Deception, Dominance, Desire (Siren Publishing LoveEdge)

by Kalissa Alexander

  “When you’re done cleaning up your mess, go to your room. Stay there until I tell you otherwise. Take a shower but don’t get dressed.”

  He turned on his heel without another word. How did she do it? Make him want her when normally he could have turned off those emotions. His whole body screamed to help her, but that wouldn’t solve anything and she would take it as a sign of weakness. He wasn’t about to lose control of himself or her again.

  * * * *

  Would her humiliation know no end? Joshua walking in on her while she cleaned up after herself had been mortifying although he didn’t seem to care. His voice had remained cold and aloof as he gave her orders and left. She was sure she disgusted him and not simply because she had been sick. However, she was thankful he hadn’t tried to humiliate her further and left her alone to finish her task.

  Once the floor had been scrubbed to her satisfaction, regardless of how she wanted to just curl up in a ball on her bed, she did as he told her and took a shower. Normally a warm shower gave her renewed energy, but it was all she could do to drag herself into bed. She had covered her naked body with a blanket and closed her eyes trying to blot out the memory of Joshua’s contempt for her. She wanted to sleep so she could forget everything that happened even if only for a short time. The more she fought thinking about it, the more distraught she became. Kevin had opened up to her and shown her a side of him that had endeared him to her. She had only wanted him as her friend and that was all, but how could she have thought that was possible? Someone like her couldn’t have a friend and certainly not a male one. If only Joshua trusted her, but then again, why should he? She was obviously nothing to him and for to think otherwise had been more than foolish.

  She had become everything she had told herself she never would—she had become a submissive. Why did she even care what he thought of her or Kevin for that matter? She felt badly about Kevin, but it was Joshua’s vicious attack that had thrown her into a tailspin of emotion that had made her physically ill. How could she have let this happen?

  Joshua’s face swam in front of her eyes. He wasn’t cruel, she knew that. And yet he had done the one thing that hurt more than any beating ever could have. But how did he know that? In the movies she had been forced to watch by Mistress Adams, a dominant in his situation would have punished her in a variety of painful ways that would have included physical pain that would have bruised her body without mercy. In most of the scenes that were depicted where trust was an issue, the submissive was forced to service whoever her master chose to prove she would do anything for him. Joshua’s anger was different. It had nothing to do with power or ownership. If it had, he would have wanted Kevin to use her.

  She had become not only a submissive but a slave to man who had somehow taken more from her than her virginity. And God help her, she had given that to him willingly and more. The shame of knowing she wanted him, craved his touch, made her second-guess who she really was.

  Was she her mother’s daughter in more ways than one? Had her mother sought the life of a submissive because she liked it? She had reconciled the idea of both her mother and her aunt working for Mistress Adams by thinking they were forced by circumstances beyond their control into that world, and that they stole from Mistress Adams to escape. However, that was only her version of the truth that her aunt had neither confirmed nor denied.

  Thankfully she began to slide into the welcomed darkness as she drifted into happier times when her biggest worry was studying for her next exam. She wasn’t sure how long she had slept when she heard her bedroom door slam.

  She opened her eyes and stared at Joshua, who was standing at the end of her bed with his mouth set in a grim line. She held her breath and waited. Maybe she had been wrong and he wasn’t so different from the masters who took pleasure making their submissives scream in pain. Was he going to punish her that way now? She couldn’t stop her body from trembling.

  “I’m going out. Don’t hold dinner for me. Eat whenever you want.”

  “When will you be back?” she asked without thinking, biting her tongue immediately.

  “Don’t get any ideas about running away again unless you want me to call Mistress Adams.” His eyes drifted to her suitcase that he must have brought in while she was sleeping.

  “I’m not going anywhere.”

