Home Is Where the Heat Is

by James, Amelia

  Fuck me with the same old thing. “Yes, she is.” Why didn’t he go after her? “I hope she knows that.” Are you an idiot?

  “Of course, you screwed up. I’m not surprised. No woman will ever love you. You can’t do anything right. Remember the girl you took to prom? She could’ve straightened you out, but you ditched her.”

  Actually, Selene had dumped him for the prom king, but his mom had condemned JT for not being good enough to be elected to the court.

  He rolled his eyes and tuned out most of his mother’s rant, catching only her favorite words: loser, screw up, unlovable, worthless. They never changed. And they never would. Why did he bother? Why did he care?

  His cell phone buzzed in his ear, and he pulled it away to read a text message.

  Claire: ‘I miss you.’

  Holy shit! Fuck me with perfect timing! Oh my God, she misses me! His heart hammered, sending waves of heat rolling through his limbs. He slammed the phone book shut and flung it into the air, ducking as it came back down, barely missed his head. He ran a victory lap around the kitchen island, throwing punches while clutching the phone.

  “Are you listening to me?” Diane’s irritated screech pulled him down from the clouds.

  “No, Mom. I’m not.” Never again. She didn’t love him and never would, but he could let it go. He had to. Nothing he said or did would ever please her, and now that he understood that, he could deal with it. “I gotta go.”

  He hung up the phone and ran down the hall, grabbing his jacket and keys on the way to the garage door. He tripped over the threshold and stopped to collect his thoughts. Where is Claire? What time is it? His pulse pounded under the watch she’d given him. One thirty-seven. She’d be at work. He couldn’t walk into the DA’s office!

  Damn it. He walked back to the living room and collapsed on the couch to catch his breath. Call her. After hesitating a moment, he dialed her number and waited. “Come on, come on.” He groaned as her recorded greeting played in his ear. But even that warmed his heart. He hung up and dialed again. “I miss you, too,” he whispered as her phone rang. She’d just sent him a text. Why wasn’t she answering?

  ***

  Alex set aside the file he’d been reading and nodded toward the chair in front of his desk. “What can I do for you?”

  “I need to confess.” Claire sat down and folded her hands in her lap, unable to look him in the eye.

  “To what?”

  Where to start? Jury tampering, conflict of interest, disobeying a judge’s orders…. “Your new case… I, uh… know the defendant.”

  He flipped the file open and scanned the first page. “Jared Luck?”

  His real name sounded so odd to her. “He goes by JT.”

  Alex frowned. “I’ve heard that name before. How do you know him?”

  Here it comes. Her muscles tensed and the hairs on the back of her neck prickled. “He was a juror on the Manziel case.”

  “Juror number 4, that’s right.” He searched his database and pulled up that case file, then he turned and directed a sharp glare at her. “But you know him beyond that.”

  She nodded.

  He leaned his elbows on the desk and laced his fingers together. “Why didn’t you tell me before the trial?”

  He’d put her on the witness stand. If she lied to him, he’d know. “Because I didn’t know him then. We met… during Voir Dire. He stopped me in the parking garage after court and asked me out.”

  Alex let out a deep breath and sagged back in his chair, running his hands over his face and raking them through his hair. “Did you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Was it an isolated incident?”

  His calm, calculated questions rattled her. She wrung her hands and pressed them against her rolling stomach. “No. We saw each other throughout the trial… and after.”

  He shot out of his chair and slapped his palms on the desk. “Sweet Jesus, Claire, you know this could get me disbarred?”

  She’d only worried about her career, forgetting about what her activity could do to him. “I—”

  “Appearance of impropriety, do you know what that means?” He paced as if lecturing a jury.

  She nodded, and a lump welled up in her throat. “I didn’t think—”

  Alex spun and snarled. “Damn right, you didn’t. Does anyone else know?”

  No one had seen them, not until after the trial. She’d lied about how they met, keeping the details vague until one person needed to know. “Kurt.”

  “The IT guy?”

