Five Days Grace (The McRae Series, Book 4- Grace)

by Teresa Hill

  "And that, you've got to know, was the best thing that's happened to me in months. Hell, a year, at least. Maybe my entire life, Grace."

  "I didn't know," she went on, as if he hadn't said a word. "I just had no idea what you'd been through."

  "Exactly. You didn't. You've only known me for two and a half days, and I suspect this is a lot uglier than anything you'd imagined I might be dealing with. It's okay, honey. You can just walk away." He hated the idea, but he would stand here and watch her go, telling himself she was better off without him. "I don't want you to feel the least bit guilty about it—"

  "What?" Her chin came up, and she looked so mad all of a sudden. "You think I'm the kind of person who walks away when things get tough?"

  "No, honey. That's not it. Not at all."

  "We've talked about this, Aidan. I'm not a pushover. I'm not a lightweight. I am so much tougher than I look."

  She was. Nothing fragile about this beautiful, kind-hearted woman. "I know that. Believe me, I do."

  "And even if I wasn't, do you really think I could walk away from you?"

  He hoped she could. For her sake. "Do it, Grace."

  She gasped in pure outrage, looked like she wanted to throw something at him. "I can't believe you said that to me. I don't care that it's only been two and a half days. I care about you. So much—"

  "Why do you think I'm saying it? I care about you, too. Which is why I don't want to drag you into this—"

  "No!" She was yelling at that point, looking so stubborn, so determined, so adorable, it was nearly impossible to keep trying to convince her to turn around and run the other way.

  "That's it? Just... no?" It was all he could think to say, because he was out of arguments and fighting not to grin, maybe even laugh, at his angel-girl, outraged at him. "My life sucks, Grace."

  "Yes, it does," she agreed, all wound up and rushing on. "But you know what? That's where you are. In the middle of all this crap. And if you're there, that's where I'm going to be. Right beside you. That's what people do when they really care about each other. They don't run when things get hard. They don't... check out and walk away. You think there's any way I could do that? Just turn my back on you and forget about you? I couldn't do that. I'm not going to do that. And you can't make me. I won't let you."

  They stood there, each as stubborn as the other. Aidan finally couldn't take it anymore. He walked up to her, reached out with his thumb and wiped a tear from her cheek. "I can't stand the idea of you crying over me."

  "Then I won't," she promised.

  "Not even when you're all alone, hiding in your bathroom with your timer? Because I hate that idea, too."

  "You think you could find a woman who wouldn't cry a few tears over what you've been through?" she asked him.

  "I don't think I should be dumping this on any woman. I shouldn't have a woman in my life right now. No matter how much I want you," he admitted.

  "Okay, fine. Here's the deal. If you, by some miracle, find a woman who absolutely never, ever cries over you, over this, and you want her more than me, she can have you."

  "Really? You'd just give me to her?"

  "I don't believe such a creature exists, so I'm not all that worried about having to hand you over to anyone. And I don't cry all that often, I swear, although I thought you were one of those rare men who didn't freak out completely when a woman cries. You didn't before, when I was crying. You were... sweet and kind and just held onto me, and it was nice. Really nice."

  He took her chin in his hand and stared into her eyes. "You, Grace, crying over me. That's what I can't handle. If I'm going to be with you, I want to be the man who makes things better for you—"

  "I know, and it's very sweet—"

  "Sweet? No, it's not fucking sweet!" Now he was the one yelling. "Not in the least. It's not some little thing I want to do, not something I hope to do or plan to do. It's something that I deep down have to do. For you. Because it's you, Grace. It's you, dammit."

  And he was already half in love with her, at least.

  Maybe a helluva lot more than that.

  Fuck.

  Once again, he had that odd feeling that maybe he'd conjured her up out of thin air and a morphine drip. She was too beautiful, too sweet, too sexy, too good to be true. Sometimes he honestly feared she was nothing but a hallucination, that all of this was. That he was back in the hospital, his hip on fire, his body burning up with fever and infection, every moment he was conscious a fucking nightmare.

