The service finally came to an end, having run for an hour longer than it usually did. Hannah had caught herself yawning during the speaking, and had hoped no one else had noticed.
Usually, people ate in shifts after a church meeting, but as the Lapps' barn was so large, everyone was able to eat the same time, although men still ate at different tables from the women. The men turned the wooden benches into tables, and the women soon had them laden with plates, refusing Hannah's help. Hannah's mouth watered at the sight of her usual favorite, peanut butter spread sweetened with blackstrap molasses and marshmallow crème.
Soon the women brought in jugs of kaffi and water and placed them next to the plates of pickles, cheese, red beet, bread, and snitz, dried apple, pie.
After they ate, the people mingled with each other. Most of the young people were talking about the night's Singing. After a while, Hannah sat down to have a rest; her arms were aching and her leg was hurting. She saw Noah heading in her direction, and hoped he would walk straight past her. However, he did not.
"Hiya, Hannah; are you taking a rest?"
Obviously, I'm having a rest; I'm not sitting down simply because I find this hard, wooden bench so comfortable, Hannah thought unkindly. She bit her lip before answering, "Jah." Still, why did her heart flutter so much every time she saw Noah? Why did her pulse race?
I hope he leaves now, Hannah thought, feeling awkward sitting there with Noah towering above her.
Noah did not appear to be deterred by Hannah's one word answer or by her distant manner. "How are you feeling?"
Hannah was pondering how to answer that question when David Yoder appeared and stood next to Noah. "How do you think she's feeling, Noah? How would anyone feel when a car had hit their buggy and broken their leg?"
Hannah gasped. David's tone was not overtly hostile; rather, he was making an effort to pretend he was speaking in a lighthearted manner, but how could such words ever be said in jest? Never mind the fact that Hannah had been thinking those very words; no matter what, she would never say them to Noah.
Noah and David faced each other. "David Yoder." Noah said the words politely and nodded his head at David.
To Hannah's mind, David looked disappointed by Noah's reaction. It was obvious to her that David been trying to provoke Noah by his words.
A slow, red flush appeared on David's neck and traveled up his cheeks. He reached for Hannah's arm and said, "Come on Hannah; I’ll help you over to one of the gas heaters. It’s too cold over here."
Hannah shook off his hand. "Nee, David. Denki, but I'm in the middle of talking to Noah right now."
Both David and Noah looked equally surprised by her words, but David appeared furious. "All right then," he all but spat, and he hurried back to the others.
Noah turned to Hannah with a smile on his face but the smile did not last when Hannah didn't return it. Noah looked at Hannah for a moment, his forehead furrowed in a frown. "Hannah, could I fetch you a mug of kaffi to warm you up?"
"Denki, Noah. That would be good, but then I want to sit here alone to think and pray."
Noah's face fell. "All right." He dutifully went off to get Hannah a mug of kaffi, while Hannah watched for any sign of David Yoder returning. Thankfully he did not, and after Noah gave her the kaffi, he too left.
Finally, I'm alone, Hannah said, albeit wishing she was alone in a warmer spot than this. Yet did she want to be alone? She could not but help to respect Noah for the way he'd handled David's blatant rudeness. She watched Noah now, speaking to one of the young, pretty girls, and Hannah clenched her teeth until her jaw ached. What's wrong with me, she asked herself as she shifted around to try to get comfortable on the seat. How can I be jealous when Noah is the very one who did this to me?
* * *
Noah chatted to the other youth but his mind was on Hannah. He kept glancing over at Hannah, trying not to make it look obvious. He was heartened by the fact that she had refused David Yoder's offer to help her walk over to the heaters. Perhaps she's warming up to me, he thought, but then shook his head. Nee, she didn’t want to spend any time with me after that.
Noah sighed and turned to listen to the young woman who was trying to capture his attention, totally oblivious to the fact that Hannah was watching them both, and was doing her best not to be overcome with jealousy.
Psalm 9:13.
Be gracious to me, O Lord!
See my affliction from those who hate me,
O you who lift me up from the gates of death.
Chapter 10 .
