His Rebel Heart

by Amber Leigh Williams

  “I don’t want to talk about the past,” she told him. “I don’t want to think about the future. I just want you, here and now. I think I’ve earned that.”

  “You have,” he agreed, touching his brow to hers. “More than you know.”

  “I’ll realize how stupid all this is later,” she said as his mouth tilted down toward hers.

  “Listen to me, Adrian, and understand this. I will not hurt you.”

  “I know you won’t,” she told him, grasping the open collar of his shirt. He could’ve snapped her in two, as big and brawny as he was. But he wouldn’t. Hurting her as Radley had...it wasn’t him. She had no trouble distinguishing between the two men. “I know that, James.”

  “That goes for today, tomorrow and every day after.”

  “I told you...” She drew his top lip into her mouth. He groaned. “Now. Just give me now.”

  “Damned if that’s enough,” he said and returned her kiss before she could argue further. Fusing his mouth to hers, he bent at the waist, hooked an arm under her knees. Using the other to cradle her shoulders, he began to lift.

  “No,” she said, breaking away from his mouth. “No sweeping.”

  “Shut up and let me sweep you,” he said softly. Swallowing another protest with a kiss, he swept her off her feet. She felt small in his arms, feminine. Almost weightless as he carried her across the den.

  The bedroom opened up under an archway. More windows here, she noted, all of them awash with the golden light of the setting sun. The warm glow of it bathed the air until it felt gilded. As he crossed into it, she felt gilded, too. The bed was low to the floor but wide and welcoming, even with the rumpled sheets.

  It was a comfort knowing he hadn’t expected them to venture this far. When he set her on her feet, she began tugging at the buttons of his shirt.

  “Mmm-hmm,” he said, grasping her hands in his. “Wait.”

  “It’s almost been a decade and he wants me to wait,” she muttered.

  He grinned, reaching between them to undo her buttons one by one. His fingers moved slowly down her blouse. Torturously slowly. She opened her mouth to tell him to hurry it along, but then his knuckles skimmed her bare belly. She succumbed and let him slip her blouse over one shoulder, then the other until it billowed to the floor.

  She began to reach up for his buttons when he lowered his lips to her exposed shoulder. Surprise and pleasure filtered through her as his mouth grazed the pulse point in her throat, tracing a line to her jaw. Sweeping her hands under the hem of his shirt, she settled for the feel of hot skin under her hands and tilted her head so he could reach the spot behind her ear. The scrape of his beard felt divine. The friction it brought coiled into her core and brought the flame.

  So distracted was she by his ministrations, she barely felt the rough pads of his fingers moving around to her back. She did feel her bra loosen, however. He must have felt her stiffen because his hands flattened against her skin, moving up and down in a loving sweep until she relaxed.

  James lifted a hand to her chin, lowering until his mouth found hers again. She sank into his kiss, lost herself once more. It felt so natural, the play of teeth and tongue, lips and shared breaths. Her heart gave a tug and she broke away, burying her face in the safe space below his jaw. Giving in, she let him slide the straps of her bra down her arms. It joined her shirt on the floor.

  As he nudged her back to look his fill, she fought her self-consciousness. To distract herself she finally tugged successfully at his shirt buttons. One even bounced to the floor. Parting the sides of the shirt, she watched the ink on his chest and arms take shape. The images came to life as she pushed the material from his shoulders. They rolled as he shrugged the shirt free.

  Bare but for the jeans snug at their hips, they stood together in the disappearing light. His skilled hands followed the trail of his gaze over her torso. The air between them had gone hot. He took her hand and pulled her with him onto the sheets.

  Again, he kissed her as they arched together on the bed. His hand cruised up her thigh to the juncture between her legs and pressed through her jeans to sweeten the ache she felt there. His touch sparked an adrenaline surge that raged through her. Her blood fired, boiled, burned. He must’ve seen the quick flash of pleasure cross her face because his darkened in answer and his caress hardened just enough to make the ache sail clean into the bone.

