Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series)

by Jessica Watkins

  “True.”

  “But I am not fucking up my home for Amiel. I only mentioned it to Blood because I thought he would be cool about it. He always thought that I should allow Amiel to know his daughter. But today, when I mentioned it, he started accusing me of shit and we actually argued. We never argue.”

  “Maybe he feels threatened by Amiel.”

  “And if that’s the case, I am not going to do anything that will make him feel threatened. I allow Amiel to have that much impact on my relationship.”

  “But you so busy trying to make sure that you never give Amiel the upper hand that you aren’t doing what’s right. Though he broke your heart, that does not warrant you keeping him away from his daughter. One day, he might live up to his threats and take you to court. And, trust, it’s nothing for him to win custody since you are living with a very well known drug dealer that has a record. Don’t make this any messier than it needs to be. You are over him. You’ve moved on. Now let him see his daughter.”

  A few hours later, I was sitting on Tricey’s bed watching television while she showered.

  We were planning to go shopping, so she was getting ready while DeSire and Ariana napped in Ariana’s room.

  Like an idiot, I was watching David Tuettera make some lucky woman’s dream of a royal wedding come true. Watching her glow reminded me that Taij was getting married.

  I had been in such a daze since Wednesday that it actually slipped my mind.

  That is when I missed the peace and serenity of being high. I didn’t want to do a drug in order to be happy or at peace, but I definitely wanted to be in that unapologetic state of joy that it put me in.

  I stared at Tricey’s closet in shame. I felt like the scum of the earth for wanting to get high, but it also sat right with me because I knew where doing so would take me.

  I wasn’t being reckless or trivial. I genuinely just yearned to be in that tranquil place again.

  I turned the television down so that I would be able to hear Tricey’s progress in the bathroom. The shower was still going as I opened the closet door, so I knew that I had a little time. Most of her shoes were still in boxes. Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Christian Louboutin, and Gianmarco Lorenzi pumps were lined up on three shelves perfectly and in color groups. However, three aimless boxes sat in the far right corner.

  I moved quickly towards the corner and tore off the first box top, but the box was only filled with papers. The second Aldo box was filled with bundles of money wrapped in rubber bands.

  The third box was filled with baggies of white happiness. The bags were bigger than what I confiscated from the student, feeling as heavy as an ounce. I instantly felt like such a Lindsay Lohan or Amy Winehouse as I hurriedly snatched three of the baggies from the box and stuffed them into my pocket.

  I lingered out of the closet as I struggled with what I just did. As I struggled, I finally looked towards the door and saw Tricey standing there.

  “What are you looking for?”

  I quickly tried to read her expression and figure out how long she had been standing there.

  With a joking smirk, I replied, “Girl, I’m checking out all these labels!”

  When she smiled and entered the closet with me, I felt so relieved.

  Tricey then began to show me what she just purchased from her most recent shopping trip, while I was trying to figure out the perfect moment to slip into my hiding place.

  Tricey and I had such a good time.

  We drove to Michigan Avenue and went from shop to shop. I honestly don’t remember trying anything on and I didn’t even buy anything.

  I honestly just felt good being out and about with my friend and actually feeling so carefree. I felt so exhilarated for no damn reason at all. I felt confident, positive, and secure. There was a genuine smile on my face that was never there before. Any other time, my happiness and smile was forced. I smiled to keep from crying. I smiled to keep people from asking me what was wrong. I smiled to hide the heavy monkey of burden that was on my back.

  Now, well, after emerging from my hiding place, I was so fucking happy, and it felt good. I felt good, when for years I prayed my way to feel that good and medicated myself to feel that calm.

  Until getting high, I never knew how it felt to live without that constant burden and grief on my shoulders. Yet, when I was high, that monkey jumped off of my back and I finally had that light-hearted feeling that I always sought after.

  I felt pretty and was flirtatious with random cute guys that walked by. I even got a few phone numbers.