  “I told him….” Whoa, don’t explain that. “It’s a long story. I made him swear to keep it secret.”

  “Do you trust him?”

  If Kurt ratted her out, she could bring him down too, but she hadn’t needed to threaten him. He’d never hurt her. “Yes.”

  That seemed to satisfy Alex’s need for security, but his anger lashed out unrestrained. “Fucking hell, what am I going to do? You can’t assist me with this case.”

  She’d known that, but hearing the assistant district attorney forbid her to protect JT made her eyes sting. “He didn’t do it. I know JT. He’s not that kind of person.” She sobbed and wiped her eyes.

  The unforgiving prosecutor crossed his arms over his chest. “I need proof, Claire, not tears.”

  She turned in her seat and gripped the armrest. “Can you help him?” Desperation had driven her to confess. If Alex refused to spare him….

  He shook his head. “No, I can’t. It’s my job to send him to jail if he’s guilty.”

  Tears rolled down her cheeks. She’d failed. With Alex trying the case, JT would be convicted, and her career was over. “Am I going to jail?”

  Her boss snorted. “For what? Fucking a juror?”

  But wait! They’d always been interrupted until the night he’d gotten her clothes off… all her clothes… and his. “We didn’t! Not until after the case was dismissed.”

  The tension left Alex’s shoulders, and he strode over to the credenza. He fished a key from his pocket, unlocked a cabinet, pulled out a bottle of bourbon and poured a glass. “You’re damn lucky it never went to the jury, but just talking to him was unethical and illegal.”

  “I know.” She hadn’t known about the alcohol.

  He pointed the half-empty glass at her. “I should fire you.”

  She sobbed. “Please don’t. I love working for you.”

  “You’re the best assistant I’ve ever had. I’m not going to lose you. This wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been accused of doing something unethical.” He downed the drink and locked the evidence away. “But I have to reprimand you somehow.” Alex turned to face her and pronounced her sentence. “You’re suspended without pay for two weeks.”

  “What?” She’d escaped judgment with her job, but he might as well have ended it. “Please, you can’t… this’ll go on my employment record. I’ll never get promoted or—”

  He smacked the back of his chair. “You should’ve thought of that when he asked you out.”

  “I did!” She’d agonized over it, lost sleep, even lost her appetite and a couple of pounds. “But… sometimes, some guys… I just couldn’t say no.” And even now, with her career in ruins, she didn’t regret saying yes.

  A smile played at the corners of his mouth. “Yeah, I know what that’s like.” He sat down and rubbed his forehead. “All right, I won’t involve HR. Your suspension will be unofficial. I’m going to keep your check and donate it to charity.”

  Claire gasped. “That’s unethical and illegal!”

  “You’re Goddamn right it is, but it’ll teach you the consequences of fucking with the law.” He pushed back and snarled while she dug her fingernails into the armrests. The air between them practically crackled.

  Finally, a rational argument poked into her head. “I have direct deposit.”

  He rubbed his hand over his face. “Shit, then you make the donation. My point is this has to cost you something.”

  She released her gr
ip on the chair and sat back, rubbing the feeling back into her white knuckles. They’d dealt with the worst of it, for now, but small worries continued to pop up. “People will notice I’m gone.”

  “You’re taking a leave of absence to deal with a family emergency. I’ll take care of the paperwork.” He clicked the mouse and pulled up a personnel document. “Are you still seeing this guy?”

  I wish I could say yes. She shrugged. “We went to Las Vegas last weekend, but I came home alone. I tried to call him after I read the case file, but it went straight to voicemail. Is he still in custody?” She hoped he had a good reason for not calling back.

  Alex flipped through the documents. “His lawyer paid the bond money. How’d you miss that?”

  Seeds of doubt sprouted in her head, sending twisted vines of fear to strangle her heart. “My mind isn’t exactly functional today.”

  An indulgent smile lit his eyes. “Fucking someone you shouldn’t will do that. I think a couple weeks away will be good for you.”

