Carved in Ice (Made of Steel Series Book 3)

by Ivy Smoak

  Was he seriously agreeing with V? I thought we had been on the same page today. And last night. Screw him too. “I’ll even leave my gun here so you can all feel better.” I reached into my sweater and pulled it out.

  Liza immediately put her hands into the air and her eyes grew wider than usual, if that was possible.

  Did she really think I was going to shoot her? I set my gun down on the table. “Have fun with your vote. Obviously I vote nay, not that my vote ever seems to matter.” I stormed past them and the ground lit up red underneath my feet. Screw you too, Athena.

  Chapter 9

  Monday

  The happiness I had finally just grasped was slipping through my fingers. It was one thing to be ignored. Venom being thrown at me for no reason was completely out of line. What the hell had even set V off? According to Liza they had a super great date earlier. He should have been chipper if anything.

  I balled my hands into fists and stared out at the city. The blanket of snow should have been calming, but it wasn’t. It made the taste of blood fill my mouth.

  I took a deep breath and watched my exhale fog the air in front of me. Mr. Crawford was alive. I wanted to feel relief. But what if he was working for Don? I exhaled again and stared at my breath. What if he was my father?

  “I thought you hated the snow.” V stepped up beside me and stared out at the city street.

  “Yeah, but I didn’t used to.”

  “What made you change your mind?”

  I kept staring out at the snow. “Why did you come up here, V? I know it wasn’t for pointless small talk.”

  He sighed and the air from his breath collided with mine. “Eli and Liza both voted with you. You’re free to do as you please…under the other rules of course.”

  “Right. Only come outside at night unless I’m wearing a disguise. Now if you’ll excuse me, I want to be alone.”

  “Do you though?”

  I finally turned toward him. “Yes.”

  “Liza told me that you said the therapist helped.”

  “That’s perfect. How about the two of you keep talking about me behind my back and leave me alone?”

  “Whatever you want, Sadie.” He started to walk away.

  God, it hit a nerve every time he called me that. “Would you just call me by my real name?”

  He kept walking away from me.

  “My name is Summer Brooks, you psychopath!”

  “You are not Summer Brooks.” His voice rumbled lower than usual as he turned back around.

  My heart stammered against my chest. “What do you mean by that?”

  “Nothing.” He turned back around and kept walking.

  “V, what do you mean?”

  He didn’t respond so I started running after him.

  There was only one reasonable explanation. “Did you know me when I was a kid?”

  He was almost to the fire escape.

  I couldn’t run any faster in the snow. “V!” My feet slipped on a sheet of ice and I landed hard on my ass. Ow. I tried to stand up but my feet slid again. And that was why you didn’t wear converses in the snow. Before V completely disappeared, I made a snowball and tossed it at him.

  It made direct contact with his upper back. He immediately stopped. A laugh escaped his throat. “You’re so going to pay for that.” He bent down and started making a snowball.

  Shit. I shifted to my knees and was able to get up just as a snowball hit me.

  “I knew you loved the snow,” he said. He grabbed my arm before I was able to make another snowball.

  I tried to search his face. “You knew me.”

  “A lifetime ago.” He lowered his head so I couldn’t see his eyes.

  “And you won’t call me Summer because…”

  “Because you’re nothing like her.”

  I had been trying to hold on to my past for so long. But there was no point if I held no resemblance to the kid I used to be. It hurt. I had been ready to give up my past last night. But now that there was no way to bring Summer Brooks back? I swallowed hard. “When did you know me?”

  He didn’t respond.

  “Did you love me then?” I moved closer to him.

  Nothing.

  “Is that why you said it when you thought we were going to die? Because it used to be true?”

  His silence was driving me crazy. I got close enough to breathe in his exhales. Tell me the truth. “What about now? Do you hate me?”

  “I think I hate you more than I ever loved you.”

  For some reason, I didn’t believe him. I smiled. “I hate you more.”

  He laughed. “Is that why you’re trying to kiss me?”

  “I’m not trying to kiss you.” But I didn’t step back. Was I trying to kiss him? There was such a small space between us that snow could barely fall through it. “I’ve decided to see how things go with Eli actually.”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to date Eli.”

  “You can’t.”

  “This isn’t something you can vote on, V.” I tried to take a step back but his grip prevented me from moving. “You said yourself that we don’t end up together, remember?”

  “That doesn’t mean you end up with him.” There was venom in his voice.

  “I don’t see why you care.”

  “You’re mine, Sadie.”

  The way he said it made my heart race. “To hate?”

  “Just until I’m able to love every part of you again. The space between us doesn’t have to be the way it has been. I’ll show you tonight. I’ll give you whatever you need. Don’t go running back to Eli. I just need more time.”

  “To fall back in love with me? I don’t even know who you are.”

  “We’re not running out of time anymore. You’ll find out when we’re both ready. Besides, if I recall correctly, you love when I fuck you.” He released me from his grip and walked away in the snow.

  I didn’t want to be hated. I wanted to be loved. He couldn’t have been more wrong. So why hadn’t I corrected him?

