He ran his fingers through his hair. “Mike says I’m an idiot.”
“You’ll get no argument from me.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “Sorry. Just popped out,” she mumbled.
His expression turned sheepish. “I suppose I deserve that.”
“No. What you deserve is a good swift kick in the caboose.”
“Okay. I deserve that, too. I just didn’t know what I had until it was gone.”
Her gaze narrowed on him. “If you’re talking about me, you never had me. If you’re talking about your daughter—”
“It’s not about Kendra. Unless you count that she was the one who made me start thinking about you.”
“She finally asked you what happened between us?”
He nodded. “And you were right. Discussing it with her could have poured salt on the wounds of her insecurity. Especially since it came up the night before she left for school.”
“Could have?” Thea stared at him. “What did you tell her?”
“Fortunately, I didn’t have to say anything. I was saved by the bell.”
“I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume you’re not talking about me.”
“Mike came over to say goodbye to Kendra.”
“Okay. But I still don’t see—”
“Just stop interrupting and I’ll get there faster. Mike said I was an idiot if I let you get away. I should have figured it out for myself, but—” He shrugged. “I didn’t.”
“Figured what out?”
“That I was looking for an excuse to walk away from you. I’ve been single for a long time because putting everything on the line, risking it all again, was something I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to get burned again.”
“And now?”
“You made me want to get burned,” he said, heat sparking in his eyes. “I’m ready to take a chance again.”
A few weeks ago, the words would have sent her over the moon with happiness. But now she’d managed to stanch her bleeding emotions. She couldn’t afford to be a basket case. Not again. Not with the baby coming. She didn’t trust this sudden about-face. She refused to have expectations or hope. Most of all, she wouldn’t let herself need him. He might be there today and possibly even tomorrow. But what about the long haul? She couldn’t let her guard down.
She could only count on herself. Strength was her middle name. Independence was her new best friend.
She looked up at him and a shaft of sunlight caught her in the eye. With a hand on her forehead to shade her gaze, she saw the hope in his expression and steeled herself against it.
“I’m sorry, Scott. I can’t take the chance that this change of heart isn’t just about Kendra leaving home. You made it clear you don’t care enough about me and the baby.”
“That’s just it. Don’t you see? I’m willing to accept the baby.”
Her heart twisted at his words. “The problem is, you don’t see. I can’t be with a man who’s ‘willing’ to ‘accept’ my child. It’s not fair to me, or the baby, or you for that matter. Don’t misunderstand, I want this baby to have a father. It breaks my heart that he or she won’t have one. But that man needs to be with us because he wants to. We need a man who sees a baby as a blessing, not a burden. And you’ve made it clear from the first day I met you how you feel about it.”
“Thea, listen to me—”
“No.”
She stepped to the back of the SUV and started to slide a box toward her from the rear hatch. Scott moved beside her, close enough for her to feel the heat of his body. He reached out and moved her aside.
“You shouldn’t be carrying stuff in your condition.” His voice was rough yet warm, like sandpaper dipped in whiskey.
Through a blur of tears, she saw the muscles and tendons in his forearm flex with harnessed strength. Not now, she thought. She’d managed to get through everything without dissolving in a puddle of tears and she was awfully proud of herself for that. It hadn’t been easy, what with her jam-packed, hormone-ridden body. Now he had to go and do something sweet like this.
“I won’t hurt my baby. Now will you please go away? I don’t want to see you anymore.”
“Too bad.” He glared at her. “I’m going to unload the back of this car. If you have a problem with that, don’t watch. But if you pick up anything heavier than a throw pillow—”
Thea didn’t wait to hear the rest. She couldn’t stand this. He was showing her what it should have been like and it was too cruel. It was a glimpse into what might have been—like a peek into heaven when your soul was damned to hell.
She turned on her heel and went inside, upstairs where she could be alone. In her master bedroom, tears trickled down her cheeks while she ripped open boxes. Finally she found the one with the towels. She grabbed one and buried her face in it so he wouldn’t hear her sob.
She didn’t know how long she cried, but she stayed like that until she had no more tears left. Before going back downstairs, she peeked out the window and saw that his truck was gone.
“I guess I got through to him,” she said.
But the thought held no satisfaction, just a mother lode of pain from a broken heart she knew would never heal.
Now who was the idiot who needed a good swift kick in the caboose?
Chapter Sixteen
Scott walked into For Whom the Bell Toils and saw the flowers he’d sent to Thea on her desk, but she was nowhere in sight. And he hadn’t seen her SUV outside. It had been a week since they’d made their respective moves. A week since he’d seen the tears in her eyes as she’d turned her back on him. Seven days since he’d watched her stiff back as she’d walked away from him. One hundred and sixty-eight hours during which he’d called and left messages she hadn’t returned. He was going out of his mind.
“Hello?” he called out.
Connie appeared in the doorway to the back room. She frowned when she saw him and the look of hostility on her face clearly said what she thought of him. “We’ve got to get that dinger fixed.”
