Goose Chase

by Patrice Kindl

  "My horse!" he cried out in anguish. "Thou unnatural, depraved female! What hast thou done with my poor horse?"

  Tessa, I noted from the corner of my eye, had raised up one of her heads and was observing our discourse. I was therefore unable to speak kindly or give him aught of comfort.

  I gestured at the steaming cauldron on the fire.

  "As you see, my lord, we have eaten him."

  He shut his eyes and groaned. "To think! To think that 'twas once the dearest wish of my heart to make this maid my wife! This, then, is the She who should have been mother of my heir, the first lady of the land! O that I had—"

  Here he paused perforce, as I thrust a dipper of cattail mush into his open mouth. I did not wish the Ogresses to know that the Prince and I were acquainted if I could prevent it.

  "Monstrous, I say!" he roared, spattering mush all over me. "Do you wish to choke me with your vile potions, Night Hag? Night Hag thou art! I wonder I did never guess that you flew away in order to join these, your hideous sisters."

  "Whooo do ye be callin' hideous?" demanded Nellie, beginning to swell like a toad.

  This also roused up Tessa's other head. "Shut yer trap or I'll kill ye, here and now, and no more wastin' of good food on ye."

  "O, very well, if you say so," he said, silenced by the direct threat. Not, however, for long. "But," he muttered peevishly in a tone which, while lower, was perfectly audible, "I consider that I have been treated very ill, and now to be eaten for my pains while attempting to rescue this wicked, ill-bred—Ow! Why do you pinch me, Goose Girl? Do I not suffer enough?"

  Really, I began to be sorry I had cut the top of the sack off.

  I thrust the dipper of cattail mush back into his mouth, as much to quiet him as to nourish him. He sipped in silence, only murmuring in a puzzled voice, "Your hair has grown somewhat since I saw you last, has it not?" as his eyes followed the curving line of my tresses out to the door. I did not trouble myself to answer.

  Gradually the Ogresses slumped back down onto the featherbeds once again, and soon the sound of snoring filled the room. Yet still I dared not speak frankly to the Prince; they slept lightly and I feared would wake at the slightest sound. At length I finished feeding the Prince—I wished him well-fed when we made our escape—and stealthily reached my hand under the stack of firewood for the scissors.

  "What are you doing, Goose Girl?" demanded the Prince aloud. "What is that which you have in your hand? Scissors?"

  By my vertu, if I could have smote him dead on the spot I would have.

  Lucinda woke up immediately. "The scissors!" she cried aloud. "Alexandria, g'me those scissors right this very minute."

  "In certes, madam," I said, grinding my teeth. "I did but forget."

  Casting such an evil eye on the Prince that he visibly recoiled, I got up and restored the scissors to Lucinda.

  "Now be off with ye and leave us to sleep. I want some o' that nettle tea when I wake, y'hear?"

  "You'll not go off and leave me alone with them, will you, Goose Girl?" asked the Prince in a much lower voice.

  "I'faith, I will," I said coldly.

  "I beg pardon for calling you a Night Hag," he said humbly, but I was gone, trailing my golden tresses behind me.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  In Which I Remain Fied by the Hair

  FAST BIND, FAST FIND.

  —JOHN HEYWOOD, PROVERBS

  "O my Geese," I called out over the valley as loudly as I dared. "Come to me now in my need."

  Naught stirred below or above me. I had toiled up to the top of this hill overlooking the cottage, hoping to see something of my birds. I could easily trace my own steps for these past many hours; the long yellow band of my hair zigzagged back and forth betwixt hill and fen, cottage and creek, like a golden road between the trees. But I saw no living thing else that moved.

  "Tis I, Alexandria Aurora Fortunato, who summons thee," I added.

  Not so much as a glimmer of white feathers.

  "For the sake of the love we bear one another and for the sake of my dear dead mother who harbored and succored thee and spared thy lives each and every Christmastide, e'en when we were faint with hunger and a hot Goose dinner would have been very Heaven itself, I command thee to come to me at once," I shouted.

  Naught but a still, hot blue sky hanging over silent woods.

