Errant

by Armas, Florian

  “Cherries!”

  “Codrin.” Unseen, Saliné came up behind me, and I turned to face her.

  “Well, it seems that we have a young lady here, now,” I said with the sudden feeling that she was no longer just a child; her journey to womanhood had started some time ago, but I was not consciously aware of it. She is as beautiful as her mother. Being away gives you new perspectives on old perceptions. I tried to pat her shoulder as a ‘glad to see you’, but like Jara, she gently embraced me.

  “What took you so long?” Saliné asked the same question, her voice nuanced, both joyful and bitter.

  “It was long for me too, maybe even longer,” I strived to exonerate myself for something that was not my fault, and ruffled her hair, trying to put the child back into her, yet the womanly part remained anchored to me in a way that I was just starting to understand. “I am glad to be home. What’s new with my girls?”

  “I lost my last old tooth,” Vio answered at once. “I threw it over my shoulder in the garden. We finished the book, the one we started together.” She extended a finger with each item of news. “Three days ago, I cut my skin training with a dagger. Look,” she opened her palm to show me a still pink mark. “Saliné has a new dress for the wedding. Mother promised me one, too. Milene is pregnant…”

  “Vio,” Jara interrupted her torrent of words, Vio was able to speak as fast as she moved. “You should leave us something to tell him,” she smiled. There was a moment of silence, it seemed that Vio was thinking if she could really leave somebody else the important task of feeding me with the local news.

  “Cakes?” Vio broke the silence with a large smile on her face, staring at me with raised eyebrows.

  “What cakes?” I teased her; there was a box of Mefilene in my bag – a gift from Delia.

  “You promised,” both girls lamented, their smiles vanishing.

  “Well, if I promised.”

  Later in the evening, I sat with Jara and Cernat around a bottle of wine. The conversation flowed, but not like in the past; a thin, invisible barrier was still raised between us.

  “Tell Mohor that Orban’s embassy went to Histria just after his own,” I started to push for some kind of compromise. “He is moving many pieces around, as you are.”

  “What pieces?” Cernat asked, trying to understand if I used a figure of speech or there was more to my statement.

  “The small war between Lenard and Rares was prevented. Orban’s diplomacy,” I said, and they stared at me in a way that confirmed my assumption about them trying to weaken Lenard’s position. “And something that may be just a piece of information. A certain plan to kill Orban’s first Secretary failed.” There was nothing in their reactions to tell me about possible involvement, so it may have been done by Mohor alone or by an unknown party. “It may trigger some kind of tit-for-tat reaction.” The conversation turned back to more mundane things.

  “Do you want to talk?” Jara asked, after Cernat left us alone. “We left some things open.”

  “Do you think it will help?

  “The truth is that I don’t know how I can help, apart from chaining you here where you belong, but I am willing to try.”

  “I am fine, Jara, and working to find my place,” I said, assured by her words. “The first steps are to understand where you stand, but I am noble born, and I will not remain a stable boy for the rest of my life.” With all their insistence, I never told them my real status, just that I was noble born and my family had a high positon at the court.

  “So, after all those words about understanding your place...” Jara did not finish, letting me fill the gap with whatever I wanted. There was no mockery in her voice, just worry that I was unable to adapt to my new life.

  “Stable boy, protector, swordsman…” I shrugged. “There is not much social difference between them. They differ just in their usefulness to a Knight or Seigneur. A commoner like me is no more than a tool, used and discarded when no longer needed. It took me a great ordeal to understand that people like Milene and Jeon are ‘people’, and I will never forget it, but I need to become a Knight.” Or even more… And fame… Only then men will enroll under my banner to help me take Arenia back. Wars… Am I suited to command an army? Father was a brilliant strategist, who never lost a battle, apart from that night when the Royal Guard traitors took over the Palace by surprise, but I was not my father.

  “You will be Knight, Codrin. Maybe not so soon as you hope, as the road to Knighthood is not easy, but you will be. Some doors will open for you after my marriage,” she repeated her offer I received before leaving.

