Shattered Heart

by Carol May

  With a cold, distant voice that was once passion filled, he says, “I can’t do this anymore, Charli.” Tensing, I try getting up but his arms tighten holding me in place. “Why are you doing this? Let me get up Houston.” Without a doubt, he can feel my response to the devastating blow he has just given me. The change in not only the position of my body but the speed with which my heart is now racing is a give-away to how that one phrase has affected me. Taking a very deep breath, I hold it a minute. Finding the courage to ask the question flying around in my head, I exhale, “Do what Houston?” With a snarl I continue, “Please explain to me just what it is you can’t do anymore. I need to know this very minute.” Right now, I am thanking the good Lord above that it is dark and that I’m facing the same direction as him. He can’t see the tears forming in my eyes. I have no doubt he was able to hear them in my voice. He once told me he had special people reading skills. I hope he can read me right now.

  “This thing that we are doing. I’m going to ask you a question and I want you to be completely honest with me.” Nodding my head and whispering “OK.” I brace my heart for whatever is coming. “Are you happy?” he asks while keeping his arms tight around me. (My city girl is standing with her mouth hung open in total shock. His actions and words do not match.) Before I can answer he continues in a tone I dare not interrupt. “With our situation right now? Think before you answer.” “Maybe before I answer, you should tell me your thoughts on the subject.”

  I feel him swallow, continuing on he says “I love you, Charli.”

  Interrupting him, “Love me? What the hell, Houston? You just said and I quote, I can’t do this anymore. In the next couple of minutes you tell me you love me. Would you please make up your mind! Talking about mixed signals. What the…”

  Next thing I know, Houston clamps his hand over my mouth. “Will you shut up woman? Let me finish! Nod your head, yes and I will remove my hand.” I nod. Before he removes it, he says, “If you dare start back on that tirade I will put it right back. Nod yes again, that you understand. I nod. Keeping his word, he removes his hand. “The past twenty-four hours have driven me crazy because the thing I knew I wasn’t doing was hurting you.” Placing my hands on top of his I ask calmly, “H. what are you not doing that caused me to be hurt?”

  With a distant voice I don’t recognize he continues, “Keeping you safe and protected Baby. I have known for some time the paparazzi would more than likely begin to follow/aggravate you. I did nothing. I talked myself into believing that you wouldn’t need a full time bodyguard. Then, you were here going through what I believe you called a “shit storm” while I was a thousand miles away. Relaxing his arms a little, I push away from him. “Give me a minute.” Standing up, I walk to the edge of the pool. Staring down into the clear water, with my back to him, I attempt to process what he said. I have faced many situations in my life where I’ve had to draw upon my courage. At this very moment not only am I putting together the words I need to say, but I am reaching down inside to draw on that courage to give him what he ask for. “Charli, I asked for complete honesty” Turning to look at him with a somber face, I am trying to find the right words. Raising my hand to my necklace, I find the energy to speak. “Houston, you can’t protect me. This isn’t the eighteenth century where the man protects his woman and maintains a safety net around her. I really don’t think it happened back then either. All that safety nonsense is just some fantasy some romantic created. This is the twenty-first century where women are responsible for their own safety. Where bad things, terrible things happen sometimes. All we can do is love each other while trying to care for the other.” Replacing what he probably viewed as a glum face with a smile, I continue. “I love you, too, for the record, I have hated the past month with you being away but I agree the last twenty-four hours have really sucked.” As I finish my little speech, he begins to rise. Shaking my head, I capture his eyes doing for him one of the things I know he really enjoys. I undress for him never breaking the connection we have with our eyes. Continuing to hold his line of sight, I slide into the warm waters of the pool. I’m not sure when I finally realized it but at some point the understanding that this has been a really bad day for both of us has sunk in. How selfish have I been for the past twenty four plus hours? I never thought about Houston at all when I was dealing with the vultures. I didn’t stop to think about how I might be upsetting him by sending those texts.

