And Then You

by Amanda Richardson

  “I wath scared,” she whispers, and she reaches her hand out to me. I take it and hold it in my lap.

  “I’m fine,” I whisper back.

  “So you’re not going anywhere?”

  “Nope. I’m staying put.”

  She grins.

  “Good.” She turns around and runs into Cecelia’s arms.

  “You gave all of us quite a scare, Evianna,” she says solemnly. I see Frank take Bria from her, and then they’re gone, leaving me alone with Cecelia. “Nick has been out of his mind, worried.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, but I can’t help but smile a little bit that Nick was so worried.

  “It was hard for him… you know… this is where Isabel and Matthias died.”

  “What?” I whisper, and I look around. “This hospital?”

  “Yes.”

  I look down. God, I would’ve just fucking hit the dog if I’d known that.

  No. I wouldn’t have. But still… ugh.

  “Is he… is he okay?”

  “He’s glad you’re alive.” She just watches me, and suddenly I feel guilty.

  I feel guilty for falling in love with Nick. I feel guilty because now everyone knows we were planning a booty call, whether or not he would ever call it that or not. I feel guilty because I put him, Cecelia, Frank, and Bria through something like this again, just over a year after they all lost Isabel.

  “I’m sorry,” I say quietly, and I twiddle my fingers nervously.

  “Evianna, do you know why I hired you?”

  I shake my head, but I laugh when I think of my first emails to Nick.

  “Because of my embarrassing emails?”

  She chuckles.

  “No. Because you’re happy. I wanted someone happy for Bria, but especially for Nick. I didn’t intend to play matchmaker, but the moment I met you, I knew that if Nick were to fall in love with anyone again, it would be you. I wanted that for him. I missed how happy he used to be with Isabel. And Bria needs a happy father.”

  I take in her words, and I look out the window. It’s overlooking a forested area, and the sky is bright blue. There’s no sign of the rainstorm that put me here.

  “How did you know?” I ask meekly. “How did you know we would…”

  “I didn’t know, per se. But I hoped. Prayed. And I think it worked, if I’m not mistaken.” I look down at my hands, and I blush. “Sweetie, I like you, so I’m going to be honest with you. I’m not saying this lightly. He was married to my daughter, after all. I can see the change in him. You’ve woken something up in him, something that’s been dormant for over a year. I wanted you to bring him back to life.”

  “Do you think I brought him back to life?”

  She just smiles, and she gets up to leave.

  “Oh, yes. You certainly did,” she says quietly. “So thank you.”

  “He brought me back to life, too,” I whisper, and she nods, smiling.

  Before I know it, she’s gone, and I’m alone in my room. That’s when I notice flowers and cards on the table next to me. One of them catches my eye, and my stomach drops onto to the linoleum floor. I recognize Dan’s handwriting.

  I struggle to move myself, but it’s a lost cause. I must’ve broken a rib, because even trying to lift myself is excruciatingly painful. Even lifting my right arm a few inches makes me yell out in pain. I hear footsteps running into the room.

  “Oh my god, you’re awake,” Violet says, and she runs over to my bed. Like Bria, she doesn’t embrace me.

  “Do I have a broken rib?” I ask, wincing.

  “Yes,” she says, laughing. “And a broken leg, and a concussion. Oh, and you had your spleen removed.”

  “What?” I holler loudly, and we both laugh. “What ever will I do without my spleen?”

  She smiles gently down at me.

  “I was so worried,” she says, and she bends down to kiss my cheek.

  “I’m fine,” I say, eyeing my cast. “I mean, other than the fact that I can’t seem to move without my ribcage erupting into flames.”

  “Do you need something?” she asks, and suddenly, she’s running over to the water pitcher. She brings it to my lips, but I take it from her. It’s painful, but at least I can do it myself.

  “Thanks,” I say after I drink the whole thing down. “I was actually trying to read one of the cards,” I say shyly, and I look down. “The one from Dan.”

