Jago

by Catherine Lievens

  “He’s right. Some people never find their mates.”

  “But I don’t know what to do with you.”

  Jago arched a brow. “What do you think you should do?”

  “I observed Elias and Blake, and Craig and Thomas. I know I should kiss you, and make love to you, and buy you gifts. I should talk to you, and be there for you, and make you happy. I don’t think I can do all those things.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I never made anyone happy. I killed people. I hurt them. I didn’t make them happy.”

  Jago leaned forward and kissed Corbin hard. “I want you to listen to me, okay?” Jago waited until Corbin gave him a curt nod to continue. “The most important thing is not for you to make me happy, but for you to be happy. Even if it means not being with me.”

  “But—”

  “And you already make me happy.”

  Corbin snapped his mouth shut. “How? I didn’t do anything.”

  “But you did. You hugged me after Samkelo died.”

  “But I was the one who killed him.”

  Jago sighed. “It’s true, and while I’m sad about it, I know it wasn’t something you could avoid. He kidnapped me, and he’d have tried to hurt Kameron, even if it wasn’t what he wanted. He killed people, and he wouldn’t have stopped. Even though he seemed to have a human mind, I think there was a lot of animal in him too, and that sometimes he wasn’t able to override it with logic or human feelings.”

  “That sounds like you’re talking about me.”

  “I’m not.”

  “But I killed people, too. I kidnapped people, and I hurt them. I don’t have human feelings.”

  Jago wasn’t sure how to make Corbin understand. “I know you did, but things are different now. You haven’t killed anyone since you got here.”

  “I killed the creature.”

  Jago huffed. “Yes, but you did it to protect me. Right?” Corbin nodded. “Would you have done that a year ago?”

  Corbin frowned. “Done what?”

  “Killed to protect. Not because it was an order, but to protect someone.”

  “I... no. I don’t think so.”

  “And you haven’t even tried to actually get used to this life yet. You have no master but yourself now. Imagine what you could do.” Jago paused. “And do it.”

  * * * *

  Corbin understood what Jago was saying. He just wasn’t sure what he wanted to do. Well, other than kiss Jago again. And he apparently was allowed to do that.

  Corbin leaned forward and kissed Jago. He felt Jago grin against his lips, then Jago’s tongue touched his. He still couldn’t believe how good kissing felt. He’d seen people kissing, of course, even if only briefly. It hadn’t looked like much, so he’d never given it much thought, but now he realized just how much he’d been missing.

  What else could he do with Jago? Would Jago want to have sex with him?

  Corbin froze at the thought. That was something he’d never let himself think about, not realistically anyway. Corbin knew how it worked, and he knew people seemed to love it, but it looked dirty and tiring rather than pleasurable. Of course, he’d thought the same of kissing, so maybe having sex would be just as good.

  “Umm, it would help my self-esteem if you’d actually seem interested in kissing me,” Jago whispered against Corbin’s lips.

  “I am interested.”

  Jago moved away. “Then why did you suddenly stop?”

  “Because I was thinking about sex. Do you want to have sex with me?”

  Jago made a chocked noise. “Gosh, you really have no social filter.”

  Corbin shrugged. “I never needed one.”

  Jago stroked Corbin’s chest with his hand. “Sorry.”

  “Nothing to be sorry about.”

  “Okay, but I think you need to remember a few guidelines. No one told you that?”

  “Elias is trying, but I don’t get why I should learn.”

  “Don’t you want to be able to talk with people without making them feel awkward?”

  Corbin didn’t even have to think about it. “No.”

  Jago burst out laughing. “You might be onto something there. Still, you might need to watch what you say some day.”

  “When?”

  “I don’t know. How about if you meet my mother?”

  “You told Zach you didn’t want to see her.”

  “But what if I do?”

  “Do you?”

  Jago huffed. “You know, I don’t know whether to kiss you or punch you.”

  “I suggest the kiss. I’m stronger than you are, and I’m trained. A punch wouldn’t end well.”

  Jago cocked his head. “Are you saying you’d have to hurt me if I did?”

  “It would be my first instinct. But I think I’d be able to stop after the first punch.”

  “Jeesh, aren’t you all warm and fuzzy?”

  “I’m not fuzzy. I shaved this morning.”

  Jago looked down. “But what if I decided to go?”

  “Go where?”

  “Home? Not to live there, just... to see my mom, and my siblings. Would you come with me?”

  “Do you want me to?”

  “Yeah.” He looked up again and their gazes locked together. “I don’t think I could do it on my own.”

  “I’ll come. But why don’t you ask someone else? Someone you like?”

  “I like you.”

  “But we’re not friends.”

  “No, you’re right. We’re not friends. We’re mates.”

  “I still don’t get it.”

  “I know. You will, in time.”

  There was a question on Corbin’s mind, and he knew he might as well ask now that they were talking about it. “Do you want to mate with me?”

  Jago arched a brow. “Where did that come from?”

  “All the fated couples in the pack are mated.”

  “And you were wondering if I wanted it too.”

  “Yes.”

  Jago nibbled at his lower lip. “Yeah, I want to.”

