Tales of a New York Waitress
Page 22
“Guess you were wrong, huh?”
I grinned. “Very.”
He reached for the book in front of him and held it up to the camera. “Spanking the Spatula: An Erotic Comedy by Sibby Goldstein.”
“Have you read it?”
“I have.”
“I wouldn’t think it would be your cup of tea.”
“What, are you kidding? Penis euphemisms galore. It’s right up my alley.” He pointed to the male cover model, whose chest was bare. “And look at those man nipples—”
“Mipples,” I corrected.
Cue audience laughter.
The host laughed as well and continued, “Will you autograph it for me?”
He handed me a pen and I used his desk to dash off a quick note in the title page. I gave it back to him and he read out loud, “Your cheeks are better than any model’s mipples. ~Sibby.”
“You should tell them what your book is about,” he said.
“It’s about a young woman who’s going through the rigors of culinary school. She falls for one of her instructors and they like it dirty. You know, sauces and kitchen utensils kind of dirty. It’s a comedy. My agent is calling the genre ‘dirty chick-lit’.”
He set my book aside. “Rumor has it, you’re also working on the next book in your erotic comedy series.”
“The rumor is true.”
“Do we have a title?”
I shook my head. “I was hoping you guys could help me with that?”
The host’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Go on.”
“I have three potential titles,” I explained. “And I’d like the audience to vote for their favorite.”
“You mean, you’re going to let them—” The host pointed to the audience. “—name your next book.”
“Yep.”
“I love that idea!” he said with a huge smile. “Okay, tell us your titles.”
“Beating the Banana, Flicking the Fava, or Tickling the Turnip.”
“Well, I definitely see a theme. Okay folks, pull out your phones and Tweet your favorite title to @sibbygoldstein. The title with the most Tweets will be the title of Sibby’s next book.” The host turned to me and changed the conversation, “Are you still engaged?”
I held up my hand to show off the gorgeous engagement ring Aidan and I had picked out in the diamond district.
Hello, kinda Jewish!
The audience cheered in excitement as I held up the ring.
“I’m getting married this weekend.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Yes, absolutely,” I said with a straight face.
“You are?”
“Well, we’re having a Jewish wedding. I’m afraid I’m going to fall out of the chair. It would be just my luck, you know?”
He smiled. “I’ll think good thoughts. So, what does your fiancé do?”
“He’s a bar owner,” I stated with pride. “He and his best friend opened a bar in Greenpoint a few months ago.”
“What’s the bar called? Maybe I’ll stop by.”
“Veritas.”
“As in ‘in vino veritas’?”
“Exactly.”
“Is it a cool place?”
“Very.”
“Hipster bar?”
“I plead the fifth.”
He laughed. “Listen, I have a surprise for you.”
“A surprise for me?” I turned around in my seat, looking in the direction the host was pointing.
The famous actor I’d spilled wine on strolled out onto the sound stage. The audience’s cheers were deafening.
“Oh my God,” I said, standing so I could greet him.
Unfortunately, my feet tangled with one another and I tripped—right into the famous actor. He wasn’t prepared for my assault and I knocked us to the ground, accidentally kneeing him in the kishkes. If that wasn’t bad enough, I felt a sudden draft on my bum. Struggling to right myself, I looked back and saw that my skirt had flipped up. I was flashing the entire audience.
Thank God for superhero undies.
The famous actor was still moaning in pain underneath me as I struggled to lift myself off of him. I gave him my most sincere and apologetic look when I said, “I’m such a huge fan.”
Sibby’s Law.
It’s a thing.
Do you want to see what happens when Aidan and Sibby spend Passover with Sibby’s crazy family? Sign up here to receive an extra epilogue.
Stay tuned for Tales of a Sibby Slicker coming January 1, 2018! Make sure you sign up to be notified of the release! http://geni.us/sibbyslicker
A Quick Guide To Yiddish
Bubbe: Grandmother
Chuppah: Canopy that a Jewish couple stands under when they get married.
Kishkes: Literally means “insides”. In this case it mean testicles.
Klutz: A clumsy, awkward person.
Kvetcher: A complainer.
Mazel Tov: Congratulations.
Putz: Slang for penis, more offensive than schmuck.
Schmaltz: Corny, cheesy.
Schmuck: Slang for penis, less offensive than putz.
Verklempt: Overcome with emotion.
Other books by Samantha Garman:
Season of the Shadows (Dandelion Dreams Duet Book #1) (women’s fiction)
A broken man finds solace and redemption in the arms of a woman suffering from her own loss.
Season of the Sun (Dandelion Dreams Duet Book#2) (women’s fiction)
The sequel to Season of the Shadows
Secrets of a Heart (historical romance)
A destitute woman encounters her wealthy, mysterious new neighbor. It’s only a matter of time before she realizes he may not be what he seems.
The Defiant Lady (historical romance)
A penniless earl falls for the illegitimate daughter of a duke. Can he convince her they’re perfect for one another?
About the Author
Samantha Garman was a waitress in Manhattan for many moons. On her last day of work she did the Chicken Dance. It’s possible there’s a video of it on YouTube.
For more information visit:
www.samanthagarman.com
samantha@samanthagarman.com