Loving Lily

by Marie E. Blossom

  "Yes, indeed. We're all very proud of him anyway. " Betsy unlocked the door and led the way inside. "This is your room. I hope you enjoy your stay. " She strode over to the far side and pulled the curtains open, exposing floor to ceiling windows and another door. The view looked out over a long stretch of meadow with a few trees dotting the edges of a sparkling river. "It's the one with its own outside entrance. " The door opened onto a private deck with a small wrought-iron table and steps that went down to a cobblestone path.

  Lily parked her rolling suitcase by the old wooden dresser. "It's beautiful. " It truly was. She took a deep breath and let the soothing ambience of the space fill her. "Thank you. "

  "Of course, my dear. " Betsy smiled one last time and set the key on the dresser, closing the door behind her as she left.

  Lily sat on the bed, smoothing her hand down the soft, white comforter. "A hermit, indeed. " She snorted. "I'm going out with Matt Swift tonight. Holy moly. "

  ****

  "You what?" Alex said as he banged on the wrench with a mallet. "You haven't been out on a date in ten years!"

  "Why does everyone keep saying that?" Matt asked sourly. He grabbed the impact wrench and handed it to his brother. "Stop banging on it. Here. "

  Alex took the wrench from him and slid it onto one of the bolts. "Seriously. Ten. Years. "

  The sharp whir of the wrench made Matt wince. "It hasn't been that long. And she asked me. "

  Alex stopped unbolting the wheel and stared up at Matt, eyebrows raised. "Yes. It has been that long. Remember Annie?"

  Matt sighed. "Women drive me crazy. "

  "She was insane. You were traumatized, I understand, but ten years man. That's what's crazy. "

  "Shut up. " Matt ran his hands through his hair. "I need to run home and change. "

  "You do that," Alex said, grunting as he pulled the wheel off.

  "I intend to. " Matt didn't move.

  Alex stood up and cracked his back. "You're not leaving. I can see you standing right in front of me. You’re a giant idiot. "

  Matt shrugged.

  Alex leaned against Lily's SUV. "What? You look like you swallowed a lemon. "

  "Maybe this is a bad idea. " Matt hated feeling uncertain. Lily was gorgeous, yeah, but he had no idea how to make small talk. His ex-girlfriend Annie had told him he was an unfeeling bastard. He wasn't, not at all. In reality, he felt things too deeply. Too strongly. And he had no idea how to talk about his feelings. Ugh.

  "Stop getting yourself so worked up over it. It’s just one date," Alex said, wiping his hands on his pants. "Get out of here. Go put on something respectable. Your shirt has a hole in the shoulder. "

  ****

  Lily looked at herself in the mirror, lips twisted. She'd put on a dark peach dress. It was cool and flattered her curves. "And by ‘flattered’ you mean it covers everything up adequately," she said out loud, then sighed. The dress fell to knee length and actually managed to accentuate her waist in a way that didn't make her look like a blimp. It would do. She didn’t have time to go shopping and this was the only dress she’d packed in her overnight bag. The rest of her more elaborate dresses were in storage in Pennsylvania. Or was it New York? She couldn’t even remember anymore. She grabbed her purse and was about to head out, when a knock on the glass of the outside door had her jumping. She looked across the room. Matt, Jesus. He’d almost given her a heart attack. He must have sensed her dismay because he smiled sheepishly at her.

  She shook her head. "You couldn't come through the front?" she asked, unlocking the door. He made no move to come in.

  "I didn't want Betsy tormenting me with my recluse status," he said with a smile.

  Lily smiled. "Well, I'm ready, Mr. Famous Author Guy. ”

  He winced. “She told you?”

  “Yup. I’ve read all your books, by the way, Mr. Swift. ”

  He winced again, but didn’t say anything.

  Lily laughed. His odd shyness was appealing. “Don’t worry. I love your books. I’ll have to get you to sign one for me. ” She looked at her overnight bag where there was obviously no room for books. “As soon as I figure out where I’ve packed them all. ”

  “I’d be happy to sign one for you,” he said, eyes moving over her. "You look gorgeous. "

  She blushed, hoping she hadn’t freaked him out with her forwardness. Sometimes she could be a little too forthright. "Thanks. "

  He smiled at her and ran a finger down her arm, making her skin tingle. “I’m ready if you are?”