  It was too much. She was close to peaking and they weren’t even naked.

  Yes, naked. She wanted him naked. She made quick work of the snap of his jeans, leaning over to graze the skin above his beltline with her teeth. His stomach muscles quivered under her lips. She indulged herself by fanning her hands over his abs. As she removed the denim and boxer briefs, the hard rod between his legs drew her attention.

  “No,” he said, seeing the gleam in her eyes. Before she could reach for the ready shaft, he leaped at her, taking her down to the bed again. There he shucked her out of her jeans, pulling away the undies beneath. Then he covered her body with his again. His sigh washed over her face, flooded with relief and near satisfaction. “I’ve missed this,” he whispered.

  I have, too. She closed her mouth tight over the words. The hot ridge of his arousal rubbed against her. Another flash of heat assailed her, forcing her to come up for air. Turning her head away from him, she gasped.

  “Easy,” he said, touching his lips to the corner of her mouth.

  “Sorry,” she muttered, shaking her head. She’d forgotten how overwhelming pleasure could be. How overwhelming James could be while pleasuring her.

  “It might kill me, but I can slow it down if you need me to.”

  Tugging on the leather strand around his neck, she brought his mouth back to hers. “Just kiss me.”

  He did. Though kissing did nothing to ease or stifle the heat building inside her. It was intensifying, hastening to flash point when his hand crept to the place it had touched before and dabbled. That peak she’d been wary of lunged closer.

  Her heart thundered and she begged silently for him to continue. The words wouldn’t come to her lips—she’d gone mute. When he bared his teeth and groaned, as if sensing her brush with completion, the fear and wariness broke apart, splintered, and every muscle in her body clenched. She followed his urging into the free fall of oblivion.

  Moments passed before she opened her eyes to find him grinning at her. She smiled back. “That was...”

  “Wait for it.”

  Adrian frowned as he clambered off her. “Where do you think you’re...” She trailed off when he rolled toward the bedside table. “Oh!”

  He glanced over his shoulder, saw her eyeing the tattoo on his back and paused.

  Pushing herself up on her elbow, she reached out, wanting to touch the red phoenix fanning its wings across his back. Flames climbed up his spine to wrap close around the bird’s shape.

  The artwork was...magnificent—the highlight of the canvas he’d made of his body. The phoenix was powerful, dangerous, bold and beautiful. Just like him. But its black eyes looked hooded...jaded. Sad. Drawing her hand to her mouth, she resisted the urge to touch as he leaned over, delving in the drawer of the bedside table.

  “What do you think?” he asked quietly.

  She heard the drawer slide closed but still he didn’t turn. Swallowing hard, she looked into the eyes of that forlorn bird. “It doesn’t go with any of the others.”

  “No,” he agreed. He rolled onto the bed next to her, wearing nothing but his tattoos and the condom he’d been busy fixing into place. Turning onto his side to face her, he smoothed his hand over her hip, thumb rubbing a faded stretch mark at the edge of her abdomen. “It’s yours.”

  She lowered her gaze to the Latin on his collarbone and closed her eyes when the letters blurred. “The condom isn’t necessary,” she said, unable to respond to what h
e’d said. “I’m on the pill.”

  “For once, Adrian,” he said in a low voice, “let me take care of you.”

  “I take care of myself,” she argued.

  “Let me,” he said again, dropping his mouth to her collarbone. Lower. She couldn’t bite back a ragged exhale. His hand took hers and guided it between his legs. Finding his arousal, she wrapped her hand around him, stroked, squeezed.

  His hips jerked, a gruff moan escaping him as his face lowered into her chest. His beard scraped against sensitive skin and she hardened her stroke.

  With a noise of growing impatience, he gripped her leg and hooked it over his hip. Rearing up, he held her above him until her legs splayed across his lap. The light was low now, a hushed blue. He pulled her close. Their torsos slid, chafed together. He spread one hand over the back of her head, bringing her mouth down to his. With the other, he cupped her hip and lowered her to meet him.