  He slammed the door, leaving her staring at the empty space he had just occupied. If he couldn’t bear the sight of her, why was he keeping her? She was grateful not to be sent back to Mistress Adams. His threat of calling the woman wasn’t needed to keep her from running. God help her, all she wanted was for him to forgive her even though she hadn’t done anything wrong. She was confused by her feelings for him. She wanted to talk to him, to make him see she wasn’t who he thought she was, but she was living in a dream world if she thought that were possible. She was trapped inside herself and her only choice was to fall deeper into the deception that might keep her family safe, but would destroy whatever pieces of her heart that had not already been broken.

  According to the clock on her nightstand it was only three o’clock in the afternoon. Her stomach rumbled, reminding her that whatever she had eaten earlier had been deposited on the kitchen floor. Possibly that was the reason he hadn’t punished her…taking pity on her instead. Whatever his reason, she was glad he hadn’t sent her away. That must mean he really did still want her regardless of the fact that she had sent him into a violent temper. Forcing herself from the bed, she let the grumbling of the stomach lead her into the kitchen. She would deal with whatever Joshua had planned when the time came, but she would at least do it on a full stomach.

  She made herself some toast, a hardboiled egg, and tea. For the rest of the day she watched television. She couldn’t remember much of what she watched because she couldn’t stop thinking about Joshua. Where had he gone? Was he with another woman? Thoughts of him in the arms of someone else brought forth unfamiliar feelings that were not only painful but also angered her. She had no right to such feelings.

  As the afternoon sky turned into evening and minutes turned into hours without Joshua’s return, she knew he wasn’t coming home. She was sure he was with someone else and when he did come back she would just do what she was told and act like his whore, never allowing her true feelings to surface. That’s what he would want now.

  When her phone rang her heart leapt in her chest. It was Kevin. She let it ring a few times before she decided to answer it. Maybe he was with Joshua.

  “Rose. Joshua’s with me.”

  “I see.” She couldn’t keep herself from wondering if they were enjoying a woman or women together. Nothing like sharing between friends to cement a damaged bond.

  “Yeah, passed out drunk but okay.”

  She didn’t know what to say so she remained silent. She was thankful that Kevin had at least called her and that from the sound of it they weren’t with anyone else.

  “He needed to let off some steam. I’m glad he called me from the bar. He was in no shape to drive and he said he needed a place to crash.”

  “He can’t stand the sight of me,” she whispered into the phone.

  “Joshua’s complex, more than even I realized. I can’t tell you how he feels. But if I know him at all, I know he doesn’t hate you.”

  “Kevin,” she said, hanging on to his words, wishing she could tell him the truth, but knowing she had no choice but to play the role she had been cast into. “Joshua didn’t lie to you about me. His father gave me to him as a gift.”

  “I know. But there has to be more it than that. There has to be.”

  “I am what I am, Kevin. You have to accept that.”

  “No, I don’t. I want to be your friend. I think you need one.”

  “You don’t know what you’re saying. We can’t be friends.”

  “I know that’s all we can ever be, Rose. I know you care for him. I saw it in your eyes when he caught us at the elevator. And if the way he’s acting is any indication…well, let’s say
I’ve never seen him get drunk over a woman before.”

  She couldn’t allow him to make her feel hope for something that could never be. Taking a breath, she hardened her voice. “Joshua only cares that in his mind I disobeyed him. And…” she continued, taking a breath. “We can never be friends because I don’t want your friendship. I’m a professional. Don’t try to make me into something I’m not.”

  “I don’t know what’s really going on, but I know one thing, you’re not a whore. I would know it if you were, and Joshua knows it, too, even if he’s acting like a total asshole.”

  “I’m here because I’m a trained submissive and I’m getting paid. This is what I do. I chose this life.” She almost gagged on the lies that dropped so easily from her lips.

  “Play it your way, Rose. I know there’s no way you don’t have feelings for Joshua that go a lot deeper than acting the part of his submissive or whatever you want me to think you are. I can’t explain why, but I know it as sure as I know my own name.”

  “Stop it!” She all but screamed into the phone. “I’m hanging up now.”

