The Body in the Boat

by Ami Diane

  Ella cleared her throat and slowly raised her hands. “Hey, Dot. Nice night, huh? Little cold for my taste.” While talking, her eyes raked the surroundings for cover—anything other than the hedge she could use to dive behind.

  “What are you doing here? This isn’t your fight.” Dot’s voice came out shrill and wild. “Oh, well. No matter. I’ve been itching to get rid of you, anyway.” She trained her front sight over Ella and closed one eye.

  Ella froze and held her breath. “Well, that hurts. I’m deeply offended. I mean, I know we’ve gotten off to a rocky start, but nothing a good cup of coffee and some of Wink’s rhubarb pie can’t fix.”

  Dot’s expression flitted through a range of emotions. Then, for some inexplicable reason, she turned and marched up the walkway to the Tanner residence. Ella could only guess the woman didn’t want to waste any ammo on her.

  The deranged woman banged on the door, screaming, “I know you’re in there, Lilly! Get out here, or I’m coming in!”

  Ella’s brain went into overdrive, trying to consider the best course of action. There was no doubt in her mind that Dot intended to use the gun on Lilly.

  She had to act fast.

  Creeping over the snow, she slipped the binder out of her jacket and shoved it through a hole in the hedge that the snowmobile had created to keep safe.

  All the while, Dot continued her rampage on the stoop. She’d taken to using the gun like a bat and swung it against the door frame. Splinters sprayed through the air like shrapnel. Ella ducked, narrowly missing a chunk of wood in the eye.

  The front door flew open.

  “What on earth?!” Lilly Tanner’s muscular frame filled the entire doorway.

  In a blink, Dot aimed her shotgun at the widow’s face.

  Ella barreled up the walkway. Her boots crunched over the snow. On the positive side, Ella’s less than stealthy approach caused Dot to whirl around and move the gun off Lilly. Unfortunately, she fired at Ella instead.

  A boom split the night air as Ella made another Superman dive to the ground. Sharp pain ripped up her left bicep, followed immediately by heat—heat like her arm felt on fire.

  Dot screamed at her. “Why can’t you mind your own business?!”

  Ella was beginning to wonder the same thing. Her fingers groped at her jacket, searching a wound. There were only two holes in her sleeve, most of the spray from the buckshot having missed.

  She struggled out of the down coat, wincing. Blood dribbled down her arm, but the holes were small like she’d been peppered with a BB gun.

  Relieved, she gulped air, forcing her hammering heart to slow so she could assess the situation.

  The stoop was empty. The two women screamed at each other from inside the house. For a brief moment, Ella entertained the idea of taking Dot’s advice and actually minding her own business. She should let them duke it out and just wait for the sheriff or Flo’s armament.

  She let out a frustrated growl and jumped to her feet and finally answered Dot’s question. “Because I’m nosy, that’s why.”

  “That ain’t news,” came a creaking voice from behind her.

  Ella let out a strangled cry and clutched her chest. “Crap on a cracker, Flo. Don’t scare me like that. And where have you two been?”

  Wink nodded at Flo. “It’s this one’s fault. She wouldn’t let me help her retrieve any weapons, saying she didn’t want me knowing where her cache was, so I had to wait outside the inn for her.”

  “Wait, her stash is at the inn?”

  “No,” Flo said at the same time Wink said, “Yes.”

  Ella’s mouth opened and closed a couple of times before filing away the tidbit of information for a later date. “What’d you bring?” Another shot rang out from inside the house, followed by more shouting. “Know what? Surprise me. Just give me the bear spray and go around back. See if you can’t get in that way.”

  Flo handed over another dispenser of pepper spray, markedly different than the one the sheriff had confiscated.

  “Good idea. You two take the front. I’ll take the back.”

  “That is literally what I just said.”

  “She can’t hear you,” Wink said. Flo had already moved to the corner of the house in, what was for her, a surprising speed.

  Ella located the nozzle on the canister and held her thumb over the top. She leaped to the top of the stoop and edged through the doorway with Wink hot on her heels.

  “Did she give you anything?” Ella whispered.

  Wink held up her fist.

