MB05 - After the Dance is Over

by Joan Jonker

  ‘You do and I’ll knock yer block off.’ Joanne had been throwing her weight around since she entered the Corkhills’ house and thought nothing of it. She was always bossy and pushy. But tonight’s behaviour, which was well over the top even for her, had been fuelled by drink and bravado. But now, as she turned to put her hand over her bag so her brother couldn’t get it, she noticed Paul standing watching her with a look of disgust on his face. And it was that look which cleared her mind. She didn’t particularly worry about anyone else in the room, but she did worry what he thought about her. ‘Oh, all right, I’ve got me key and I’ll go home.’ She wiggled her way to the edge of the couch and using two hands pushed herself up. ‘I’ll get me coat and go.’

  ‘I’ll come with yer,’ Corker said, ‘and make sure yer get in safely.’

  ‘Yer’ve no need to do that, I can look after meself.’

  ‘That’s not the impression I got. In any case, I wouldn’t dream of allowing a young lady to go into a dark house on her own.’

  ‘We’ll go back to the Bennetts’, then, Dad,’ Phoebe said. ‘They’ll wonder what’s going on.’

  ‘Okay, sweetheart, I won’t be long after yer.’

  Joanne was putting her coat on when the couple reached the door, and she called, ‘Ta-ra Paul, I’ll be seeing yer.’

  ‘Ta-ra,’ he shouted, but didn’t look back as he cupped Phoebe’s elbow to help her down the step. ‘Thank God that’s over.’

  ‘What did yer answer her for?’ Phoebe was not best pleased. ‘She’s a horrible girl who’s spoilt the night for everyone.’

  ‘I agree, she’s been a bitch. But I think the drinks she had were partly to blame, she didn’t know what she was saying.’

  Keep quiet, Phoebe told herself. Don’t start an argument on Christmas night. In fact don’t mention the girl’s name again or he’ll think you’re a nagger. So she smiled up at him. ‘I’m jealous, that’s the problem. So to make me un-jealous, give me a kiss.’ She couldn’t see his face clearly in the dark, but she knew his dimples would be showing and the brown eyes that could send her weak at the knees would be smiling. Then when his lips touched hers, she forgot everything and everyone as her spine tingled and her heart flipped. And when she heard his soft sigh of pleasure, it seemed every star in the sky came out to shine down on them. It was bliss. Perfect bliss.

  As Phoebe and Paul had done, Corker made light of the Joanne incident. ‘Everything’s fine, a storm in a teacup. The girl had a couple of glasses of sherry and she couldn’t take it. She’s in her own home now, sleeping it off.’

  ‘We filled a plate for yer, Uncle Corker,’ Jill said. ‘And the kettle’s on the boil for a fresh pot of tea.’

  ‘Thank you, princess, I am feeling a bit peckish.’

  Nellie sidled up to him. ‘Yer’d better get it down yer quick, lad, ’cos we’re all ready to start the party off again. If yer’d been away any longer, yer’d have missed me party piece.’

  The big man stroked his beard as his laughter filled the room. ‘Oh, aye, Nellie, what have yer got in store for us tonight?’

  ‘I’m not telling yer, so there! Yer’ll just have to wait and see.’

  ‘She won’t tell me what she’s going to do, and it’s my ruddy house!’ Molly said. ‘There’s one thing I know she won’t be doing, and that’s the dance of the seven veils. She did that in the butcher’s the other week, and one thing about me mate, she never repeats herself.’

  Alec Porter leaned forward. ‘Nellie did the dance of the seven veils in the butcher’s? How did she manage that?’

  ‘Never mind how she managed it,’ Maisie said. ‘Why couldn’t she come and do it in our shop? We’d have done a roaring trade.’

  Those who had heard the tale were giggling and guffawing. And when Nellie said, ‘Would yer like to see me do it, Alec?’ there were roars of approval.

  He looked to Molly. ‘It sounds as though everyone’s seen it.’

  ‘No, they haven’t, sunshine, but I do a very good impression of me mate. Except I don’t go the whole hog like she does. I refuse to take me knickers off.’

  Corker was shaking with laughter. ‘Oh, this we’ve got to see. Come on, Nellie, let’s see yer latest speciality act.’

  There was loud clapping and stamping of feet, and Nellie turned to Molly and spread her hands. ‘See how my adoring fans appreciate me?’ Then she closed her eyes and looked deep in thought. Tapping her chin, she said, ‘I intended doing something else, so it means me changing me repertwory.’