The community had brought in large gas heaters for the Singing, but the heaters only served to keep the chill off the air and did nothing to provide any actual warmth unless someone was standing right next to one of them.
Hannah had always enjoyed the Singings, but tonight was different. Tonight Noah was there. Of course he was always at the Singings, but this was the first Singing she’d been to after the accident and she wished in her heart that Noah was not there.
Why couldn’t he have stayed home just this once? she thought. I just want a little piece of joy in my heart. Joy was impossible for her now that Noah was there. Every time she saw him, the conflicted feelings rose to the surface. Resentment and love cannot exist in the one heart, she remembered the bishop saying once.
Several times during the Singing, Hannah felt eyes on her and looked down the row to see David Yoder grinning at her. Each time she smiled politely and looked away.
After two hours of singing, Hannah had worked up quite a thirst, so walked over to the table which held the food and drink. She looked at the array of cookies and desserts. There were donuts, pies, and cakes. She opted for a glass of water and a cup of coffee. She drank the water in one go and poured herself coffee from the pitcher.
“Can I get anything for you, Hannah?”
Hannah swung around to see Noah’s smiling face. What a ridiculous thing to say, she thought. I'm standing right in front of the food and I could surely get anything I wanted for myself. I don't need him to get me anything. “I’m fine,” she said before she swung around, away from him.
“It was a great Singing, wasn’t it?”
Hannah stayed with her back to him for a moment, irritated that he would have the nerve even to speak to her. “Jah, it was a great Singing.” She spoke with as little animation as she possibly could.
She walked away with her coffee and found a chair away from the group and sat down. Tonight she just wanted to be left alone. The only reason she had come at all was because her mudder had forced her. Her mudder was always talking about her youth and what a gut time she’d had at all the Singings. She expected Hannah to feel the same way. Well, true, Hannah usually did enjoy the Singings, but she couldn’t tonight - not with Noah there.
Noah shrugged and left and Hannah breathed a sigh of relief. Her relief was short lived, however, for David approached her. "Did you enjoy the Singing, Hannah?"
"Jah, it was gut." She made to turn away from David, but he moved closer to her, and handed her something.
"Here, try this."
Hannah took the little sugar cake automatically. "Denki, David." Hannah did turn away then, but not before she looked up, straight into Noah's eyes. He had clearly been watching the whole exchange. Oh no, Noah will think there is something between me and David, especially given the fact that David stood so close to me, Hannah thought with alarm. Then she thought about it some more. But what do I care what Noah Hostetler thinks, anyway?
Hannah studied Noah as he walked over to a group of young people and laughed with them. It’s as if nothing has happened, she thought. His life goes on as normal, while he has sent our lives into turmoil.
Nevertheless, Hannah could not take her eyes off Noah as he made his way around the barn. Her pulse raced faster every time he spoke to another girl. Surely I can't be jealous, she thought, as another pang of longing hit her when she took in his tall, muscular frame and his wide shoulders, his thoughtful, kind face. I can’t be still in l
ove with Noah Hostetler.
Hannah put down the plate with the little sugar cake and walked over to the edge of the room to have some privacy. No one else was there due to the fact that it was far from the gas heaters, and bitterly cold.
Hannah looked down at her hands, which felt as if they were positively freezing. The hand holding her cup of coffee was warming up, but the other one resting on her crutches looked as if it had turned blue.
“Are you cold?”
Hannah looked up to see that Noah had followed her. “Nee,” she snapped. She was shocked at her own rudeness, so added, “Well, kind of.”
Noah dragged over up a bale of hay and sat in front of her.
Why won’t he leave me alone, she thought. He can surely see that I don’t want to speak to him at all.
“I’m sitting by myself tonight, because I don’t feel like company," Hannah said with as much politeness as she could muster. "I don’t want to be rude. I’m just saying how it is.” She lowered her eyes, hoping he would take her not so subtle hint, and then she took a little sip of her coffee.
Noah nodded. “I sometimes feel like that too. Do you want to know what I do about it?”