  "O Hades," said I, and kicked a tree full hard with my glass slipper. 'Twas remarkably painful. Under my breath I mumbled, "Useless, featherbrained, asinine, half-witted..."

  'Twas energy thrown away, and I had no more time. I must get back to the cottage and prepare the evening meal before the Ogresses awoke and ate the Prince for want of aught else.

  "I am leaving," I shouted. "I am going away, most likely to my death. So I shall not see thee again." I gulped a trifle and my voice cracked as I cried, "Fare thee well, my Geese, and may thy wings carry thee to a place of safety and bountiful grasses and, and—" I broke off, unable to go on. I turned and stumbled down the hill, tears flowing freely down my face. Diamonds tinkled and clinked on the rocks and stones in my path all the way down the slope to the cottage.

  I could not enter the cottage at once, but must first retread my path through the valley, unweaving my hair from the countryside. This wearisome task completed, I paused ere I reached the cottage and packed half of my day's gleanings in the Prince's saddlebags, which I had found with the rest of the horse's fittings.

  The saddlebags already contained a number of useful things, such as a lovely little bow and quiverful of arrows, a silver cup, a cooking pot, a tinderbox, and two fine blankets. Yet one more item was there, an object which I in my quiet life had never before laid eyes upon, yet which I recognized at first glance. 'Twas a book.

  Verily, I shuddered with almost superstitious dread when I drew it forth, for there is a strange force in the written word. They who command it command great power.

  My mother almost never spoke about her past life before she came to our cottage in the wood, howe'er I might tease or plead. Yet once she let slip the fact that in former times she had owned not one, but many, many of these precious objects, mayhap even so many as five. Thus did I discover, more truly than had she boasted of jewels and silver and gold, that I came from greatness. When the village children threw stones and called me a dirty Goose Girl, I remembered my mother's great store of knowledge and laughed them to scorn.

  Indeed, my mother had most kindly begun to teach me my letters, even though I was but a Goose Girl with no need for book learning, when she saw that I wished it. I grieve to say that she died ere I could advance any further in my education than this. I am therefore in a position to tell you that the writing on the outside of the book contained one A, two B's, two E's, and a number of other letters with which I am not familiar, as my scholarship does not extend beyond the letter G. Still, 'tis not every Goose Girl who knows her E's from her B's, I can tell you that!

  I restored the book to the Prince's saddlebags after conquering a brief and ignoble impulse to hide it amongst my own things. Tis a matter of wonder to me that the Prince should own this erudite object, for surely such a one as he could not comprehend it, could he?

  The saddlebags I modified so that they could be slung round the shoulders of a human, rather than attached to the rear of a saddle, for we would be our own steeds on this journey.

  Lamentably, the saddlebags did not contain that which I most coveted: a knife. How I did long for a sweet little blade, bright as the sun and as sharp as pain! Mayhap the Prince's was lost in the struggle (I looked most carefully round and about on the ground), or mayhap Lucinda had simply taken charge of it and any sword there might have been, as she did all cutting tools. I could not believe that even the Prince would have set forth into the wilderness armed only with his wits, such as they were.

  I had found the twelfth white feather under the usual pebble in the usual place, next to the egg, and that had given me hope that I would catch sight of my birds as I made my preparatio
ns. All that day I had been scanning the sky and the underbrush, calling out their names one by one, my hopes slowly dwindling as the hours went by. My trip to the top of the hill had been a last, forlorn attempt to call them to me before returning to the cottage. Later it would be too late. 'Twas risky even now; the Ogresses would be stirring soon and preparing to go out for the night. His Highness and I would leave under cover of darkness while my Geese slept, and the need for secrecy and silence would seal our lips.

  The fire glowed red in the dimly lit cottage as I let myself in through the tumbledown door. Nothing moved, not even the Prince. Anxiously I studied his form for a sign that he still lived, that the Ogresses had not slain him in my absence. Yes, his breast moved gently; he merely slept. That was as it should be. He would need the rest if he was to attempt a long journey tonight. I only wished I could have done the same.