  She nodded, trying to keep from showing how much his little gesture unsettled her. She wasn't used to men paying any attention to her these days. When she was younger, sure, but now that she'd hit the wrong side of forty and turned from a curvy youngster into a plump matron, the looks she got weren't particularly flattering. Matt just keeps surprising me.

  He waved her outside. She locked the door behind them and followed him down the path. He wore a short-sleeved button down shirt over a wife-beater and jeans. "Where are we going?" she asked, trying really hard not to stare at his ass, but it was impossible. He looked delectable. And his shirt was purple. What kind of man wore purple? Not that he looked bad, oh no. In fact, the muscles rippling down his arms and chest made the color look alluring, not feminine.

  "Just over here," he said, leading the way to a small patio set among a cluster of birch trees. Paper lanterns hung from the branches. A bottle of wine and a selection of cheeses and crackers sat on the table. The inn’s flower garden was behind them and the long meadow that ran down to the river meandered below. The table was completely secluded.

  "How did you do this?" Lily asked, charmed. She sat down when he pulled out a chair. She had not been expecting this, not at all.

  "I bribed Betsy," he said, smiling.

  She cocked her head, a sudden thought making her stomach clench. "You're not afraid to be seen in public with me, are you?" She smoothed a hand down her dress self-consciously. That would seriously suck.

  "What? No!" he exclaimed, clearly taken aback. "I just wanted to spend some time with you. " He looked away, running a hand over the back of his neck. "People have a tendency to come over and talk whenever I eat out in town and I wanted you all to myself. " He shuddered. “God forbid my sister Stephanie see us. She’d invite herself onto our date. ”

  Lily only had to think about that for a second before she shuddered along with him. "Small town, right?”

  He sighed. "Yes, exactly. You have no idea. Everyone knows everybody else. If we'd eaten in town, you'd be facing my mother and a few cousins and probably someone I went to high school with. "

  She laughed. "Okay, okay, you're off the hook. "

  "Whew. " He swiped a hand across his forehead exaggeratedly.

  Lily rolled her eyes. "So, you're the famous, reclusive Matt Swift, huh?"

  He froze in the act of pouring wine. "Who told you?"

  She shrugged, enjoying the look of discomfort on his face. "Betsy. "

  He grimaced. "Ah. "

  She frowned. "I really like your books. I meant what I said, before. I’d love it if you signed one. " She hadn't meant to make him feel so uncomfortable, but clearly her intent to tease had backfired.

  He put the wine down. "Thanks. "

  She studied his face. He really wasn't happy. "I'm sorry. " She started to stand up.

  He reacted immediately. "No, don't. " He put a hand on her arm, tugging her back down.

  She bit her lip. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. "

  He sighed. "It's not you it's me. "

  Lily couldn't help it. She laughed. He’d said it with such a hangdog expression on his face.

  He grinned. "Honestly. I don't know why I get so weirded-out when people find out. I love to write, but I'm kind of an introvert. I'm happy my books are out there and that people like them, but the last thing I want to do is do the dog and pony show thing. "

  "Dog and pony show?" Lily giggled. She pictured him with a dog collar
on and it was just… no. No way.

  "Shut up," he laughed. "Seriously. "

  "Is that why you don't do readings and signings and stuff?"

  He nodded. "I hate public speaking. "

  "I thought you were in the Navy?" Lily didn't understand. She couldn’t imagine a shy introvert stuck on a submarine with a hundred other people and no way to escape. It sounded like a recipe for disaster.

  He pinched his nose. "I was a SEAL. I did covert ops. That's the opposite of getting up in front of a crap load of people and yakking about your writing. "

  Covert ops? Whoa, Lily thought. That's kind of hot. "Oh," she said aloud, imagining him dressed in black with weapons strapped all over his body.

  He narrowed his eyes at her. "What are you thinking?"

  She flushed. "Nothing. "

  He opened his mouth, obviously about to question her further, but just then Betsy walked out with a tray.

  Ha, saved by the food, Lily thought, relieved.

  "One roast chicken with all the trimmings, coming right up. " Betsy smiled as she loaded the amazing looking meal onto the table.

