And Then You

by Amanda Richardson

  “Thank you, Evianna. No one’s ever said that to me before. You’re right. I was very lucky.” He smiles and reaches out for my hand. The minute he touches me, I let go and jump back. I don’t know why, but it feels strange, intimate… his eyes lock onto mine, and I’m torn between wanting to get in the car and wanting to… kiss him?

  Something tells me he feels the same way.

  Thirteen.

  Evianna

  Violet comes over after Bria goes to sleep. We’d gotten back from the Wheel mid-afternoon, and Nick gave me the rest of the day off. I spent it reading and relaxing, consuming multiple cups of tea, and trying not to think about Nick.

  I was unsuccessful.

  I knew I was over-analyzing everything, so when Violet showed up with two bottles of wine and some Chinese food, I almost cried because I was so thankful.

  “Oh my god, you’re the best,” I breathe as she scoots past me and into my new living arrangement. I quickly glance up at the house, and all the lights are off. Nick is probably asleep, and though I know female visitors are okay, I’m still nervous.

  “Wow, this is nice, Ev!” she says as I close the front door.

  “Thanks.”

  I help her unload the chow mein and General Tsao’s chicken into bowls. It’s what we always order. I can’t find any wine glasses, so I make a mental note to pick some up, and I pour us each a generous serving of wine into two water glasses. Once we’re settled on the couch, she turns to face me, eating rapturously. She looks so put together. I’ve always been envious of her ability to look so polished. She’s wearing skinny jeans, a fitted leather jacket, and black ankle boots. Her auburn hair is thrown up into a messy bun that probably took her all of twenty seconds to do, and her brown eyes scan my face impatiently.

  “So? Are you going to tell me everything or what?”

  I don’t even touch my food. I go for the wine, clutching it close and taking large sips before spilling the beans.

  “Don’t judge me. That’s all I ask,” I say, prefacing everything with those words.

  “You think he’s hot. What’s wrong with thinking your boss is hot?”

  I sigh and gulp down half of my wine. My head is spinning when I begin to talk.

  “Well, I told you that he’s a widower, right?”

  “Yeah,” she says, looking annoyed. “I already knew that.”

  “So? That makes me an awful person!” I wail. “You should’ve seen him today, Vi. Bria mentioned how her mother and brother were in heaven, and he lost it. His grief was radiating off of him, and then I started blabbing about Would You Rather. Luckily that seemed to cheer him up, but my god, I don’t know if I can do this.”

  “What? Look after a little girl who lost her mother way too soon?”

  “That’s not what I mean. It’s just... I don’t know if I’m emotionally stable enough to deal with my own issues on top of Nick’s grief, and on top of Bria’s grief... it just feels like too much.”

  “Bria likes you, yeah?” she mumbles, chewing on noodles.

  I think about that for a second.

  “Yeah. She’s always liked me. That’s not the issue. I just feel... I feel like I’m somehow walking into something I shouldn’t be walking into. Some guy at the ticket counter asked us if we wanted the “family” pass, and Nick looked so sad. I can’t be the woman who does that to him—to Bria. I know there’s nothing going on between us, but I’m old enough, and he’s young enough, and people make assumptions... I just don’t think I can handle another episode like today. I can’t keep figuring out ways to tread lightly and to say the right things. Cheering up a mourning man was not in my job description.”

  “So quit,” she says simply.

  I blink at her.

  “But...”

  “Look,” she says, adjusting herself in her seat to face me squarely. “Either you quit, or you stay. Those are your two options. But you can’t be upset that they’re still grieving. Of course they’re still grieving. You’re still grieving Dan, I’m still grieving my grandmother... we’re all grieving about something. But what happened today is expected. The important thing is you tried to cheer them up. From the sounds of it, it worked. I’m not saying it’s your job to cheer Nick up. That’s all him. But I think they hired you for a reason. Because if anyone doesn’t take themselves seriously, it’s you. If anyone can cheer another person up, it’s you. And I think they need that right now. I think Nick needs that. I think Bria needs that.”

  She’s right. I know she is.