  “A manicure? Be honest, that’s really what took so long, huh?”

  “No, dummy. She gave me these.” She rotated her bony fist to reveal a set of brass knuckles.

  “Wh-how is that supposed to help? She’s got a shotgun. Also, I’m pretty sure your wrist would shatter if you punched a pillow.”

  “Hey—”

  A rather ugly vase shattered against the wall between them, already improving the interior aesthetics.

  “Oh, good Lord. Where did Lilly get that? It looks like something dug up from the bargain basement at—”

  “Focus, Wink. And yes, Martha Stewart she is not.”

  Ella darted into the hallway before carefully peeking her head around the corner.

  Dot and Lilly circled each other in the living room like feral animals with Dot training the shotgun on Lilly. Here and there, the widow would pick up a random object and send it flying at Dot.

  “How could you?!” Dot’s face was red, veins popping out in her neck. “That was my ticket out of this hell hole!” She aimed and squeezed an eye shut.

  Lilly lunged to the side as the gun went off. The smell of gunpowder filled the small space.

  Ella fumbled with the spray canister. Unless she wanted to use the deterrent as potpourri, the two women were too far away for it to be effective.

  On the other side of the living room was the kitchen door. And where there was a kitchen was usually a back entrance—and hopefully Flo on the other side.

  Dot swung the gun like a club, knocking over a lamp.

  Lilly screamed and stocked towards her, spittle flying from her lips as she shouted, “Why couldn’t you just take him and leave?”

  Her fists twisted with rage, and she darted forward. Dot stumbled back, wielding the gun-turned-bat. On her second attempt, the butt of the weapon hit the widow in the gut.

  Lilly’s face paled, and her eyes glistened with pain. Pound-for-pound, she was nearly double the size of Stan’s mistress, but the well-placed jab had leveled the playing field.

  She heaved to the floor near the kitchen door, clutching her stomach and gasping for air. Meanwhile, Dot rummaged through her jacket, pulled out more ammunition, and began reloading.

  “Grab Lilly and go through the kitchen,” Ella hissed to Wink.

  Without waiting for a response, Ella covered Wink and trailed behind, aiming the spray at Dot. The moment she heard the kitchen door swing in and the two stumble through, Ella mashed her thumb down.

  What should have been a torrent of eye-burning mist that would send a grown man into the fetal position came out as a sputter of green goo. Then, for reasons Ella couldn’t even begin to guess at, it tooted like a fog horn.

  She swore.

  She shook the dispenser and tried again.

  More green goo shot out like projectile vomit and hit Dot square in the chest. Once again, the end note was a resounding horn, this time more akin to a dying goose.

  “Well, that’s just…” Ella licked her lips and gave out an awkward chuckle. “Yep.”

  Dot looked down at her chest, her expression filled with disbelief. “This was my favorite coat.”

  “Really? That thing?”

  Dot clicked the double-barrel closed.

  Ella tossed the useless pepper spray and dove through the kitchen doorway, landing beside a crumpled Lilly.

  “‘Bout time. Help me.” Wink dragged a couple of barstools over in front of the door.

  “What ar
e you doing? That won’t hold Dippin’ Dots in there. Run!” She shoved Wink towards the back door. “And warn Flo you’re coming out so she doesn’t shoot your head off.”

  Wink inched the door open.

  From inside the living room, Ella heard Dot’s heavy footfalls draw near. She hurriedly finished Wink’s barstool barricade then crouched beside Mrs. Tanner.

  “Lilly? Can you stand? We have to get out of here.”

  Lilly didn’t respond.

  “Forget this.” Ella grabbed the widow from under her arms and dragged her like a sack of potatoes towards the door. “You weigh more than an entire Zumba class—not that I’m not impressed.”

  The cold air hit Ella’s face and seemed to stir Lilly from her stupor. Wink stood at the ready, her metal-sheathed knuckles glinting in the light from the kitchen window. Beside her, Flo pressed her ghost blaster to her shoulder and trained the weapon on the door.

  “Run!” Ella hollered at all three women.

  They jostled each other before sprinting across the yard.

  “Hide in the forest,” Flo panted.