Hannah wanted to say, Nee, I don’t care; now go away, but her mudder had brought her up better than that. She took a deep breath. “What do you do about it?”
“I put a smile on my face and all of a sudden the world is brighter.”
Hannah could only look at him with irritation. She was sure she had absolutely no expression on her face while she was trying to figure out a way to get him to leave her be.
“Try it now.”
Noah was far too cheerful for Hannah. “Try what?”
He clapped both hands onto his knees. “Smile; try a big smile right now.”
“Nee, I will not smile. I don’t see what there is to smile about. Martha is only just home from the hospital and is in a lot of pain.” She leaned forward and through gritted teeth said, “We’ve all been through a lot of pain because of…”
“Because of me?” His eyebrows lifted a fraction. “Hannah, I’ve already said that I’m sorry.” He looked intently at Hannah, clearly waiting for a response. When none came, he added, “You know that Gott wants us to forgive anyone who asks us.”
Hannah could not stop her eyes from rolling. He sounded just like her daed.
“I’m truly sorry, Hannah," Noah said. "It was an accident.”
Hannah nodded. "Jah, I know it was an accident.” But you should have been more careful, she was longing to say.
He rose to his feet. “I guess I’ll leave you alone then.” He waited for a moment before he said, “Try that smiling thing once in a while.” Noah walked away without saying another word.
Hannah watched him walk away. She watched him until he joined in with another conversation across the other side of the barn.
Look at him, she thought, laughing and smiling as if nothing has happened. His life goes on as normal whereas ours has changed and my parents are forced to take money offerings for the medical bills. Hannah had to look away from him as bitterness was looming in her heart once again.
Once she had such tender feelings in her heart for Noah, but how could she feel anything for the mann who could do something so stupid and then think just saying ‘sorry’ would fix everything?
Well sometimes 'sorry' just may not be enough, she thought.
* * *
Noah was annoyed with himself. I can’t believe the silly things I said to Hannah, he scolded himself. Imagine me telling her that Gott wants her to forgive me - whatever was I thinking? Nerves just made my mouth run away with me, but that's no excuse for saying such stupid things. He shook his head. Hannah will be even more cross with me now. I wish I’d never come to the Singing.
Noah ran his hands through his hair. Besides, that David Yoder is clearly keen on Hannah. Hannah doesn't seem interested in him, but what would I know? Noah sent up a silent prayer that Gott would deliver him out of all of his troubles. He for sure could not rely on his own strength to get through them.
John 20:23.
23 If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you withhold forgiveness from any, it is withheld.
Chapter 11 .
Beth Yoder was waiting for Hannah at the door to the little, white, one-room schoolhouse, her hands firmly planted on her ample hips.
"Guten mayrie, Mrs. Yoder."
"Why on earth did you come in that taxi, girl?" That was Mrs. Yoder's only greeting. "It's not far to walk, even with your crutches; the snow is only light. Surely your daed would've let you take the buggy?"
Hannah let out a long breath. This is going to be a difficult morning, she thought. Aloud she said, "I've been afraid of buggies since the accident, Mrs. Yoder." And it is too far to walk on my crutches, she added silently.
Beth snorted in disbelief. "What? You find buggies schecklich?"
Hannah nodded. "Jah, I do; I do find them scary."
Beth snorted again. "I had heard that, but could not believe it. Ask Gott to take away your fear. You should give fear no place." Her voice held a clear reprimand.
Easy for you to say, Hannah thought, but just stood there, silent, rubbing her cold hands together. The light snow was rapidly turning to sleet.
Beth was still standing in the doorway. "You have not been in a buggy since the accident?"
"Nee." Hannah hoped that Beth would soon let her inside the schoolhouse where it was surely warmer than outside, and the little pieces of sleet would not sting her face.
Beth finally moved to let Hannah pass. She shook the snowflakes from her damp hair and hurried inside.
Beth made a sound that sounded like a grunt. "My son, David, could help you overcome your fear. Why don’t you come to dinner tonight and he can call for you? He's very good with young horses that are scared of buggies."
