“And you get out too!” As I shouted at Crystal, I threw a piece of paper at her from the trash can under my desk.
“Hey, that little heifer knows a thing or two. She’s old enough to hear what I said.”
“Out now!”
Still laughing, Crystal stood to make her exit.
While leaving, I heard her say, “Shit, that chil’ probably gets more dick than you and I combined.”
I had no argument.
I had Vince for lunch.
Literally.
Spending so much time with Vince felt like trouble, but what he gives me is so addictive. I no longer feel alone, and I am hooked on the assurance that my heart is no longer unaccompanied.
Behind the locked door of my office, I rode Vince in my chair for as long as the lunch break allowed me. We could hear our students cursing and fighting outside of the window as they took a lunch break as well, but the atmosphere was still ever so romantic. Like the sex we had all weekend, we took the time to learn one another’s bodies, spots, and pleasure zones. We switched positions between teacher and student; showing one another how to please, where to touch, how to kiss, and how rough or soft to do it all.
His hands were so intrigued, as if to touch me was to know me. He fucked me with love, when my mind knew that love was overrated. Yet, my heart and body welcomed it with opened arms and legs. He treated me as if he were the prince and I was Cinderella, coming to rescue my heart from the pain and anguish it’s been in. But all Cinderella wanted was to be naughty, ride him with deep circles that put his dick so far inside of me that I wanted to run from the pain but race with the pleasure.
I directed him to the street where my orgasm lived. He went south bond on pleasure, made a right on deep kisses, went through the green light at sucking my nipples, and successfully arrived at sexing the hell out of me.
LYRIC
I cringed as I saw that it was Veronica calling me yet again.
I sat biting my nails as I listened to the phone ring. Bradley made it home already. I was in our two car garage about to go inside for the evening.
I decided to go ahead and answer the phone. I had dodged her and this conversation long enough.
“Hey,” was all that I could think to say.
“Finally decided to answer the phone,” Veronica spit.
“I didn’t know what to say to you.”
Instantly, Veronica got an attitude. “What the hell do you mean you didn’t know what to say me?”
I answered, “Exactly what it insinuates.”
“I shouldn’t know what to say to you! How dare you ignore me like I am the one that fucked up.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Me sleeping with Rick did not fuck your head up so much that you no longer want to speak to me. That was an excuse.”
“You think so, huh?”
“I know so.”
Suddenly, I felt a headache coming on. This wasn’t how I wanted this conversation to go. I wanted to smooth this over when Veronica obviously wanted a fight.
“Veronica, I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Well, what do you want, Lyric?”
“I answered the phone so that we could talk - not yell or curse each other out- just talk.”
Then Veronica finally took a moment to calm her nerves. I took advantage of the silence to speak.
“You sleeping with Rick most definitely offended me. I was disgusted and lost a lot of respect for you. Sleeping with my fiancé’s friend was a gutter and low-down dirty move to pull. It left a nasty taste in my mouth that will never go away,” I explained. “But prior to that happening, I’d come to the conclusion that the sexual part of our friendship had to end. Simply put; I am getting married to a wonderful man that does not deserve the deceit that I’ve tainted our relationship with. I am getting married in a matter of weeks, and I don’t want this hovering over a day that is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.”
“You are so selfish.”
“How so?”
“None of that reasoning had anything to do with me. It’s all about your happily ever after.”
“I apologize if you feel that way.”
I was trying my best to stay calm. I was trying my best not to make Veronica angry or sad. I knew that expecting everything to go away smoothly was a far fetch. I had done a lot of dirt, so the aftermath of its cleanse was sure to leave some residue, but it was my intent to leave as little residue as possible.
“What about me, Lyric?”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that.”
“I have been attached to you emotionally for a long time. Whether you’d like to admit it or not, we were an item. Now you suddenly want to cease and desist and expect me to be cool with it.”
“Not only did you know that I had no intent of having a relationship with a woman, you also knew that I was getting married. I seriously believe that you thought this marriage was a joke to me.”
“I sure did. Do you want to know why? Because you don’t love him!”
I laughed at her accusations.
She insisted, “You don’t, Lyric. I know you. If you truly loved and respected him, you wouldn’t have lived these lies for this long. You would have been as honest with him as you were with me.”
“Despite what your opinion is, I’m getting married, Veronica.”
“So you don’t care about my feelings, how sad it makes me, or how sick it makes me?”
“I care. I am sad that I’ve made you feel this way, but you knew that I was getting married.”
“I didn’t really think you’d go through with it! I put it in the back of my mind! I thought his ass would go away! I never expected for you to replace me!”
“So you fronted this entire time like you were willing to just be friends, like you didn’t care? Then that’s your fault. You never expressed your discomfort with this. Had that been the case, I would have ended this a long time ago. I told you that I would never be in a relationship with a woman.”
“Many people say what they won’t do until they find love. Love makes you sacrifice, makes you do shit that you wouldn’t normally do.”
