’t answer, and Jace grabbed my book.
I let him have it. I looked out the window, wishing he would just leave me alone.
Thankfully, Monica returned just then. “Time out,” she announced.
Jace handed me back my book. I held out my hand. “And my iPod?”
He retrieved it from under his shirt, and Monica gave us a strange look.
***
We touched down in London Heathrow at about six-thirty on Saturday morning, London time, and it was a mad rush to get to the train station. We arrived at the train station with exactly three minutes to spare. I didn’t think we were going to make the train, but if we missed it the next direct train was in an hour, and we’d be late for the service if we took that one.
Jace took my mom’s bag from her and ran ahead of us. He soon disappeared.
Monica and I slowed our pace so that my mom could keep up. “This is so awkward,” she panted, as the three of us tried to run with dignity in our heels and not trip or twist anything. “Next time, we’ll fly. Remind me, Lexi.”
We puffed along, and by the time we got to the train, Jace had secured a table seat for four and was making sure the doors stayed open for us.
My mom thanked him and took her bag from the seat he’d saved for her. “I’m going to find somewhere else to sit.” She walked off.