  "Did you make this?" Lily asked, mouth watering.

  "She did," Matt answered. "I begged her for her famous chicken. "

  Betsy pointed at him. "You owe me. You’re naming a character after me, right?"

  He nodded solemnly. "Yes. I keep my promises. You're an angel, Betsy. "

  "Hmpf," the older woman said, smiling. "Enjoy!" She walked away, humming under her breath.

  Lily was amused, but Matt distracted her by dishing some chicken and stuffing onto her plate. She watched him add a few carrots, bemused. When was the last time someone had done that for her? Years, probably.

  "So, what brings you to my little town?" Matt asked her, interrupting her reverie. "It looked like you had a whole apartment stuffed into your car. "

  It was Lily's turn to laugh uncomfortably. "It is my whole apartment," she said, just to watch the surprise crawl across his face.

  "Oh, um—" He floundered.

  She took pity on him. "I needed a change. I spent my whole life down near Philadelphia. So far I've driven to Ohio, Maryland, Connecticut, a few other places. " She looked around, taking in the gorgeous view. "I think I like it here, though. "

  He sat back, cradling his wineglass. "You should stay. "

  She shrugged. "We'll see. " He was nice. What she'd seen of the town seemed nice. She liked the quiet. She hoped she'd finally found somewhere to call home again, but only time would tell.

  An hour later, Lily sat back after her last bite of chocolate cake. "Oh my God, I think I might explode. "

  Matt laughed. "Please don't. That would be really messy. "

  Lily flung a leftover pea at him. He ducked, laughing.

  "Hey, if you keep that up, no goodnight kisses for you," he said, ducking when she threw another at him.

  "Who says I'm going to let you kiss me goodnight?" She readied her spoon, arranging her last pea dead center in the silver.

  He sat back in his chair, sexy and masculine. "Please let me kiss you goodnight, Lily?" He lowered his voice. "I'd really like to. "

  Oh, not fair. He’s doing the hot guy voice thing. Lily shivered as his tone did funny things to her spine. She tilted the spoon anyway, though. She had principles, after all. Suddenly, he leaned forward, putting a hand over hers. His thumb rubbed small circles over the back of her wrist. "Let me kiss you, Lily. "

  She let go of the spoon. "Wait, you're serious?" The pea rolled off and down the table. She ignored it. "Me?" She didn't believe him. He was funny and nice, but really, she was long past hoping for a date, ever. Guys like him didn't ask women like her out, let alone try to kiss them goodnight.

  He blinked. "Of course I'm serious. I’m here, with you, aren’t I?"

  Lily let her eyes run down his body. His jeans did nothing to disguise the bulge at his groin. She licked her lips. She wanted him to be serious. She wanted to kiss him. It had been so long…

  Matt groaned. "God, Lily, you're killing me. " He leaned over and captured her mouth.

  Lily gasped, utterly shocked. He took advantage of her surprise and dipped inside, tongue stroking lightly before he pulled back and nibbled on her lips.

  "Lily, you taste so sweet," he murmured into her skin, hand cupping her cheek.

  She couldn't move. Couldn't think. The entire dinner was like a dream. She licked her lips, trying to figure out how she’d managed to get to this place after the last five wretched years of her life, then he kissed her again and she couldn't figure anything out anymore. She'd lost everything in her life, had to start over again and again, yet here she was, being kissed into senselessness by an incredibly handsome man. How was this even possible? Matt had no idea how screwed up she was, that must be why. He wouldn't be kissing her if he knew. She moaned, twisting her fingers into his shirt. She was going to enjoy this as much as she could before he came to his senses.

  "Lily," Matt groaned, kissing down her jaw.

  She leaned into his hand, turning her face to kiss his palm. "What are you doing?" she whispered, trembling. Everything she thought she'd figured out about herself seemed stupid, now. Pointless. After Jack had died, she'd pulled herself through it by not caring about anything too much.

  "I'm kissing you," he said, taking her mouth again.