  Violet nods and picks it up. She didn’t even check to see which one it was, and that tells me that she’s already read it.

  “Dear Ev,” she starts. “I hope you get better soon. Love, Dan and Mia.”

  “That’s it?” I screech. I almost died, and all he says is get better soon?

  “Hey, Evi,” she says, gesturing to the dozens of vases of flowers. That’s when I notice they’re all dahlias. Every. Single. One. “Do you know who sent these?”

  I feel a teardrop fall down my cheek, and I nod.

  Nick.

  “And did you know that dahlias aren’t in season?”

  “I didn’t know that.”

  Suddenly, Dan’s stupid card doesn’t mean a thing to me.

  “He had them imported from a friend in Tulum. He said they’d bring you good energy.”

  I look around at all of the beautiful dahlias arranged in state-of-the-art vases.

  “Who are all the cards from?”

  “Minus this one?” she asks, tossing Dan’s card in the trash. “Who do you think?”

  “Can you…” I’m looking at all of the wonderful cards, and I know I have to read them now.

  Violet reads my mind, and she collects all of them and sets them down in my lap. Before she says anything else, she leaves, and I’m alone with ten cards, all from Nick. I open the first one.

  The meaning of the dahlia is “everlasting thine”.

  Did you know that? It seems fitting.

  I smile and pick up the next card.

  “Till this moment I never knew myself.”

  I open the next one.

  “Her heart did whisper that he had done it for her.”

  What was this?

  “Our scars make us know that our past was for real.”

  I feverishly open the next one.

  “It's been many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable.”

  I laugh. Suddenly, though, I’m crying, because I understand where these quotes are from. They’re quotes from Pride and Prejudice.

  “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

  “Have a little compassion on my nerves. You tear them to pieces.”

  “We do not suffer by accident.”

  “It has been coming on so gradually, that I hardly know when it began.”

  “I love you. Most ardently.”

  “I have an eleventh card,” Nick says, walking into my room. I look up, and suddenly, I’m crying.

  I’m crying for everything I put him through over the last two days.

  I’m crying because he sent me dahlias from Mexico.

  I’m crying because he gave me cards that quoted my favorite book.

  I’m crying because he’s here, and he’s the one person I needed to see since waking up. He’s my number one.

  “Well, you better hand it over, then,” I say playfully, and he walks over slowly, holding the card out for me. He hesitates, and I look up at him.

  “Can I read it to you?”

  “Of course.”

  He bends down and kisses me on the forehead, and I feel the tears streaming down my face.

  “Let me preface this with saying… you scared the shit out of me, Evianna.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t know this was where—”

  He cuts me off by kissing me gently on the lips. Oh.

  “Don’t ever scare me like this again, okay?” he whispers, and I see in his eyes just how scared he was for me. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to brake for animals when it’s raining?”

  “Yes, but I couldn’t
just hit the dog, Nick. He looked lost…”

  “I know. And I think that’s why I love you.”

  I smile as he kisses me again. “Are you going to read the damn card or what?”

  He laughs, and he settles in beside me on the bed. His eyes scan the card in front of him, and he begins to read.

  “I have spent the last year waiting to fill the empty hole in my heart. I waited and hoped that one day I wouldn’t feel the pain anymore. And then you came around, Evianna. You make me feel alive. I’ve spent the last year barely living. Barely breathing. I waited for someone like you. But it didn’t happen the way I imagined it would happen. I thought it would progress quickly, but instead, you found your way into my heart slowly, with each smile, each kind gesture to Bria, each time I heard your laugh. You chipped away at the ice surrounding my heart little by little, and pretty soon, all that was left to fill it was you. I will always love Isabel. Always. But you’ve managed to fill the empty hole in my heart in your own, unique way. I love you for that.”

  I wipe the tears off of my cheeks. “Where is that quote from?” I say, joking. He laughs. “But in all seriousness… I love you, Nick.”