  Corbin had expected that answer, and normally he’d just accept it, but Jago had told him he could be and do what he wanted—and he wanted to know why. “Why?”

  Jago seemed surprised by Corbin’s question, but he answered. “Because I know we’ll be good together. Because I like you, and I want to coax out your real self. I can’t wait to get to know him. Because I know that you’ll always be there for me, at least once you make the decision to be with me. I know I’ll never have to worry about my safety, and even thought I can’t be sure of it, I’m think under the cool shell, you’re a caring man, and that you’ll take care of me.”

  “How can you know that?”

  “Look at us right now.”

  Corbin did. He was still sitting on the top porch step, Jago on his thighs, straddling him. Jago’s hands were on Corbin’s chest, and Corbin’s were around Jago’s hips, holding him close. “I am.”

  “See how you’re making sure I don’t fall backward? How you came down from your tree to comfort me even though it would’ve been easier for you to leave me alone?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why did you do it?”

  “Because I don’t like it when you’re not happy.”

  “And?”

  “And I’ll do what I can to make the smile come back on your face.”

  Jago beamed. “See? Caring. Why don’t you like it when I’m not happy?”

  “Because you should always be happy.” Corbin couldn’t explain it. It was something he felt, and he didn’t know how to put it into words. He wasn’t used to this kind of conversation, and Jago was the only one who really tried to make Corbin think about why he wanted things, and Corbin wasn’t sure he liked it.

  “Let’s try it this way—do you feel the same way about me and for Kameron?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “B
ecause he’s my master, and you’re my...” What was Jago? He wasn’t Corbin’s friend—Corbin knew how that felt. Elias was his friend, and it felt different. Less intense. “This is hard.”

  Jago sighed and kissed Corbin’s cheek. “I know. Sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “I shouldn’t have pushed so much. I know it’s confusing for you.”

  “It is.”

  “Do you... are you comfortable with us being like this?”

  “Sitting together? Or kissing?”

  “Both.”

  “I like it.”

  Jago smiled. “Yeah? Does that mean you want more kisses?”

  “Yes. And sex. I think.”

  “You think?”

  “I’ve never had sex, so I don’t know. Is it good?”

  “Uh, yeah, it is. With the right person. So you’re a virgin?”

  “Is it going to be a problem?”

  “Nope. No problem.”

  Corbin nodded and started to kiss Jago again, but Jago pushed him away. “I thought you wanted to have sex,” Corbin said.

  “I didn’t mean here and now.”

  “Oh.”

  “You did?” Jago chuckled. “See, you need to learn about appropriate and inappropriate. Sex should be done in private.”

  “There’s no one but us here.”

  “But what if someone comes? This isn’t our house. Kameron and Zach live here, too, and pack members are always around.”

  “So we should go to your room.”

  “We should. But I’m not sure having sex with you is a good idea right now.”

  “Why not? Do you want us to be mated before we do?”

  “Not necessarily. I’m just not sure I can do it, not without knowing how you really feel about it. I kind of feel like I’m an experiment for you, and like I’m half forcing you to do it.”

  “No one can force me to do anything.”

  “With brute force, probably not. But I know you view Kameron as your master, and I’m not sure it’s not how you view me too, in a way.”

  Corbin thought about. It was true that he viewed Jago like someone who had authority over him, but it didn’t mean he was forcing Corbin. Corbin wanted to have sex, even if he was scared of it. Not that he’d admit it to anyone, but he knew it was a very intimate thing, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to be so close to another human being. Even more, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to show Jago what he felt, let alone tell him. What he did know was that he liked Jago, more than he liked anyone else. He’d liked kissing Jago, and he wanted more. He didn’t think waiting would change that.

  “So you’re saying you don’t want to because you don’t know how I feel?”

  “Yeah. It’d be different if I could be sure you’re into it. Not that I’m saying you don’t know what you want, but... I want to feel wanted, not just like an experiment you want to try.”

  “Mates feel each other’s feelings.”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  “I want to mate with you, then.”

  * * * *

  Jago gaped. Corbin had to be joking, right? Because there was no way someone would take mating so lightly.

  But he didn’t look like he was joking. He looked very serious, and he was still watching Jago and waiting for an answer.

  “You’re serious?”

  “Yes.”

  “But... do you really know what it means? What it implies?”

  “You drink my blood, I drink yours, and we bond.”

  “For life. That means forever, until one of us dies, and hopefully that won’t happen any time soon.”

  “I know.”

  Jago cocked his head. “And you really want to spend the rest of your life with me? Even though you don’t feel anything for me?”

  Corbin frowned. “I never said I didn’t feel anything for you.”

  A spark of hope flared in Jago’s chest. “You didn’t say you did feel something for me, though.”

  “I... I didn’t think I had to. Sorry.”

  Jago pressed his lips together. Of course Corbin hadn’t known. He had no clue how to deal with feelings, and Jago should try to remember that. It was so easy to forget, especially after all the kissing they’d just done. “Some people don’t like talking about feelings, so you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but it helps, especially considering you and your life until now.”

  Corbin nodded. “All right. I like you. I like Elias too, and I know the way I like you is different from the way I like him. I don’t know how to explain it with words, though.”

