And Then You

by Amanda Richardson

  I wonder if she’s pretty. I wonder if she knew Isabel.

  I wonder if she knows Nick is taking the nanny on a date.

  At six exactly, I hear a knock on the door separating my room from Nick and Bria’s room. I go to open it.

  Nick is standing there in khaki shorts and a short-sleeved white button up. He’s wearing tan loafers, and he’s carrying a single, large, pink dahlia. He looks so good. Tan, lean, clean-shaven, and his hair is even smoothed a bit instead of his usual mop of crazy hair.

  “Daddy, why can’t I go?” I hear Bria whine behind him before either of us gets a chance to say anything. Nick turns around slowly and crouches down.

  “Because, sweetie. It’s a grownup dinner tonight. I’m sorry, princess. I promise you, when we get back to Seattle, I will take you out to dinner. Okay?”

  I hear her quietly assenting, and then she pops her head around Nick’s legs.

  “Evi, you look tho pretty,” she says and comes over to hug me. I bend down.

  “You’re going to have so much fun with your special friend tonight, Bria.” She hugs me tighter. A woman appears behind Nick.

  “I’m Flavia,” she says, and yes, she’s stunning—dark hair, dark eyes, tan…

  “Hi, nice to meet you,” I say, and Nick stands up straighter.

  “Flavia was in med school with Isabel and I.”

  “Isabel was a doctor, too?” I ask, and they both laugh. I don’t know what’s so funny, and now I feel ten times worse.

  Of course Isabel was a doctor!

  As if I needed another reason to not compare to her in the slightest.

  “A very good one,” Flavia adds, and her voice is tinged with sadness. “Well, I’ll take care of little Bria, here. Nick, just call the room if you need anything.”

  “Thanks. We’ll just be at the restaurant down the road.” He goes back into the room and pulls out a sheet of paper and writes down a number. “Here’s the extension. Call for anything.” Then he kisses Flavia on the cheek and takes my arm. “Ready?” His eyes are bright with excitement.

  “Yes,” I breathe, and Flavia takes Bria back into the master bedroom. “Will Bria be okay?”

  “Oh, yeah. Flavia is an old family friend. Bria knows and loves her. They’re just going to watch a movie before bed.”

  “Okay,” I say uncertainly. Nick leads us up the path to the golf cart. “Thank you for the flower,” I say, gesturing to the dahlia.

  “You’re welcome, Evianna,” Nick says properly, and I have to keep myself from laughing. He’s really in date-night mode. “After you,” he says, gesturing for me to get into the cart first.

  He holds my hand and helps me up. Once I’m seated, he comes around to the driver’s side and starts the engine. I hold the dahlia in my hand and smile. I like “date Nick” already. He slides an arm around my shoulder and reverses onto the main road. I turn to look at him, and he’s smiling at me.

  “What?” I ask, suddenly shy.

  “You look really beautiful. I can’t stop staring.”

  “Thank you,” I say weakly. “You don’t look so bad yourself.”

  I change my mind.

  I’m not sure I can handle “date Nick.”

  He drives us slowly along the jungle path, and once we reach the lobby, he stops the cart and hops out, holding his hand out for mine. I place it in his hand, and I set the dahlia on the cart seat so that it doesn’t get ruined. He pulls me forward and into the lobby.

  “Welcome, Mr. and Mrs. Wilder,” the hotel concierge says.

  My body tenses.

  Oh fuck, this is going to set him off.

  But he just nods and keeps walking. I tug on his arm, and he looks down at me.

  “Don’t you think we should correct him?” I whisper. I’m horrified.

  “Nah. It was just an honest mistake,” he says, walking more quickly now towards the back of the hotel, where I presume the restaurant awaits us.

  “But—”

  He stops and faces me, cutting me off.

  “Evianna, there was once a time where someone calling you Mrs. Wilder would’ve freaked me out. Now is not one of those times. If only I could be so lucky…”

  He turns again and takes my hand, dragging me to the restaurant.