  “I’m glad you’re saying that,” he says, and he stands up. “Because I have to fire you. Officially this time.”

  “What?” I yell, and I try to sit up. The pain brings me back down, and I grimace. “Why?”

  “Because I’m moving.”

  I feel the blood drain from my face.

  “Where?”

  He laughs at my reaction.

  “Remember how I was gone one day a week?”

  “Yeah… you were teaching.”

  “Well, they offered me a full-time teaching position in Portland. It’s a lot less money—I don’t think I can afford to keep you on,” he says playfully. “Luckily, the university has a full-time childcare program, and luckily, Bria loves the idea of daycare. And starting in September, she’ll be in preschool with the same children from the childcare. It’s a seamless transition for her. I think it’s for the best.”

  “Oh,” I say, and I feel my heart starting to break. He’s moving?

  “I inquired with the English department, and they’re in need of an assistant professor for a few of their British Literature classes. I put in a good word for you,” he finishes, winking at me.

  What?

  “What are you saying, Nick?”

  “I’m asking you to move in with me. Move to Portland with me. I will have more free time to spend with you and Bria. Though I’m taking a major pay cut, so if you’re expecting a house like the one I own now, I guess you’d better—”

  “Yes!” I shout. “I’d love to move in with you.”

  He smiles, bending over gently to kiss me. Even though I’m totally drugged up, I feel the familiar heated sensation run from my stomach area and into the rest of my limbs. If I weren’t in so much pain, I’d run my hands through his hair and wrap my legs around his waist. But I settle on a chaste kiss instead, because pretty soon, word has spread that I’m awake, and I spend the next couple of hours being showered with love.

  It’s the best feeling ever.

  Forty-four.

  Evianna

  -January 2015-

  “Are you sure that’s everything?” My mom packs up her car with the last of my boxes. “Did you double-check?”

  I sigh and lean against my crutches as my dad and Elijah come outside to say good-bye.

  “It’s everything. And if not, I’m only a three-hour drive away.” I smile and go to hug my dad and brother, which proves to be quite difficult while balancing on one foot.

  “Remember, South Korea is still an option,” my dad mumbles into my ear, and I roll my eyes.

  “Dad, I’ll be fine. I’m teaching one day a week this semester to test the waters. I think I might go for my PhD in English. I like the sound of Professor Halle.”

  “By then, it’ll be Professor Wilder,” Elijah says, and he smiles. “Just promise to make me the best man at the wedding.”

  I punch Elijah’s shoulder lightly, and we laugh.

  “Bye, my nugget,” I say, rubbing my hand in his hair. “Come visit me.”

  “Evi, stop!”

  Some things never change.

  As my mom and I pull out of my driveway, I can’t help but smile. Here it goes! Nick already found a house near the university, and I’ve seen pictures. I’ve been pretty immobile, and just got the okay to move, though the doctor made me promise I would take it easy for a couple weeks after.

  I don’t start teaching until the end of the month, and to say I’m nervous is an understatement. I’ve been preparing the syllabus all week, and I hope I’m a good professor. Assistant professor—I’ll be teaching a British Literature 101 class, but I’m actually pretty excited to be able to teach a class full of impressionable freshmen.

  “Excited?” my mom asks, and I nod quickly.

  “Nervous,” I answer. “Mostly about teaching.”

  “And about moving in with Nick?”

  I stare out the window as we cross the bridge. My mom is driving me to Nick’s house, where we’ll all box up the last of my belongings in the guesthouse—rather, I’ll stand and watch as Nick and Marcus help box all of my belongings—and then we’re off to Portland in a moving truck.

  “No. Strangely, I’m not nervous to move in with him.”

  “You haven’t really had any alone time with him…”

  “What are you getting at, Mom?”

  “I’m just saying, it’s okay to be nervous about the first time.”

  I can’t keep myself from laughing.

  “The first time?”