  “Yeah.” I poke around my food. My stomach growls. I feel better already.

  “Go in there and be yourself. You’re upbeat. You’re perky. You bring a lot to the table.”

  “Okay,” I say. “I’m not as perky as I used to be, but I’m trying.”

  “One day at a time.” She looks at my plate of uneaten food. “Are you going to eat?”

  “Yeah,” I say distantly. “I just don’t seem to have an appetite lately. Well, except for when Nick cooks, because his food is ah-maz-ing.”

  She shoots me a death stare.

  “Be careful, Ev,” she warns. “I’m not saying don’t feel what you feel for him, but just remember, he’s a father, first and foremost. He’s not some guy you met at a bar. You may have chemistry, but he’s Bria’s father, a widower, and most importantly, your employer.”

  “Nothing is going on,” I say defensively. She eyes me, unconvinced. “It’s just surprising how good-looking he is. I was taken aback, that’s all. I’m over it.”

  “Mmm hmm,” she mutters. “How old is he?”

  “I don’t know. If I had to guess... early thirties?”

  “Oh,” Violet says, clearly shocked. “Wow.”

  “He’s a pediatrician,” I state, and her eyes narrow.

  “Is that right? Interesting...” She watches me, amused.

  “Yeah. But he’s thinking of transitioning to a teaching hospital.”

  “Hmm.”

  “What are you thinking?”

  “Nothing,” she says, smiling mischievously.

  “Tell me!” I shout.

  There’s a knock at the door, and I freeze. Violet’s eyes get wide.

  Oh, fuck. What if Nick overheard us?

  “Shit,” I whisper quietly, like I’ve been caught doing something illegal, even though we’re not doing anything wrong.

  I get up and answer the door. Nick is standing there, and he eyes me cautiously before looking at Violet. He leans against the doorframe.

  “Hey,” I say casually. “Sorry, are we being too loud?”

  “No, I just wanted to come by and say good night. Sorry, I didn’t know you had company,” he says shyly, eyeing Violet. “And I wanted to say thank you again for earlier today.”

  “Oh,” I say blankly. I try not to stare at his clothes. He looks so casual, so young in black basketball shorts and a plain grey T-shirt. And he came to say good night. That’s really sweet. I already know Violet is going to eat him up. “It’s no problem.”

  On cue, she jumps up and runs over to him.

  “Hi, I’m Violet,” she says, pushing her hand forward. Nick shakes it.

  “Hi, Violet. I’m Nick.” He smiles, but his eyes flick back to mine.

  “Bria’s dad,” I add, even though I know Violet already knows that.

  We’ve only been discussing him for the last twenty minutes. But I don’t want Nick to know that.

  “Yep,” he says, rocking on his heels. He puts his hands in his pockets. “Your employer,” he further adds, and I swear, I see him blush a little bit. I laugh weakly. “Well, you girls have a good night,” he says. “Evianna, I’ll see you tomorrow a little before nine?”

  “Yes,” I say.

  “Ok. Good night,” he says, and his eyes get softer. “Hope it’s okay in there.” He points into the guesthouse. “Let me know if you need anything.”

  “Thanks, Nick. I will.” I smile, and he watches me as he walks backwards. And then I swear he blushes agai
n before turning around and walking back up to the house. I don’t realize how fast my heart is beating until I close the door and face Vi. I take a deep breath and try to act casual. Maybe it’s totally common for employers to say good night to their employees every day. Who knows? It might be 100 percent normal.

  “Oh,” Violet says quietly. “My god.”

  “Shut up,” I say, falling into the couch and throwing my arm over my face.

  “I take back everything I said earlier. You must hit that.”

  “Violet!” I swat her with my free arm. “Enough.”

  “I’m serious, Ev! If you don’t, I will!”

  “Stop!” I yell, louder this time. “You are not helping, just so you know.”

  “When you told me about him, I envisioned an older, George Clooney type. You know, handsome yet unattainable. I thought maybe you were experiencing some schoolgirl crush or something. But Nick is young, and Nick is totally into you.”

  “What?” I say, sitting up to face her. “Really?”

  Now I really feel like I’m back in high school.

