by Paige Edward
I drove up, and was pointed towards the valet as there was no self-parking. Handing my keys to the parking attendant, I pulled down the bottom of my black dress, smoothing out any wrinkles that had gathered while sitting behind the wheel. Pushing my bangs behind my ear, so my mom wouldn’t chastise me for having hair in my eyes, I walked quickly into the lobby and up the stairs to the restaurant. The maître-d asked my name, and told me my party was already waiting. Surprising, as my mother was always fashionably late. As we approached the table, I could see that she wasn’t sitting alone.
I’d thought this was girl’s night out, but sitting next to her, with his back to me, was some kind of businessman. He’d probably be a total bore. I should have known—she isn’t one for intimate conversations, and doesn’t think it’s worth getting dressed if not to impress some man. Irritation stirred in my chest. Why did she have to change the plan without telling me? I rolled my eyes as I approached the table. I should be used to this sort of behavior by now—it was nothing new.
The host brought me around to my side of the table, pulling out my chair. As I looked across the table about to take my seat, Ryan looked up from his menu.
It felt like I had run into a wall. I was suddenly unstable on my feet. If the host hadn’t already pulled out the chair, I think I might have fallen over. I locked eyes with Ryan as I lowered myself into my chair.
My mom, excuse me, Miranda, made the introductions.
“Ryan Anderson, please meet my daughter, Amy Miller,” she said, flashing that irritating I-only-have-eyes-for-you smile at Ryan. She was always inappropriately flirty.
Ryan cleared his throat. Before he could say a word about how we already knew each other, I reached my hand across the table, to shake his. He held on longer than necessary.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Anderson,” I said, grateful my voice didn’t catch in my throat as I thought it would.
Thankfully, he played along right away. “And you. Please call me Ryan.” He smiled that cheeky grin, massaging my hand with his thumb.
What the fuck was he doing here? How did he know her?
Miranda put her hand on Ryan’s shoulder, probably upset that she wasn’t the one getting attention for that one split second.
“Amy, remember how I mentioned my new business venture? Well I am investing in MORGAN properties. Ryan is the company CEO, and he couldn’t meet any other night. I thought why not combine business and pleasure,” she practically purred.
Oh spare me. And wasn’t Hunter’s father the CEO? I was totally confused. “Are you sure I should stay? We could very well find another night, Miranda,” I said, trying not to sound too hopeful.
But of course that would be too good to be true. “No, no,” Miranda insisted. “If I am going to get into bed with this fellow, I want your approval.” She chuckled.
Leave it to Miranda to make everything sexual. My face twisted into a forced smile. “I think you mean business partners, Mother,” I said through gritted teeth. I knew Ryan would never go for her, but I’d never thought many horrible things that had happened with her were possible either.
Ryan looked at me, trying to signal something, but I could hardly see straight. I was too upset to figure out how this could have happened, let alone read his secret messages. Did he think I’d suddenly become telepathic?
Whatever was happening between Miranda and Ryan, I knew my mother. She could never just make it about business. She’d keep trying to tempt him, or just try to undermine me all the time. I didn’t want her knowing a thing about my personal life. If she was going to stay in the picture, there was no way Ryan and I could continue doing whatever it was that we were doing. I could feel my eyes beginning to water with frustration.
I finally meet someone where I feel something more real, more important, than I’ve ever felt, and then it was ruined. By her. Like always.
I sat numbly through dinner, saying enough “yes” and “mmhm”s to make it seem like I was listening. Easy enough. Miranda never really cared for conversation—what she really wanted was an audience.
I was completely distraught. Memories kept flashing in my mind, forcing me to relive everything my mother had ever done to me, everything she had taken from me. She had ruined the best parts of my life before. I couldn’t even imagine what she would do to this. No, I thought as I placed my fork down and took a sip of water. Stop thinking like this. But I couldn’t stop myself. I blinked away tears.