  Chapter 10

  Monday

  I pulled on a different pair of pajama bottoms. No. I ditched all my clothes, pulled on a silk robe instead, and stared in the mirror. This was so stupid. It didn’t matter what I wore. What mattered was who I went to. I sat down on the edge of my bed and put my face in my hands.

  Eli loved me. V hated me. What was I even debating? Yet, I couldn’t make myself leave my room. It was tempting to just lock the door and not decide at all.

  “It’s like his heart thawed.” Dr. Miller’s words came back to me. Why had V’s heart needed to thaw in the first place? All I could think about were the different foster kids I had lived with. V must have been a boy I used to know. Was he one of them?

  But none of them stood out in my head as liking me. Let alone hating me. I was never chosen at any of the foster homes for adoption. There couldn’t be resentment there. I was missing something. Maybe he was older than I realized. I needed to talk to him again in order to figure it out.

  I stood up and wandered into the hall. For just a moment, I hesitated in front of V’s door. Yes I needed to talk to him. But that wasn’t what he was offering me. And I definitely wouldn’t find any comfort in V’s arms. It used to feel like he was absorbing my pain, like he truly was a superhero and that was his power. But I knew he didn’t have any powers. My pain went away when I was with him because he understood it. And I didn’t want to be with someone who understood my pain.

  I wanted someone who was able to rid me of my pain completely. Someone good. Someone happy. Someone who made me feel normal. I could talk to V in the morning. Nothing good would happen if I stepped into his room. I kept walking down the hall and opened up Eli’s door.

  He set down the book he was reading. “I wasn’t sure if you were coming.”

  “Where else would I go?”

  He stood up and walked over to me. “V left shortly after you did. I was trying to give you some space, but…I fig
ured he might have gone to talk to you.”

  I hadn’t moved from his doorway.

  Eli stopped walking when he was right in front of me. “I thought he might try to convince you to be with him again.” His words were so honest. And I could feel his hesitancy.

  Did he think I was here to say goodbye? “So you wanted to see what I’d do? You could have just come after me too.” I smiled up at him.

  “I needed to know. I don’t want to share your heart with V and Miles. I want you all to myself. Because despite what you think, I love all of you. Every single piece of you.”

  I blinked away the tears in my eyes. “V did try to get me to choose him.” I closed the door behind me and locked it. The sound of the lock clicking echoed around the small room. “And he failed.”

  “Is that so?”

  Eli was so close that I could smell the citrus on his skin. It reminded me of summer and sunshine. I was choosing to live in the light, and I didn’t doubt my choice for a second. “I love you, Eli. And only you.” I undid the sash on my robe and let it fall open. “Every single piece of…”

  His lips colliding with mine drowned out my words. I pushed up his t-shirt, letting my fingers wander over his six pack. He grabbed his shirt and pulled it the rest of the way off before grabbing my thighs and lifting my legs around his waist. He was about to carry me over to his bed, but I grabbed the doorknob. I didn’t want that. I wanted him right this second. “I want you right here.”

  “I’ll always give you whatever you want.”

  I kissed the side of his neck and listened to the sound of his zipper. And the sound of foil ripping.

  But instead of the feeling that I was craving, his fingers slowly traced my wetness.

  “Please, Eli. I need you.”

  “You just told me that you loved me, Summer. Let me cherish you.” His eyes wandered to my breasts. “Every inch of you.”

  “I know how you feel. But right now I just need to feel you.”

  He placed the tip of his cock against me. “Is that so?”

  “Stop teasing me,” I said with a laugh. “Please.”

  “Hmm.” He shifted slightly forward, driving me crazy.

  I tightened my legs around his waist, forcing him to thrust into me harder than I think we both expected. God.

  “Fuck,” he groaned into my mouth.

  I grabbed the back of his neck, ensuring that his lips wouldn’t leave mine. I never wanted to stop tasting him. Or feeling him. Or loving him. “I love you.”

  He unwrapped my hands from his body and pressed them against the door. “I love you too.” He moved his hips faster, hitting me in all the right places.

  I believed his words even though what we were doing screamed fucking not making love. It’s what I wanted. The roughness of the door and the soft silk somehow made it even better. It was raw and real. This was the best way to feel.

  And the longer I spent with him, the more I realized that he was able to take away my pain. Love was so much stronger than hate.

  He titled his hips at just the right angle.

  “Yes, Eli!”

  He kissed the side of my jaw and tightened his hands around mine. “Say my name again.”

  “Eli!”

  I felt his cock pulse just as I exploded into a million pieces. And for the first time in years, it actually felt like someone loved every single one of those pieces of me.

  ***

  Eli reached forward and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. “Can I ask you something?”

  I stared into his brown eyes and willed him not to ruin the moment. “Anything.”

  “Last night you said that you hated both V and Miles. But that wasn’t always the case. Did something happen? That made you change your mind?”

  I thought about my conversation with V from the other day. Where he said he never meant to say he loved me. I thought about Miles laughing with the blonde girl outside my old dorm building. “Honestly? I think I finally saw both of them for what they were: memories. And I needed to move on.”

  He searched my face. “I don’t want to be your third choice.”

  I put my hand on the center of his chest. “Eli, you couldn’t be a consolation prize even if you tried.”