  “It’s too far,” Ella said. The tree line was still twenty yards away. They’d never make it.

  A ruckus came from inside the house. Dot had broken through Wink’s barstool barricade.

  Wink angled away. “The garage!”

  The back door to the house blasted open, and the four women pressed themselves against the side of the garage. There was no moon, and the wan light from the kitchen window didn’t touch the detached building.

  “You realize she’s gonna know where we are once she spots our tracks,” Flo said, a little too loudly for Ella’s liking.

  Wink clamped her veiny hand over her friend’s mouth. Ella’s gaze went from their feet to the house, and she inwardly cursed. Flo was right.

  Turning, Ella clawed at the door knob for the garage, finding it locked.

  “Where’s the key?” she hissed at Lilly, her voice full of panic.

  Lilly mumbled that she had it and began to root around in the pocket of her apron. Dot hovered near the back door to the house, cooing into the darkness for them to come out of hiding. A rectangle of light spilled over the snow from the open doorway. It wouldn’t take the loony woman long to discover their tracks.

  Lilly fumbled through her pockets, failing to produce a key.

  “For the love of…” Ella batted the woman’s hand aside and jammed her own hand into the apron pocket, violating social protocol. She felt the cold metal of a key and stabbed it toward the doorknob.

  Dot was twenty feet away. Ella’s hands trembled, causing her to miss the keyhole. It didn’t help that Wink and Flo pressed against her, practically smothering her against the door.

  Dot sang out, “Marco?”

  Without thinking, Ella responded with, “Polo!” She ducked. “Oh crap. Sorry guys. It was reflex.”

  Dot let out a maniacal laugh. “I see you.”

  “Yeah?” Flo hollered. “Well, I see you too.” She raised her weapon at the same time Dot raised hers. The ghost blaster whined as it geared up to do its thing.

  Three things happened simultaneously. The muzzle on Dot’s shotgun flashed and a crack rent the night air, a blue blast of light and something unidentifiable coned out from the ghost blaster, and Ella jammed the key into the hole.

  Buckshot sprayed past them, putting divots in the snow like cellulite. She wrenched the knob and kicked in the door. Grabbing Lilly, she shoved her inside first.

  In the yard, Dot stumbled back, clutching her head after Flo’s shot.

  “Inside,” Ella yelled at the Dynamic Duo.

  Wink ducked through the dark doorway, followed by Flo. As Ella plunged inside, she said, “What did you hit her with?”

  “I added a mechanism—”

  “You mean you had Will add a mechanism.” In one move, she slammed the door and locked it.

  “Same thing. Now, I can adjust the setting of my inter-dimensional beam. Wink said you wanted non-lethal.”

  “And the beam is what, sound waves?”

  “Something like that. Mixed with electro… something or other. Wasn’t really paying attention when he explained it to me.”

  “Sure, because why pay attention when someone’s explaining a potentially deadly weapon to you?”

  The air boomed with another blast as the door was sprayed with more pellets. Dot was just outside the door.

  “She’s reloading,” Ella said, for some reason whispering as if Dot wasn’t aware they were there.

  “That what that sound is?” Flo’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

  “Quiet, you two. Lilly, are there any flashlights in here?”

  Ella blinked in the near-absolute darkness. She took a step forward, immediately stubbing her toe. She let out a hiss then began searching her pockets for her cell phone. At least they’d get some light from the dinky flashlight on it.

  As she focused more on her surroundings, one thing immediately becoming apparent. The garage felt like a sweat lodge.

  Beside her, Flo sniffled loudly. “What’s that smell? That a skunk?”

  Ella froze. The last thing she wanted was to get sprayed. That’s when she noticed the distinct odor Flo mentioned, something Ella hadn’t smelled since her party-going college roommate.

  From the inky blackness behind her came a metallic sound. Suddenly, the room flooded with light.

  Ella whirled around on her heel to find a lone bulb swinging back and forth, Lilly’s hand grasping a pull-chain.

  “Much better,” Wink said.

  Ella had stopped listening. Her mouth fell open as she took in the garage.

  Lilly let out a heavy sigh. “You weren’t supposed to see this.”