  Well, he’s certainly gotten over the big Wheel incident, then.

  As we walk, I gasp when I see the table that I can only presume is ours. It’s a private room of sorts—I hadn’t noticed it the other times we came here.

  “Nick,” I say breathily, “this is gorgeous.”

  We have a private table on a deck overlooking the ocean, and candles dot the walkway and light the table. Bright, local flowers sit in a short, white vase, acting as a centerpiece, and white plates and gold silverware make up the rest of the table. Our table is the only one on the deck, and I notice the deck is screened in, though it doesn’t take away from the beauty.

  “Mosquitos,” Nick whispers, gesturing to the screens. “They’re tenacious here, so I made sure there were screens so you wouldn’t get bitten.”

  Somehow, that’s the weirdest thing but also the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me.

  Nick pulls my chair out as the waiter pours us some white wine. I raise my eyebrows.

  “Nicholas Wilder, I am thoroughly impressed.”

  “Oh, I can be very romantic when I want to be,” he says confidently, and for some reason, the way he says it sends chills down my body. The waiter leaves. “Cheers,” he says, holding up his wine glass.

  “What are we cheers-ing to?”

  He leans forward and looks at me, and I suddenly feel so naked and vulnerable. He stares into my eyes, and I want to look away, because my whole body feels like it’s on fire, but I also don’t want to look away, because I love the way he’s looking at me right now. He’s looking at me with adoration, compassion, kindness… love. Though I want so much more, physically, with Nick, right now he’s giving me his heart, and loving someone with your heart is so much better than loving someone with your eyes.

  “We’re cheers-ing to your advice.”

  “What advice?” I ask skeptically.

  “To keep some room in my heart for the unimaginable.”

  “Oh,” I say shakily, “I guess I give pretty damn good advice.”

  “You do.”

  I smile. “How did this happen?”

  “Slowly,” he says quietly. “One minute, you were Bria’s nanny. The strange woman sleeping in my bed.” I laugh. “And then one day… you were so much more. I don’t even know when it happened.”

  “I think I fell for you the night you punched Dan.” Now he’s the one laughing.

  His eyes crinkle, and his face gets serious. “I still don’t know if I’m totally ready, Evi. I’m just putting that out there. It’s scary for me.”

  “I know,” I say, taking his hands in mine. “It’s scary for me, too.”

  “Sometimes it’s good to be scared,” he whispers, and his eyes flick to my lips.

  Oh my god, he’s going to kiss me.

  But he doesn’t. He pulls back and holds his wine glass up again. We click them together, and I take a deep sip, trying to distract myself. His “almost kisses” are just as intense as the real kisses.

  The waiter brings our first course, but I don’t remember ordering.

  “I ordered for you,” he says, reading my mind.

  “Thank you.” I’m not sure if I’m offended or flattered that he knows me so well. As I eat the raw fish tartar, I realize it’s the latter. “Oh my god.” I moan. “This is so good.”

  Nick smiles and nods. “Best food,” he says between bites. “Only the best for you.”

  The food keeps coming—fresh fish, colorful salads, grilled shrimp, fruit, and dessert, which consists of chocolate-covered strawberries. I have to roll my eyes slightly at that one.

  “Nick,” I joke between bites of the chocolaty sweetness, “you don’t need to impress me. You already have me.”

  He just sh
akes his head and laughs, and I realize, there it is.

  The look. The same look of happy contentment he had in the picture on his nightstand with Isabel.

  And it was because of something I said.

  After Nick pays, we head back to the golf cart. I start to slide in, but instead, one of the workers gets into the driver’s seat. Nick hands him some money, and he takes my hand and leads me to the beach.

  “Thought we could walk back,” he says. “I’m not ready for tonight to be over.”

  “Sounds good,” I say softly. I don’t want the night to be over, either.