Hannah bit her lip. How on earth could she explain an irrational fear to someone? She fought the urge to say, I'm not a horse. "Nee, Mrs. Yoder, I cannot even get in a buggy. I can’t go near one."
To Hannah's relief, Mrs. Yoder merely turned away in obvious disgust. I hope that's changed her mind about thinking that I'm a suitable fraa for her son, Hannah thought with some amusement.
The day went downhill from there, although started pleasantly enough with Mrs. Yoder reading the Bible. The children then sang a hymn and recited The Lord’s Prayer. Hannah had expected she would read to everyone or help in such a way, but Mrs. Yoder sharply dismissed her to clean the blackboard. When the blackboard was spotless, after Mrs. Yoder pointed out some tiny spots Hannah had missed, Mrs. Yoder instructed her to bring in firewood.
"I can’t, Mrs. Yoder, not with these crutches."
Mrs. Yoder's face was filled with exasperation. "Why did your mudder think you would be of help to me then? You're useless!"
Hannah was shocked. She was not usually on the receiving end of such blatant rudeness. "I beg your pardon, Mrs. Yoder," she said in a firm but polite voice, "but I am not useless. It is not my fault that I am on crutches, and I am doing my best." Hannah said each word slowly in an effort to be more polite.
Mrs. Yoder's face softened. "Of course it’s not your fault; it’s that Noah Hostetler's fault. Just sit in that chair over there by the wall, and wait 'til I think of other duties for you." She rubbed her chin. "Actually, you can poke the fire to keep it going and tidy up those McGuffey Readers. You can manage that, can't you?"
Hannah nodded, embarrassed that thirty or so pairs of eyes were upon her and had heard the whole exchange. However, she saw only sympathy in their eyes. Mrs. Yoder's forbidding personality had not endeared her to the children. Their usual teacher, Mary Knepp, was a cheerful and pleasant young woman who adored children.
After what seemed like an age, recess arrived. Hannah looked for somewhere she could take a break in peace, but Beth quickly ushered her over to her seat.
"Come here, we can eat together! I wanted to talk to you about David."
The
re's a surprise, Hannah thought, but quickly realized that her thoughts were unkind. "David? What about him?"
"I will be forthright. I wanted you to come for dinner as your mudder and I would like to see the two of you betrothed. Surely you can see he's a better match for you than Noah."
Hannah could not help but notice the malice in Mrs. Yoder's voice when she said Noah's name. In fact, she almost spat the word. "Oh?" Hannah asked earnestly, "Whatever do you mean?"
"Oh, come now, girl. You can't be with a man like that. You know the sort of thing they get up to when they're with those Englisch girls."
Hannah's heart fluttered. Had Noah been with other girls? She couldn't help but worry.
"I - I don't know. Do you really think Noah is the sort of man to do that?" she stammered.
Mrs. Yoder was all too quick to reply. "Of course he is. You can't think a man that reckless as to cause your accident wouldn't jump at the chance to be with an Englisch girl, surely." Beth leaned in closer. "I don't mean to sound mean-spirited, but I think he might be of a bad sort."
Hannah knew Beth was trying to make Noah seem like a bad person, but she couldn't help but let it upset her. Is Noah a bad person? She looked down to her leg and at her crutches. Had Noah been with Englisch girls, or other girls at all? Her stomach twisted into a knot.
Hannah of course realized what was happening: Beth was trying so hard to turn her away from Noah so that she would look favorably upon David - but she was not in love with David, and never would be. Yet the saying, "Wu Schmook iss, iss aa Feier," where there's smoke, there's fire, kept running through her mind, and try as she might, she could not get it to go away.
Hannah longed to ask Mrs. Yoder to clarify. She longed to ask, "Do you actually know that Noah has been seeing a girl?" but she did not want to give her the satisfaction. Also, Mrs. Yoder had implied that Noah was running around with Englisch girls, but had not said so outright.
The Amish Millers Get Married BOXED SET Books 1-3 (Amish Romance Book Bundle: The Way Home, The Way Forward, The Narrow Way) (Boxed Set: Amish Millers Get Married) Page 5