  "Aidan?"

  He came back to the cabin, to her. She was still there, her hands on his arms, looking worried about where the hell he'd gone.

  "God Damn It!" he said slowly, punctuating each syllable. "You are too important to me for me to do anything less than make your life better."

  "You already have, Aidan," she said quietly. "Just by being here with me, you make it better. Don't you know that? And I need just as much to do the exact same thing for you. So stop trying to push me away. It's not going to work, anyway."

  Aidan was still kind of floating off in flashback land, still coming back into his body, into the present, trying to make himself believe this was all real, when she rose up on her toes and kissed him softly, so slowly and sweetly.

  He loved the taste of her, the smell of her, the warmth, the sunshine that radiated from within her, and there'd been times when he thought that if he could have her beside him, loving him, he would be okay. That his whole fucked up life could be put back together again into something... survivable, livable, even enjoyable. And wasn't that a complete surprise?

  Had he made that clear to her earlier? Just how fucked up he was? He honestly wasn't sure. Just getting the basic story out had taken all he had.

  Fuck.

  And he'd already scared her, drifting back to that hospital bed in his head, the way he did sometimes.

  She took his hand in hers and held it for a moment. "Aidan, take the boat out, if that's what you need to do. I'll be right here, and I will not shed a single tear. Promise. I'm too mad at you to cry anyway."

  But she didn't look mad anymore. She looked kind and worried.

  He tried to ground himself in the moment with all his senses. His feet were on the ground. He felt it beneath them. He was in the cabin, in the woods near the lake. He could smell the water. It was fall, and he could feel the cool air, see the color in the trees, hear the wind rustling the leaves, smell the smoke from the fire. See the beauty and the strength of Grace beside him.

  He still felt jittery, but better, more here than before, but he still needed more to calm down. Physical exertion helped. The repetitiveness of it, working the body and trying to turn off the mind, and she seemed to know that, to want him to have it, God bless her.

  He looked at Grace and asked, "Do you want to come with me?"

  "Would you like me to come?"

  "You can. It's okay."

  "I'm not asking if it's okay with you if I come with you, Aidan. I'm asking if you want me there. Because if you need to be alone, I understand."

  Yeah, she got that, too. He thought about it for a moment. Did he want more time to hide and try to work off the crazy? Or did he want her with him? Finally, he asked, "Do we have to talk out there?"

  "No."

  "Then, I'd like you to be there. Just... be there. If that's okay?"

  "That's perfectly okay."

  He frowned. "We were yelling at each other a minute ago. You were mad as hell at me, and now it's like you could be the most agreeable woman I've ever met."

  "And that's a bad thing? Or do you think I'm just pretending to be this agreeable?"

  "It's definitely not a bad thing."

  "Okay," she said. "And honestly, I'm not sure if I'm trying extra hard to be agreeable or not. I just know you've been incredibly kind and patient with me, and I'm trying to give you those same things in return. Until you try to push me away, which really pisses me off. Your life's a mess? So? My life's a mess, too, and you're fine with that.
Why wouldn't I do the same for you?"

  "Maybe because I think I'm a lot more messed up than you. And I say that, not to belittle at all what you're going through. I say it because I don't want to drag you down to where I am. I don't think it's fair of me, and I won't do it to you."

  "Do we really need to try to measure whose mess is worse than the other's? Because I don't. Both of us are going through bad things. It's knocked us sideways and upside-down, and it just sucks, but there it is. It's just what happened to us. And it doesn't matter so much, the degree of badness. It's what we do afterward. What we do now. I'm a mess right now, and I like it here with you. This is where I want to be. It's so much better than anyplace else I've been lately."

  He sighed, feeling about a million years old and completely undeserving of her. Still, he admitted, "I want to be here with you, too."

  "Well, there you go." She looked much happier.

  "I'm sorry I yelled at you."

  "It's okay. Bad day, you know?"

  "I really don't know what to do with you, Grace."

  "You don't have to decide right now. You just have to row the boat and think about whatever you need to think about, and I'll be there. I'm going to grab a jacket, and we can go."