“Unfortunately, my feelings aren’t that strong for you.”
I knew that that truth hurt, but she needed to hear it.
“Veronica,” I said sighing, “I like men more than women…”
“This is not about men versus women! This is about you and me.”
“And I’m so sorry, Veronica, but I do not want you.”
I was indeed very sorry; so sorry that I was nearly in tears. I don’t feel bad for not loving Veronica like she loves me. I feel bad because I never want to be that person in anyone’s life; the person that makes them love sick.
TWELVE
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
LYRIC
“I talked to Veronica last night.”
Tricey’s eyebrows rose in suspense as she ate the last of her pancakes that we got from the grill in the cafeteria. “Oh really? How did that turn out?”
“Drastic.”
The end of our conversation brought no more closure than was there before I called Veronica. She was still adamant that I was cruel for not choosing her over Bradley, and I remained adamant that there was never a choice to be made.
“So she’s still mad at you?”
“I think she’ll always be mad at me,” I answered.
“So you all aren’t friends anymore?”
“Probably not.”
Admittedly, that realization brought some sadness to my heart. Besides the sex, Veronica has been such a positive aspect of my life. She taught me so much about my sexuality and accepting myself for who I am. Her loyalty to our friendship was so surreal.
I will forever be grateful to her for that.
“Don’t feel bad, Lyric. You did everything you could. You didn’t deceive her and you were always honest about your position. You can’t help it that she fell in love despite her role.”
For some rea
son, I felt like Tricey wasn’t just talking about Veronica, so I asked her, “Do you feel like you’ve fallen in love with Amiel despite your role?”
“Most definitely.”
“He fell in love despite his role as well.”
Tricey shook her head as she threw her plate in the trash. “He’s not in love.”
“How can you be so sure?”
She sat back in her seat as she logged onto her desktop. I could see the hurt in her eyes. The energy in her personality was different. It was like Amiel was sucking the life and excitement from her soul.
“You know how men are when they are in love. They don’t give a damn about nothing but that woman. They want her to be with them no matter what or who. If Amiel was in love with me, he would be with me; no matter a baby, wife, or divorce.”
“You can’t expect him to so easily wash his hands of his family.”
“I’m not suggesting that he wash his hands of anyone. I am suggesting that he man up. I would have never developed these feelings for Amiel had he not been whispering sweet nothings in my ear, telling me how much I complete him, and how much he loves me. I am not upset that he doesn’t want to be with me. I’m upset that he wasted my time knowing that he doesn’t want to be with me and then insults my intelligence by using Bridget and those kids as an excuse to why he doesn’t want to be with me.“
“I don’t think those are excuses.”
Tricey laughed sarcastically. “Girl, please! How many men have you seen leave their wife in the blink of an eye? Marriage ain’t as concrete as he’s making it seem, and he doesn’t have to stop being a father simply because they aren’t married anymore. They are excuses. Plain and damn simple.”
VICTORIA
“Come in.”
I knew that it was Vince because he announced his arrival with a text message just a few minutes ago. When he came in and I looked up from my emails to lay eyes on him, it sent a chill down my spine. I don’t know whether it was his chocolate skin, massive build, or the memories of the sex we’ve been having for the past couple of weeks that instantly aroused me, but for whatever the reason, I accepted it.
When usually I would cut off my random fuck buddies at the fourth or fifth go round, Vince was still in a successful lead.
That scared me.
“Hey you,” he said as he leaned over the desk and kissed my cheek.
“Hey, babe,” I said with a flirtatious smile. “You smell good. Hugh Parsons?”
“You know it,” he said, assuring my guess with a wink.
“How has your day been so far?”
“Cool. About to go in a minute.”
I glanced at the clock and realized that it was indeed nearly the end of the school day. Vince has the choice of leaving when he feels like it since he’s here by choice. Just in case they need to talk to him, Vince likes to be visible to the team, even when he’s not assisting the coach and when his schedule with the arena football team allows him to.
“What do you have planned after work?”
I shrugged my shoulders, answering, “I don’t know. I haven’t made any plans. I will probably just be at home being a mommy.”
“Do you want to do dinner?”
“I can’t. I have DeSire.”
“Bring her with you.”
This is what irritates me about Vince; the constant need to be with and spend time with me. Clinginess seriously clashes with my current desire to be unattached.
But I simply laughed and replied, “So she can cry and interrupt dinner the entire time? I think not.”
Then Vince obviously looked disappointed.
“When you have kids, you’ll understand,” I said trying to clear the tension that was now in the air.
“You’re always running from me,” he told me.
At another attempt to clear the tension, I smiled. “Running from you? Wasn’t I just in here yesterday riding you to death again?”
Vince didn’t find that funny at all.
“You know what I mean,” he said.
“No, in fact, I don’t.”
“You never want to spend time with me.”
“We’re always spending time together.”
“Not always.”