  The moon is bright, and it illuminates the white sand. I feel like we’re in some sort of fairytale, because the stars are so pronounced, and I can see the Milky Way. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen a night sky like this. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way about a guy. This might be the best night of my life. We don’t say anything until we get a good half a mile into our walk back to our room.

  “I think it’s safe to say that your employment with me is effectively terminated,” he says casually, and I stop walking.

  “Are you firing me?” I balk, and I put my hands on my hips.

  “Yes,” he whispers. “Because I don’t want you temporarily. I want you permanently.”

  Before I can say anything, he pulls me in close to him so that our faces are only an inch apart. I cease to breathe, and my heart hammers repeatedly against my ribcage.

  “But what about Bria?” I whisper.

  He pulls back, defeated, and I realize he hadn’t really thought about it.

  “I don’t know. She loves you.”

  “I mean… do you think…” I gesture between us. “Do you think she’ll be okay with us…?” I drop my hands.

  “I honestly don’t know.”

  “We should tell her.”

  “Yeah.” He takes another step back and looks down at his feet. “I should talk to her.”

  “We should both talk to her,” I suggest, and he nods. “And if she’s not okay with it…”

  I trail off, because I don’t want to think about it. He just nods again, and I know he understands.

  “Let’s talk to her when we get back to Seattle tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” I say, sad that the moment is effectively ruined.

  But we have to know that Bria is okay with the idea of a new nanny, of me being a bigger part of her life, of the idea of Nick and me…

  And if she’s not, we have to be prepared to walk away from each other.

  Thirty-seven.

  Evianna

  Nick walks me to my room and kisses me chastely on my cheek. I know he probably won’t make any moves until we know how Bria feels about it all, but I secretly hope he’ll kiss me on the lips.

  I stand there and look down, and I can tell he’s thinking the same thing.

  But he puts his hands in his pockets and walks to his door, opening it slowly.

  “Good night, Evianna.”

  “Good night, Nick,” I reply, trying not to sound too disappointed.

  He closes the door behind him, and I fall onto my bed. I hear him speak to Flavia briefly, and then his door closes.

  I wonder what he’s doing right now.

  I go to my suitcase for my computer. I’m too wired to sleep—tonight was so intense, and I know I won’t be able to fall asleep for hours. As I log into the hotel’s Wi-Fi, I see a note slip under my door.

  My heart stops.

  I set my computer down and walk quietly to retrieve it.

  Are you awake?

  I smile, and I walk over to the desk to get a pen. I reply.

  Yes.

  As I slip it back under the door, I can feel my heart beating rapidly against my chest. I feel like I’m going to explode, or implode, or self-combust. I’m not sure why—Nick and I talked about everything, and we’re on the same page. What am I waiting for?

  And then I realize, I want Nick—all of him—right now.

  I am a woman with needs.

  And he’s so close to me I can barely stand it.

  The note slips back under my door.

  Are you okay?

  That’s a weird question. But I respond honestly.

  Mentally and emotionally, yes.

  Physically… no.

  I debate for a minute about whether or not I should even say this. It might confuse him, us, more. And it’s not like all I need is something physical, but there’s so much tension between us, it has to go somewhere. I slide it under the door and hold my breath.

  He doesn’t respond immediately. I pace back and forth for a few minutes, wondering if I said the wrong thing. I decide to leave another note. I feel embarrassed. I should not have sent that note.

  Highly inappropriate, Evianna Marie Hall.

  I go to the desk and scrawl another note.

  Sorry. That wasn’t right of me to say.

  Forget it. I’m fine.

  I slide it under quickly, and I see Nick snatch it up almost immediately. He must’ve been sitting on the other side of the door, analyzing my first note…

  Another note slides under the door from Nick.

  Don’t be sorry. It’s only natural.

  And if it weren’t for Bria…

  I would be making love to you all night long.

  I gasp when I read his words.

  Oh my.

  I scribble another note and slide it back quickly.

  You are SO not helping.

  I want for him to respond, which he does within seconds.

