“Do you feel like we had sex?” he asked.
Opening her eyes, her hand moved to the neat line of hair above her center, and she considered his question. “No… but that was fourteen hours ago, fifteen now probably.”
“You were unconscious,” he said on a sigh. “Do I get off on that?”
“A lot can change in almost a year, Tuck,” she said, rolling toward him onto her front. The man seated with her now used to belong to her. They hadn’t been intimate in months and she was lying naked on a bed. Curiosity, and maybe her own ego, wanted to know if he was as indifferent to her as he was portraying. Her Tuck wasn’t as cold as this man scowling at her now, not in her memory. “Are you horny?”
“What are you playing at?” he asked.
She peeked up at him. “I’m not playing at anything.”
Enticing him to test his resolve, she wanted to know if he craved her like he used to and knew that softening him with their teasing was the best way to get him to tell her what she needed to know.
“You have no idea what happened last night,” he said. “You’re in a strange room, with a man you haven’t seen for nearly a year. You’re blatantly flaunting yourself, but you have no memory of anything. What would’ve happened if I wasn’t there last night?”
“I can’t remember anything, so I can’t tell you what actually happened, let alone what might have happened. And as it turned out, you were there,” she said. “And, I’m not flaunting anything. I didn’t think you would still be here after I got out of the shower. You told me you were going. I didn’t come out naked to wave myself in front of you, there was no towel in there. You’ve seen me naked a zillion times, I don’t get what your problem is.”
He didn’t hear her. “Why is Dempsey looking for you?”
“He’s not,” Kadie said. “As far as I know anyway.”
“When was the last time you saw him? Why was that the first place your mind went?”
Filling him in on how she’d spent the last few months would lead to an explosive conversation that she wasn’t ready for or interested in having. Tuck kept his secrets and she was learning the value of keeping her own. “As delightful as twenty questions is to play,” she said. “I want to get some sleep. I have to work tonight, and—”
“Where are you working?” he asked.
His expectant attitude and abrupt manner were starting to piss her off. “You haven’t answered any of my questions,” she said. “And you expect me to answer yours. It doesn’t work like that. If this is your room, and you want me to leave then say so. I’ll repay you for—”
“I don’t want your fucking money,” he said, anger beating through his voice. “I want an explanation.”
He wasn’t the only one. Now he knew what it was like to be her throughout their entire relationship. “I don’t have one,” she said. “Not one I’m willing to give you.”
“What is wrong with you?” he asked. “Are you in trouble?”
That almost made her laugh because it was the biggest understatement she’d heard in a long while. “Oh, all sorts,” she said, managing a smile. “But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
“I’m not going to leave you here,” he said. “If you need help—”
So sure of himself and his place in her life, it was almost insulting that he thought he could just take over and that she’d sit back and let him. As nice as it would be to have some support in the mess she’d gotten herself into, she wasn’t willing to admit her mistakes to have him chastise and pity her.
Kadie had always been tougher than Tuck gave her credit for. So yeah, she was in deeper than she’d meant to get, but she’d survived on her own before he came along and gave her a job and a company to run. If they weren’t together, it wasn’t her responsibility to keep house anymore and she didn’t have to follow his rules or compromise herself for him.
“I’m not your responsibility anymore,” she said. “You dumped me, remember?”
“Fine,” he said. “I get that you’re upset with me, maybe your cousin can talk some sense into you.”
When she saw that he was reaching for his phone in his jacket pocket, she leaped to her knees to grab for him before it was fully out. “No!” she shouted, wrenching his hand away from the device. “Don’t phone Dempsey. Don’t… you can’t tell him about this, anything about this… Have you spoken to him?”
“Not since I left.”
Her ex-boyfriend had no right to dictate to her, but her cousin still had all of his rights. God bless Dempsey for always looking after her, but if he found out where she was and came rushing in to save her, he’d get himself hurt or worse, and she couldn’t live with that on her conscience.
“Oh thank God,” she breathed. “You can’t tell him you saw me. Please. You can’t talk to him about me at all.”
“Tell me what happened,” he said.
“I can’t.”
“You can,” he said. “You can trust me.”
Shaking her head, she cursed the building heat of moisture behind her sinuses. “I can’t trust you. I can’t trust anyone.”
One harsh lesson she’d relearned since they broke up was that looking out for number one was the only chance someone had to stay safe. “If Dempsey doesn’t know where you are—”
“No one knows where I am… Not where I really am.”
The confusion and concern bleeding from his expression was comforting, it proved that somewhere—even if it was deep down inside—he did still care about her. “What does that mean? Dempsey let you go? Are you telling me that your overprotective cousin isn’t worried about you? About trouble you might get into, about your safety?”
She shook her head. “He thinks I’m safe.”
“You’re not safe,” he said. “Why would he let you walk away from the company?”
It was true that if Dempsey had all the facts, he’d have been decisive in preventing her from walking away from her life. Keeping him in the dark saved her from having to explain why she’d run away.