  “I don’t see it happening with the doors. That doesn’t mean that I would refuse your help,” I stopped her protest. “One more thing. I am not sure how to tell you… Aron sees a rival at the court in you, and he will try to marginalize you.” I was not entirely sure about his reactions, but it was the most logical conclusion from Cantemir’s information. “I know, coming from me, it might sound… strange.”

  “Codrin,” Jara said softly. “You are like a son to me and I trust you, but I need to know more. Is it a guess, or something else?”

  “By luck, I heard a conversation about this subject,” I said carefully, hoping she would not ask for more – I wanted to keep my links with Cantemir hidden.

  “It may be true,” she said slowly, still trying to understand to what extent it was true. “In many aspects, a court is like a war zone.” Her fingers touched my hand to reassure me, and I left the room with the feeling that their home was still my home.

  The next day we picked cherries in the garden, and everything seemed to be back in place, with one difference, though: Saliné and me. In the evening, she wanted to walk out; the full moon was shining over the land. Away from the house, I took her hand in mine, and in silence, we walked through the grass. Far away, a wolf howled, making her shiver, and we stopped.

  “I will always protect you,” I remembered the words I had said a year before in the same place, and I smiled in the dusk, gently holding her hand.

  “Always,” she whispered, and it struck me that she meant a very different thing than I initially thought the year before.

  “Always,” I whispered too, and leaning my back against the tree behind me, for the first time, I took her in my arms in the way you embrace the girl you love. Closer, the wolf made his presence felt again, his long howl echoing around in cascades. It sounded strangely melodious.

  We moved slowly, in a new way, that was so simple, yet I fully understood it just a few days before Jara’s wedding. Our evenings alone become longer after I carried Vio to bed, and sometimes Jara had to come and remind us that it was really late, yet there was something strange with her; it seemed that she approved of our closeness and was worried at the same time, and her involuntary small signs of concern were bothering me. Then the wedding approached, and in that effervescence of preparations, Jara no longer had time for us.

  There were many tables and people in the large hall; Mohor was a Seigneur with many political links to keep alive. I had the feeling that something was wrong from the moment the valet settled me at a different table than agreed. I did not want to come, but Jara insisted, and in some ways she was right.

  “Codrin, you can’t miss my wedding; you are part of my house. I will be upset and Mohor will take it as an affront; this is the best time to mend some fences with him. He appreciated the latest news from you. And I need someone to entertain my girls,” she smiled.

  I need someone to entertain me too.

  Yet instead of being settled between Saliné and Vio at the main table, I was sent to a different one, parallel with the access route to the main table. It was a kind of a square and my back was toward the access road, a thing that I considered coincidental at that time. From my place, I saluted Jara, and she answered back with a surprised look. There was a flurry of words between her and Mohor, too far for me to hear. He patted her hand, smiling at her, but she did not smile back.

  The second wrong
feeling came when I saw Aron speaking in a corner with a troop of fools. One more fool, I shrugged. For the next turn, I tried to exchange some polite words with the people around me, but they were too busy eating.

  “We are merchants,” one of them finally hinted, with a gesture that involved half of the people around the table. “We serve the castle,” he added, in a proud voice.

  “A very important job,” I agreed with him. Well, Mohor has a strong sense of hierarchy. I am where I belong.

  “The fools,” someone shouted, and all the people around turned to see them.

  I will not turn. In a strange association, the word tumbler that Veres threw at me made a comeback into my mind, and that enhanced my bad feelings.

  “There will be a big fight tonight,” a strident voice shouted, unfortunately just behind me.