  Fucking someone you shouldn’t. The DA’s office had firm rules against dating coworkers, so technically, she’d violated that principle twice. “I um… have another confession.”

  He slapped his hand over his face. “Do I need to know?”

  Why am I doing this? “Not really, but I don’t know who else to tell.”

  “I’m not a priest. I don’t need to hear about your sins.”

  She nearly giggled at the image of her morally-challenged boss in a collar. “But you share them… sorta…. I just need someone to listen.” And understand.

  He sat back and braced himself. “All right. Spill.”

  Oh shit. She’d begged him to let her talk, but the words didn’t want to come. “JT wasn’t the only man I was with in Vegas. We met a guy, someone I know from work—”

  Alex raised his eyebrows. “Kurt.”

  She stopped and stared, then shook her head. “Why do I bother trying to keep secrets from you?”

  “That’s what I’d like to know.”

  “Anyway, the three of us….” I can’t spell it out. “Had a good time.”

  “Just good?”

  Or course he’d catch that. “Amazing. Do you want the dirty details?” Please say no, please say no.

  “No, I can imagine.” He grinned and—oh my God—actually blushed. “I’ve been a bad influence.”

  Guilty! “No shit! I know about your reputation. You can’t blame me for doing something unethical when you would’ve done the same.” If not a guilty party, then at least a co-conspirator.

  “I never fucked a juror. Judges, clients, witnesses…. You’re the only juror-screwer in this room.”

  She frowned and crossed her arms. “That’s not the point, damn it.”

  He tilted his head to match his lopsided smile. “I’ve never heard you swear before.”

  Oh fuck, not now. “I only swear when I get really excited.”

  “I got you excited?” He laughed and rubbed his hands together like a gloating super villain. “No, you started swearing after you told me about your weekend adventure. Wow, it still gets you going.”

  Her heart pounded and her lower abs fluttered. “Yes.” She closed her eyes and recalled the image of her naked body tangled between JT and Kurt, letting the carnal rush propel the question she’d been dying to ask Alex since she got back from Vegas. “And I wanted to know… do you think maybe, somehow, I could keep it going?”

  His humor disappeared and his mouth formed a flat line. “I have no idea.”

  What? Her expert witness refused to testify. “You’re doing it.”

  He shrugged. “I can’t advise you on this.”

  “Are you kidding me? You give advice for a living.”

  “Legal advice in which I have years of training and experience. Relationships are still a mystery to me. I gotta take it one day at a time, and what works for me may not work for anyone else.”

  She threw her hands up. “Well, shit, you’re useless.”

  His smile returned. “Go home. Take the next couple of weeks and clear your head. Don’t screw anyone, and then maybe you’ll figure out what you want.” He stared straight at her, his eyes turning serious. “You need to decide if the benefit is worth the daily struggle. It takes a lot of hard work to maintain that kind of relationship—a lot. You’ll have problems you never imagined.”

  Struggle? Their one-night fling had been a wild ride, but what would happen to the thrill when they encountered everyday obstacles?

  Alex had turned and focused on his computer, closing the conversation, and cutting off her only source of information. She peeked at the clock on his desk. Almost two o’clock.

  “Go home now?”

  “Yeah. Call your mom from the office phone to make it look like you have a reason to leave immediately. I’ll take care of the rest.” He tapped at his keyboard, filling in a leave of absence request with her name.

  Claire looked away. Plausible deniability—another phrase Alex had taught her. “I had no idea you were so evil.”

  “Just the tip of the iceberg, babe.” He glanced up from typing and winked at her.

  Back at her desk, she picked up the phone, but her mom didn’t answer so she left a short message. “Hi Mom. Just wanted to call and say I love you.” She probably wouldn’t call back, but Claire had bigger things to worry about.

  Unfinished work lay on her desk, but she ignored it, grabbed her raspberry M&Ms and stuffed them in her purse. She left her cat mug and the photo of her and her sisters, marking her territory—she’d be back.

  The new printer hummed and Alex rushed out. “Sign this before you go.” He swiped the completed form off the tray and handed it to her.

