Errant

by Armas, Florian

  It may be my fault too, I thought, remembering how their swift reactions stopped Saliné from answering me, and in a retrospective way, things no longer looked spontaneous.

  “Codrin,” she said slowly, as lost in my inner world, I did not react. “We have the places we have, and… there might be some marriage plans for me. Nothing clear yet, so I still hope for us…” Her voice became barely audible, and I hold her tighter in my arms. “But we are what we are to each other, and this will never change, it doesn’t matter who I must entertain at the table or where I spend the rest of my life. Always,” she whispered the last word.

  “Always,” I answered like a mirror that reflected sounds too. She doesn’t really know, but they can’t trick her, she is already guessing.

  “And mother,” she stumbled. “Mother is trying in her way to help both of us to survive the court and cope with a future that may come even though none of us wanted it. Don’t think wrong of her, she is very fond of you.”

  “Oh, that fondness was so obvious today.”

  “It’s not what you think,” Saliné pressed her fingers to my lips. “Please stay tonight,” she pleaded before I could answer, leaning her head on my shoulder.

  “I will.” And I will fight for you, Saliné. I am weak, but I will fight. Our chance is so small ... I cannot even tell you.

  After dinner, the evening was again as before. Vio fell asleep in my arms, and I had to carry her to her bed, then I was left alone with Saliné, and none of us realized that midnight had passed until Jara came and chased us away. And for a second time I slept in the castle, in different conditions though. The longing that followed me in the days after was much less pleasant, and I still could not understand what was in Jara’s mind.

  Chapter 14 - Jara

  From the light, it was midday. Filtered by the thick curtain, the light was strong enough to let me guess that. I tried to change my position in bed. It hurts. My lower part of my body was aching. This time it was harder. On my right, Mart was doing what all the newborn do: sleeping. Really hard, I remembered the labor that took so many hours. I must convince Mohor that we can’t have another child. I am too old. The next one... He will not be happy. It was somehow half-agreed that we will avoid a second pregnancy, if the first child was a boy, and Mart was a boy. In a way, I had to understand Mohor; any family wants several children. Just in case. I already have four. Five if I add Codrin, I smiled.

  “Finally awake,” Mohor entered the room out of nowhere, and moved the curtain away, then opened the window, before sitting on the edge of my bed, taking my weak hand. The strong light pierced my eyes, but it felt good, and the cold air was refreshing. Spring was coming. “Our young man is still sleeping,” he smiled.

  “No different from you at his age.”

  “Age? Half a day is not age,” he said, amused. “How do you feel?”

  “Like I’ve been beaten up by a bull. A big one. Help me stand. All my bones are aching.” I slowly raised my upper body, and after Mohor arranged a pillow behind me, it was better.

  “A courier just arrived from Devan. His embassy will be here in two weeks. I need you in good form to negotiate the contract.”

  I sighed without answering, and closed my eyes. A bird started to sing close to the window. Yes, spring is coming. I tried to avoid any thoughts about Devans and marriage arrangements.

  “We need the contract,” Mohor said, gently. “And young Devan is a decent character. Like his father.”

  “Yes, we need the contract.” I know it as much as you... Behind my closed eyes, Saliné’s image surfaced. She was crying. Shaking my head, I opened my eyes to Mohor’s worried face, but I ignored him. What can I do? Saliné will accept. She will cry alone in her room and never complain. Codrin... I will keep my promise to wait until Saliné is eighteen. Then... I hope he will understand and not hate me, after all... It’s necessary to separate them, now. They are already too close. Harder now, easier later. He still thinks of having a chance with Saliné. As much as I want his chance, it will not happen. I am sorry, Codrin. Fate... I shrugged.

  “Jara,” Mohor stopped my swirling thoughts.

  “Saliné and Codrin must not know until the negotiations end. It will be easier for both of them.” I stared at him as if just realizing his presence.

  “Codrin is not here, but Saliné... She is a clever girl.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  Mart woke in that moment, crying loud for my breast, and stopped a discussion that I hated.

  I received many visits, some of them just to pay homage to the ‘Signora’, some of which I enjoyed and raised my morale. Codrin surprised me with a box of Mefilene, and I caressed his face; for my own pleasure, and to maintain a bond that was fading, because of the wall I was slowly raising between him and Saliné, but he seemed colder and did not stay long, and I could not blame him.

  It took me two long days to get out of my bed and a week to start working in the Secretariat again.

  “We need to talk.” Unannounced, Codrin entered my office, pushing the door in the yelling face of the guard behind him, who did not dare to interfere. Codrin was known for both having a deadly sword and open access to me, but this was too much.

  “Wait outside until I finish,” I said, coldly; we were just arranging Saliné’s dowry for the Devans, and I was trying hard to keep my head cool. Your daughter’s marriage should be an exciting thing. I begged to differ; the last name that could be given to our circumstances was exciting. I hated it. And the Devans were pressuring us, because everything we could put on the table was just a hypothetical gain. Our three hundred fifty hectares of land could not be used, and anyway it was too little; at least five hundred hectares were needed, and a small city with a fortress. We could never recover all our lands, even if we were victorious; there were too many political complications, so I had to reduce Veres’s inheritance, and most of all Vio’s. By custom, the first-born inherits eight parts out of ten, to keep the status of the family. I lowered Veres’s parts to seven, and I was sure that he would react badly. For him it did not matter that everything was hypothetical and we were in a bad position. Vio will accept… Why was not Saliné my first-born?