Building a wall allowed her to walk into dangerous situations without addressing the emotions that could paralyze her at exactly the wrong minute. Facing his concern forced her to experience everything she’d kept locked behind that wall. “I don’t need his permission to live my life. I don’t need yours either.”
“I created that company to give you a safe place to be,” he said. “So that you didn’t have to be out fending for yourself.”
Such a lovely thought that her boyfriend coddled her and built a glass house around her just to protect her from herself. Before their relationship, Tuck did what he did and worked with Dempsey, but there was no official structure. Kadie had built the reputation of their company and kept it running as a legitimate enterprise.
At the time, she’d suspected it was a distraction for her. Something to keep her busy while Tuck did his real work. Now the concept was insulting. She didn’t want to be kept separate from the evil he vanquished, she’d wanted to be a part of the solution.
Terrifying as it sometimes was, she was doing that herself now and it felt so much better to be taking an active role in doing the right thing, rather than living her life assuming that someone would take care of the world’s problems for her.
Kadie didn’t grace his statement with an answer, so Tuck spoke again, “When I think about what happened last night I want to murder someone and I still might. I’ve told you about that kind of trouble,” he said, closing his hands around her face to let his thumbs wipe the tears that dripped from her eyes. “Men are a danger to you, Toots, all men.”
Not all men. “You’re not,” she answered. “You don’t want me anymore.”
The corner of his mouth curled. “What gave you that crazy idea?” he said, tipping her head farther back, he lowered his mouth onto hers.
SEVEN
When you’re kissed by the man that’s kissed you more than any other, your body responds like it would to that first taste of chocolate after a diet. It’s wat
er in a drought, nourishment to the famished. That first taste is like sliding into your sexiest dress. The world ceases to exist and it’s better than every dream you’ve ever had, because it’s real. This was real. Her tears didn’t stop, but her heart awakened from the slumber it had been seized by to begin pumping harder than it ever had before. This man had been hers, completely hers, and when he was, her life had been his. They’d been one. Complete. Perfection.
Grabbing for his jacket, she yanked him forward. Although he fell, he caught himself over her, pressing her deep into the firm mattress. Her nakedness was protected by his clothed form. The sensations were arousing. The zip of his jacket rasped her nipple. Its leather stuck to her skin and she pulled him closer.
One of his legs found its way between hers, and she pushed down on the denim offering, enjoying the rough material over his muscled thigh against her moistening core. She wouldn’t say no, she never had, and never would.
Releasing his jacket, she drove her fingers into his hair, slanting his head to force his mouth deeper against hers. Tongues devoured, teeth collided, and breathing increased. Arching her body towards his, she found her sanctuary behind his fly. Long, thick, solid, and completely for her in this moment.
Wriggling her pelvis up closer to his member until her clit angled against the seam of his jeans, she recognized her own mew of pleasure. This was what her wettest, raunchiest dreams were made of.
“No,” he mumbled, but didn’t let his lips leave hers.
Shoving against her, he clamped her down on the mattress. Every inch of her body was covered by him. His hot tongue swept hers, wet and desperate. Tuck had always been amorous, but this… this was a desolate man. Could it be that he’d missed her?
His agony couldn’t match hers, nothing would, or ever could. This was a stolen moment in time, a last connection between once upon a time lovers. She was here, she was naked, of course he would take what she offered, what man wouldn’t? This union would mean more to her, it always meant more to her. But she’d take it.
Unwilling to dwell on her grief, she took this lifeline, this last chance, and she would ride it as long as he let her, because he would leave her again. He would walk away, just as he had all those months ago, and she’d mourn alone all over again. Maybe it wasn’t smart to revisit this, ultimately she would get hurt. Yet even a single snatched second of his passion dominating her again would be worth taking the risk of emotional upset. He was worth it, he always had been.
Managing to wriggle her fingers between them, she unbuckled his belt. He pushed down again, trapping her hands against the bulge behind his buttons.
She didn’t know why he was hampering her, but she wished he wouldn’t. Her impatience was growing. “Let me,” she said, but didn’t finish her sentence before he kissed her again.
“No,” he said, wrenching his lips away and dropping his forehead against hers.
Alone in this private space there was no reason for them not to be intimate, and she could use the oblivion right about now. “There are condoms in my bag,” she said. Considering neither of them knew where each other had been in the last few months, protection made sense. “Where is my bag?”
His eyes opened in a glower. “Why the fuck are you carrying rubbers around?”
Well, that was a ridiculous question. “They’re a fashion accessory,” she said. “Why do you think?”
“What do you need them for?”
So he was sticking with anger. He’d had her. She’d been his. Faithful for every second that they were in a relationship. To be affronted that she may have shared herself with another man after he broke her heart was more than a little unreasonable. “Earrings,” she said. “What do you think they’re for?”
“Who’s fucking you?” he snarled.
Given their current position, she’d have thought that question answered itself. “You,” she said. “If you let me get my bag.”
“What happened to your pills?”
