I wonder why he doesn’t prefer to feel this way 100% of the time.
We didn’t have much time to hang out at the restaurant, so we were only at Powerhouse for about an hour before we headed to the club. Amiel was looking so good. Club 720 has a strict dress code, so Amiel was forced out of the Timberlands and into a pair of Classic Oxford Havana Joes to go along with a long sleeve Christian Audigier shirt and the like signature jeans. With his jewelry and fresh hair cut, he looked so next level to me. It was a big difference from his work and lounging clothes that I usually see him in.
I changed into a long sleeve black jumpsuit that showed off and even magnified every single curve that I have. Along with a pair of knee length Tony Bursch boots, that he got me for my birthday a few months ago, I was set for whatever the night would bring.
But the night brought bullshit from the obvious. During the twenty minute drive to the club, Amiel’s phone rang constantly. I figured it was Bridget, but to prevent from ruining the mood of our great evening so far, he didn’t pay attention to it and simply turned the ringer off. But since his cell was on the car charger, I could see it flashing over and over again as Bridget’s name blinked back every time it rang.
“Just answer the phone, Amiel.”
I just wanted her to say what she had to say so that she would stop calling. I also felt bad for her because it was Thanksgiving, and I am sure she is wondering where her husband is. Though technically I am the bitch on the side, I am a bitch with sympathy and compassion; if those entities can be meshed together.
“I don’t feel like…”
“Answer the phone,” I spit, interrupting Amiel’s rebuttal.
Like I said, I felt bad for Bridget and didn’t like the characteristic in Amiel that allowed him to treat her in such a way. I was well aware of the wife, so there was no need to ignore her when he was around me. He did it just because she irritates him.
“Hello,” he regrettably answered.
And that’s when it all went downhill. All I could hear was their daughter crying in the background and Bridget asking him where he was, why wasn’t he with her on Thanksgiving, and who or what can be more important than his family.
He answered, “I told you I was hanging out tonight.”
“Why couldn’t I come? You never spend any time with me, Amiel!”
“Because we can never hang out without you causing drama.”
“It’s Thanksgiving, Amiel,” she whined.
I felt such guilt at the pit of my stomach. I may not practice my religion faithfully, but I do believe in reaping what you sow. I long to be married one day and would raise all hell if my husband had a bitch like me on the side.
I don’t want to reap this kind of shit.
You keep them how you get them.
“I just want us to be a family, Amiel. Why don’t you love me anymore?”
“We’ve been through this, Bridget. We’re separated for a reason. We’ve grown apart.”
Then I could hear Bridget’s tears.
The reason for the current state of their marriage is not because of me, but I still feel like an accomplice. I was once able to sit with Amiel and listen to them argue over the phone or converse with him about his family, but now it all just makes me nauseous. It makes me sick when I realize that I play a part in someone else’s unhappiness. I literally become sick when I listen to the man that I love converse with another woman over family.
I zoned out, looked out the window and stared at the couples walking the sidewalks of downtown. I wanted so badly to be in a committed relationship, to have someone that was mine and committed to me.
Then I wonder if these women are actually any happier than I am.
“She really fucks up my night,” Amiel cursed once he hung up the phone. “I can’t wait for her to get her shit together so that she can leave.”
“Getting your shit together doesn’t happen overnight, especially if her shit was never together in the first place.”
“What does that mean?”
“You act like she was once able to take care of herself and suddenly can’t do so, but will have the mental capacity to once she has the baby. She’s always been dependent. You don’t learn the skills to be on your own overnight. If she couldn’t handle being on her own with one baby, being on her own with two won’t be an easy task to learn either.”
Amiel groaned and rubbed his forehead. I could see the frustration in his eyes, but I felt no pity for him. If, and only if, his real reason for staying in this marriage is because of the children and Bridget’s inability to take care of them on her own, then that was a bunch of bullshit. My mother raised two women all on her own quite successfully, so with a little help from a monthly child support payment and an ex-husband to play his role as a father, her possibilities would have been endless. I appreciate Amiel’s dedication to family, but to use that as a reason to prevent him from being truly happy was bullshit.
“Everything is going to be okay,” he said, seemingly to ensure himself. “She wants to go back to school to finish her degree. All she needs is my help to do that, and then everything will be okay.”
I was flabbergasted. He said that with so much ease and lack of consideration for my position that my nausea became worse. There was no consideration for my position because Tricey doesn’t matter when it came to his family. No matter my ability to keep him happy, to make him smile, and to cause him no stress, I didn’t matter when it came to his family.
That’s when I finally realized how long I could be in this situation if I allowed it. He was happy with this arrangement as long as it meant keeping his family kosher and his dick in me on a regular basis. Though he claims his disgust with his wife, my presence in his life makes her presence in his life tolerable. The discomfort at home doesn’t matter to him because he can easily come to mine and I’ll make all of his stress go away. He was happy keeping both parties just happy enough that no one leaves. He keeps me happy enough that I don’t leave. He makes arrangements with Bridget good enough for her to deal with him rather than her attaching an alimony and child support payment to his ass. Though she is well aware of his unhappiness with the marriage, as long as she has both feet in that house, the possibilities of them getting back together are endless and she is not so dependent that she isn’t smart enough to realize that.