  I’m sorry :)

  Using my critical-thinking skills, I deduce that it’s probably okay for me to give you a proper kiss good night because we’ve already kissed. It’s not like we’re crossing a line, because it’s already been crossed.

  Would you agree?

  I smile when I read his note.

  Yes.

  Yes, that would be more than okay.

  I would agree.

  I wait for his next move. I hear him rustle around in his room, and I decide that I should use some mouthwash really quickly. I skip to my bathroom and swish some mouthwash, spitting it out just as he gently knocks on my door. I can feel my heart racing as I stride over to our connecting door and swing it open. He’s breathing heavily, like he just ran a marathon, and he has a wild look in his eyes. He’s still wearing the same thing from dinner, though his shirt is unbuttoned slightly, revealing some chest hair. As he runs his hand nervously through his hair, he stares at me, and I feel my whole body burning.

  He comes into my room and shuts the door behind him.

  “Nicholas Wilder… I thought you had a rule about guys in my room,” I tease, trying to diffuse the tension.

  “Love never follows the rules,” he says gruffly, and he rushes forward and grabs me, pulling me into him roughly and connecting his lips with mine instantly. Suddenly, I’m floating.

  Kissing Nick is like everything everyone says about kissing, all thrown into one. It’s everything—fireworks, spinning, butterflies, tongues, lips, and hands flying. I feel Nick take my face with one hand and pull my waist into him with the other hand, and that hand goes lower, lifting me up by my buttocks. His kiss deepens, and his tongue in my mouth makes me feel like I’m putty in his arms, probing and exploring. He could do whatever he wanted to me right now. I’m his for the taking. The hand on my face moves to the back of my head, and my arms pull him in even closer. I grip his shirt tightly with my fists, and he nibbles on my lip with his teeth. I groan out loud.

  How in the world is this going to stay just a kiss?

  I know it’s for the best that we only kiss. I know that. But right now, as our bodies move in sync and my hands are discovering every inch of his hard body, I want more. My body craves more. He runs his tongue along my bottom lip, and I groan out loud again.

  I cannot take this anymore.

  “If you keep making noises like that, I’m going to have to take you right here, right now,” he says brusquely, and my who
le body throbs. I look into his eyes, and they’re… intense. Confused and concerned, but also alive and passionate. Like he doesn’t know how he can possibly feel this way about me. He crushes his mouth against mine again, and his sweet breath sends an electric current through my entire body.

  I brush my hand through his tangled hair, and my rapid heartbeat seems to make it hard to breathe. I can tell Nick wants more… I want more… and I start to slowly walk back to the bed. I feel Nick resisting, but I don’t care. I feel like I’m going to explode.

  “Evi…” he rasps, kissing me lightly along my mouth. “I want to make love to you properly. Not here,” he says, and the disappointment he must feel tinges his words. I must not care, or at least my body doesn’t care, because I feel myself start to unbutton his shirt.

  I. Can’t. Help. Myself. Anymore.

  “Nick…” I whisper, running my hands underneath his shirt.

  The door creaks, and suddenly Bria is standing in the doorway, wearing her pajamas and looking confused.

  “Daddy?” she says, eyeing Nick and then me.

  We pull away instantly, and Nick clears his throat.

  “Hey, sweetie,” he says, and he walks over to her. I’m too horrified to move. “What are you doing awake? It’s pretty late,” he adds, and I realize he’s trying to cover it up. He’s acting guilty. He’s acting innocent.

  I’m not sure which is getting through to Bria.

  “Why were you kithing Evi?”

  Oh shit.

  “Bria, sweetie…” Nick croaks. I see Bria withdraw, and she pulls away from Nick, backing into their room. I put my face in my hands. I feel so guilty. Like we’ve been caught doing something totally wrong. Which, in a way, we kind of were. “Bria!” Nick yells, and I look up. Bria has wrenched the balcony door open in their room, and she’s running out onto the beach.