  Together, their breaths quickened as he breached. Her nails dug into his scalp and his arousal slid home inside her. She froze, stretching to accommodate his girth. It was a familiar weight, a familiar push. Still, she hunched forward against him, afraid to move lest she fly apart like shrapnel.

  He didn’t move. He waited, barely breathing. She took several gulps of air before taking the plunge, moving her lips over his and arching into him. His pant washed over her, ragged, resonant. His arms tightened, guiding her.

  So hot, she thought again, as she felt sweat crawl down her back. She saw beads of it on his brow, too, felt the growing perspiration between them. They churned, groaning, gasping, panting until...

  “Adrian?”

  James’s voice penetrated the haze. She turned her mouth to his, hungry, blind. It was wonderful. Too wonderful. “More,” she murmured against his lips. “More.”

  “Sweet Christ.” Tucking his face into her shoulder, he drove deep into her again and again. She cried out as she tripped over the edge and fell hard. His head dropped back, exposing the star on his throat as his back arched under her hands, body seizing, then slowly releasing in one, resplendent wave.

  They slumped together, limp, exhausted, sated. Finally, he lifted his head from her shoulder. “Almighty.” He gasped. “You...nearly killed me.” Watching her face, he asked, “Okay?”

  She managed something of a nod, studying him. Sweat cloaked his features in a fine sheen. His lips were parted. His eyes smiled, though they looked tired. His heart rapped like a hammer against her breastbone. Hers answered, so insistent she was sure he could hear it.

  As his mouth found hers once more for a lazy, languid dip, he made a noise in his throat, this one sweet. It hummed along her frazzled nerves, digging deep into the recesses of her heart. When he shifted, pulling her with him to the sheets again, she wondered vaguely where he found the energy to move at all.

  Then his arms wound tight around her and he rolled to his back, keeping her locked snugly on top of him. Her head found his shoulder, her nose snuggled against the ridge of his jaw. She knew without a word he wouldn’t let her go. Not until he fell into the deep cradle of sleep.

  Because this was the way he’d held her then, too. This was the way he’d fallen asleep with her the night they made love for the first time.

  The night they made Kyle.

  Squeezing her eyes shut, she forced back the tears gathering in a storm behind her eyes and did her best to sink into the empty abyss of dreams.

  But sleep didn’t come for Adrian. It took James into its warm, dark embrace but left her wakeful, restless.

  Adrian waited for the sky to dim, for the light to fade completely. She listened for a while to the deep cadence of James’s breath. When a tear finally escaped her and dropped to his skin beneath her cheek, she rose, extricating herself from his arms.

  She sneaked out of his bed and roamed his room like a thief. She found her clothes and undergarments and tiptoed into the bathroom. Closing the door, she turned on the light. The glass-walled shower snagged her attention. Opening the door, she turned the tap all the way to Hot and waited for it to warm before getting in.

  Halfway through the shower, she realized she was crying. Quiet sobs reverberated through her. Somewhere between the smell of his soap and his shampoo she’d broken down. She’d been trying to wash away the scent of him. But the soap brought him back. Brought it all back.

  She lifted her face to the stinging spray. It was the sex, she told herself. It was the vulnerability that came hand in hand with intimacy. Both had hammered at her foundation until it was nothing but stilts on cracked cinderblocks, waiting to crumble.

  She did her best to compose herself, to build those walls back and stop thinking about how sweet it had been to lie in his arms with her body still warm and loose. After her shower, she dressed quickly and escaped the bathroom.

  In the den she found her purse. Frowning at the manila folder inside it, she was about leave it for him when a sleepy voice behind her said quietly, “Where ya’ goin’?”

  Adrian jerked around to face him. James was standing in the archway. She shouldered her purse, trying not to let her gaze dance too noticeably over his naked form. There was a tattoo on his hip. A pirate’s skull, empty eye sockets and frozen mouth wicked, laughing and silent. It was a wonder she’d missed it while undressing him... “I’m calling it a night,” she said, lifting her chin, daring him to challenge her.