  “Now!” he retorted angrily, killing my thoughts, his handsome face disfigured by fury.

  Leave us, I gestured to my secretary, and he shook his head, pointing to Codrin, who turned his back to us, looking through the window, in an obvious attempt to calm himself. Leave, I gestured, nervously this time, and he acquiesced in silence and moved out uneasily, leaving the door ajar – just in case I required help.

  “I hope you have a good excuse,” I said, blandly, after Codrin closed the door.

  “Jorn, his son and a soldier raped Dana, and killed her father. Is this excuse good enough for you?” Jorn was Big Mouth’s brother and a perfect match of ‘character’ for his sibling.

  “No! Are you sure?” I asked, without thinking. Jorn was not the most kind of men, and I was sure he raped and killed, as many men in power do, just because they believe they have the right to do it, but molesting a girl working in my house was unexpected. I breathed deeply, unable to reconcile the ‘normality’ of behavior forced on commoners and my own miserable experiences. It should not be ‘normal’.

  “If you don’t act, I have my own way of dealing with such things,” he threatened in a voice colder than ice.

  That deliberate coldness reminded me of things that he wanted me to remember and things he did not know I would remember. My own experiences and the story of his sister, raped by their cousins before being killed, together with his parents.

  “I will talk with Mohor,” I said, just to gain some time, not really knowing what to say, it would be difficult to make Mohor react in a hard way. That ‘normality’ again, and Jorn being the brother of his most trusted man, and a trusted man himself.

  “Talk,” he said, staring at me with his large eyes, then left the room in silence.

  The day went on at a snail’s pace, and I waite
d for the evening to talk with Mohor – after dinner people are more inclined to make good decisions. Yet all the strategies I prepared had some weak points. The same two weak points: the normality of a noble’s behavior toward a commoner; and Jorn’s social position at our court.

  “Jara, I understand you, but If I have to punish my Knights for such things, I don’t know how many will remain unscathed. How long do you think I will remain a Seigneur after that? I know it’s wrong, but this is a frequent occurrence. I did not create this world. I was just born here, like you.”

  I had to recognize that he was right and rape and violence themselves could not be used as arguments to push my case further. I need something else… “They attacked a woman working for me, killed her father, and bragged about it. They put me in a bad position.”

  “A minor servant. And partially it’s her fault too. That young hothead tried to kiss her in the market. She slapped him in public and was able to run and escape. He is a Knight. A commoner cannot be allowed to slap a Knight. She should just have run. For Jorn it was justice. Without that slap, nothing else would had happened.”

  “Do you really believe that? Dana is not the first girl they have attacked, and her father not the first innocent man they have killed. Anyway…” I shrugged, as it was a lost cause. “Jorn defied me in public. Nothing happened. Now he brags about raping my servant, so I can proudly add some more humiliation to my book. To put it in your own words: a Knight cannot be allowed to be insolent with a Signora. Does this apply to your wife too?”

  “I will ask him to pay her damages. Fifty galbeni,” Mohor said, then gently covered my mouth with his fingers. “Jara, I know you are upset, but don’t ask me impossible things. Please.”

  I did not answer; he was right about his inability to do more, but the acknowledgement was not making me feel better.

  The next day, I went to visit Dana and her family, and the vivacious young woman that I knew was no longer there. With a sudden impulse, I embraced her, a thing that I had never done before, and she cried on my shoulder.

  “I am sorry, Dana,” I said, caressing her long hair.

  Returning home was even more difficult than going there, her distressed image haunted me.

  Broken Promises

  Chapter 15 - Codrin

  I went to visit Jara again, a week after Dana’s misfortune, when Mart had made his first month. “Would you mind if we go together?” Cernat asked, a request I thought was coincidental.

  At the gate, Vlaicu announced that Saliné was waiting for me in the library.

  Something wrong with Jara? She was not so healthy after giving birth.

  Alone in the large library, we sat at the table, close to each other out of habit. “Codrin,” she said, gripping my hand, her voice trembling. “There are some political dealings… They are not good for any of us. I learned about them only two days ago.”

  She has learned about her marriage. Until that day, it was just a vague threat that she had tried to ignore.

  “I wanted to tell you myself. You deserve at least this from me.” She stopped, letting me take in her words – she did not know that I already knew all about it. For no particular reason, at that moment, I understood why she had chosen the library for our talk – it was the place we most enjoyed being together; there, and the cherry tree.

  Should I tell her? “I suppose that negotiations have started for your marriage,” I gave an answer that still hid my knowledge and at the same time relieved her from speaking too much about a subject that we both hated.

  “The marriage contract has been signed, and I am now engaged. It’s a political thing, against my will, but it’s needed for our survival. My family is in great danger; Orban will attack us again; I need you to understand that. My wedding with a Devan is planned in two years.”