  Molly spluttered. ‘I think yer mean repertoire, sunshine.’

  ‘I know what I mean, girl, so don’t be trying to show off how clever yer are. And I don’t think it’s going to work unless we pretend this is Tony’s shop, do you?’

  ‘I think to do the job properly yer’d need to start before yer got to the shop. I’ll help yer out with that, sunshine, and then ye’re on yer own.’

  Nellie nodded, then laced her fingers together and put on a posh voice. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, as deputy hostess it is my duty to see you are hinformed about what is going on. Now Mrs Bennett and myself are going into the kitchen for a rehearsal before the show starts, so there will be a short hinterval. During which time yer are not allowed to drink yerselves legless ’cos I don’t want no drunken men tearing the veils off so they can see my voluptuous body. The ladies will keep their men on a leash at all times, please.’

  George thought this was hilarious. ‘Nellie, I know I’ve been seeing yer voluptuous body since before it became voluptuous, but just in case I forget ye’re me wife, who’s going to keep me on a leash?’

  ‘I know ye’re a passionate man, George, and yer can’t help yerself sometimes. So when I’m down to the fourth veil, I’ll get Corker to put a blindfold on yer.’

  Bridie and Bob were sitting on the couch holding hands. They were both laughing at Nellie’s expression and really enjoying themselves. ‘Molly, me darlin’, I’ll have me eyes closed, so I will, ’cos I don’t approve of such behaviour,’ Bridie said. ‘So when Nellie is down to the fourth veil would yer give me a nudge so I can cover yer da’s eyes? Yer see, I don’t think his heart would stand up to seeing Nellie in all her glory.’

  Nellie’s mountainous bosom was the first to shake with laughter, followed by her tummy and chins. ‘Bob, I can just see yer going up the stairway to heaven to meet St Peter. And what d’yer think he’d say if yer told him yer’d died through watching a woman doing the dance of the seven veils? Yer’d get turned back, lad, they’d never let yer in heaven.’

  The laughter was loud, particularly Corker’s. ‘Nellie, ye’re a woman and a half,’ he said, ‘they broke the mould after you were born.’

  ‘Only ’cos they couldn’t find anyone my size to fit it, lad.’

  Steve was standing behind Jill with his arms around her waist and his cheek touching hers. And his dimples were deep as he grinned at the mother he adored. ‘Mam, yer weren’t that size when yer were born, yer were only a little tiddler.’

  ‘I was eight pound six ounces, son, and that’s no tiddler. At least me mam, God rest her soul, didn’t think so.’

  Molly tutted and shook her head. ‘Can anyone tell me how we got from the dance of the seven veils, through me da getting to the top of the stairway to heaven and being turned back by St Peter, to Nellie weighing eight pound six ounces when she was born?’

  ‘Keep yer hair on, girl, or it’ll go white and drop out.’ Nellie rolled her eyes to the ceiling. ‘Ooh, she’s not half impatient is my mate. She asked me to be her deputy to help out, and when I try to amuse the guests she goes all uppity ’cos I’m getting all the attention.’

  Molly jerked her thumb to the kitchen. ‘Out there, sunshine, so we can rehearse for yer big scene. The way ye’re going on it’ll soon be Boxing Day.’

  ‘Oh, come on, then, droopy drawers.’ As she followed Molly into the kitchen they heard Nellie saying, ‘I don’t know what ye’re worried about, girl, ’cos yer haven’t got many lines to learn
. Yer’ve only got a bit part in this show.’

  Phoebe squeezed Paul’s arm. ‘Your mam is a scream, she’s got an answer for everything.’

  ‘Yeah, I’ve never got the better of her yet. She’s always been the same, too, and our house has always been a happy one. We all love the bones of her. Mind you, she’s never as good as when she’s with Auntie Molly, they seem to bounce off each other.’

  In the kitchen the rehearsal was going well. ‘I’m all right now, girl, I know where I’m up to. But I need a couple of men’s pullovers and coats.’

  ‘Well, d’yer know the part where you scarper down to the greengrocer’s to borrow off Billy?’ Molly waited for her friend to nod. ‘When we come to that, you run upstairs, and in the bottom drawer of the dressing table yer’ll find a couple of Jack’s pullovers. And his overcoat is hanging in the wardrobe.’