“I don’t give a damn about the damn dinger. Where’s Thea. I need to talk to her.”
Her expression went from hostile to stubborn as she folded her arms over her chest. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”
“She’s made that clear. But I’ve got some things to say to her.”
“Don’t you get it? She doesn’t want to hear any more from you.”
“I get it, I just refuse to accept it.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Look, Connie, I know I’ve made a few mistakes—”
“A few?” she said, one auburn eyebrow going up.
“Okay, a lot. And they’re really big mistakes. Whoppers. But I need to explain to her. I’ve tried sending flowers, calling, leaving messages she doesn’t return. I don’t know what to do if she won’t even talk to me. I need help.”
She sighed and moved farther into the room, stopping by Thea’s desk. Leaning forward, she breathed in the scent of the blooms. “She loves these lilies. How did you know?”
“I didn’t. Just a shot in the dark. But I’m glad. Here’s the thing. If I’m going to convince her I’m sincere, I need someone with the inside track. I need to know how to get through to her.”
“What if I help you and she never speaks to me again?”
Something in his own chest pulled tight. “If you don’t, you’ll be responsible for two people missing out on an opportunity for happiness. Thea and I will be miserable for the rest of our lives. And it will be on your head.” He watched her face, the emotions shifting there and decided to keep pressing. “You don’t have to like me, but this is your chance to be her friend.”
“As her friend, I will honor my promise to run interference.”
“Is she happy?” When Connie didn’t answer, he swore silently. He wished she wasn’t fitting the profile of the stubborn redhead. “If you can honestly tell me that she’s better off and completely content, I’ll back off.”
He mentally crossed his fingers an
d prayed she wouldn’t call his bluff.
Connie’s forehead creased with doubt. “What if I help you and you break her heart?”
He let out a long breath. “I already did that by being a jerk. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I need to put her heart back together and spend the rest of my life making it up to her.”
“I can’t stand to see her so sad,” Connie said, and he knew she was relenting. Then she glared and pointed at him. “But if you let her down again, I’m coming after you, buster. And it won’t be pretty.”
“I won’t hurt her, I swear. Now help me. What should I do.”
“Court her.”
“Tried that,” he said, pointing to the bouquet in the vase beside her. “I even sent some to her at the house and she still won’t speak to me.”
“Flowers, candy,” she said, ticking off on her fingers typical courting gestures. “Candy’s out. She’s watching her weight with the pregnancy. Her motto is anything over twenty-five pounds isn’t baby. So food would probably earn you demerits.” She looked at him. “You’ve got your work cut out for you.”
“Has she mentioned me at all?”
Connie shook her head. “Thea internalizes everything. I watched her go through David’s death and the stages of grief. I’ve watched her do the same thing with you.”
“I’m not dead.”
“To her you are. And right now she’s working on acceptance. If she gets there—” She shook her head and he didn’t want to think about what that meant.
“How do I keep her from getting there?”
“Shake her up. Make promises—preferably ones you intend to keep.”
“That’s the only kind I make.”
She studied him as if she was gauging his sincerity. Whatever she saw seemed to satisfy her because she nodded her head. “Somehow you need to get her off balance.”
“How?”
“I haven’t got a clue. But it needs to be big. Look, Scott, she got clobbered really bad. The lesson she learned was that if she doesn’t let herself care, she won’t be hurt again.”
“I get that, but—”
She held up her hand. “Let me finish. Now she’s got the baby to think about. All of her maternal instincts are on high alert. You turned your back on her because of her baby. She’s not likely to give you another chance to hurt her child.”
This wasn’t making him feel better. “I made a mistake. I admit that, but—”
“I’m not saying you’re a bad guy. Look, I’ve got kids. I know how hard a job it is. And consciously choosing it again is a tough decision.”
“No, it’s not.”
He knew he’d given the correct answer when a small smile curved her mouth. “I’m not the one you have to convince.”
“How do I do that? Especially when she won’t talk to me.”
“My best advice is show up and keep showing up. When you do, speak from the heart and do what you do best.”
“That’s not especially helpful since I’m just a dad who happens to be a building contractor.” He shrugged.
“Then do dad stuff and build something. I don’t know what else to tell you. If that doesn’t help, you’re on your own, pal.”
“Can you at least tell me where to find her?”
She shook her head. “She just said she had time between appointments and she was going to check out baby furniture.”
“Where?”
“She didn’t say. But I know she’s planning to furnish the nursery soon.”
Scott nodded. “Okay. I appreciate the help, Connie.”
“Good luck.”
“I’m going to need a miracle,” he said, then walked outside.
Glancing up at the sky, he thought about David. He would never see the baby Thea had fought so hard to bring into the world. Would he want another man to be there for her and his child? “If so, now would be a good time for a little divine inspiration.”