“How so?”
“You think that you spend a lot of time with me, but you don’t. Fucking me doesn’t count as quality time.”
That floored me, so much that I sat back in my seat. “Whoa! Fucking you is not all that I have been doing for the past couple of weeks. The problem is that you want too much quality time.”
“It’s never too much time when it’s with someone you care about.”
Irritation ran my blood pressure up. I appreciate how Vince feels about me, but his feelings are the exact reason why I tried my best to remain platonic friends with him. I knew he wanted more than what I was mentally and emotionally ready to commit to.
Noticing my irritation, Vince asked, “What’s your problem?”
“I have no problem, Vince.”
I was trying my best to refrain from allowing my general irritation with love and men to reflect on my current conversation with Vince. I was well aware of the fact that I couldn’t and shouldn’t punish such an adorable man for my past, but it was also necessary for him to refrain from forcing me into something that I am not ready for.
“Yes, you do,” he began to lecture me. “You do have a problem. You’re scared.”
“Scared of what?”
“Of me.”
“Bullshit.”
“Then what do you call it?”
“Not wanting to be forced into something that I don’t want to be in.”
“And what’s so wrong with being in it?”
I didn’t know how I suddenly transitioned from allowing Vince’s cologne to take me away into a fantasy of back breaking sex to arguing with this dude about why I don’t want to be in a relationship.
However, despite my frustrations, I spoke calmly in order to get my point across without ruining whatever this was between he and I. “Vince, you and I have been very close for the past year, so you know how I feel about relationships.”
He admitted, “You’re right.”
“So why are you trying to change me?”
“Because punishing the next man for somebody else’s error is a mistake that I won’t allow you to make.”
That pissed me off, pissed me off so much that I stood up for some reason. “Allow me?!”
“Vic, calm down.”
It was too late for me to calm down, because he already hit a soft spot. “Allow me?! I don’t need nobody to fix, help, or shield me. My memory of a father figure is fucked up, so I don’t want another one.”
“I’m not trying to be your father! I’m just trying to love you!”
“Why?! Why are you so persistent to be in a relationship with someone who is constantly telling you that that’s not what they want?! You can’t change me! You just want me because I don’t want you!”
The offense Vince felt was so evident in his expression that I immediately wanted to apologize for being so harsh. Yet, I also felt as if harsh was what he needed in order for him to get the point, since being nice while fucking him was not achieving that goal.
When he stood and exited the office without a word, I was reminded why I have run away from sharing emotions with a man for so long. I felt my stomach turn, and it reminded me of how the nausea of losing someone that you care about can make you feel.
Sugar met me at my house after work. I was glad to see her. I so desperately needed the comfort of someone who knew me. Crystal is a great friend, but she doesn’t know my history. I needed to talk to someone who understood how I felt because they were in the midst of the battles with me.
Crystal agreed to babysit DeSire while Sugar and I had dinner at Bar Louie’s until Erotic Poetry started at ten this evening. I immediately ordered the drink that I knew would fuck me up for the evening, take away my frustrations, but have me alert with no hangover for
work in the morning; gin and orange juice.
“Ewe! I cannot believe you’re drinking that shit.”
Sugar continued to look at me disgustingly as I slurped down the first drink while motioning for the bartender to bring me another one.
“No ice this time,” I told the bartender.
Sugar laughed. “You know it was ’94 when Snoop was embracing that drink. Even he has upgraded since then.”
“Whatever.”
“You need to talk?”
“Of course I do. Why else would we be here?”
Sugar laughed and answered, “Because I drove hours to see you.”
“You drove hours to see pussy,” I said while shaking my head. “You just made a pit stop to say hello to your friend, not knowing that I was going to drag your butt to the bar.”
Sugar blushed bashfully.
I asked her, “What’s her name?”
“Theresa.”
“Met her on MySpace too?”
“No. I met her on blackpeoplemeet.com.”
I damn near fell out of my seat laughing.
“Whatever, heifer! It’s hard to meet women out in boom-fuck-Illinois.”
“Nobody told your gay ass to move out there with no potential. Oh wait! That’s right! You have potential living with you! What’s her name again? Ca…Ca…Ca….”
“Fuck you,” Sugar cursed me while laughing.
“Cassandra! That’s right! The 'ol ball and chain. Does Theresa know about Cassandra?”
“Look, gawd damn it. What do you need to talk about? You got thirty minutes.”
“No, I don’t. I be damned if you fly out of here just to see some new meat that you met on the internet. You never spend time with me. You use to love me like you love these internet hoes.”
Then I pretended to pout. There was a time when Sugar would do any and everything for me because she had a big crush on me. We met during freshmen year of college. She was as gay as gay can be and wore her colors proudly. Eventually she got the hint that I was strictly dickly, so we became very good friends instead.
“When was the last time you came to Chicago to hang with me, without pussy with you, pussy on the way, or pussy waiting for you?”
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 14