  The two women entered the living room arm in arm. ‘Yer’ll have to use yer imagination folks,’ Molly said. ‘This is me and Nellie walking to the shops a few weeks ago. You start, sunshine.’

  ‘What are we having for dinner, girl?’

  ‘I don’t know, but if I give mine stew again they’ll throw it at me. So let’s work our charms on Tony and see if we can wangle a ham shank or some sausages.’

  ‘Yer’ll have to do more than work yer charms for two ham shanks, girl. I think that would take the dance of the seven veils.’

  ‘I don’t need two ham shanks, sunshine, I only need one. So I’ll work me charms and you can do the dance of the seven veils for your shank.’

  There was complete silence in the room, rapt expressions on all the faces as the two women walked to the hall doorway. ‘Now pretend we’re in the shop,’ Molly said, dropping Nellie’s arm.

  ‘Morning, Tony! Morning, Ellen! How are you both on this fine winter’s day?’

  Dropping her voice as low as she could, Molly became the butcher. ‘Oh, aye, what are yer after, Molly?’

  ‘I’m working me charms on yer to see if I can wangle a ham shank.’

  Nellie pulled on her dress. ‘I’m just nipping to the greengrocer’s girl, I won’t be long.’

  ‘Ay, hang on, I’ve got to go there, too!’ But Nellie had now legged it up the stairs as planned, and Molly’s expression of surprise was a work of art. ‘I don’t know what’s got into her, she knows I want spuds as well.’

  Then, with a sweep of her arm, she bowed from the waist. ‘That’s me finished in this scene, folks, but I’ll see yer later.’

  Upstairs, Nellie was trying to pull one of Jack’s pullovers over her huge bosom. ‘I need a ruddy shoehorn,’ she muttered, ‘they’re always in the bloody way.’ Then she heard Molly being applauded and grinned. ‘I’m not going to be very popular with Jack ’cos this ruddy thing will be twice the size when I’ve finished with it. I hope he’s got a good sense of humour.’ She took a deep breath then blew it out. ‘God, but it’s tight, I can hardly breathe. I’m not struggling into another one of these, I’ll pinch his cardigan.’

  The Bennetts’ parties were always noisy, but this night they surpassed themselves. The roars of laughter could be heard down at the bottom of the street. Nellie did well with making a great play with the overcoat, pushing it off one shoulder at a time while wiggling her hips, and the cardigan was taken off slowly to whistles from her two sons and Tommy and Phil. Everyone was in stitches with tears running down their faces. But the loudest laughter came when she tried to take Jack’s pullover off. She huffed and she puffed and did contortions with her body, but she couldn’t get the pullover over her enormous breasts. She tried pulling an arm out of one of the sleeves, but the wool was like a second skin and she couldn’t move it. Red in the face, she said, ‘Damn, blast and bugger it, the flaming thing won’t budge. I can see me going to bed in it.’

  Jack felt sick with laughing, even though he knew his pullover would never be the same again. ‘Oh, no, yer won’t be going to bed in it, Nellie, that’s me best pullover.’

  ‘It was, lad, but it ain’t no more. If I ever get the ruddy thing off, the only way yer’ll get any wear out of it is for you and Tommy to share it going to work. By the time I’ve finished, it’ll be big enough for the pair of yer to get in and should come in handy on these cold days.’

  ‘How, in the name of goodness, did yer get into it, me darlin’?’ Bridie asked, thinking they’d have to cut Nellie out of the pullover.

  ‘With great difficulty, girl, with great difficulty. But I’m lumbered with it now, I can’t see me ever getting it off.’ She looked to Molly for help. ‘Yer could cut it down the back, girl, and I’d sew it back up again so no one would notice.’

  ‘Mam, you can’t even thread a needle, never mind sew,’ Lily said from her seat on Archie’s knee. ‘Besides, yer can’t cut wool, the stitches would run.’

  ‘Then someone will have to take a tin opener to it ’cos I can’t do any more.’ Nellie grunted, more miserable because her act had been spoilt than she was about Jack’s pullover. ‘I’m worn out trying.’

  ‘Upstairs with yer then, sunshine,’ Molly said. ‘If yer lie on the bed I might be able to get it off with a bit of patience and plenty of co-operation from you.’ She winked at George who wasn’t in the least perturbed by his wife’s dilemma because she was always getting herself in a tizzy. ‘If not yer’ll have to go to the hospital and have an operation to have it removed.’