So that was why he was annoyed, he wanted to take her bareback. Before, she wouldn’t have blinked at that, now she couldn’t trust the skanks he might have been with. “It’s hard to get your prescription filled on the run,” she said, preferring rubbers in her current situation. “Your aversion to children is greater than your aversion to latex, Tuck. I do remember that.”
“I have no problem with condoms,” he said. “I have a problem with you carrying them.”
Was he voicing a double standard and expecting her to accept it? “Why?” she asked. “You always told me to protect myself as much as I could.”
“I was talking about pepper spray and panic buttons,” he said, his scowl was so deep it had to be giving him a headache. “Who are you fucking?”
The accusations weren’t arousing. Their arguments that led to sex before were much more tantalizing. “I remember you being better at the dirty talk,” she said, squirming under him. “Can we move things up a level?”
If he was focused on the sex, he should stop quizzing her. “What do you—”
“Touch me,” she said, arching her chest up to draw his eyes down to her breasts. As she wanted him to, he studied her, examined every pore with those ravenous eyes, except he didn’t touch her. “Tuck.” When she sighed, his eyes leapt to hers, then as quick as she’d ever seen him move, he was on his feet, with his back to her.
“Put your clothes on,” he said.
Confused and unsated, new questions presented themselves. “You won’t have sex with me because I carry condoms?”
“No,” he said. “I won’t have sex with you, full stop.”
“Oh,” she said, casting her eye over her body, speculating about what might have put him off.
Throughout their relationship he’d never been able to resist her, even when she was fully clothed. His appetite had been insatiable, and exclusively for her, at least that’s what she believed. Her body hadn’t changed that much since they’d broken up. If anything, she was in better shape than she had been last year, now she worked harder at it, she had to.
So, either her body didn’t do it for him anymore, or… comprehension struck. “Who is she?” she asked, without thinking the words.
“She who?” he asked, still standing with his back to her.
The question had burst out, but as she considered what she might find out, she closed the query up again. “I don’t want to know,” she said, clambering off the bed. Wobbling on her feet, she’d forgotten about the after effects, whether her haze was caused by last night, or what had happened with Tuck on the bed, she couldn’t be sure. Stars flickered in front of her, and she dropped to her haunches. Using the bed to stabilize herself, Kadie got to her hands and knees and started for the bathroom.
“What’s the matter with you?”
He had to have turned, but she couldn’t see him given her direction. “My clothes are in the bathroom.”
“Jeez,” he said.
Mid-crawl, she was ripped from her knees and tossed down onto the bed, as though she was nothing more than the lifeless pillow she’d awoken on. With a glare, he marched into the bathroom and returned moments later with her discarded clothes. Taking a seat beside her, he began to uncoil her underwear as she put on her bra.
“There is no she,” he said, shoving her feet into the underwear and forcing it up her legs. He might not be the most graceful man in the world, but he could be gentle… except now wasn’t one of those times.
Apparently, he hadn’t gleaned that she didn’t want to know about his present love life. “Of course there is,” she said, popping her head into her top. If they were going to talk about it, she was going to be honest. “You always have a ‘she’ to go home to.”
He stopped to look at her after feeding her feet into her skirt. “That she was you,” he said. “The only she I ever went home to was you.”
Kadie wasn’t going to make this any more difficult by starting another fight. “Ok,” she said, lying back to lift her hips so she could pull up her thong an
d her skirt. “You don’t want to tell me, that’s fine. I figure you wouldn’t tell anyone you met on the job about me. It’s a protection thing, I remem—”
“Stop it,” he snapped.
“Stop what?” she asked, zipping her skirt on a deep breath then pulling the towel from her hair.
“You think because I won’t have sex with you it’s because I’m being faithful to someone else. Could it possibly have anything to do with the fact that you’re still under the influence of a date-rape drug?”
Her fingers stopped in her tangled hair. “You think that you’d be raping me?” she asked, having never heard anything so ludicrous. “I undid your belt, buddy. I knew exactly what I—”
“You don’t,” he said. “You can’t walk, how—”
“Date-rape,” she said when his words caught up with her thought process. Drugs explained her blackout and how she’d ended up here feeling as groggy as she did. This new piece of information lessened the importance of their non-starter carnal interlude. “Who drugged me?”
“Losers at the bar,” he said.
The bar, yes, she had been there. Memories came back as blurry pictures, she’d been talking to a group of men. They’d been flirty, she couldn’t remember their faces or what they’d spoken about. One thing she knew for sure was that she had no interest in being intimate with any of them.
That they’d come so close to taking advantage of her made her feel sick. “Why did you tell me that?” she asked, staring at her own knees as she tried to control the churn of bile in her stomach.
“You need to learn to be more careful,” he said.
She did want to know what had happened, what might have happened, but she couldn’t claim that the knowledge changed anything. “Careful,” she whispered. “Why?”
“Why what?”
Her eyes met his and she searched for an answer. “Why do I have to be careful?”
Shock and uncertainty made him glower. “Do you want to be a fucktoy for a dozen drunk bastards all trying to one-up their buddies?”
Swift (Kindred Book 4) Page 8