  “You don’t do forgery?” She snatched a pen off her desk and scrawled her name at the bottom of the page.

  He cleared his throat but didn’t respond.

  “Thank you.” She gave him the document and stepped back, looking in his eyes as he nodded.

  “You’ve always been there for me. I know what it’s like to try to sort out a complicated relationship. I hope this helps.”

  She hugged him quickly, then darted out the door before tears could drip down her cheeks. The elevator doors slid closed behind her, and she dabbed her eyes.

  Joan Turner, the district attorney, touched Claire’s shoulder. “Are you okay?”

  She bit her lip and stared at the big boss. Lying to the woman who could send her straight to a judge made her knees tremble, but she’d already signed the false leave request, so she bore down on her lip and brought fresh tears. “Family emergency.” Sniff. “I’m going home.”

  A sympathetic frown curved Joan’s lips. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

  Claire nodded and dashed off the elevator as soon as it stopped. Should she say goodbye to Kurt? No, that would make her emergency departure look suspicious. Damn, Alex is a bad influence. She’d call him later to explain. Right now, she needed to find JT and tell him she wanted him back.

  Only him? You’ll have problems you never imagined. Could she live like that? She wanted stability and security. Since she’d met JT, her life had become one chaotic event after another. Adding Kurt to the mix would send things totally out of control.

  But Kurt had been steadfast through it all. Maybe he could give her the solid relationship she craved.

  Her phone rang as she walked into the house. She grabbed it, but the call had already gone to voicemail. She waited for the notification and checked the message.

  “Hey Claire. It’s Erica. Mom called me. She got a message from one of us, but she can’t tell who.” Claire practically heard her sister roll her eyes. “Anyway, she’s can’t be bothered to call all of us, so I thought I’d check with you and Hannah. Hope you had a Merry Christmas. Bye.”

  Typical. Her life was imploding and her family said, “Merry Christmas” two weeks late. JT spent holidays with his sister and her family, but Claire’s sisters didn’t make the effort anymore.
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  What would it be like to have a family again? She missed that warmth, that comforting affection. JT’s only family connection came from his sister. They shared that need. Could they have that with Kurt? Or would the unacceptable relationship cut them off from their loved ones? She’d seen how lonely Talia got at Christmas. Alex had confided to Claire that their New Year’s trip had been a distraction. JT said his sister was the only woman who hadn’t given up on him. Could she ask him to give her up?

  No. She had to choose one. And she knew who she wanted. Without a doubt. She grabbed her phone and stuffed it in her purse then searched for her car keys. This message needed to be delivered in person.

  Chapter 29

  Malcolm and Zoe unleashed their full arsenal of bribes and blackmail to convince their uncle to stay, and JT nearly gave in, but something drew him home. He’d had to promise them a whole weekend of flying lessons to get out the door, and he chastised himself all the way back. You’re a fool. She’s not waiting for you.

  He pulled into his driveway and nearly skidded into the beige Honda parked in front of the garage. It’s not her. It’s probably another reporter. The news media had been badgering him all day long, pelting him with questions and accusations. He hopped out of his truck and debated approaching the car. It’s not her. Why would she come back?

  He grabbed his house key and headed for the front steps.

  A car door slammed and high heels clicked on concrete. “JT!”

  He turned and his heart shot to the stars. “It is you!”

  Claire ran across the snowy sidewalk and slid into his arms. Her hair spilled into his face as he lifted her up and spun around. She kissed him, wrapping her body around his—warm and snug—part of him forever.

  He put her down but the heavens kept spinning. “I missed you.” His breath frosted on her cheek.

  Her unbuttoned coat gaped open, and she pressed close to him. “I knocked on your door, but you didn’t answer. I called you, but it went straight to voicemail.”

  “I had to turn my phone off.”

  “I sat in my car and waited. For hours.” A shiver rattled her frame, and she tugged on his jacket collar as she looked up at him. “But I wouldn’t leave. No matter what. I told you not to come after me, so I’m here for you.”