“Finish school? Do you know how long that takes?”
“She’ll be done in two years.”
“Two years? Two years, Amiel? So you’re willing to deal with being this unhappy for two more years?”
I was dumbfounded because that also meant that he was all too prepared to deal with having me on the side, if I allowed it, for two more years.
We didn’t speak further about that topic of conversation. It was very apparent that it was bringing the both of us down, and despite how I felt, I was to be damned if I was going to ruin how I looked by not going into that club and having a damn good time.
The reason it is so easy for me to be with Amiel is this; we experienced that small moment of discontent, but went into the club and had a ball. It was as if nothing mattered but us. Amiel flirted and danced with me as if he was seeing me for the first time. He would often whisper into my ear how much I mean to him, how happy I make him, and how he couldn’t imagine life without me.
However, once we got back to my place, something was off about our sex. I knew it the moment he kissed me. I felt obligated to kiss him, when usually I anticipate the moment when his lips touch mine. I felt as if I were performing a chore or duty; something that my mama made me do when I really didn’t want to. The physical felt like habit rather than love.
I knew right then that Amiel and Bridget had successfully sucked the life out of this relationship for me. Our relationship had gone from me being happy to me trying to figure out how in the hell I was going to get out of this without a broken heart. I knew that after that night, Amiel would still be Amiel; living his life routinely, continuing to complain about Bri
dget, yet continuing to go home to her every night. Lyric and Vic always tell me that eventually I’ll get tired of being the one that knows everything, the cool one, and the one that takes all of his shit. And damn it, that time is now. Suddenly I am annoyed with the fact that she does nothing right, I do nothing wrong, and yet, she gets a house, no bills, and the option of being a useless commodity, while I opt to settle for time in-between running his husband and daddy duties.
It’s so hard to realize that, even though he showed me what unconditional love and friendship feels like, he isn’t mine. I now know what a pure connection with a man feels like. I know what chemistry is because I met him. But the reality is that I have fallen in love while he was trying to get rid of a wife, and those two emotions mix like oil and water no matter the chemistry between the two.
VICTORIA
During dinner, Vince and I gave one another longing stares from across the room. I don’t know whether it was because of our disrupted sex last night or his ability to make me feel so loved on a day that I usually feel so lonely, but I wanted him so badly that I was pulsating in anticipation.
I sat next to his aunt and niece pretending to listen to their stories about Vince as a child, the silly things he would do, and how he talked so much, but all I could hear were the noises that our sex would make no sooner than all these family members got the hell up out of here.
So as the last two guests left, I said my goodbyes, whispered to Vince to meet me in his bedroom no sooner than he secured the front door, and exited stage left.
I was lying across his bed in a bra and panties when he got there. He immediately stripped down to nothing and we both giggled at one another’s urgency. His readiness was evident because his dick powerfully aimed straight at me.
As he climbed into bed, he kissed me gently from my ankles to my ass; light kisses with a bit of tongue that tickled and teased me. When the kisses reached my neck, I turned over and welcomed him with opened arms. We held each other tight as our tongues met with one another. It felt so soft, gentle, and intimate; feelings that have been absent from my body and mind for so long. Then his kisses began the return trip to my body; first visiting my neck, laying over at my breasts, and landing at my nipples. He sucked my nipples with a bit of aggression, which turned me on even more, therefore making me leak with eagerness.
Once his mouth and my nipples reluctantly said goodbye, Vince continued his journey down south, but I stopped the trip. I didn’t want that. I longed for him so badly that further foreplay wasn’t necessary. We switched positions, and then I kissed his dick just to say hello. He moaned and gripped the sheets in response.
I eagerly tore the condom from the wrapper, slid it on, squatted above him on my tip-toes, and slid down the pole. The fit was so comfortable, warm, and inviting. With the assistance of his hands on my waist guiding my rhythm, I bounced slowly and persistently.
Out of nowhere, Vince’s hands left my waist, went to my neck, and then pulled my face close to his. My knees hit the bed to straddle his body and my breasts hugged his chest. We kissed as if the kissing wasn’t close enough and touched as if the touch wasn’t enough contact.
“It feels so good to be inside of you,” is what he whispered to me as we kissed.
And I whispered back, “You feel so good inside of me.”
Chills went through me like a hurricane, and I could see goose bumps appear on Vince’s flesh even in the dimly lit room. There seemed to be a magnet in his body that attracted mine to his. The boundaries between us were invisible. I craved to learn how his body moved, to learn what pleased him, and to learn what was unbearable to him.