  Laughter burst out in the hall, but I ignored it. Then I heard Aron shouting and laughing, and saw him pointing at me, just to make more people aware of something I could not guess. I turned: the fools were faking an attack against me from behind. One of them hit me with a kind of spear having feathers as a blade. Attached to his spear, a little bag suddenly opened and a cloud of small feathers covered my head and shoulders, white against the black of my hair and clothes, and the laughter became louder. I saw Jara and the girls laughing, trying to hide behind their palms. In all that noise, the only thing I could hear was Saliné’s laughter, inside my head, as every other sound vanished around me, and all sense of time disappeared. I caught Jara’s eyes and she stopped laughing, from the savagery of my look; my mind was boiling, and my right hand moved unconsciously for the sword’s hilt. There was none, and that was the fools’ luck and mine. They would have been dead in a few moments and I would have followed. There was little chance that Mohor and Aron would have let me leave alive after spilling blood at the wedding. My senses came back, and the laughter continued unabated, yet the girls were no longer amused; they looked now serious and upset. As Tudor had taught me, I inhaled deeply with closed eyes, one slow measured breath, and for a few moments, I forced my mind to stop thinking.

  When I opened them again, Jara was trying to leave her chair, but Mohor held her shoulders, keeping her seated, whispering in her ear. Cernat was no longer at his place, and staring around, I observed him advancing in my direction, behind the tables.

  “Fight or we will beat you to death,” the strident voice shouted, and more things were thrown at my head, to general laughter.

  Calm again, I stood up and caught one piece of wood flying toward me. “Let’s play with this,” I said loudly, stopping the laughter; things were moving in an interesting way for them, a new kind of entertainment. “You and me,” I gestured to the one who seemed to be the band’s leader. He was barely taller than my waist.

  “Yes,” he said, making a jump onto his hands and back on his feet, all the other fools making a lot of noise with trumpets.

  “You stand at the wall and I will try to hit you.” I gestured with the wood. “Then you do the same.”

  He had no idea what I wanted, but the game was there for the crowd, and they started to clap, shouting: “Fight! Fight! Fight!”

  “Stand with your back to the wall,” I said, hafting the piece of wood in my left hand; it was something small that could not harm anyone. Faster than their eyes could see, my right hand took a knife from my boot and threw it toward him. With a thump that reverberated loudly in the sudden silence, the knife pierced his bonnet, fixing it to the wood decorating the wall, just a finger or two from his skull. His body slid down until it was stopped by the string tying the bonnet to his neck, his mouth moving without sound. “Do you want another fight?” I growled at the remaining fools, waving my second knife. They grabbed the mute dwarf from the wall, and left the room, their short feet moving faster than I thought possible. I recovered my knife and returned to my table, surrounded by heavy silence. Cernat nodded to me, and went back to his place, too. A team of musician entered the hall some moments later.

  “I apologize,” Jara whispered in my ear after a minute or two.

  “Why? I am always glad to make you laugh and feel good.” There was a glacial sarcasm in every nuance of my voice and words, and it came to me as a surprise that I could still talk to her without shouting, or even that I could talk at all.

  “Please come with me.”

  “I have not finished my steak,” I refused her dryly, not even turning to look at her.

  “Please,” she insisted, seizing my shoulders from behind, trying to make me turn to face her, and there was a terrible desperation in her voice that went through me, and I reluctantly stood up, following her outside the hall, into a small, empty room. “I apologize,” she said again, grabbing my hands. “That miserable Big Mouth. I knew nothing about it. Mohor told me just as you arrived that he had to give your place to one of his cousins.”

  “You laughed,” I growled. “All your family laughed.” Even Saliné…

  “Yes, I am sorry. We did not laugh at you. It was involuntary. Maybe this will erase what I did,” she said, embracing me. “Stay with me. Like a son with his mother.” Subdued by her gentleness and the warm tone of her voice, we embraced for a long minute, and that slowly calmed me. “Better?” she asked, caressing my hair, and I nodded – we were face-to-face again. “Please,” she said nervously, as if forcing herself to say something unkind. “Please don’t try anything, Codrin. Let me find out what happened first.”

  “I don’t want to give them any satisfaction.”

