Heart of Ice

by Lisa Edmonds

  “If I can guess what you’re thinking about, do I win a prize?”

  I eyed him uneasily.

  “You were thinking that you want to tell me what you saw, but you can’t. Then you started wondering if you’ll ever be able to tell me your secrets and you’re not sure, so now you’re asking yourself if there’s any point to this.” He gestured between us. “Am I right?”

  “Something like that,” I admitted.

  He crossed the room and stood in front of me, pinning me with those beautiful golden-brown eyes. “Then let me be clear: I am not angry or resentful toward you because of your secrets. I am angry that there is someone out there who is a danger to you, forcing you to keep these secrets while they eat you up from the inside. At some point, I hope you will trust me enough to share those secrets with me, but I understand we are not there yet.”

  “Thank you,” I said quietly.

  “If it had been me who’d looked into that mirror, I can’t say for sure if I would want to tell you what I saw, so let’s put that aside for now and talk about what does frustrate me.” His gaze hardened. “We’ve had this conversation before, but you don’t seem to believe me when I say I am with you because I want to be here. Your secrets, whatever they are, have convinced you that you are not worthy of being cared for. Stop second-guessing how I feel about you. There’s a lot of crazy shit going on the world, but if there is one thing you can count on, Alice Worth, it’s me.” His eyes blazed.

  “It’s probably hard to tell sometimes, but I hope you know I trust you more than I’ve trusted anyone in a very long time,” I told him. “As for the rest…it’s all just the bullshit in my head.”

  His expression softened and he laced his fingers through mine. “There’s bullshit in my head too, but when I’m with you, it’s better.” Something dark lurked in his eyes.

  “Tell me,” I said. “Please.” Maybe it wasn’t fair of me to ask since I wasn’t telling him my secrets, but if he had a burden and I could help carry it, I would.

  He ran his nose along my hairline. I leaned my head against his chest and listened to the sound of his heart.

  He took a deep breath. “A couple of years ago, I got wind of trouble in a smaller pack about two hundred miles from here. The rumor was the new alpha was abusing the women and girls in the pack and the local LEOs were the sort who weren’t interested in helping any kind of shifters, even if they were minors. None of the other packs in the area wanted to get involved; we tend to stay out of each other’s business, generally speaking. I wasn’t in a hurry to get involved either until I got an e-mail from a woman named Jean, begging me for help because the alpha had raped her daughter and nearly killed her son when he tried to stop the assault.”

  I flinched.

  “The next day, I went out there with Jack and a couple other members of my pack, but it was too late. The alpha had discovered Jean’s e-mail and killed her.” His voice was flat. “I killed the alpha. Jack killed the beta. Jean’s children joined our pack. You’ve met them: Karen and Patrick.”

  I thought of Karen’s kind eyes and magic sizzled on my skin.

  Sean squeezed me tighter. “If I’d acted sooner, Jean might still be alive and Karen and Patrick might not have been hurt. I live with that, every day.”

  “A lot of packs wouldn’t have done anything or even taken in the refugees, much less gone out there and challenged the alpha,” I pointed out.

  “I know that, Alice,” he said patiently. “But that doesn’t change the guilt I feel and it’s precious little comfort when I go to Karen’s house and see pictures of Jean. I know Karen and Patrick don’t blame me for her death, but I blame myself and I always will.”

  We stood silently for a while. Sean slid his hand under my T-shirt and pulled me against his body, wrapping his arm tightly around my waist. The feeling of his skin against mine and his familiar scent comforted me.

  “The memory I saw…I don’t know if it’s real,” I said. “Magical objects aren’t always what they seem. I only have Esther Aldridge’s word that the mirror shows forgotten memories. It could just as easily have created something from bits and pieces in my head.”

  Sean stroked my hair. “Is there any way to know for sure?”

  “Maybe.”

  I had a first name: Daniel. He’d been associated with Moses’s cabal but left around the time I was born, heading—according to the memory—for California. A good researcher might be able to find him, if he existed. It wasn’t that simple, though. If the memory was real, and I did have a biological father somewhere, he had no idea I existed. Who was I to go in and potentially turn his life upside down?