I didn’t realize how much I missed a special touch until Vince laid hands on me. When he gripped my cheeks and spread them apart, he slid deeper inside of me and made my world shift. Then he forced himself in and out with deep strokes. Though I was on top, I was no longer in control. Screams of passion and pleasure came from my lungs as I began to perspire. Vince sat up, and I continued to straddle and ride him. Our sex became even more intense. He pulled my hair gently while biting my neck. I fought with his sex and he bit his bottom lip with approval. I treasured the pain and he appreciatively received it.
“Oh my God,” was all that I could say to describe such a sensational moment.
“You like that, baby?”
And I could only answer in whimpers and sobs of contentment and bliss.
ELEVEN
Monday, December 1, 2008
VICTORIA
“Come in.”
I was sitting at my desk checking emails as Crystal entered the office with our coffee.
Crystal has been very quiet about Sean since she moved in. I’ve heard her having a heated conversation or two with him behind closed doors, but she hasn’t shared with me what is happening or what she is going to do. To give her some space and time to think, I have been spending a lot of time outside of my own home. I had no problem with it since Taij wasn’t returning DeSire until today. Plus, Vince had no arguments with me spending the weekend with him.
“Long time no see,” Crystal teased as she handed me my morning wake up.
I laughed. “Whatever. I just saw you this morning.”
“But I didn’t see you all weekend. I know you aren’t letting fuck buddies get weekend rendezvous.”
“Vince isn’t a fuck buddy,” I told her with a smile.
“Well, look at that smile! Do I smell love in the air?”
“Hell no. You smell Dior J'adore in the air. That’s about it.”
“Well, you better stop laying up with him then. Sex plus time equals feelings. And he already has feelings for you, which makes it worse.”
“You’re right.”
“But I take it that you’re enjoying his time since you’ve been spending so much of it with him.”
As I took a sip of my coffee, I nodded, “Most definitely.”
“Being attached ain’t so bad, is it?”
“We are not attached.”
“Spending the holiday weekend with someone who you are sleeping with is being attached.”
“We spent the holidays together last year.”
“But now he is fucking you, so its way different.”
I rolled my eyes playfully while replying, “Whatever.”
“You know he’s falling deeper and deeper by the moment, right?”
That he is. Vince isn’t smothering me, but it’s obvious that he is delighted by the fact that I have finally conformed to what he wanted. Though we have yet to establish a committed relationship, Vince is more than happy to have me in the palm of his hand and doing what I swore to him I would never do; going beyond the fuck buddy title.
“I know.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Not think about it right now,” I answered. “I just want to enjoy his time and not force anything.”
Crystal didn’t argue with me.
Since she was in a good enough mood to pry into my business, I was going to pry into hers. “How was your holiday?”
“Weird,” she quickly answered. “Everybody was asking me where Sean was.”
“Where was he?”
“With his own family. Usually we house hop together, but I wasn’t in the mood to do that just for the sake of fronting like everything is okay.”
“How have you been feeling?”
Crystal sighed long and hard, like she was breathing slowly in order to stay calm. “I’ve been dealing. I honestly feel numb. I don’t know what to do.”
“What do you want to do?”
“I want to leave his trifling ass. I can’t believe he has had the audacity to hit me, keep me locked up in that damn house under him, and making me too scared to dress how I want to dress, all while he’s been fucking these random women. That baffles my mind. He has some nerve. I assumed that he was cheating. I saw the text messages and phone calls, but I turned the other cheek because my marriage meant more to me than to end it because of some piece of ass
on the side. But to bring that bitch to my house-my house - where I lay my head - that hurt more than any black eye that he’s given me.”
“Maybe you all just need some space. Give him time to miss you.”
Though Sean isn’t the best husband in the world, I am never in the position to tell another woman to leave her stability. I am a single woman out here trying to make it on my own, so I would never suggest that another woman do the same if her marriage is fixable. Had Taij refrained from disrespecting me so bad that I was pissing fire, I would have eventually been willing to work out our relationship.
“I definitely need time to clear my head. Definitely.”
Before I could inquire any further, Delilah’s head popped into the doorway. “Hey, Ms. Brown and Mrs. Tolbert!”
Crystal greeted, “Well, good morning, Delilah. How was your holiday, missy?”
I smiled and waved as we waited on an answer.
Delilah rolled her eyes dramatically as she said, “Drama, drama, and mo’ drama! You know my ghetto so-in-so family can’t get together to have a fight without arguing about it, let-a-lone Thanksgiving dinner.”
Crystal and I both laughed at Delilah’s misery.
“To sum it up, my holiday sucked.”
“Join the club,” Crystal chimed in.
“Well, my holiday was fabulous!”
Both Delilah and Crystal gave me ugly and jealous stares.
“Being under a man is always fabulous,” Crystal muttered.
No sooner than I heard the words leave her lips, I gave Crystal a warning with my eyes, but she merely laughed at my silent threat.
Delilah shrieked, “Oooooooooooo, Ms. Brown!”
I told her with a laugh, “Shut up and get out!”
“Why do I have to leave? I’m grown. I know you’re having sex,” she said.
“Bye, Delilah!”
Against her will and nosiness, Delilah disappeared from the doorway while Crystal continued to giggle.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 13