Thea had been in Scott’s house for several weeks when she realized she was still thinking of her new home that way. It was time to stop. Partly because every time she did, there was that annoying empty feeling followed swiftly by a sensation of pressure around her heart. This was her house, damn it, and she was going to be happy in it.
But she couldn’t stifle her disappointment that he’d stopped calling and sending flowers. Apparently he’d given up trying to communicate with her, just when she’d been on the verge of giving in. How perverse was that?
But it was for the best, she told herself. Herself replied that it didn’t feel best. Loneliness was funny that way.
The timer on the microwave signaled that her frozen dinner was ready at the same time the doorbell rang. She wasn’t expecting anyone and was surprised to have company. It was probably Connie. She’d talked about a housewarming gift.
But when she opened the front door, the man standing there didn’t look anything like her partner. The man standing there was Scott. Her heart did a happy little dance, proving that all her conditioning to accept their situation had been a waste of perfectly good mental energy.
“Hello, Thea.”
He looked good—really, really good. Better than she’d ever seen him. Or was that because she’d missed him so deeply? Or because she hadn’t expected to see him again?
“What are you doing here?”
“I have something for you.”
She didn’t want anything but him. The thought made her work harder at steeling herself against loving him. “I can’t accept anything from you.”
“Will you at least look at it?”
She couldn’t resist the pleading expression in his eyes. Not to mention the pleading in her heart. “Okay.”
He nodded and said, “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back.”
Then he was gone. She heard the microwave timer beep, reminding her with its relentless, annoying chirp that she hadn’t taken her food out. She walked into the kitchen to do that and shut the appliance up. After grabbing a pot holder, she removed the steaming cardboard-encased meal and set it on the island. Then she heard the front door close.
“Thea?”
She went into the living room. Scott stood there and at his feet was a wooden cradle, with the curved runners to make it rock. She’d expected flowers maybe. Or a plant as a housewarming. But this looked like hand-made furniture, a fine sturdy piece of wood with two intertwined hearts carved into the headboard and foot-board. Her own heart pounded when she realized the significance of a baby’s first bed and the intricate carving. She was speechless.
“I made it for the baby,” he explained.
She wanted to ask what it meant, absurdly hoping for the moon, the sun and the stars. “Why?” she finally said.
“Because I can.” He shrugged.
“Scott, I’m not sure what this is about, but you and I are over—”
He shook his head. “Don’t say that. As far as I’m concerned, things between us are just getting started.”
Her whole body began to shake. “I don’t understand.”
“I do. I get that you’re afraid to care again. I was, too. But something scared me more.”
“What?” she whispered.
“Living without you.” A muscle in his jaw moved. “When you walked away from me that day, I got the worst feeling deep in my gut. It got bigger when you wouldn’t speak to me or return my calls. Every day that went by, it got worse. Because I love you, Thea.”
Her eyes grew moist as she looked at him, making his image waver. She’d longed for and dreaded hearing him say those words.
“It’s too late for us, Scott. It can’t work.” She shook her head. “You’ve already raised two kids. ‘Never again,’ you said.”
“How come it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind, but a man has to live and die by whatever stupid words come out of his mouth?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “I thought when you stopped calling and sending flowers that—”
“I’d given u
p?” He shook his head. “I just decided to invest my energy in the future.” He stepped closer and took her hands in his. “Thea, this isn’t simply a cradle.”
“No?” She nudged it with her bare toe and watched it rock. “Looks like it to me.”
“It’s a symbol. Of my commitment to you and the baby.”
“How can I believe you mean what you’re saying?”
“Life doesn’t come with a guarantee. Sooner or later you’re just going to have to take a leap of faith. This is my way of prodding you over the edge. Take a chance, Thea. I’ll make sure you don’t regret it.”
“If only I could be certain—”
Gently but firmly, he squeezed her hands. “I only do two things well. I’m a builder and a father. The cradle I built will keep the baby safe and secure until he outgrows it. The father in me wants to see him grow. I want to build this child with you. I want to make a difference for the better—with you.”
The tears gathering in her eyes spilled over her lower lashes and rolled down her cheeks. But her voice was steady when she spoke. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You’ve said you want your child to have a father. Someone who sees him as a blessing. I’m your man—a family man.”
Her heart swelled to bursting with happiness. Thea could no more turn him away than she could turn her back on the promise she’d made to the other man she’d loved. And somehow she had the absurd feeling that David heartily approved of Scott Matthews. Maybe because she’d found love again and it felt so very right to her.
Scott squeezed the hands he still held. “I mean this with all my heart, Thea. If you’ll give me another chance, I’ll spend the rest of my life multiplying your happiness and dividing your sorrow.”
She smiled through her tears and whispered a single word past the lump in her throat. “Okay.”
He pulled her into his arms and drew in a shuddering breath. “Thank God.”
She savored the strength and heat of his body to reassure herself that he was real, that this wasn’t a dream. “You called the baby ‘he.’ Do you know something I don’t know?”
“Nope. I just couldn’t call our baby ‘it.’”
It Takes Three Page 20