  “That I was thinking, too. You managed it well. Big Mouth was not so happy that his stupid ploy had unraveled.” There was a sudden involuntary gesture of relief in her body as she stared at me. “Please forgive the girls, too. It was just a spontaneous reaction. They are still children. Even Saliné.”

  “I will leave now, and tomorrow I will be gone from Severin.” I ignored her words; their laughter was still burning in me.

  “Yes,” she agreed at once, resolute. “I will tell Saliné.” There was a slight hint in her willingness to take over that I should not try to talk with Saliné right now – maybe because I was too upset to have a calm conversation, or maybe for a reason skillfully hidden from me.

  After she left me alone, I went to take my sword from the Weapons Room. Free… I spoke to myself. Free to run again. At the stables, two men I did not know asked the reason for my presence there. There was a deliberate slow and mean reaction from them, and I considered their behavior just another harassment coming from Mohor or Big Mouth. I was wrong. After I stated my name and the need to take my horse, seven soldiers with spears surrounded me, six of them having Big Mouth’s colors.

  “You are under arrest,” the only one representing Mohor said, coldly. “Give up your sword.”

  I stepped back, trying to evaluate any possible escape path. Nothing… They were too many and too close to me. Trap… The fatal word from another life made an awful comeback.

  “Try to obey, for your own safety,” a familiar voice mocked, and behind the soldiers, I recognized Veres in the torches’ light – there was a malicious smile on his lips.

  Chapter 11 - Jara

  Late in the morning, Mohor was still sleeping. A hum persisted in my mind from the wedding party, coupled with the almost forgotten feeling of sharing the night with a man, and that roused some feelings of nostalgia. Well, it was almost morning. The castle was silent, and I stretched, wondering if I should go back to sleep. I can’t. Disturbed by my movement, Mohor mumbled something in his sleep. He was surprisingly gentle, I smiled. Mohor ... Malin, my mind tried suddenly to compare them. I shall not live in the past, and it is not fair to either of them to make a comparison. I must be careful not saying the wrong name when… Some more unintelligible sounds from him followed me as I got out of bed. On the opposite wall, there was a large mirror, reflecting my naked body. I am still young… The view pleased me, with all the fright of the last passing years, in the physical way, time had not been unkind to me; I looked even
younger than Mohor, who was born three years later. Codrin was right, I mused as he thought me only twenty-seven or so when we first met, and I trusted his perception – he could not survive alone at sixteen without being observant, and he was too fair to make false compliments. He must be far away by now. The girls will miss him... Me too. I have to sort out what happened last night with Mohor. At our wedding. It’s a loss of face for me. I cannot let it pass. It will not be easy... Aron could not do it without his approval. Everything because of that stupid duel. Men… I shook my head, but that stupidity had chased Codrin away and put me in an awkward position; many knew that he lived in my house. Touching him touched me, too. Codrin... I caught again sight of myself in the mirror and my face took me by surprise, the reflection of an expression that I did not expect.

  Lunch was brief, nobody was really hungry, the girls were unhappy, and even more Saliné let me see that she was upset – she was usually good at hiding her feelings. Both girls left the wedding shortly after Codrin, just as a way to punish themselves for laughing at him, and me because I was not able to preempt the awful show. And they knew that Mohor planned many things for a memorable wedding. It was memorable in more than one way, I sighed, still remembering the pain and fury in Codrin’s eyes. Mohor tried to stop Saliné – he liked her – but she refused even to talk to him. In the morning, only Veres seemed to be pleased, and tried to stir a feeble conversation by making some bad jokes about what happened to Codrin. Everybody ignored him, even Mohor. What can I do with Veres?

  We dined late, as the remaining day was short, and many things were to be settled – like the rooms for my daughters. They went home with father, and would came back a week later, leaving us to arrange their accommodation, and they would no longer sleep together – at her age, Saliné needed to be alone from time to time. Vio will mumble a bit and still try to sleep with one of us during the night, I smiled.