  You couldn’t tell me shit.

  As Tricey and I shopped, had lunch, and then shopped some more, I was finally able to relax inside of my own skin. I would go into a nearby restroom, sniff joy from my nails, and emerge the person that I have always wanted to be.

  For years, I merely existed, but when I was high, I felt alive.

  Six

  Tuesday, May 10, 2011

  STAR

  At three o’clock in the morning, I woke up with such a nauseous feeling in my stomach.

  I tossed and turned for a few minutes, trying to keep down the baked potato that I ate for dinner, but I couldn’t.

  I jumped out of my cot right in the nick of time.

  As I bent over the metal commode and heaved for my life, I tried my best not to allow my sounds of regurgitation to fill the quiet and sleeping halls of the block.

  I knew that I was pregnant. I had to be. That was my third time throwing up in two days. I didn’t have any other symptoms of any kind of flu, so I knew that I had to be knocked up.

  My heart started to beat with worry as I lay back in the bed.

  I didn’t know what to do.

  After months and months of being angry with God, I finally started talking to Him again; praying that this sickness was just nerves and that it would eventually go away.

  I couldn’t go to the doctor, because if I really was pregnant, I wasn’t going to be able to explain how in the hell I got pregnant in prison. Though I was serving a mandatory fifteen years, I didn’t want anything that I did during those fifteen years to jeopardize me getting out on time.

  I didn’t even bother eating breakfast. I was too scared that whatever I ate would come right back up. I told myself to be sure to grab a bunch of crackers from the chow hall during lunch to soothe my stomach.

  To pass the time, I sat on my cot staring out of the small window that decorated the wall that my bed was nailed to. It was a very small window; so small that I literally had to put my head up to it in order to look out of it. I could only see the yard and the woods that sat behind it.

  I wanted so badly to be in those woods.

  “Don’t jump.” The familiar voice was Dawn’s and I was so happy to have the company.

  As I laughed, I said, “If I could fit through this window, I would definitely jump. We are only two stories up. I might land on my feet.”

  “But the guards will shoot your ass as soon as you hit the ground.”

  We both giggled, but our laughs were so empty, as if we knew that we were just attempting to make light of our miserable existence.

  Dawn sat next to me and looked at me as a mother would her child.

  I asked, regrettably, “What?”

  “I heard you throwing up this morning.”

  Instantly, I smacked my lips and replied, “Would you stop fucking listening in on me? Damn! Do you ever sleep?!”

  “Hey,” she said with a shrug, “I’m a light sleeper.” Then she asked with a concerned eye, “You okay?”

  The look she gave me told me that she really wanted to ask me something else but was too scared to hear the answer.

  I assured her. “I’m fine. It’s the prison food.”

  “You’ve been eating this food for a year.”

  “What’s your point?”

  Dawn sighed and shook her head slightly, as if she were surrendering to my silent plea of leaving the subject alone.

  “You’re not eating bre
akfast?”

  As I continued to look out of the window, I simply shook my head. Then Dawn started to say something, but stopped. When I looked at her, her attention was facing the outside of my cell. I followed her gaze and saw Malik standing on the outside. He looked at Dawn and nodded his head, gesturing for her to leave.

  “Well, I’m going to eat breakfast. Let’s go out into the yard later. I need some sun.” As Dawn exited the cell, she told Malik, “Hey, Officer Santiago. Funny seeing you here.”

  Malik simply smiled bashfully and playfully tapped Dawn with his baton. Luckily, Malik was one of the cool guards that actually joked with the prisoners and treated us like people.

  As Dawn left, I watched Malik curiously. “What are you doing here so early?”

  “They got me working doubles today.” Then Malik looked at me questioningly. I guess he noticed my dry and solemn mood. “What’s wrong, babe?”

  It was amazing to me the way he looked so concerned. He stood inside of the doorway of my cell looking at me curiously. During the day, since prison officials are usually out of their offices and very visible, if we are out in the open, Malik is sure to stay a few feet away from me and outside of my cell.