  He smiled.

  “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way. I can’t even express how happy I am right now. I don’t even remember the last time I smiled this much. And I know I changed my mind about them. But I don’t intend to change my mind about you, Eli Serrano.” His last name sounded strange out loud. I think it was the first time I had ever said it.

  He raised his eyebrow. “Still getting used to my real last name?”

  “I’m just so used to thinking of you as Eli Hayes. But Serrano has a nice ring to it. Summer Serrano.” As soon as I said it, I pressed my lips together. Crap, had I really just said that out loud?

  He laughed.

  “God, please pretend I didn’t say that. I didn’t mean it. I was just trying to say Serrano out loud a few times to get used to it.”

  “Mhm.”

  “I was!” I lightly nudged his shoulder.

  “Actually, I think Summer Serrano has a nice ring to it.”

  “You do?”

  “Once we get out of this mess, maybe we can make it official. I know how much you like changing your name.”

  I wanted to laugh at his joke. But he'd kind of just proposed. Hadn’t he? It felt like my heart was going to beat out of my ribcage. I had only ever dreamed of marrying one boy. My heart used to beat for Miles. Now? I exhaled slowly. Now I could picture it with Eli. I could as clear as day. Eli wasn’t just some childhood fantasy. He was real. He had moved to New York to help me. Hell, he had given up his career to help me. He wasn’t some childhood dream, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t the man of my dreams.

  “I do like changing my name,” I said. “Sometimes I forget that you’re 26 and ready for so much more than boyfriend and girlfriend labels.”

  “I’m patient. There’s no rush, Summer.”

  But I wanted that happy ending. I felt like I deserved it. Like I had waited my whole life to get to smile again. The white picket fence. The kids. It felt like a knife cut through my heart. “You’re really okay with the fact that I can’t have children?”

  “We’ve already talked about this. We can adopt. Some cute little kid that needs us.”

  I loved that idea. And I loved him. I truly did. Why had I spent so much time pushing him away? He was so much better than sad memories, so distant and cold. My future finally felt bright. “I’d really like that. And maybe we can move back out west? I hate New York.”

  He laughed. “Me too. We can go to some small little town and start fresh. Maybe I can even get reinstated eventually. Or we can do something together. I know how much you like hot chocolate. We could open a bakery or something.”

  “Very funny. But that actually sounds kinda perfect. We’ll have a hot cocoa shop with several little kids running around.” It was not at all what I originally pictured for my future. But it sounded fantastic now.

  “Several, huh?”

  I laughed as he pulled me on top of him.

  Chapter 11

  Wednesday

  “The Helspet Mafia meeting is confirmed for tomorrow night,” Liza said as she switched off her laptop and pulled her earbuds out of her ears. “I was able to pick up audio at the deli down the street. We have a location and everything.”

  I had thought she was listening to music during our whole meeting. That made a lot more sense.

  “Perfect. So our plan is to find William Crawford and extract him,” Eli said.

  “Peacefully,” I added.

  “Right. This is it, Summer. We’re finally going to get some answers.” He gave me a reassuring smile.

  I had felt relaxed for the past couple of days. But hearing Eli say that made me feel even better. I smiled back at him. Everything was finally coming together. My mind was no longer consumed with thoughts of revenge. It w
as filled with thoughts of a future that was actually bright.

  “Great,” V said. “We can go through particulars tomorrow morning since Sadie has an appointment in a few minutes.”

  “Actually,” Eli said. “Summer and I have been talking and we think it’s best if she stops seeing Dr. Miller. She said last time wasn’t very helpful. And we’ve been talking a lot of things out. She definitely doesn’t need him.”

  I grabbed Eli’s hand under the table. I had asked him to help get me out of my next appointment. Thank you. I squeezed his hand.

  V looked down at Eli and my intertwined fingers beneath the glass table. “The two of you have been talking it out?” he asked.

  “Mhm,” I said. “Really, I feel so much better about everything. It’s like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.”

  “You do seem happier,” Liza said. “I’ve never seen you smile so much.”

  “Thanks, Liza.” I guess?

  “So let me get this straight,” V said. “You’re just magically mentally stable after a chat with Eli…the disgraced detective?”

  “Look, V…” Eli started.

  “I’m not talking to you, Eli. And the answer is no, Sadie. Dr. Miller’s already on his way. It’s too late to cancel.”

  “She said no, man,” Eli said and dropped my hand. “We don’t take orders from you. Get it through your thick skull.”

  “Sadie,” V said, ignoring Eli. “Please.”

  “Why don’t you just take the appointment? He’s your therapist. And I’m doing better. Really.”

  “So that’s it? You’ve been in a terrible mood for months and all you needed was to fuck Eli to feel magically better, like a common hooker?”

  Eli stood up. “If the next words out of your mouth aren’t an apology, I’m going to beat the shit out of you.”

  “Stop.” Jesus. “Both of you just stop. I’ll talk to Dr. Miller, alright? And thanks, V.” I didn’t say it sarcastically. I meant it. If there had been any doubts in my mind that I was making the right choice by being with Eli, they had just evaporated. A common hooker. Fuck him. I stood up and started walking away from them.