Ryan kept on trying to get me to look at him, offering more wine, asking me how I was enjoying my dinner, but I could barely look his way. How could he think going into business with her was a good idea?
Dinner couldn’t be over fast enough. As I picked at my cobb salad, I kept feeling twinges of irritation striking my stomach. I couldn’t do this. I pushed away my salad only half eaten. Before the check was paid, I stood up from the table.
“Miranda, Ryan, it was a pleasure. But I have to go. I have an early morning.” I tried to smile in their direction while I picked my purse off the floor.
“Let me walk you out,” Ryan demanded.
Miranda put her hand on his arm again. “Ryan, please, Amy is a big girl and we have a few more details to go over. Stay here. Good night, Amy. Thank you for coming.” I was dismissed.
I walked away as quickly as possible so no one would see the tears that had been threatening all evening start to pour down my cheeks. Whenever I found someone, or something that made me feel truly happy, Miranda always found a way to corrupt it. I ran to the valet, and thankfully the car pulled up quickly.
Jumping into my Bug, I locked the doors, and sobbed.
CHAPTER 30
Amy
An hour after I’d gotten home, put on my softest Maroon 5 tee-shirt, and poured myself a nice glass of wine, I heard a car pull up and park outside my house. I peeked out the window and sure enough it was Ryan’s car. He quickly disentangled himself from the seat belt and was determinedly walking up to my door. If I wasn’t so upset about what had happened at dinner, I’d be totally turned on by the way he was so aggressively walking towards me.
What I really wanted to do was pretend I wasn’t home. As hot as he was walking up the path, I was so incredibly upset. As he rang the doorbell, I sighed. I knew I’d have to deal with this sooner or later—might as well get it over with. Hoping my eyes weren’t bright red and swollen from crying, I opened the door.
He stood before me, his face hurt and full of longing. I couldn’t look into his eyes, but I couldn’t look away either.
“Amy, we both know this is something special and different,” Ryan said, his voice low. I met his gaze and saw he was speaking the truth. “If I had known she was your mother, if the business didn’t need this partnership, I’d cancel it right away. But I can’t.” His voice grew harder as he mentioned business.
“I can’t be with you,” I said. The words felt like poison, making me hate my lips, my tongue for uttering them. “Not that we are together, but you know this, whatever this is between us, can’t continue. I can’t have Miranda in my life. And if we keep dating, she would never leave. She’s your business partner. I can barely spend a whole hour with her without breaking out in hives.” My voice trembled, and I tried to keep it steady. “Besides, who knows where this would have gone anyway, right?” I asked, trying to sound certain and confident, but the pain pounded beneath my words like a heartbeat. I’m sure Ryan could feel it.
“Stop.” Ryan put his hand on my arm.
“Listen,” I said, drawing my arm away. I needed him to understand. This wasn’t a rash decision or an immature one. It hurt more than I could describe, but it needed to be said—and he needed to listen. “Miranda ran out on us,” I explained. “She left my brother and me alone. As a kid, I was raising him, making ends meet to support us. After a year or two, I was making it work. I missed my father like crazy, but my friends were incredible and I was dating Hunter. And his family became like my own family. I’d missed that so much.”
Ryan’s eyes narrowed at the mention of his name. “I didn’t know you dated him.”
“This isn’t about that,” I said, a touch of impatience in my voice. “Yes, we were together in high school. But it wasn’t just Hunter, it was really his family too. They took me in, had us over for dinners, gave us the care we were missing. Miranda would come to visit, and sometimes, even come to the Morgan’s house for dinner. I don’t know how she could show her face.” My voice started to tremble again. I put my hand against the door frame to support myself.
I took a breath before pressing on. “And then one day, I was meeting Hunter at his house. The backdoor was always open and the Morgans always made me feel like it was my home, so I went in. I was waiting for Hunter downstairs, but then heard someone upstairs. I thought I was there alone, so I walked towards the noise. That’s when I saw them.” I paused for half a moment. I felt like I was on a tipping point, on the verge of something huge. Did I dare to tell Ryan this?