  “Before you do, I want you to know that I’m going to get to the bottom of this.”

  “Kevin.” She had an overwhelming desire to confide in him, but she couldn’t. Instead she ended the call. “Thank you for calling. Good night.”

  Kevin’s words haunted her. She didn’t need or want him trying to get to the bottom of anything that would put her family at risk. She tried to convince herself that they were just words and he wouldn’t act on them. He didn’t want to believe that he had fallen for a woman like her, someone who let a man use her for money. He would have felt duped and for all his sensitivity, he was still a man with an ego.

  Finally, after midnight, she turned out the lights and went to bed. She tossed and turned all night. One thing she knew for sure, if she were to see Kevin again, she was going to have to be a lot more convincing about her status. No one could ever know what her real relationship was with Mistress Adams. Her family’s lives depended on it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Rose jumped out of bed. Her eyes flew to her clock. It was two o’clock in the afternoon. She had slept for fourteen hours. She had never slept that long in her life. Everything came back to her with a sudden clarity that made her close her eyes painfully. Yesterday had been a nightmare and as far as she knew the nightmare hadn’t ended.

  Pulling on her robe she ventured out into the living room. Joshua looked up from the paper he was reading.

  “You’re finally awake,” he said, not unpleasantly, his eyes lifting from his paper to travel up and down her body. It was a look of ownership and nothing more. She almost cringed but stopped herself.

  “And you came home,” she said, standing behind the sofa, not knowing if she should even sit down.

  “I told you I would be back.”

  His eyes were a bit puffy, but other than that, he didn’t look like a man who had spent the night before getting drunk. If anything, he looked too good to be true. He was so handsome, so beautiful. She wanted to run to him and throw herself in his arms and beg him to never let her go. However, she could do nothing but wait for his next command.

  “Kevin called me to tell me you were staying at his place.”

  She realized her error immediately as Joshua’s eyes narrowed. “Good old Kevin. Any excuse was a good excuse to call you. Did he ask you how much you charge?”

  She felt her face redden. “It wasn’t like that. He just wanted me to know that you were okay. I will never be with Kevin.”

  “Well, if he has the cash, and Mistress Adams doesn’t already have you booked with another client, I’m sure you will.”

  “Please, stop,” she begged, hating the sound of her pleading, but hating what he thought of her even more.

  “I wouldn’t say you’re in a position to make demands, would you, Rose?” The ice beneath his words made her shiver.

  “Have you changed your mind?” Her voice was no more than a whisper. She had to know.

  “About what?”

  He was going to make her say it. He knew exactly what she was asking. “You know. About sending me back to Mistress Adams.”

  “I should, but like I said earlier, I’m not done with you yet. When I am, you’ll know it.”

  If only Mistress Adams hadn’t called and forced her to say those horrible things that Joshua had overhead. She couldn’t even tell him they were lies without exposing herself to the truth. But her body hadn’t lied. He had to have felt how much she needed and wanted him inside her. But he was convinced that she had been paid well to act the part of his submissive whore. And Kevin’s unwanted advances had only reinforced what he thought he knew.

  She nodded her head. There was nothing to say. Turning, she started to go back to her room.

  “Did I say you could leave?”

  “No. I just thought…”

  “Don’t think, Rose. I’ll do that for the both of us. Now come over and kneel before me. My cock’s hard and I want you to suck it. It’s time you started earning your keep.”

  Pain sliced through her like a razor from his callous words, but she moved through the pain and dropped to her knees before him.

  “Get rid of the robe. I want to see your naked tits, ass, and pussy. It pleases me.”

  Shrugging the robe from her shoulders, she lowered her eyes. Deftly she began to undo his pants, releasing his cock that jumped out at her. At least she could still make him hard. That was something. She hated herself for being grateful that she could at least do this.

  Looking up at him, she said, “May I suck your cock now, Joshua?”