  Nellie gave her cheeky grin. ‘Would the doctor be young and handsome, girl?’

  Molly put her hands on her hips. ‘Get up them stairs right now, Nellie McDonough.’

  ‘Aye, aye, sir!’ Nellie saluted smartly and made for the stairs. She was halfway up, with Molly right behind her, when the gang heard her say, ‘D’yer know what, girl, yer sounded just like George when yer told me to get right up these stairs. He’s always saying the same thing to me. I’ve told yer often, haven’t I, girl, how passionate me husband is?’

  ‘Yer’ve told me so many times, sunshine, I’m beginning to believe yer.’

  Downstairs, all eyes were on George, but he didn’t even blush. ‘If I was as passionate as Nellie says, I’d be the happiest bloke in Liverpool.’

  Upstairs, Nellie was lying flat on the bed while Molly stood with her chin in her hand gazing down and wondering what would be the best way to approach the task. Then she nodded, and said, ‘Yes, that’s about the only thing I can do.’

  ‘What’s that, girl? I mean, it’s me what’s lying on the bed, so I think yer should keep me informed of what yer intend doing.’

  ‘I think the first thing I should do is try to get the pullover over yer breasts. If I can manage that, it should be easier to get yer arms out of the sleeves. Then there’s only yer head left to worry about. And the state of Jack’s pullover, of course, that has to be taken into consideration as well. After all, yer didn’t even ask him if yer could borrow it, did yer?’

  ‘I wasn’t expecting this to happen, was I? I mean, like, Jack’s a big man, yer’d think his pullover would fit me easy.’

  ‘Ye’re overlooking something, sunshine,’ Molly said, starting to stretch the wool. ‘Jack doesn’t have breasts bigger than footballs. Just a little matter that escaped yer attention.’

  ‘Ay, watch what ye’re doing, girl, that’s hurting!’

  ‘Ye’re going to have to put up with a little inconvenience, sunshine, unless yer want to spend yer life in this thing.’ Molly let out a sigh of relief when she finally got the pullover over one of the breasts. ‘Thank God for that, now the other one.’

  ‘I think ye’re enjoying this,’ Nellie said. ‘Taking yer time and being rough, just to spite me. And I wouldn’t care, but yer know how delicate I am.’

  ‘Delicate me foot! Ye’re as strong as a ruddy horse.’

  Nellie decided the best policy would be to keep quiet, so she didn’t say a word until Molly was standing at the side of the bed, red-faced and puffing but victorious. ‘Yer did a good job there, girl, ta very much.’ She swung her legs over the side of the bed.
‘Now, if yer’ll find me something else to wear, I’ll finish me dance off.’

  Molly was holding the pullover up, dismayed at the shape of it. When Nellie spoke, she glared and shook the woolly in her mate’s face. ‘I’m not going to find yer anything else to ruin, sunshine, yer must think I’m barmy! No more dance of the seven veils for you, not with Jack’s clothing, anyway.’

  ‘Spoilsport, that’s what yer are. I don’t know what ye’re taking off for ’cos there’s nowt wrong with the ruddy thing.’

  ‘Except that it would fit King Kong, that’s all.’

  Now she wasn’t confined, Nellie began to chuckle. ‘Yer could feed yer feller up until it fitted him. He looks as though a good feed would kill him.’

  ‘Go on, yer cheeky article, my feller is what Rosie would call a fine figure of a man.’ Molly was trying to think whether the pullover would shrink if she washed it in a warmer water than usual, or would it get even bigger? ‘Tell yer what, sunshine, if ye’re looking for something else to wear, try our Tommy’s overalls, they’re massive. Yer’d have to roll the legs and arms up, but I think they would serve the purpose if ye’re determined to finish the ruddy dance off.’

  So Nellie got her wish and everyone agreed it had been worth the wait. She shimmied and she shook, going to each of the men in turn and stroking their cheeks with her eyelids fluttering, her lips puckered and her wide hips swaying. And she was well rewarded by the response from her audience as they clapped and cheered her on. That they were enjoying themselves could be told from the loud laughter and the tears running down their cheeks. But no one enjoyed themselves more than the little woman herself. She was in her element, loving every minute of it. When Molly stopped her as the third button on her dress was undone, there were loud catcalls and jeers.