  I had no idea who this Daniel might have been, but my mother seemed to think that if Moses knew he was my real father, he would have killed all three of us. If I tracked him down, would I be putting his life at risk still? Why would Moses kill Daniel for having a baby with my mother? And why would he kill me for simply existing? Who was this Daniel?

  A father. I couldn’t get the possibility out of my head. Would we resemble each other? I’d looked a lot like my mother, before the surgery that turned me into Alice Worth, but maybe I’d looked like Daniel too. My mind started conjuring images of how he might look, who he might be.

  If I did find him, what would I even say to him? Hi, you don’t know me, but about thirty years ago you had a relationship with Moses Murphy’s daughter Moira, and, well…ta-dah! I let out an almost hysterical half-laugh. The entire situation was beyond surreal.

  Sean held me tightly, kissing the top of my head. “If I can help, let me know.”

  “Thanks.” I smiled up at him. “You were pretty menacing as Audrey’s bodyguard, by the way. I’ve never seen that side of you. I gotta be honest…it was really sexy.”

  “I could tell you liked it.”

  I wound my arms around his neck. “Oh, yeah? How could you tell?”

  He ran his lips along my jaw and nipped my earlobe. “Your scent,” he murmured into my ear. “It was making me crazy. It is making me crazy.”

  I shivered. “It is?”

  “It certainly is.” He inhaled deeply and growled low in his throat. “Whatever you’re thinking about, you need to either stop or take off your clothes.”

  “What time do we need to leave for Karen’s?”

  He grinned and glanced at the clock. “Seven.”

  It was almost four. “Plenty of time for you to nap, then.”

  His grin became a frown.

  “You didn’t sleep last night,” I reminded him. “You can’t be an effective bodyguard on no sleep. You look tired.”

  He didn’t argue, which meant he really was worn out. “What are you going to do?”

  “I think I’m recovered enough now to let Malcolm out of my bracelet, check him for any more hidden spells, and talk to him about what happened last night.” I remembered the way the ghost had looked at me after I’d ripped the spell out of his body and wondered how he’d react to seeing me. It had been almost a full day since a blood mage had tried to steal him away, but for him it had only been seconds.

  “You won’t go outside.” He looked uneasy.

  “I promise I won’t go outside. I’ll be in the basement until I know Malcolm is safe from Bell.” I kissed him deeply. “Get some rest.”

  He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “I’d sleep better if you were next to me.”

  I hesitated. I could let Malcolm out when we got back from Karen’s. I’d be more recovered by then, and it would be safer for both of us. Plus, the thought of napping wrapped in Sean’s arms was just too good an offer to pass up. “Okay,” I said reluctantly. I wagged my finger at him. “But we’re going to nap. No funny business.”

  “No funny business,” he promised.

  I got my pajamas from the back of the bathroom door and brought them into the bedroom. Sean’s reaction was very different from Arkady Woodall’s. “I like the sheep.” His eyes glinted. “Wolves like sheep. Very tasty.”

  I
bared my teeth at him. He laughed and headed into the bathroom.

  While he was in the bathroom, the mobile team radioed in to report a shift change. I hadn’t realized that Jack’s presence outside my house was causing me to feel tense until I thought about him leaving and my shoulders relaxed.

  I changed into the pajamas and looked at myself in the mirror over my dresser. Part of me wanted to throw our “no funny business” agreement to the wind, but Sean needed his sleep.

  I sighed. “Cold showers and baseball,” I told my reflection.

  “What was that?” he asked from the bathroom.

  “Nothing. Just talking to myself.”

  By the time Sean came back out wearing lounge pants and a faded Quiet Riot T-shirt, I was already in bed. What little daylight there was sneaking past the curtains reflected gold in his eyes as he crossed the room and climbed in next to me.

  I rolled onto my side and Sean curled around me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me against his body. We fit together like pieces of a puzzle, I thought to myself. I wriggled in closer.

  Sean buried his face in the back of my neck and kissed me. “I’m here and I’m not going anywhere,” he murmured, his breath tickling my skin. “But you’re going to have to stop wiggling or that promise I made about no funny business is going to get broken.”