  Briskly I began preparing the usual cattail roots, along with a hot nettle drink. Once the cattails were well boiled and mashed, I approached the Prince, thinking to stir him up for his evening meal. I had intended to touch him lightly on the shoulder to rouse him; 'twould be a dreadful enough awakening without my adding to the horror. But my eye caught the gleam of firelight reflecting off a slitted eyeball over in a dark corner. 'Twas one of Tessa's heads watching me while the other slept. She was as suspicious as ever and waiting for me to show the slightest weakness.

  I drew back my foot and kicked the Prince in the stomach, hard enough to make an audible thump. He groaned and jerked in pain.

  "Your dinner, my lord," I said demurely. I pushed him into a sitting position and prepared to feed him.

  "What have I ever done to you, Goose Girl," demanded the Prince between gritted teeth, "that you should serve me in this manner?"

  This question was too much for me to resist. I bent forward and breathed in his ear. "Only locked me up in a tower for six months, that is all, my lord."

  "But—" He began on a high note of outrage, then was silenced when I inserted the dipper of cattail mush into his mouth.

  In a louder voice I said, "I am hungry, and weary of boiled roots, sire."

  "You are a perfectly dreadful young woman," he observed bleakly.

  I shrugged and pushed the ladle back into his mouth. My point had been made and I saw no need for further playacting.

  "Enough!" Tessa rose from her dark corner, and her sisters stirred. "Don't give it all to him. I do be hungry."

  "Aye. I be hungersome too," said Nellie, yawning and stretching.

  "I be absolutely famished," said Lucinda, propping herself up on one elbow and staring ravenously at the Prince. "I be so hungry I could eat—"

  "A horse!" I concluded cheerfully, holding out sticks with steaming lumps of boiled and grilled leather from the horse's bridle and reins impaled upon them. "And so you shall!"

  "O pshaw!" muttered Lucinda, but she took her skewer of meat and began slowly munching on it. The others followed suit and I began to bustle about, tidying.

  "And so, my dear mistresses," I said casually as I swept the hearth, "what are your plans for tonight? Do you think of trying the next village down the valley? Twould be a blessing to find a new source of meat. This one," I poked at the Prince with the broom handle, "will not last forever, you know."

  "That be a real good idea," said Tessa unexpectedly. "Why don't we do that, girls?"

  "But, Tessa, I don't want to go so far," objected Lucinda. "My bones ache so tonight that I can scarce stand upright."

  "Let's have a dig in the graveyard, I say," said Nellie. "There might be somethin' there we missed and we wouldn't have to walk so far."

  "Shut up yer traps," snarled Tessa. "I said we're agoin' down the valley and so we're agoin' down the valley."

  After much grumbling and complaining it was agreed that the trio would go down the valley in search of the next unsuspecting village they might feed from. Inwardly I rejoiced; aught that took them far away was to our advantage. All appeared to be shaping well for my plans.

  And yet...'twas so little like Tessa to approve of a suggestion of mine. I had hoped to win Lucinda and Nellie to the idea of new worlds to conquer; never had I expected to find Tessa on my side. My heart thumped in my chest as I waved farewell in the doorway, watching the three sisters lumbering away into the woods.

  Once out of sight, I whirled about, my eyes scanning the cottage for anything that might sever my hair.

  'A knife, a knife, I would give all the wealth of the Indies for a knife!" I muttered as I rummaged among the skulls and tibias that littered the corners. 'An ax! A hatchet, a scythe, a rusty old hoe! Is there naught here that will serve my will?"

  The Prince drew back, aghast. "You ... you would not murder me, Goose Girl?"

  I glanced malignantly at him, remembering how he had deprived me of my sewing scissors through his o'erweening stupidity. But yet I must reassure him and gain his trust ere we fled through the forest.

  Shaking my head, I said, "Nay, I'll do no harm to you, Prince. Indeed, I shall do what I can to save your valuable neck, if only you will most faithfully promise to obey me in all things." I fixed him with a fierce stare, which mayhap did little to embolden him. "Will you?"

  "I—I," he hesitated. "Do you mean in all things?"