  Chapter 24

  Laying in bed after the pool, we both seem to feel the weight of the day has finally passed. Houston joined me in the pool earlier. We talked, laughed, swam, caressed, teased and enjoyed being together. It was as if tonight’s swim was the first time we had been in the pool at night; it was different somehow from the other times. Tonight, we were a couple, not just individuals enjoying the others company. The rush of the water over our naked bodies provided an intimacy that seemed to stretch beyond any of our previous pool encounters. It is very late (my mid-west girl thinks) or very early (my city girl thinks) depending on how I look at it. Whatever the time, it doesn’t matter. We’re together both trying to make up for the lost month when we were apart. Pulling me to him, Houston whispers into my ear the one question I can’t answer.

  “Will you move in here? Call Dade 303 your home, our home.”

  Almost as if he knew my answer would be no, he continues without giving me an opportunity to speak. “Baby, if we are going to be together, I need to know you are safe, when I’m not in town. I travel quite a bit. It’s the nature of the beast called Highland Diversified. Think what the past twenty-four hours, well closer to thirty-six now have been like. Living here, those blood suckers won’t have as much of an opportunity to attack you, like they will at your apartment.” Turning in his arms, I snuggle in but remain silent. Beginning to tenderly stroke my arm as if it is as much for him as it is for me, Houston breathes deeply. Continuing in a voice that could possibly be described as far away. “Let me explain something first, then, I have a confession. Shh, don’t say anything until I am finished. Nod your head, yes you agree to remain silent no matter how difficult it might be until I am completely finished.” With my head on his shoulder, he could feel me nod. “Most people would describe me as an extremely focused person, especially in the office. I do not allow any distractions. Never, when I am in a meeting. Rumors have it, there are some individuals that call me brutal when I am in a meeting. Actually, I can’t disagree with that line of thought. After reading your text, I couldn’t focus no matter how much I tried. You have to understand, I do not allow anything to come between me and my business. I have been married to my career in one form or another for as long as I can remember. The only thing I have actually loved until very recently was my career. A woman entering into my thoughts at an HD office is unheard of. Highland Diversified has always come first with me. She is a very jealous lover. Those unlucky bastards yesterday were on the receiving end of my uneasiness. I can assure you I wasn’t pleasant. That reminds me, I need to call the Chinese Ambassador tomorrow to offer my apologies.”

  I cringe when he says Chinese Ambassador. Crap! Is he really going after world domination? “Houston, I was upset that you didn’t email me back. I am sorry. I didn’t know you were in a meeting with people that represent an entire country. I should never have sent it. I was very selfish. Sometimes, I forget just how powerful and influential you really are.”

  Squeezing me as he pulls me into him. “Charli, let me make myself absolutely clear.” Taking a deep breath he continues, “I don’t want what I am about to say to scare you. I have thought a great deal about this. Since meeting you, I have felt a depth of emotions that I didn’t know existed for me, for others yes but not me. This is a new experience for me, feeling like this. The intensity is indescribable. The only way I can possibly begin to understand, much less explain my feelings is to say it is as if you consume me.” Opening my mouth, I begin to speak but he shakes his head, puts his finger on my lips, “Shhh, let me finish.” Laying quietly in
the arms of this magnificent man, I continue listening to him speak about things I am sure he has never spoke of to anyone. “I don’t know where I end and you begin. Once upon a time, I would have called anyone that speaks like I am right now a damn fool. I would have said the type and depth of love I am describing doesn’t exist. No matter what my feelings are, no matter how deep my love is I want you to know one thing.” Placing his hand under my chin, and tilting my face up to his, I see the look on his face. A look that I am not sure, I have ever seen on anyone’s face before especially when they look at me. Licking my dry lips, I manage to ask, “What is the one thing, H?”