  The spark of hope grew. “You don’t have to. Feelings are the hardest thing to explain and describe.”

  “You make me feel weird, like something is moving in my stomach. And I like to see you smile, and when you’re away, I want to see you and be with you. I want to hear you laugh, and to kiss you some more. And I...” Corbin’s voice faltered. “I never want to see you cry anymore. And I want to see how you look naked.”

  Gosh, the flush on Corbin’s face made Jago want to say that yes, they could mate right now. “That’s... Okay, I can’t deny you do feel something for me. But is this really what you want for the rest of your life? You’re still so young.”

  “You are, too.”

  “True. But I’ve always known about mates and what they entail.”

  Jago knew it was weird that he was trying to dissuade his mate from actually mating with him when he was sitting on said mate’s lap and after said mate had told Jago he wanted to mate with him and see him naked. But honestly, he’d rather be weird now than hurt later.

  Corbin stared at Jago. “Are you telling me you changed your mind?”

  “No. Just that I want to be sure you won’t regret it.”

  Corbin thought for a few moments, then opened his mouth. Jago braced himself, because he knew that what Corbin was about to tell him would change his life, whether in a good or bad way he didn’t know yet.

  “I know I’m not an easy man to deal with. I’m a killer, I’m anti-social and I have trouble dealing with feelings. I don’t know what a normal life is and I have no idea what to do with you. I know we’ll end up fighting more often than we should, and that it’ll be my fault most of the time. I won’t know what to do or say in most situations and I’ll probably end up making a mess and offending people, and you. And I won’t know how to apologize and make things better, if I even notice I made a mess in the first place. You’ll need a lot of patience with me, patience not a lot of people would have.”

  Corbin paused and looked away, over Jago’s shoulder. “I’ve been resisting this because I’m scared. It isn’t something I’ve been trained to face. It isn’t something I ever thought I could have. It makes me want to run away, but at the same time, it makes me want to run to you. I... I’m trusting you, more than I ever trusted anyone.”

  Jago swallowed. “I’ve never heard you talk so much all at once.”

  Corbin looked at Jago again. “I don’t think I ever did. I wasn’t allowed to talk most of the time.”

  “What about now?”

  “I don’t know what to say, usually.”

  Jago nodded slowly. “I get it. I get everything, and you’re right, it’s going to take work to make it work. Most of all, we’re going to have to talk things out, and I know it’s going to be hard for you. If you promise me you’ll try, though... then I guess I’m saying yes.”

  Jago’s heart felt like it was about to beat out of his chest. If Corbin hadn’t changed his mind in the last few seconds, if he still wanted to mate with Jago... then Jago would wake up mated the next morning.

  It felt unreal. Good—very good—but like he was dreaming, or imagining everything.

  Then Corbin nodded once, and Jago’s heart exploded. He kissed Corbin, trying to put everything he was feeling in the kiss. He knew Corbin wasn’t ready to hear it, so Jago would have to make do for now.

  He felt Corbin’s fingers di
g in his hips and pull him even closer, as if that was possible. They were already plastered against each other, so close Jago could feel Corbin’s hard six-pack pressing against his own softer stomach.

  He gasped and managed to gently push Corbin away. Corbin looked at him with a question in his eyes, and how could Jago have ever thought Corbin didn’t have just as much feelings as he did? “We should move.”

  “Move?”

  “Umm, the porch isn’t the most convenient place to do this. We need privacy.”

  Corbin rose at once. Jago yelped and tightened his arms and his legs around his mate. “Put me down!”

  “Why? I can take your weight. You’re light.”

  “I don’t need to be carried around.”

  Corbin paused before entering the house. “Do you really want me to put you down? You have to tell me, Jago. I don’t know how to read you.”

  “Right, sorry. No, you don’t have to put me down.” Jago pressed his face against the side of Corbin’s neck. “I like being close to you. As long as I’m not too heavy for you, this is fine.”

  “You’re not.”

  Corbin started walking again. He pushed the back door open and stepped in, and Zach exclaimed, “What the heck?”

  Jago moved his face away from Corbin’s skin and looked at his friend. Zach arched a brow at him and Jago grinned.

  “I’m not even going to ask what’s going on.” Zach said, turning back to whatever he was cooking.

  “Yeah, okay, but don’t be alarmed if you hear noise,” Jago answered.

  Zach looked at him again. “Noise?”

  “Yup, noise. Like the kind of noise you and Kameron made last night.”

  Zach blushed and Jago’s smile grew. Gosh, finally knowing where he and Corbin were was freeing. Jago’s mind had never been far from Corbin in the past six months, always wondering if Corbin wanted him, if they really could be happy, considering Corbin’s former life. Now Jago knew the answer to those questions, or at least to some of them, and he felt lighter.

  “So you two...” Zach said.

  “We’re going to have sex and mate,” Corbin answered him, and this time it was Jago who blushed.

  Zach gaped at them for a few seconds, then he smiled. “Right. Umm, I’ll just grab my MP3 player so I won’t hear anything I don’t want to hear, huh?”