  “Yes. Oh God, yes. It’s so obvious. He came to say good night? Bullshit.”

  “No. You’re wrong. He was just being nice. It’s my first night sleeping in here.”

  “I thought last night was your first night?” She cocks her head playfully.

  “Oh. I didn’t tell you?” She shakes her head, and I tell her about how Cecelia had me stay the night, and how Bria had had a nightmare and had begged me to sleep with her in Nick’s bed. She cackles when I tell her about Nick catching me in his bed this morning.

  “You scoundrel!” she teases, sipping her wine. “He’s probably wishing you were back in his bed right now,” she says quietly, and I throw a pillow at her.

  “Hey! Be careful,” she laughs. “I’m holding wine, and I don’t want to stain your fancy new couch.”

  “He’s mourning his wife, Vi. Stop putting those thoughts in my head.”

  “I’m just saying... if I knew he looked like that, and if I knew he was into you too, I would’ve said that it’s about damn time he moves on. You might be the perfect woman for him. Bria loves you, and it has been almost a year—”

  “Stop,” I say seriously. “I mean it.” I stand up and cross my arms. “You’re making me uncomfortable. I really don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Violet just sits there, looking shocked and hurt. I’m normally up for gossip, but this is just too much. “I can’t believe you would even suggest that Nick is ready to move on. I saw him today. He is not a person who is ready to move on, Vi. He is a person still very much grieving.”

  She looks down, chastised. “I’m sorry,” she mumbles. “You’re right.”

  “Thank you for apologizing,” I say flatly, and I sit back down.

  “He’s probably horny as hell, though,” she whispers, and I glare at her.

  “Seriously?”

  She shrugs her shoulders innocently. “What? Humans have needs, that’s all.”

  “Out,” I say, pointing to the door. “If you’re going to keep talking about this, get out.”

  “Fine,” she whines. “Let’s talk about something else, then.”

  “How is Marcus?” I ask, hoping that if I change the subject to her boyfriend, it might mask the small smile forming on my lips when I think of Nick in bed.

  “Oh, stop with the small talk,” she says, eyeing me mischievously. “How are you doing?”

  “Fine...” I say cautiously. She has that sympathetic look in her eyes. “Why are you asking me like that?”

  Her face falls, and the instant she looks away, I know it has something to do with Dan and Mia.

  “You didn’t see the...” She trails off. “Oh. Shit. Don’t look,” she begs, and before she can say anything else, I’m grabbing my computer and pulling up his Facebook profile.

  September 9, 2014

  Daniel Walling got engaged to Mia Gentry

  My eyes take in the words, as well as the comments below. And oh! There’s a picture. Lovely. My eyes roll over the large diamond on Mia’s ring finger. I feel a lump forming in my throat.

  Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.

  I scroll down and see a status update from Mia along with a close-up of her gorgeous ring.

  The love of my life asked me to marry him today, and I said YES!

  I swallow the vomit that has crept up my throat and push the computer away. Before Violet can say anything, I’m chugging the rest of my wine and holding back tears.

  He was supposed to propose to me.

  He was the love of my life.

  We were together just three months ago. I now realize their relationship must’ve overlapped mine… and I have to swallow a few times to suppress the vomit.

  “She’s a bitch,” Violet says.

  I stare up at her.

  “He proposed?” I hiss. I have the biggest urge to call him and tell him how fucking happy I am for him and Mia. His fiancée.

  Oh my god…

  Before she can respond, I throw my head down onto the couch and cry into the pillows. I was doing so well. For so long, I was broken, but the last couple of weeks, I felt like I was healing. Now… now it feels like I’m back to square one. Violet just sits there and rubs my back quietly, shushing me.

  I know the breakup was hard for her and Marcus, too. We were all friends. Violet, Marcus, Dan, and I all met in our very first college class. Mia joined our group about a year before the incident. I’d brought her home. I’d introduced them. We’d been classmates in a comparative literature class, and we’d become close friends. There was always something off about her, though. She and Dan became really close, but I didn’t think anything of it. The idea was too far off, too crazy… until it happened.