  CHAPTER 30

  THE entire garage was trashed. Piles of dirt and broken pots lay strewn everywhere like a tornado had managed to hit inside but left the roof unscathed.

  “Where you robbed?” Ella asked before she could stop herself. Then, she turned to survey the rest of the room, and all thoughts of tornadoes and theft left.

  Several strips of grow lights ran the entire length of the room. Broken and shriveled plants lay scattered all over the ground amongst clumps of dirt.

  Ella shifted on her feet, searching for a topic other than Lilly’s poor house keeping skills. “Don’t worry. That door should hold Dot. And Chapman’ll be here soon. I think.”

  Lilly shrugged. Her demeanor had completely changed. Inside, faced against Dot, she’d been like a feral cat, but now, she seemed indifferent to their survival.

  Flo, ever tactful, pointed to a shriveled plant near her foot. “I ain’t a horticulturist, but I think you might want to put that in some dirt. Maybe sprinkle some water on it.”

  Ella’s boot nudged the shriveled plant. Then it all clicked. The odor, the grow lights, the star-shaped leaves. She was standing in a massive marijuana grow house.

  She turned slowly, taking it in. Bags of fertilizer were stacked in the corner. A large section of the wall had been cut out near the ceiling and a fan placed in it, along with another industrial-sized one at the opposite end. Conduit and exposed wires snaked every which way in a way Ella was sure wasn’t up to code.

  Mrs. Tanner watched her with a far-off look. Ella locked eyes with her, seeing the woman in a new light.

  “This was Stan’s, wasn’t it?”

  The widow nodded, her eyes full of defeat. Despite her size, she shriveled like a wounded animal.

  “This was Stan’s greenhouse?” Flo said, shifting her weapon to her other hip and inadvertently pointing the muzzle at Wink. “Honey, I don’t blame you for trashing it.”

  Wink shoved the Ghost Blaster III out of her face. “Nincompoop, that’s cannabis.”

  Flo stared around in confusion, then her eyebrows rose to her hairline. “Oh, yeah that makes more sense.”

  The sound of the doorknob jiggling made them all jump.

  “You don’t really think a little old door will stop me, do you?” D
ot’s muffled voice came through.

  “Yeah, kind of,” Ella shouted back.

  “Ella, if you unlock this, I promise not to shoot you.”

  “You already did.”

  Where was Sheriff Chapman? Surely the whole town had heard the commotion by now.

  “I promise not to shoot you again.”

  Ella made a weighing motion with her hands. The offer seemed reasonable. “What do you think? You think she’s bluffing?” Both Wink and Flo blinked slowly. “Yeah, she’s bluffing.”

  “Why not use the Meltinator 3,000 on her?” Flo asked Ella.

  “Pardon? The what in the who?”

  Flo let out an exasperated sigh. “Where’s the canister I gave you?”

  “You mean the pepper spray that shot out goop? Thanks for that, by the way.”

  “That goop, as you call it, is highly toxic and unlinks her spirit from her body, sentencing her to forever drift through—”

  “Well, I hit her in the chest, and it did nothing. Wait, how toxic are we talking? Like, will she turn into the Incredible Hulk?” Ella glanced at the door and took a step back.

  Wink stationed Flo in front of all of them since she was the only one with a veritable weapon. Ella needed a distraction from their predicament and the possibility of a she-hulk on their hands.

  Huddled in a corner, Mrs. Tanner sat between shards of pottery and a tipped over shelving system.

  Ella swept her hands over the room. “Is this why you killed him?”

  Lilly’s eyes shot open, and she glared at Ella. For a moment, she became the enraged woman Ella had seen in the living room, the one who had taken on an armed lunatic. Then, the storm passed.

  “That’s not why,” she whispered.

  Ella’s jaw dropped, and she looked over at Flo and Wink. “Holy shiitake mushrooms, did you hear that?” Looking down at Lilly, she saw a broken woman, not a killer. “I mean, carry on.”

  She slid to the ground and sat across from the woman who’d just confessed to killing her husband. Leaning against a raised bed of dirt and dead plants, Ella asked, “Who killed David?”

  Lilly’s head whipped up. “How do you know about him?”