  “Nothing. I’m good. Just one of those days.” And it was funny how I couldn’t even lie to his face. As I spoke, I broke eye contact and glanced out of the window.

  “Star.” The way he called my name tore at my heart. I didn’t have feelings for Malik, but it was apparent that he had grown attached to me, so I knew that being pregnant was about to be me more trouble than I could handle.

  I looked at him and smiled to soothe his worry. “I’m good. I promise.”

  Smiling back at me, he told me, “I put some more money on your books.”

  “Oh my goodness. Why? You just put some money on them the other day.”

  “I want you to get your hair done.”

  Yes, there was a beauty salon in the facility. The prison provided different programs for lower level offenders; office technology, culinary arts, and cosmetology were a few. If a prisoner had the money to spend, you were able to utilize the beauty salon, though you would be shackled and chained while receiving your services.

  I smirked as I asked him, “Do I look that bad?”

  “I just want to see you with your hair done. Let me do this, okay?” Then he smiled and winked at me. “I’ll come see you later.”

  As he walked away from the cell, my worry grew so big and tall.

  The way Malik woo’d me left me speechless and petrified me just the same.

  VICTORIA

  I could hear commotion as I walked around the corner of the B corridor.

  Near the other end of the hall, I saw a group of three boys roughing up another boy. They were standing around him, pushing him into the lockers so hard that I could hear his body come in contact with the metal.

  I couldn’t recognize the perpetrators, but when the victim and I caught eyes, I recognized that it was Jahleel, my brother, and he clearly saw me.

  As I dashed back around the corner, I could hear the scuffle becoming worse. I could hear his body being thrown against the locker, the perpetrators shouting curses, and, what I hoped wasn’t, them beginning to punch him.

  There was a security guard standing near the restroom of the hallway that I ran into. I quickly told him to round the corner and stop the fight. Then I simply kept it moving.

  I know it seems a little over and beyond, but I wanted no contact with those children- absolutely none. Their mere existence brought me back to a reality that I did not wish to be a part of any longer.

  Without any concerns for Jahleel, I continued my retreat to my happy place inside of the staff bathroom. As I passed the mirror, I caught my reflection and wanted to be ashamed of the woman that I saw. On the outside looking in, I was so put together; black business suit that hugged my curves and gave me immense femininity, a Jackie Guccissima shoulder bag that was a damn good knock off, black pumps, lips glossed, and hair bouncing.

  On the outside, I looked together, and I wanted to feel as together on the inside as I looked on the outside.

  I stepped into the bathroom stall, retrieved the white happiness from my wallet, sat on the toilet, opened the baggie, and scooped some of it out with my nails. While holding one of my nostrils closed, I inhaled the powder through the other nostril. Then I sat there and waited for relief to come over me.

  As I waited, I decided to relieve myself since I was in there. By the time I was done peeing, I felt it- the ecstasy, the peace, the tranquility. Coke made me feel more relaxed than I ever felt in my life. I spent years of my life being anxious; waiting to see when Jesse would hit me, praying that I would make it through the day without having to fight this man off of me. That anxiety followed me through my life. Before now, I never lived a calm moment unless I was doped up on Valium, and even then, I was too damn sleepy to enjoy the mental freedom.

  This high was different. It relieved me of every emotional pain. Having lived a life in fear of nothing in particular, I was finally at ease, worry free, and peaceful. When I was high, I feared nothing and yearned for no one.

  As I sat on the toilet enjoying my private happiness, I could hear someone entering the restroom muttering frustrations.

  I recognized Lynn’s voice, so I hurried out of the stall.

  “Lynn, what’s wrong?” As I exited the bathroom, I saw her standing in the mirror fixing her clothes. Her shirt was untucked and her hair was frazzled.

  “I just finished having to fight your battle!”

  Her frustration caught me off guard. “Huh?”