  I stilled. His skin was hot and the warmth seeped into me.

  I worried we wouldn’t be able to relax, but it didn’t turn out to be a problem. Within minutes, we were both asleep.

  We arrived at Karen’s house at seven thirty on the dot. Sean parked his SUV in the driveway of a two-story farmhouse not far outside the city limits and the mobile team parked off to the side of the driveway, next to a sporty red car and a smaller SUV. He escorted me to the front door, carrying a bottle of Karen’s favorite wine that we’d picked up on the way.

  As we walked up the sidewalk, he bent down to murmur in my ear, “You look beautiful.”

  I wore a blue sundress and sandals with my monogram pendant, dangly earrings, and my charm bracelet. Despite the warm summer evening, I’d decided to wear my hair down. The look was somewhat spoiled by the bulletproof vest, but at least I’d get to take it off once we were inside.

  The door opened as we approached and a smiling man who looked to be in his early thirties stepped aside to let us into the house. “Come on in, you two,” he said warmly, shaking Sean’s hand as he closed the door. “Everyone’s in the living room.” He turned to me and offered his hand. “Alice, it’s great to meet you. I’m Cole, Karen’s husband.”

  “Nice to meet you too,” I said, shaking his hand. Sean had told me on the way to the house that Karen’s husband was human. Several members of the pack had human spouses. It gave me hope that I might be more accepted at some point. Some packs didn’t permit human mates, but the Tomb Mountain pack had always been more progressive, Sean said.

  I took off the vest and Cole stuck it in the coat closet. I smoothed my dress, making a face at the wrinkles. As Cole turned to lead us to the living room, Sean squeezed my hand.

  Four people were waiting for us. Karen was the first to greet me as we entered. “Alice!” She hurried to meet me and gave me a quick hug. I’d worried I would be underdressed, but she was wearing a light summer dress and sandals. She took the wine Sean had brought and set it on the table.

  I recognized Felicia Lowell, though she looked very different than the last time I’d seen her, which was after several days of captivity and torture at the hands of the West-Addison harnad. She wore capri pants and a cute top, her long blonde hair in a neat braid.

  “Alice, it’s so good to get to meet you finally,” she said, offering me her hand. “I never got a chance to thank you personally for rescuing me.”

  As we shook, I noticed faint scars on her wrists and ankles from the silver cuffs that had restrained her. Even werewolf healing abilities had their limits.

  I shook hands with Felicia’s brother David next. Then Karen introduced Nan, Felicia and David’s mother.

  The older woman threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly. “Thank you for saving my daughter,” she told me as my ribs creaked.

  “You’re welcome,” I wheezed.

  Karen offered us something to drink. I requested a lemonade and Sean asked for a beer.

  As Karen went to the kitchen, Sean glanced out the patio door to the deck, where a long table was set up for dinner. He counted the chairs and frowned. “Who else are we expecting?” he asked as Karen returned with our drinks.

  She paused as she handed him a bottle. “Did Jack not tell you he was coming with Delia and they’re bringing Caleb?”

  At his expression, Karen took a step back and the others tensed. “I thought he told you,” she said. “He said he was going to.”

  “It must have slipped his mind.” Sean smiled at Karen. “Not your fault.”

  I wasn’t sure how to react to the news of the unexpected guests. I didn’t know enough about Sean’s pack politics to think Jack had deliberately not told his alpha about his plans to crash the dinner party, but I suspected that might be the case. The tension in Sean’s shoulders indicated that despite his reassurance, he wasn’t very happy about this turn of events.

  Felicia asked about my dress and we conversed for a few minutes, but the atmosphere in the room had turned noticeably edgy. I was angry at Jack for spoiling the mood but tried not to let it show. Sean would deal with the situation.

  When all of the shifters turned toward the door at the same time, I guessed they’d heard someone pull up out front. Cole started for the foyer, but Sean held up his hand. “Let me,” he said. It was phrased as a request, but Cole deferred to Sean immediately.

  “Why don’t we go out on the deck?” Karen suggested cheerfully as Sean headed for the front door.