  Just like that.

  Whatever he needed.

  She blew him away, time and again. He even liked it when she stood up to him and dared him to try to get her to do something she didn't want to do, like leave him and never look back, never give him another thought.

  * * *

  A few minutes later, they took off for the lake, and the dog followed. He bounded down the path, not showing any reservations until Aidan turned the boat over and pushed it halfway into the water. Tink looked back at Grace, then went to sniff at the edge of the lake, then started crying.

  "You think he'll do it?" Grace asked.

  "I think he'll cry if he comes with us and cry if he doesn't." Aidan turned to the dog. "What do you say? Gonna man up?"

  Tink went to the boat, sniffed a bit, then backed up like he was afraid it would bite him.

  "You really want to take him?" Aidan asked.

  "Well, I don't want him crying and scared at the cabin without us."

  "Okay, we'll try it. Why don't you climb in," he told Grace. "Go all the way to the back of the boat, and call him."

  Grace did, staying low as the boat rocked from side to side while she stepped into the back of it and sat down. When she called Tink, he cocked his head to the side and cried some more.

  "Come on, baby. We won't let anything hurt you," Grace said.

  The instant Tink put his front paws on the edge of the boat, Aidan gave him a little push and the dog half stumbled in and bounded over to Grace's side, huddling close and whining even more.

  "Okay, here we go," Aidan said, pushing the boat all the way into the lake and climbing aboard himself.

  Tink looked like he was in a complete panic at first, like he might jump for shore any second.

  Then Aidan got worried. "You know if he gets too scared, he might be heavy enough to tip us over. "

  "I guess so."

  "Please tell me you know how to swim, because this boat didn't come with life vests, and I haven't bothered to get any."

  "Of course, I do," she said. The dog huddled between Grace's legs, and she wrapped her arms around him. He seemed happy one minute and terrified the next.

  "If we end up in the water, get yourself to shore," he told her. "I'll take care of the dog."

  "I'm a great swimmer," she insisted.

  "I'm career Navy and a trained rescue swimmer. Tell me you'll leave the dog to me."

  "Oh. Okay," she said.

  He nodded, as he pulled on one oar to turn the boat around, so his back was to the main body of water and he could row them out into it.

  "How many years have you served?"

  "Twelve."

  "After college?"

  He nodded.

  "So, you're thirty-four?" she guessed. "You and Tommy are only a year apart?"

  "Barely. I don't know how my mom did it. And we've always been insanely competitive with each other, but in the fun way brothers are. In high school, he kept talking about law school and how hard it was to get into a good one. Then I heard someone talking about the Naval Academy. It's a helluva lot harder to get into the Naval Academy than law school. I think I applied just for the chance to one-up him. Plus our grandfather was on a ship at Pearl Harbor when in it was bombed."

  "Did he survive?"

  Aidan nodded. "And was an incredible story-teller. We grew up listening to his stories about World War II and Korea. I thought it was great, how much of the world he'd seen, all the people he'd met. He was thrilled to see me get into the Academy, and even more thrilled when I got a slot in Naval Intelligence."

  "Which sounds like it could mean sitting in front of a computer screen at a desk in a nice, safe office, picking through reports or bits of information. But it isn't, is it?"

  "Computer, quite often. Desk, maybe. Nice, safe office, sometimes," he admitted.

  "Sorry. I forgot I wasn't supposed to talk."

  "It's okay. This isn't the conversation I was trying to avoid."

  But she got quiet then, seeming to know he was trying to wear himself out on the lake and maybe that he was trying to calm himself down. It was nice out there, quiet and peaceful, except for the dog's fussing every now and then. He was practically sitting in Grace's lap.

  Grace soaked up the sunshine and took in the scenery. The trees had a lot of fall color now, which even Aidan noticed as he rowed them in a big circle around the perimeter of the lake. Off-season, there were still people, and smoke from fires coming out of chimneys here and there on the shore, but the water was deserted.