  “Yes. Suck. And I think from now on I’m going to insist that you call me Master. It really suits us better, don’t you think? Oh, don’t answer that, it really doesn’t matter what you think,” he said with a bitter laugh.

  She licked his cock up and down before taking the head into her mouth. She relished his taste and let herself get lost in pleasuring him. She loved it when he grew harder. She loved his cock with her mouth in ways she would never be allowed to love him.

  “God, you’re good, Rose.” He groaned, lifting his hips, pushing his cock deeper into her mouth.

  Feeling the sting of tears behind her eyes, she kept them closed as her lips caressed him, sheathing her teeth. She wanted his cum down her throat as proof that she could bring him the pleasure he craved. She craved it, too. Right now, this minute, it was all that mattered.

  “Fuck,” he yelled out as his body stiffened.

  Her eyes flew to his and watched the array of emotions that took hold of him as he spurted his cum into her waiting mouth. She took every drop and swallowed it without taking a breath. She could do this all day long. When he was satiated, she removed her mouth and licked her lips, keeping her eyes cast downward.

  “Look at me, Rose,” he said hoarsely.

  “Yes, Master.” She looked up at him with trepidation.

  “Remove my pants.”

  He lifted upward so she could pull them down along with his underwear. He kicked off his shoes so she could remove his socks.

  “Sit on my lap, facing me.”

  This was what she wanted, what she craved. She needed to be near him, to touch him. Lifting herself, she sat facing him with her pussy against his semi-hard cock, both legs on either side of him. She watched his eyes glaze over with desire as he pulled on her nipples that were hard and elongated. A moan escaped between her parted lips. She couldn’t stop the wanton desire that flooded through every part of her being. She wanted him so badly.

  “Play with yourself. I want to watch you pleasure your cunt, but don’t even think about coming.”

  “Whatever you wish, Master.”

  “That’s a good girl. Master wants to watch his whore pleasure herself.”

  She winced. She bit her lip and tried to hide the hurt she felt. It wasn’t that difficult to push away his words when her body was reacting to being so close to his. She let her
fingers trail over her stomach and downward until she parted her labia and began to stroke her clit. She was so wet and needy. He must know she couldn’t fake that. The sensations of touching herself while he watched were overwhelming her senses. She moaned again, her eyes searching his for what she wasn’t sure.

  “Suck your fingers,” he said roughly, his eyes clouded with desire. “Taste your pussy.”

  She sucked her need from each of her fingers slowly and deliberately. She kept her eyes on his that were consuming her with need. He may not like her, but he did want her, and if that was all he could give her, then that would have to be enough. Wiggling on his lap, she positioned herself so that she could rub her pussy up and down his cock that was growing beneath her. It felt so good to feel his hardness. She needed him inside her. She wanted him to fuck her. All she wanted was him.

  With a groan, he grabbed her to him, holding her ass with his hands that he kneaded as with one final groan, he brought his lips down on hers. She opened her lips and gave herself up to the kiss that enflamed the desire that exploded inside her. Pressing herself into him, she let all the hurt, the passion, and her overwhelming need to be his flood through her mouth and into his. She could never tell him how she felt, but this, this she could do.

  She felt him lift her body and with little guidance her pussy found the head of his cock. She pressed downward as he filled her. Her lips were still being consumed by Joshua’s as he began to move her hips. Nothing mattered but what he was doing to her, the way he made her feel. When he removed his lips from hers, they both gasped from the pure power of their mating. There was nothing but the two of them coming together at this moment.

  The orgasm pushed her into another realm of existence, manipulating every sense, forcing her to cry out his name over and over. He filled her to overflowing as their bodies shook, holding onto each other for support. She never wanted to leave him. She wanted to stay like this forever. The thought jolted her back from the brink as she acknowledged what only her body allowed her to feel. She wanted to be with him. She wanted him to love her the way she loved him. And for a fleeting moment she saw what her future could have been if she hadn’t been forced into Mistress Adams’s employment.