  Breathing deeply, I forced myself to stay silent, she was distressed enough to deserve another push from me. They signed it. They have betrayed me. Jara… Then I saw the engagement ring on her finger, a delicate one with an emerald stone. Like your eyes, I could not stop thinking. Tomis craft...

  “I have to wear it. I am sorry, Codrin.” She caught my involuntary reaction, and with an uncontrolled gesture, hid her hand under the table.

  “There is no way I can offer you such things,” I said bitterly, without thinking.

  “You offered much more to me, Codrin,” Her voice was now barely audible.

  “Run away with me,” I whispered, afraid that someone could hear me, staring intently at her for the smallest sign of approval.

  “Last night, I dreamt that we ran away and lived together. There were even children in my dream, our children, and we were reading stories to them.” Unable to continue, she stopped for a while, her hand gripping mine stronger than before. “But I would not be able to live knowing that I’d ruined my family. We need this alliance with the Devans; if not, Orban will destroy us. I am at least gratified that I can help my family, which is also yours.” In silence, she leaned her head on our hands, clasped together over the table, and with my free hand, I caressed her beautiful dark-red hair. Warm tears were running down my fingers, and I tried to raise her head. She refused to move, and we stayed like statues until she could move by herself. Her eyes were dry now, the traces of her tears running down her face the only witness of the past moment. That, and the moisture on my hand. “As I am engaged, a certain behavior is expected from me. We can no longer … act like before. Forgive me.”

  “There is nothing to forgive you for,” I said, trying to take her in my arms, but she slipped away.

  “Please leave now, Codrin.” Unsure, I still tried to close the distance between us, and she stepped back. “Please Codrin,” she whispered, and I understood that I was hurting her, just by staying there. She was fighting hard to keep her composure, and wanted to be alone.

  I left the room without a word. I have to settle this with Jara.

  When I entered her office, Jara was looking through the window, and she looked healthier. Maybe she just needs some more sun. With all the bad news Saliné had given to me, I still cared for Jara. Cernat was already there.

  “I am waiting for spring,” she pointed outside, a small trace of smile on her lips. “Birth and rebirth.”

  “At least what you are waiting for is coming,” I said bitterly. “I can’t say the same thing about my expectations.”

  She turned, no longer smiling. “Saliné thought that you deserved to hear about the contract from her. Don’t think that it was easy for her.”

  “We had an agreement...”

  “It was respected. We negotiated, and the marriage date was postponed, as you requested for your plans.”

  “No. You signed it, and Saliné is engaged now. You will never cancel their marriage, even if I fulfill my part, and I had the first choice. You broke our agreement.” In temper, I raised my voice at her.

  “Codrin, we had no choice but to sign it. Please let’s discuss this another time. You are too upset, and I understand. None of us is happy right now.” She came to me, trying to touch my face, but I moved away with a nervous gesture and left, slamming the door behind me.

  “Codrin,” Saliné said softly; she was just outside Jara’s room. “Why are you so angry?” She had heard my fuming voice through the door, but the words were too muffled to comprehend them. “I thought that you ... understood what I told you. Please don’t argue with mother on this subject. It’s not her fault.” Red and tired, her eyes were almost begging, and I understood that she had done nothing but cry from the moment I left her alone in the room.

  “It’s a different thing,” I whispered, trying to control my voice. “We had an agreement for ... something. It was not respected.”

  “What agreement?” She was not convinced.

  “Please don’t ask.” And for the first time I made a gesture of respect that was reserved just for Jara; I kissed her small palm.

  She touched my face with her other hand, her glimmering eyes reflecting the same s
adness as mine, then she left in haste, before her composed face could fail, and unable to move, I leaned with my back on the door, my mind a blank. Unnoticed, time passed through me without a trace. Silently, the door pushed me forward, and from the strong thrust I guessed it was Cernat.

  “Sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know...” He stared at me, but I controlled my reactions. “Let’s walk together. Jara and Saliné are in despair right now, and I guess that you are not much better. From the door,” he reminded me. “They both love you and wanted everything to be different. I asked you a small thing some time ago,” he swiftly changed the subject. “Where do you see yourself in five years? Do you have an answer, now?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “The worst scenario for you is the most likely to happen,” he said gently. “In two years, you will not be a Knight and Saliné goes to the Devans. How does this affect your decision? I am not asking about feelings; that I understand. But here marriages are political. Is Arenia any different?”

  “No it isn’t, but we had an agreement that was broken when the marriage contract was signed.”

  “There are two agreements having the same expiry date. One of them will prevail. The one we consider to suit Saliné and her family’s interests. That’s nothing unusual. We appreciated what you tried, but the family’s future counts more than our feelings. Saliné, Vio, Veres and little Mart’s fates depend on the wide alliance we are building. And yours too. In two years, the war in the north will start again, freeing Orban’s hands to take Severin. I am sure you understand what that means for all of us. The marriage with Devan is needed, our whole alliance and survival depend on it.” Cernat stared at me again, trying to see what effects his words had on me.

  “It will not happen,” I breathed angrily.