  “Did you see those boys beating up Jahleel?!” Before I could even respond, she continued. “He just told me that you looked him in the face, saw those boys beating him up, and did nothing!”

  “I went and got security!”

  “And in the mean time, he got his ass whooped!”

  Seeing Lynn so frustrated and cursing was shocking. Lynn was a woman of God and a devoted Christian. She practically lived in church. After backsliding and cheating on her husband a few years ago, her faith got deeper as she battled a divorce.

  “That is so childish of you, Vic! His feelings are so hurt! You better hope that he doesn’t tell the principal!”

  “They weren’t fighting him when I saw them.”

  “They were about to! And you could have stopped it. That boy’s face is black and blue!”

  I understood Lynn’s anger. To an ordinary person, what I did was wrong. However, if Lynn was aware of the nightmare that my father put me through, she wouldn’t want me to have any contact with his family either.

  “You gotta get over it,” Lynn told me. There was so much passion in her eyes that I could clearly see her sincerity.

  To ease her pain, and to keep from arguing with her, I told her, “You’re right. But don’t you know me?”

  “Of course I do.”

  “Then you know that there must be a damn good reason for me to turn my back on a child. Just trust me, okay?”

  Lynn curiously looked at my pleasant smile. I didn’t think that the situation was funny at all. There was just pure glee in me that was putting a genuine smile on my face.

  Lynn sighed in frustration, shook her head slightly, and continued to fix herself in the mirror. “Well, I talked him out of telling the principal- I hope. I ensured him that there had to be a reason why you walked away and I am sure that it was to go get security.”

  “And it was,” I assured her. “So what happened? How did you end up in the middle of the fight anyway?”

  “I heard the commotion while I was in my office. It was kinda hard for that one security guard to contain four boys that are as big as he is. I called myself keeping Jahleel away from them, but he was pissed, so was still trying to fight back, and they were still trying to get at him, so I got caught in the middle.”

  I simply leaned against the wall and watched her continue to fix herself.

  “Vic, this is gett
ing out of hand. Are you willing to lose your job over ignoring those kids?”

  Again, I smiled at her and she looked at me curiously.

  “I thought you said you trusted me,” I told her.

  “I do.”

  “Then let me handle this, please?” Then I wrapped my arms around her tightly and told her, “And thank you for talking him out of going to the principal.”

  As I let Lynn go, I noticed that, instead of hugging me back, she was now giving me more of a bewildered look.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  Instead of answering my question, she asked, “What’s going on with you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “You hugged me…”

  “And?”

  “You don’t hug people, and you’re happy.”

  “I do hug people!”

  “During traumatic situations, yes, but randomly, no you don’t. And you are in a really good mood for a woman that was just at work crying last week because her boyfriend dumped her for another chick.”

  I nonchalantly shrugged my shoulders, waved my hand in the air, and, with a genuine smile, said, “Fuck Vince.”

  STAR

  “Usted se siente tan bien.”

  Malik spoke Spanish words of lust into my ear as he fucked me from behind. One of my legs was hoisted over the bathroom sink of the staff restroom and my pants were around my ankles.

  I was trying my best to quietly enjoy this dick.

  Malik’s friend and coworker, Greg, was on the lookout.

  Malik literally had his mouth to my ear as he breathed heavily and whispered things into my ear that I would never understand. “Maldito. Esta mierda se siente bien.”

  I didn’t know what the hell he was saying, but it sounded so damn good being whispered into my ear in his deep seductive voice. The lights were off in the private restroom, so I was able to forget where I was and, as usual, take my mind and Malik’s penetration to another place.

  The horror of my possibilities had temporarily disappeared. I relaxed back against Malik, enjoyed his penetration, and fell into his voice that continued to talk bilingual shit into my ear. In English, he would tell me to cum for him, and then he would say some shit to me in Spanish that I didn’t understand, but made me want to cum just the same.