  He pulled on the oars, liking the way it got the muscles in his arms and shoulders, even his legs, warmed up as he rowed, and that knot of excess energy in his body eased, that anxious feeling unfurled. Still, he kept going, kept it up until his injured shoulder started protesting, which wasn't smart of him. But he'd actually gotten to the point where he was enjoying being out there, the clean air, the quiet, the sunshine. Even the dog had settled down, his chin resting on one of Grace's legs, while she closed her eyes and tilted her face up to the sun.

  God, she was so beautiful. It just struck him anew at times. Not just beautiful, but kind, funny, hurting but trying to be so brave and meet it head on. How could a man help but admire her? And want her? What in the world was she doing here with him?

  His shoulder started a strong protest to the rowing, so he headed for the dock. The dog, in his eagerness to get to dry ground, almost knocked Aidan over as they reached the shore. Grace helped him pull the boat out of the water, stow the oars and flip the boat over to shield the inside from the elements.

  "Thank you. I needed that," he said, putting an arm around her as they walked up the sloped ground to the cabin, Tink bounding ahead.

  "To keep going until your shoulder hurt?"

  "You caught that, huh?"

  She nodded.

  "I was going to say, thank you for the company and the quiet."

  "You're welcome. But tonight, I get to work on that shoulder. No arguments allowed."

  Work on it?

  As in, have her hands all over him?

  He wanted that, and at the same time, he didn't.

  He wanted her, period. She wanted him, and she didn't seem that concerned about exactly what they might be able to do, given the limits imposed by his own body. And he supposed he should be grateful to find a woman willing to put up with that. No, he was sure he should be grateful. But it meant he could have her, anytime he wanted, if she still meant what she'd said that afternoon and if his conscience would let him.

  It would put them even more firmly in each other's lives. He wanted that desperately, and at the same time, didn't want to do that to her. Didn't want to ever make her life harder.

  For about the millionth time, he thought about the absurdities of
the universe, bringing her to him now, when his whole life was shit, to show him the best life had to offer—her—and that he couldn't have her.

  * * *

  Grace pieced together a salad for an early dinner, while Aidan cooked steaks on the grill. After they ate, she got a few things ready to work on his shoulder and he took a quick shower, saying he'd worked up a sweat on the lake.

  He walked out of the bathroom in a fragrant cloud of steam, sweatpants riding low on his lean hips, looking sleek and powerful despite the scars and injuries on his body. Grace sat at one of the kitchen chairs while he stood in front of her so she could re-bandage the incision on his right side. She tried to be gentle and thorough, all the while thinking of what a luxury it was to be able to touch him this way, appreciating the wealth of warm, male skin in front of her. When that was done, she got up and motioned for him to take the chair. She was ready to have her hands all over him.

  When she pulled a hand towel out of a pot of hot water on the grill, he said, "You're cooking towels?"

  She nodded, wringing much of the water out of the towel. "Just wait. They feel great. Something about them being both hot and wet and conforming perfectly to the curve of your body."

  She tested the towel on his skin, to make sure it wasn't too hot, then draped it over the shoulder and covered the wet towel with a big dry one, to hold in the heat. He eased back in his chair, because the heat was starting to sink in, no doubt, and he might have actually started to relax. Good. That's what she wanted.

  Grace picked up some lotion and smoothed it over his other arm and shoulder, slowly warming up the muscles.

  "Honey, I don't want you to stop, but you know that's not the sore shoulder, right?" he asked.

  "I know. While the hot towel loosens up the sore shoulder, I'll work this one, then switch."

  She used long, slow strokes, kneading on occasion, taking her time, working from his fingertips all the way up the arm to the shoulder. He had such strength, such power. His skin was warm and inviting, such a pleasure to touch. He stayed still and quiet, letting her work. His breathing slowed, and every now and then, he made a quiet sound of appreciation.

  She put a fresh hot towel on the left and then went to work on the sore side, kneading it through the cooling towel and then removing it, working straight on the skin. She kept going until her hands had no strength left. By the time she finished, he was sitting there, eyes closed still, more relaxed than she'd ever seen him.