  “And here I thought we already had,” he drawled.

  “It’s better that I go home.”

  Any trace of humor fled his face. “No. It’s better that you haul your ass in here and dive back into bed with me.”

  “James—”

  “You don’t need to be alone in that house with Kennard loose.” When she said nothing, he lifted a frustrated hand to the couch. “I’ll sleep out here.”

  “You don’t understand anything,” she accused. “Nobody calls the shots for me anymore. I’m going home. Right next door with the locks engaged and a loaded BB gun at the ready. That’s my decision. There’s no use arguing, so...good night.”

  James scowled when she made a break for the door. “Should I still expect visitation rights to come my way or did you not mean any of that, either?”

  Adrian rounded on him. “Did I not make myself clear at dinner? I can’t give myself to you completely. It’s unfair of you to ask.”

  “Did I ask?”

  “Yes!” she said, and flung an arm toward the bedroom. “In there, when you showed me that stupid phoenix tattoo!”

  “What about it?” he asked, raising a brow.

  She scrubbed a hand through her hair. “You said it was mine. Like you’ve been carrying me around with you all this time.” Her breath hitched. She didn’t stop to gather it, though she felt the onset of sobs again. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”

  “You didn’t have to. I carry you with me because that’s what I want. No matter what you say or do here tonight, I will always carry you with me, Adrian.”

  She shook her head, fighting the urge to stamp her foot like a child. “It’s not fair.”

  “To who?” he asked, spreading his arms wide. “I’m the one who has to watch you sneak out of my house.”

  “Who’s to say you won’t pick up and leave again tomorrow?” she demanded. “Without so much as a ‘See ya, pal! Had fun!’ or a high five. Just gone.”

  Anger forked across his face. James advanced on her in three quick strides. “You want to know why I left the way I did eight years ago? Because I put you in a shitty situation and I thought you were better off without me. If I had stayed and you had stood by me the way I knew you would have, it would’ve split your family in two. I couldn’t do to you and Van and Edith what I’d done to my mom, my stepdad and me. Not after Van forgave me for wrecking his office. Not after what happened between me and you. I put the three of you throug
h enough. The fact that you had me in your room that night hurt your relationship with them and you can’t tell me otherwise. I never wanted that.”

  He stopped for breath. It was like watching a release valve rupture. When he spoke again, the words were strained, resigned. “I took off because I thought it was what was best for your family. You had so much going for you—college, life...I only would’ve held you back.”

  Adrian felt wrecked and bereft all at once. “That wasn’t your decision to make.”

  “I made it regardless,” he replied. “You wouldn’t have let me go. You would have laughed at me. Thrown something at me. Accused me of being the hero, a caveman, any number of things. Don’t think I don’t know you. Just as I knew if you asked me to stay, I wouldn’t have been able to say no. Because, Jesus, I loved you. I loved you so much.”

  Adrian raised her hands to her face. Her cheeks were wet. Damn it. “Whatever future you thought I had back then, it’s not the life I wanted. I didn’t want anything but you.”

  “If I’d known about Kyle,” he said slowly, “you wouldn’t have been able to get rid of me. If I could go back, you wouldn’t have had to go through the pregnancy alone and that dick never would’ve laid a finger on you. I would have taken care of you. I still want to.” James crossed to her then and splayed his fingers over her cheeks as he looked deeply into her eyes. “Adrian, let me take care of you.”

  She raised her hands to his wrists, unable to say a word. All this time...

  “Stay with me,” he murmured. “Please...stay with me, baby.”

  She nodded. “Okay.” When his eyes widened in disbelief, she gave in with a tremulous sigh. “I’ll stay.”

  “Thank God.” He buried his face in her hair, then rocked her back and forth, slowly but surely, easing her weary soul.

  * * *

  THE NEXT MORNING, Adrian woke to find the hooded eyes of the phoenix staring at her. She jumped a little, surprised, then settled, touching her fingertips to the artwork. It was so alive, so real she half expected the vivid flames to scorch her.