  “Sex, Evianna. The first time having sex.”

  “Okay, Mom. First of all, I don’t ever want to talk about sex with you again. But I will say, I lived with Dan for seven years. Lived. I know how it works.”

  “Oh, I know that, silly girl. I just meant the first time with a new person.”

  “Please change the subject.”

  “How does Bria feel about it all?”

  “Fine,” I answer honestly. “We sat her down last week and told her everything. Needless to say, she’s excited that I’ll be a more permanent part of the family.”

  I brush my hair away from my face, and I wince when I lift my arm. My broken rib still hurts, but at least I can move my arms. For a few days there, I could barely lift my water cup. As we pull into the driveway of Nick’s house, I hear my mom suck in a mouthful of air.

  “Wow,” she says, glancing at the house and parking. “Is the house in Portland this big?”

  “No. It’s a simpler, smaller house. I’m glad. It’ll be nice to have a fresh start.”

  “Right,” she says, eyeing me. “It’s too bad, this house is just—”

  “Mom!”

  Before she says anything else, I exit the car as quickly as possible, which is not really quickly at all. Nick opens the front door, and I notice the large moving truck in my old spot.

  “Hey, gorgeous,” he says, pulling me gently into him. I smile as we kiss. “Ready to be roommates?”

  “So ready.”

  I know I’m talking about more than being roommates.

  Ever since the accident, Nick and I haven’t had sex. I was in too much pain for so long, and it was just last week that I felt well enough to walk around. Even though I begged him a few times, he held back, saying that I needed rest.

  I’d rested, and rested, and rested… I was ready.

  He smiles at me knowingly, and I see his eyes darken slightly. The effect it has on my legs is not a good one, considering I currently need the support of crutches, so I just look down and concentrate on not falling over.

  I say good-bye to Violet and Marcus, who’d helped with the moving truck. Cecelia and Frank stop by as well, and I make sure to hug Frank extra tightly. For some reason, I feel a kinship towards him. And I know the cancer is spreading. He’s refused treatment, so I know it’s not long now. I make a promise
to try and visit him and Cecelia often.

  Once everyone is gone, it’s just Nick, Bria, and me.

  “Leth go, leth go!” Bria says, bouncing up and down. We doing a walk-through of the house, making sure we don’t forget anything. I know it’s hard for Nick. He and Isabel bought this house together, and leaving it means leaving a lot of the memories of her behind. I reach out and find his hand as we walk towards the front door.

  “Any last words?” I say as we stand under the threshold of the front door. Nick looks inquisitive, so I just walk away slowly and leave him to his thoughts. He needs a few minutes alone.

  I’ve stopped comparing myself to Isabel. In fact, I welcome any and all thoughts and memories about her. I don’t want Nick or Bria to ever forget the memories they share with her and Matthias, so we make it a point to talk openly about memories and thoughts of them. I know I’ll never fill the same spot in Nick’s heart that she did, and I’m fine with that. I like the idea of carving my own little hole in there to burrow in.

  As I glance at Nick from the passenger side of the moving truck, I know he’s saying some parting words to the house he bought with her. I know it’s sad for him. I hope it is, in a way, because I think that’s why I love him so much—because he has the capacity to love so hard. Nicholas Wilder loves things very intensely. I admire him for that.

  “Wath Daddy doing?”

  “He just needs a minute. He has to say good-bye.”

  “To the house?”

  “Yeah. Among other things.”

  I pull her into my arms, and she rests her head against my shoulder. The motion causes me to ache, but I don’t want to pull away just yet, so I deal with it.

  “Are you going to be my new mommy, Evi?”

  My hands grip her shirt, and I pull her closer.

  “You only have one mommy, Bria. I don’t intend to ever replace her, but if it’s okay with you, I’d like to try being more of a mother figure than a nanny figure. Maybe one day, I will become your stepmother. Do you understand?”

  I feel her nod and look up at me.