  “Baby, you will always be safe with me. I would forfeit everything I own to ensure your safety and happiness. That isn’t the one thing though. Here is the one thin. If you can’t be safe with me then I will walk away from you. It would almost destroy me but I would do it. So, do not tell me not to try and keep you safe.” Wrapping my arm around him, I don’t know what to say. How in the world do I respond to what he has just told me? “Whew, that is a lot. Give me a minute to process that a man seeking world domination says he loves me. I am not sure that a minute is actually enough.” Our mood is moving from seriousness to joking, which makes me happy. I like to see H. when he is happy. Unfortunately, it seems he is serious so much of the time. Rolling over and straddling his waist, I smile down at him. Yum! Finally speaking, I say, “I’m glad you shared all of that with me. It really is more than my mind can process at this time of night. OK?” I begin tracing over his chest. Smiling, I ask, “Why are you so adamant about me moving in here? If I continue to live at my place and just stay here when you are in town, wouldn’t that be ok?”

  “Where have you been? Were you not just listening to me?”

  Continuing to trace on his chest, I need to feel him. “Thank you very much, Mr. Houston Donovan, I was listening.”

  “I don’t want this to influence your decision or scare you because that is not my intent with what I am about to say but Baby you have no idea the level of some of the people I must deal with. There are some very unscrupulous people in the world especially in big business. Greed causes some individuals to do some very dangerous things sometimes. I just want to know you are safe. Want isn’t the correct word. I must know you are safe.”

  “Can’t you tell me who you need to protect me from? Is it the Chinese? Would someone hurt me to get to you?”

  “No, I don’t think so but I will not take any chances. Damn woman, I won’t ask again. Give me your answer.” Kissing his neck and slowly moving up to his ear, I whisper, “I have been giving it to you since I climbed on top of Mount Houston. You claim to be such an astute businessman. I thought you would have figured it out.”

  Laying there looking a little confused he is quiet. Then the smile came. “Very sly my luscious lady.” I continued touching his chest but this time I said, “There might be a sneaky spy lurking nearby so let me write the letter Y.” (I write it onto his chest.) I see a bit of a smile appearing. “I want to see, I want to see, so let me write the letter E.” (I write an E onto his chest.) “So you won’t have to guess, let me write the letter S.” ( I write an S onto his chest.) Leaning over. I whisper, “Yes.”

  Still sitting on top of him with my knees on the bed, I was beginning to get a little nervous. Raising his left hand to my right cheek, he caresses it as gently as one would touch a new born lamb. I turn into this gentle yet somehow firm touch, kissing the palm of his hand. Slipping his hand to the back of my head, he guides my lips to his. The intenseness of the moment has passed as he nips my lower lip. Quickly, our playful kisses melt into a passion filled contact that spreads across our bodies. Rolling me onto my back, Houston plunged deep into me. I could only yell his name as a passion enflamed inferno caused my hips to rise up to meet his long plunging strokes. Moments later, Houston joins me on our pleasure filled cloud.

  Chapter 25

  As I walked into the kitchen this morning all I could do was shake my head when my eyes land on Houston looking very executive in his suit and tie. I marveled at how together he is after just a few hours of sleep. The burning ember Houston has ignited within me flared as he looked up from his orange juice giving me his megawatt smile. Sitting at the breakfast bar, he simply says, “Good Morning, Baby.” I melt every time he uses that sexy tone with me. He seems to really like that little pet name. Actually, I like it when he calls me Baby, too. “Good Morning, to you also, Mr. Up and Dressed Bright n’ Early. I see you are ready to face the new day in your quest for world domination.” Almost choking on his juice, he smirks, “I think world domination might be just a little extreme. Don’t you?” Raising my eyebrow just a little, I shrugged my shoulders, pouring myself a glass of juice. “I’ll settle for overseeing my vast empire, Ms. Jensen.”

  Slowly nodding my head in agreement, “It probably is a vast empire, I just don’t know how vast.” I leaned in with a smile and a kiss on his cheek.

  Shifting the bar stool to the right, he looks at me and says, “Come here, woman. I need at least an adequate good morning and whatever that thing that you just did on my face was definitely not adequate.”

  Smiling, I sit my juice glass down and move to stand between his legs. Giving him a kiss that causes the burning embers I have left to burst into a full out bonfire on the beach type of heat. Between our deep throated kisses, Houston mumbled, “Damn woman, I have to leave for the office in about five minutes or I would sweep everything off this counter and take you right here.”