  "Tis what I said, is it not?"

  "O, but—"

  "You do not trust me. I do not blame you. But what chances, my lord, do you think you have if I go away and leave you alone here tonight?"

  "We-ll—" He eyed me dubiously.

  "Promise, or I shall go this moment." 'Twas of course all bluff on my part, as I had not yet the means to cut my hair.

  "Yes, but wait," he begged. "For how long must I obey you in all things?"

  I debated. Twas a fair question. "Until we reach home and safety, or until I release you, whichever comes first," I replied at length.

  He nodded slowly. "Very well."

  'And when we do reach our home, you must promise me that you will never press me by force of arms, or by any other means, to marry you, and that you will defend to the death my right to remain single so long as I wish."

  "O, in certes I will," he said, with some emphasis. "I shouldn't think of pressing you to marry me again. 'Tis for the best, no doubt, that you remain unwed. Marriage, I am told, is ever an uncertain estate and some are not best suited to it by temperament or training." He flinched as I smashed a human skull on the cauldron and then tried sawing at my hair with the resultant sharp edge. "You, mayhap, are one of these, Goose Girl. In point of fact," he went on, "I doubt I shall ever marry, myself. My judgment is not what it should be. I do not know when I have ever been so mistaken in anyone before. You seemed quite a nice maid if somewhat—"

  "O do hush!" I said, abandoning the smashed skull. "Let me untie you. We must away as soon as possible and you will be ill prepared for walking until you have shaken up your limbs awhile."

  I did so and then returned to my primary task: finding a way to free my hair. Could I, I wondered, pluck out each hair from my head until I was as bald as an egg? 'Twould take eons to do, I feared.

  "Goose Girl," said the Prince, who had been wandering aimlessly about, easing his cramped limbs, "did you know that your hair goes all the way over here to this iron ring on the doorpost?"

  I ignored him. Could I burn it off?

  "I said, Goose Girl, did you know that—"

  "Yes! Yes, Your Highness, I did know that my hair goes all the way over there to the iron ring on the doorpost! How, in the name of all that is reasonable, could I not know such a thing?"

  "Well, you need not be so vexed at my asking," said the Prince, offended. "I merely thought 'twas a remarkable fact, and so I remarked upon it. You cannot blame me for that, can you?"

  I crossed my eyes at him and stuck out my tongue. He quailed before me and then rallied.

  "You may make what fearsome faces at me that you please, Goose Girl, and I may not resent them, for I have promised my obedience to your will. But tell me, pray, how a
re we to leave this place if you are tied by the hair?"

  "A most excellent question, Your Highness," I said through gritted teeth. "I confess I do not know. Have you any suggestions, perchance?"

  The Prince appeared pleased at having his opinion sought.

  "I should think that some cutting tool, such as a knife or a scissors..." He broke off, looking somewhat embarrassed. "I do not believe that I have any suggestions at this moment in time. However, allow me to consider the matter and I will do my best to produce some."

  "I thank you, sire." Then, knowing 'twas futile, I asked, "What happened to your own blades? Have you anything about you?"

  He shook his head mournfully. "My sword was taken by the two-headed lady, and my knife by the one with the arms. I regret to say that I am without a blade of any sort."

  We both sat in silence for a few moments.

  "How did your hair come to be so bound?" he asked at last.

  A surge of irritation washed over me. Could the fool not be still and let me think? I was about to say so when it occurred to me that my mind was as barren as a barley field in winter. I had no ideas whatsoever. Why should I not tell him what he asked? 'Twould pass the time until my approaching death as well as aught else.

  I told him. He wanted all the details, which I gave in a resigned tone of voice. When I had done, we sat again in silence for some time, I trying to bestir myself to tell him to flee for his life and leave me to my fate.

  "Why," he said finally, "could you not do the same, Goose Girl?"

  "What do you mean?" I asked drearily, wondering exactly how the Ogresses would choose to kill me.

  "Could you not ask the hair to let go? Politely, of course. You would have to be polite. But could you not ask?"

  CHAPTER NINE