“Miranda was in Hunter’s bed,” I said, my voice stony, “fucking Jim Morgan. They didn’t see me and I tried to get out of there as fast as I could. I guess he thought using his son’s room made it less immoral. Like he wasn’t ruining his marriage bed.
But then I sensed someone behind me. Mrs. Morgan must have gotten home and heard the same thing, and she’d quietly come up the stairs. I could just see how much it hurt her—it was written all over her face. She’d only been a wonderful, sweet, and generous presence in my life, and then Miranda had to go and ruin it all. I didn’t know what to say and I felt horrible intruding on her in that moment. I ran back downstairs. Miranda wasn’t happy with just ruining my life. She had to destroy their family too. And ruining my safe haven—the only place I had left.”
“Oh Amy, I am so sorry.” Ryan slowly rubbed my shoulder.
I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice steady but unable to stop the pain from resurfacing. “And then a few weeks later, Mrs. Morgan told me it was too hard for her to see me around the house. That she was mortified at what we’d seen and seeing me all the time—well I was just reminding her of it, twisting the knife. She asked me to please not come over anymore. I never told anyone. But I was devastated. I lost the only family I had.”
I looked at Ryan, met his green eyes. I needed him to understand. “I’d never ask you to compromise the business, but you have to understand: that woman ruins everything good in my life, and I just can’t go through that again.”
He grabbed my hand and pushed me through the door so that we were in the living room, not outside anymore. The door swung shut behind us. Grabbing my face between his hands, he stared into my eyes. I could see the intensity and want in his gaze. My heart nearly stopped as he leaned in.
He slowly kissed my lips, then under my ear, and along my jaw, and made his way back to my lips. It was tender. He put his full lips against mine, slowly teasing them open with his own. I felt the kiss all over my body. I had to stop this before I lost my resolve.
Tears were slowly falling from my eyes, and must have been spilling on his handsome face. I placed my hand on his chest and gently pushed him away. I didn’t want him to see me cry.
“We can’t do this. She’ll ruin me. She’ll ruin this. She always does.” I walked back towards the door, and started to open it. I gestured for him to leave but he just stood there.
“Ryan, good night.”
He still didn’t move.
“Leave, please,” I repeated.
He looked at me, really looked into my eyes and whispered, “We should figure this out. Don’t shut me out.”
But couldn’t he see? I didn’t have a choice.
CHAPTER 31
Ryan
I left Amy’s, dejected and angry. Why in bloody hell was the one investor I needed her fucked up mother? I felt like the universe was messing with me. I got into the car, and drove towards the hotel.
I couldn’t get Amy off my mind. Being with her only made me want more of her. She was everything and more, and I’d never felt like this about anyone. Not to mention the sex, it was brilliant.
Maybe if I could figure out why the company’s money was disappearing, I wouldn’t need Miranda. I didn’t know how to prove my suspicions but I needed to figure it out. Perhaps I could save things. Who was I kidding? Even if I got to the bottom of this, it wasn’t like the missing money would be waiting for me at the end of the fucking rainbow.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I racked my brain for some way to save the situation. I needed Amy, and I also needed her mother’s fucking money. I needed to do a better job of explaining to Amy where I came from and what this kind of project means. I never shared my history with people I dated. I never wanted their pity, or even their compliments at how I’d made it against all odds.
But if anyone would understand, I knew it would be her.
I called her phone. It rang and rang, but she didn’t answer.
CHAPTER 32
Amy
“You know I love you Amy. But Luke isn’t a kid anymore and you can’t hide behind taking care of him to keep your life on hold.” Jamie bit her lip, which she always does when she is worried. I was sitting on the edge of her couch, trying to keep myself together.