  Backing up and turning away, I shook my behind at him in a suggestive way. Reaching over to pick up my juice glass, I moved out of his way just before his swatting hand made contact with it. I looked over my shoulder and in my best seductive voice I said, “Houston, have a wonderful day.” After finishing the last bite of his bagel, he stands, giving me that dazzling smile and asks, “What are you going to do today my sexy siren?”

  Smiling, I respond “I am going into the office in a couple of hours my magnificent stallion.”

  With a chuckle, he looks at me mumbling, “If I didn’t have a conference call with the Chinese Ambassador and his delegation this morning, in under (looking at his watch) forty minutes, I would show you my magnificent stallion,” raising his eyebrows a couple of times quickly.

  I can’t help but laugh at this playful banter we are engaged in. “Don’t think that all this talk about me being a stallion and this sexy walking of yours is driving my original question about your plans for the day out of my mind. I must have my assistant schedule a hearing appointment for me. Why would you do that? Are you having some type of problem?”

  “I didn’t think so until about five seconds ago when I thought I heard you mention something about going to the office.” Giving him the oddest look, I can muster, I reply. “Forget the hearing test. You have no worries. Your hearing is just fine because that is exactly what I said.” Crossing the room, to pick up his briefcase keeping his back to me, he says in what must be his authoritative business voice, “No, I don’t think so.”

  My mid-west girl is busting out at her seams, as I put my hand on my hip. “Houston Donovan! I so know I didn’t just hear you tell me no. You might need the hearing exam after all because I don’t remember asking you.” Holding my finger up as if I had experienced a revelation then pointing to myself I say, because I am going into the office.”

  Giving me a smile that in most instances would cause my panties to melt, he says, “Walk with me, we can pretend to discuss this. I’ve got to get out of here. My five minutes was up about eight minutes ago.” The jig is up (as Daddy use to say) he now knows that I’m going into the office. As we walk to the elevator together he asks me, “Has yesterday been erased from that beautiful mind of yours? What about last night’s events and the conversations we had?” Rolling my eyes, as I turn my head, “How could one of the worst days of my life simply fade away? I don’t think I’ll ever forget yesterday.” The elevator opens, with Nash appearing all ready to go. Steppin
g into the foyer, “Mam.” My first thought is, about his weapon. I wonder if that’s why he always wears a suit no matter how hot it is? Not a conversation for this morning. Note to self, talk to H. about the gun thing. Nodding my head and smiling, “Nash.” The second thought is oops I’m in H’s tee shirt with bed head. Not a pretty sight.

  Taking my elbow, guiding me over with him, “Ride down with me. We can finish our discussion,” Houston says entering the elevator. Looking down at what I have on, I look back up into those chocolate wonders, “Are you kidding? I can’t go outside in your tee shirt, Houston.” Clearing his throat, Nash quickly adds, “No one will see you. We are going directly to the basement, Mam.” “Thank you, Nash.” I have a sneaky suspicion at this very moment Nash will tell me just about anything to get Houston out of here. He knows Houston is on a tight schedule today. It is seven-thirty in the morning and already behind. He usually leaves for the office around six forty-five.

  Stepping in, Houston wastes no time and jumps onto the topic. Glancing at Nash but tilting his head toward me, “She thinks she’s going into the office.” Making some sound that I have never heard before Nash winces. Focusing back on me H says, “Now, let’s quickly discuss this. You need to rethink your plans. If they know where both you and Lana live don’t you think they know about your office? How will you get anything finished? Will it be a productive day for Supreme Corporate Travel if you are in the office? Let me answer that for you in case you might be confused, Yes, they know about the office. Am I correct Nash?”

  Never moving a muscle, Nash answers, “Yes, they do. A couple of them were camped out across the street most of the night.” Sighing deeply, “First off, they don’t know where I live because I live here now, right? So the joke is on them.” I say with a fake little laugh.