  We filed out the patio door and Cole closed it behind us. The back of the house faced east, so it was delightfully shady and cool.

  “It’s beautiful out here,” I told my hosts, moving to stand at the railing and look out over their enormous backyard. “I love it. So peaceful.”

  “Where do you live?” Felicia asked, joining me at the railing.

  “In town, on the east side. It’s a quiet neighborhood, thankfully.”

  We chatted as the minutes ticked by. If the shifters could hear anything that was going on out front, they didn’t let on. Finally, just when I was starting to wonder if one of us should go check on the rest of the dinner party, a group of people crossed the living room toward the patio doors with Sean in the lead.

  When Sean slid the door open and stepped out onto the deck, I moved to join him. He was angry; I could see it in his eyes and in the tension in his shoulders, but when he kissed me, his mouth was gentle. I wasn’t sure if he was staking a claim or if I was, but the kiss certainly made a statement.

  The reaction among the shifters was palpable. I sensed pleasant surprise from Nan, Felicia, David, Karen, and Cole, and open hostility from the others. Jack’s blue eyes were amber, a sign that his wolf was near his skin and angry.

  The woman standing next to Jack, who I assumed was his wife, was much shorter than her husband, with shoulder-length curly brown hair and brown eyes. She wore slacks and a teal sleeveless top that showed off her toned arms. Behind them was a tall, surly young man with dark hair that hung in his eyes, wearing a black T-shirt and jeans.

  Sean rested his hand on my lower back and turned to the others. “Alice, you’ve met Jack already. This is Delia, Jack’s wife.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I said, extending my hand.

  After a beat, she took it. Her handshake was brief and she squeezed more forcefully than was necessary. “You too,” she said shortly. Our eyes met and hers dropped before she looked back up, startled. Delia’s wolf had recognized a more dominant female and indicated submissiveness.

  Sean turned to the young man standing apart from the rest of the group. “Caleb Jennings, this is Alice Worth.”

  Grud
gingly, he shuffled toward me, hand outstretched. As I shook his hand, he leaned close and sniffed.

  Taken aback, I let go of his hand. “Hey.”

  “Caleb,” Sean said sharply.

  “Sorry,” the young werewolf muttered. He stepped back and resumed staring at the ground.

  “Well, we’re all here, so let’s eat!” Karen suggested.

  We sat down as Karen and Cole brought out covered trays laden with pieces of chicken and steaks that looked like they had been placed on the grill just long enough to get them warm.

  Before I could figure out how to politely request a salad, Cole set a plate down in front of me with a moderately sized steak cooked medium. “Wouldn’t expect you to eat like a wolf,” he joked, settling in across from me with his own steak. “It’ll be nice to share a meal with someone else who doesn’t like their steaks still mooing.”

  “Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.” Sean looked over the table appreciatively. “Everything looks fantastic, guys. Thank you for inviting us.”

  “Our pleasure. Dig in!” Cole said.

  The meal turned out to be pleasant, despite the unexpected guests. Whether by accident or design, Sean and I sat at one end of the table and Jack, Delia, and Caleb at the other end. I sat between Sean and Karen and across from Cole and Felicia. Our conversation was easy and cheerful. I answered questions about my work and chatted with the others as Sean ate and talked quietly with Nan. Several times during the meal, I sensed pointed stares from the other end of the table, but ignored them.

  As I ate, I slid my foot out of my sandal and slowly ran my toes along Sean’s calf. He calmly ate his food without so much as a glance in my direction, but I saw a gold sheen in his eyes. Nan’s eyes twinkled as she watched us.

  I started to get a sense of the pack hierarchy, at least among those at the table, based on nonverbal cues and the conversations around me. My brief exchange with Delia earlier had shown I had a relative position in the pack, despite being human and not a member, and the others had adjusted accordingly.

  The mountain of food on the table disappeared at an alarming rate. The speed and single-minded efficiency with which they put food away was impressive and this was less than half the pack. Suddenly, my quip about needing five-gallon buckets of potato salad for the cookout seemed more like something I would have to actually look into.