  Her head fell back and she let him in, let him do whatever he wanted. He slid his hands into her hair. She moaned, overwhelmed. Like a dam suddenly giving way, she started crying, hands coming up to grab his shoulders. She kissed him back, tears rolling down her cheeks. He tried to pull back, but she kissed him again, trying to ignore the way her heart felt: vulnerable and scared. I never thought I'd feel this again, she thought, grabbing at him frantically. This is crazy.

  "Lily?" Matt pulled away. He grabbed her hands and touched her fingers to his lips. "What's wrong?"

  She closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to see the disappointment in his. Dammit. "I'm sorry. "

  "Don't be. Tell me what's wrong. " He kissed each fingertip with such gentleness Lily's heart gave a painful thump.

  "I just—" She tried to say, but had to stop and take a breath. "You don't understand. This isn't me. This isn't who I am. " She brought his fingers to her forehead. "I'm really messed up. I don't want you to get all tangled up in my shit. "

  He drew his hands away and stroked her hair. "What are you talking about?"

  She looked at him. He didn’t seem upset. She nodded. This was it. The end of her little pretend date, but that was okay. She'd managed before, though a hell of a lot more trauma than this small blip in her life.

  "Okay. You asked for it," she said, wiping her cheeks.

  He frowned. She leaned in and kissed him quickly, before grabbing his hands. He didn't protest when she squeezed a little too hard. "My entire family died in the past five years. I'm the only one left. Husband, mother, father, brother, my grandparents, my younger cousin… They're all gone. "

  ****

  Matt stared at her in shock. "What, everyone? How? Was there a fire or something?" He wasn’t sure he quite understood what she meant, but he’d been a volunteer firemen long enough that he knew how quickly fire could devastate an entire family.

  Lily shook her head. "No. My brother died first. He drowned five years ago. Then my mother was in a car crash. They say my dad committed suicide. " She stopped, took a deep breath. "I don't believe that, but he was found in the house with a bunch of pills. Jack—" She paused, swallowing hard. "My husband fell down the stairs at work about a year and a half ago. "

  "Jesus," Matt whispered. "Your grandparents, too?"

  She nodded. "They think it was carbon monoxide in middle of the night. They died a few years before my brother. "

  Matt didn't know what to say. He looked into her eyes and suddenly realized what he’d been seeing around the edges of her smile all along. It was pain. She was like the widows he'd met overseas, the ones who'd lost their entire families to war.
<
br />   "It's okay," she patted his hand. "I'm okay. "

  "Christ, Lily. I'm so fucking sorry," he said, knowing his words were completely inadequate.

  She blinked back tears and looked away. "Can we please go back to the kissing portion of this evening?"

  He cupped her cheek. "Yes. Definitely. " He leaned in again, kissing her tenderly, trying to convey everything he knew about loss through his touch. She gasped and he kissed her again, amazed at her strength. She was here, alive and sane, and he didn't understand how she'd done it, how she'd kept going. She was funny and strong and intelligent. He'd seen terrible things, done terrible things, but he'd never had to live through what she’d had to survive.

  "You're so beautiful," he whispered, kissing her cheeks. "You're amazing. "

  She shook her head. "Don't be ridiculous. "

  He kissed her again to shut her up. She melted into him and he savored the feeling of her in his arms. She smelled like chocolate ice cream and tasted like nirvana. His dick twitched, pressing against the zipper of his pants. Yeah, he wanted to make love to Lily, but he didn't want to scare her away. He had to take it slowly. He dipped into her mouth, chasing the sweetness of her. When his phone rang, he ignored it, but Lily pulled back.

  "Isn't that your cell?" she asked. Her cheeks were flushed. The phone rang twice more, then stopped.

  Matt leaned in again, nibbling just under her ear. "Yeah. I'm ignoring it. "

  "Maybe it’s important?" Lily gasped as he kissed a sensitive spot on her neck.

  "If it's important, they'll call back," he murmured against her skin. He had more interesting things to worry about right now. Whoever it was could leave a voice mail message. Lily tipped her head back and he kissed along her throat. God, she was incredible. He pressed a free hand against his groin, trying to calm down a little. His cock almost hurt, he was so hard.

  The phone rang again. Matt reluctantly pulled away. "Shit. " He extracted it from his jeans pocket carefully, wincing as his hand brushed against his dick. He shifted a little, trying to make more room. It didn't really work.