  So I knew Violet missed them. I knew Marcus did too, and I was grateful that they’d chosen my side. They were loyal, Violet and Marcus, and they’d shunned Mia as well. But I couldn’t deny that it was hard for them. Dan and Mia had shocked us all.

  I sit up and chug the rest of my wine. I know my face is going to be puffy tomorrow from the alcohol and the crying.

  “You should eat something,” Violet urges, and I shake my head violently.

  “Not hungry,” I whisper.

  “I should go,” she says timidly, getting up. “Thanks for having me over, Ev. I’ll come back soon, okay?”

  “Okay,” I say, getting up to hug her.

  “Try not to think about Dan and Mia. Think about Nick!” she says enthusiastically, and I can’t help but laugh.

  “Right,” I say, glumly. “The widower who employs me.”

  “He’s much better looking than Dan. Hell, he’s better looking than Marcus!”

  I punch at her lightly.

  “Stop it! I have enough on my mind.”

  Her face softens. “I know. Love you, Ev.” She opens the front door.

  “Love you too, Vi.”

  As the door closes, I feel myself fall back into the couch. I open the second bottle of wine, and before I get too drunk, I set an alarm for seven-thirty.

  I don’t recall the rest of the night, but I vaguely remember stalking Mia’s Facebook page.

  What does she have that I don’t?

  I fall asleep on the couch, wondering if Dan took Mia up to the Wheel and promised her a lifetime of happiness, too.

  Fourteen.

  Evianna

  Hangovers are life’s version of a cruel, cruel joke.

  I wake up the next morning with the worst headache. As I glance around at the empty Chinese food cartons and the two bottles of Pinot, the night starts to replay in my mind.

  Oddly, I feel so much better today after crying over Dan and Mia. Fuck ’em. They deserve each other. I quickly tidy up and get in the shower to start my day. I text Violet, letting her know how good it was too see her. As I get dressed and dry my hair, I can’t stop thinking about Nick and the way he looked at me, leaning against my door last night. He is hot—Violet has a point—but I
know I have to compartmentalize those feelings, because he’s Bria’s father, and because I am his employee.

  But it feels nice to be happy about someone for once.

  I throw on a pair of boyfriend jeans, black flats, and a black tank top. I finish the look off with Violet’s leather jacket. She left it here last night, and I kind of like the way it looks on me. It’s much edgier than anything I’d ever wear, but it works. I wasn’t sure if it would fit, but for some reason Violet and I have a Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants thing going on with our clothes.

  I pull my long, straightened hair into a low, messy ponytail and apply a little makeup. No matter how much concealer I put under my eyes, they’re still puffy, and they still have dark circles under them. It’s a lost cause.

  I check my phone and it’s already eight-forty. I don’t have time to eat—I make a mental note to grab some yogurt when I get into the main house. I lock up and put my phone in my back pocket.

  As I slide the back door open, I see Nick sitting at the breakfast bar, eating oatmeal.

  “Hi,” I say, sliding the door shut behind me.

  He turns around, and his eyes wander wildly over me. I tug at my hair nervously. Why is he looking at me like that?

  “Morning,” he says, smiling. “Rough night?”

  Crap.

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “No, I mean, you look nice, but… have you been crying?” I watch as he fidgets with his spoon, unsure of what to say. “Crap…” he mumbles. “Sorry. I’m being rude. You don’t have to tell me.”

  “Where’s Bria?” I ask, changing the subject. That seems to wake him up a bit, because he clears his throat and points to the hallway.

  “Upstairs, watching a movie.”

  “Oh, okay.” I saunter over to the fridge and pull out a carton of yogurt. Nick clears his throat. I spin around and his eyebrows are raised. “Sorry, is it okay if I eat—?”

  He laughs. “I made you oatmeal. Sit down and relax.” I look down at the placemat next to him. Sure enough, a steaming bowl of oatmeal sits waiting for me, along with a side of milk, a side of honey, and a small bowl of blueberries. “I wasn’t sure what you liked in your oatmeal, or if you even like oatmeal, but I made some for myself a few minutes ago and thought you might like some.”