“I’m not putting my life on hold.” My voice was unsteady as I spoke. I wasn’t hiding behind Luke. I was being smart. I wiped my face with the edge of my Maroon 5 shirt. And what did she know anyway? She never had to raise a child when she was a child herself. “But I do know that I want someone who isn’t involved in any way with my mother. What kind of person would think working with Miranda is a good idea? Plus he never told me he was CEO of MORGAN Properties. What else isn’t he telling me?” I said raising my voice.
Jamie looked away, and then back at me. “Well maybe you should ask him,” she said quietly. I was sick of her advice. There was nothing left to talk about. I didn’t care. Ryan was going to complete this partnership with Miranda and there was nothing I could do about it. I just couldn’t go out with him anymore. Easy as that. And luckily I found this out before things got too serious.
I’m sure I could forget about him. I mean I’d only known him a few weeks. I’d had a fine life before he walked into it, and I could definitely recover after saying goodbye. Surely I could find someone else wonderful and hot. I tried not to think of our incredible connection—if I did, I would start crying again. And I didn’t want to deal with Jamie’s knowing looks or sympathy. She was and is an incredible friend, but no one can understand what it’s like to have a mother like mine…and how for my sanity I need to stay as far away from her as possible, and anyone associated with her.
Jamie put her hand on my shoulder. “Ames, I’m only going to say this one more time, but I’ve never seen you so happy as you’ve been the last few weeks. I’ve never seen you like someone so much.”
I felt hot tears on my cheeks.
“It’s your time now.” Her voice was soft. “You need to live a little.”
I looked away. Jamie just didn’t get it. And I knew Cat wouldn’t get it. And I couldn’t bother Luke about this now that he was on his own. The only person who I wanted to call who I thought--no, who I knew would understand--was the one person I couldn’t talk to anymore.
I knew Jamie was trying to help me, but I just couldn’t stand to be there one more minute. I gripped the edge of my shirt, trying to hold on to something to keep me steady. I didn’t want to lash out at her, but I couldn’t have this conversation right now. I stood up and tried to catch my breath. I had to stop crying. I had to control all of these feelings and focus on moving forward.
“Jamie, I need to go home and be alone. I’m sorry,” I said, making my way to her front door. She cleared her throat as if she was going to say something, but then there was silence. She knew better than to ask me to stay.
“Okay, but think about what I said.”
I went to my car and decided to take a drive along the coast. I put the windows down, and felt the salty air on my skin, the wi
nd pounding against me. With the air rushing through the windows, I could cry and scream as loud as I wanted, and no one would hear me. Sobs escaped from my throat.
I hated how Miranda always fucked up my life. I thought I was over the pain she’d caused, or at least past the point where she could really affect my life. I was dead wrong.
How could I lose Ryan, just when I was getting to know him?
CHAPTER 33
Amy
I needed distraction. Cat called and invited me to a party one of her co-workers was having for his birthday, an after work happy hour. So the next day, after I closed the shop, I drove over to the D Street Bar near Cat’s work. I’d worn a cute floral skirt and white top. I even wore some make-up. Cat said she thought there’d be loads of cute men there, since the birthday boy was very cute himself. I would also finally get to meet Cat’s current man, although I couldn’t let on that I knew about them. It was still hush hush at work. I wasn’t quite sure how they were managing to keep their relationship under wraps since last time I’d checked, they were still working diligently on their quest to do it on every surface of their office. Didn’t the coworkers notice the moaning or the screaming? Or the panties flying across the room?
When I arrived, I checked the rearview mirror and smoothed my bangs down so they were less girl next door, and more rock and roll. My eyes were still red from crying, but I hoped the fresh shine of lip gloss would distract from the. The makeup, the bright colors—all of it worked well as a mask. You could only see how sad I was if you looked closely.
Entering the bar, I looked for Cat. I could see her back--she was sitting on a stool in the corner, talking to a very tall, very good looking man. Must be Mr. Rug Burn himself. I made my way over, ready for a drink, or two.
