His Baby Bombshell

by Jessica Matthews

  "I don't have specifics," he said, clearly exasperated. "If you recall, I haven't had a lot of time to digest the fact that I have a son. But I can tell you this. Being an absentee father isn't in my plans and I'll do whatever it takes so it doesn't happen," he said grimly, as if preparing himself for battle. "I'll drive back every weekend if necessary."

  She shouldn't have been surprised by his offer. His strong sense of family had cemented her attraction to him long ago, but she'd hoped Adrian's animosity toward her would be enough to convince him to maintain his distance.

  "You can't have one of us without the other," she said firmly. "I'm not going to turn Jeremy over to you whenever you roll into town. Nor will I send him back and forth between our homes like a package, so don't waste your time suggesting it."

  "You may not have a choice."

  She met his gaze. "If you want to fight this, I will." She didn't know how or where she'd find the money if he pursued legal action, but she would.

  To her surprise and relief, he backed down. "Let's not overreact. I've only known of Jeremy's existence for…" he glanced at his watch "…two hours. Logistics and legalities can come later."

  Meaning that at some point in the relatively near future he wouldn't be satisfied with hovering on the fringes of Jeremy's life. As she wasn't willing to share, a no-win situation loomed.

  "While I'm in town, though," he continued, oblivious to her thoughts, "I intend to catch up on everything I missed."

  She could either cooperate or not, but his demand made it plain that one way or another he wouldn't be thwarted. Unfortunately, sharing her son with Adrian was easier said than done.

  "Catching up on Jeremy's short life is impossible tonight," she said, flatly. "It's getting late, I haven't eaten all day, and it's time for Jeremy's bath."

  He didn't move. "I know I'm wearing out my welcome, but I'd like to stay and help with his nighttime routine. I promise not to get in the way or disrupt your schedule."

  "You already have."

  "Probably," he agreed, "but…please?"

  Months ago, she would have been happy to hear Adrian beg, but seeing him humble himself as he already had several times tonight only made her uncomfortable. She had enough faults without adding cruelty to the list. Besides, what would it hurt? If cooperating now meant he wouldn't fight for custody later, then she would.

  "You'll get wet," she warned. "'Splash' is Jeremy's middle name." Adrian's subsequent grin reminded her of happier times when her future had seemed safe and secure in his hands. She pushed aside those bitter-sweet memories.

  "I won't melt," he promised, rising to stand beside her.

  As difficult as it was for her emotionally, she placed Jeremy in Adrian's arms, careful to avoid physical contact because she didn't want to remember how good it had felt when he touched her. Stepping back, she watched him hold their son like the priceless treasure he was.

  The awe in Adrian's eyes and in his expression as he gazed at his bundle brought a lump to her throat. She saw his steady hand tremble as he caressed Jeremy's cheek and touched his tiny fingers. Jeremy stared at him in silent wonderment, as if he instinctively sensed the connection between them.

  She held her composure until Adrian's eyes developed an unmistakable sheen.

  "Bring him into the kitchen when you're ready," she said hoarsely before she fled. She was generously giving them a moment alone to meet each other, she told herself as she plucked Jeremy's bath towel and washcloth off the rod in her bathroom. It had nothing to do with the emotional moment of a father holding his son for the first time.

  As she passed through the living room on her way to the kitchen, the sound of Adrian's baritone almost undid her as he sang a child's verse about the things Papa would buy him. What hurt worse was how Jeremy gazed at his father with undivided attention and a toothy smile, as if he loved hearing this new and more interesting voice than his mother's.

  Sharing her flesh and blood with a man she couldn't trust had become even more difficult that it had a few minutes ago. She wanted to snatch Jeremy away because Adrian didn't deserve such instant and unconditional adoration, but she couldn't. She'd suffer through, for Jeremy's sake.

  She should be thrilled Adrian would be a part of Jeremy's life because her son wouldn't grow up without knowing his father. She should be ecstatic at the prospect of sharing the responsibilities of raising a child. She should feel vindicated that Adrian wanted to make amends and had admitted his mistakes, but she didn't feel any of those things. She only felt empty inside.

  * * *

  He was beautiful, Adrian decided as he cradled Jeremy against him, handling his little body for the first time. He was disappointed for missing out on Jeremy's first months, but he couldn't blame anyone except himself. If he hadn't been so eager to put his life on hold to ease his guilt over Clay's accident, things would have turned out differently. He never should have loaned him the money to buy the motorcycle in the first place, but Clay had set his heart on one in spite of Adrian's warnings about the inherent dangers. So he'd given in and his worst fears had come to pass.

  Determined to appease his conscience, he'd focused on Clay at Sabrina's expense. Now he had to save Sabrina from making his mistake. Contrary to what she might believe, pushing him away as he'd pushed her wasn't in anyone's best interests.

  Part of him wanted to appeal to the court system and force her to give him a piece of Jeremy's life. Unfortunately, doing so would alienate her and place Jeremy in a position where he'd feel disloyal if he loved both his parents. His best option was to stay calm and cooperate with her so she didn't feel threatened. Once the pain of their past faded, they could readdress the visitation issue.

  As Jeremy stopped chewing on his fist to gaze at him with complete trust, Adrian's chest swelled with love and commitment. "Your mom and I are going to work this out. One way or another. I promise."

  Jeremy grunted and Adrian kissed his forehead, reveling in his baby scent. "Come on. Your mom's waiting."

  He carried him into the kitchen and ten minutes later, as Sabrina had predicted, most of Adrian's clothes were soaked.

  She smiled as she wrapped Jeremy in a bath towel. "I told you so."

  "I'll wear swim trunks next time."

  "That won't be necessary," she said quickly, as if she remembered what had happened the last time they'd both worn bathing suits. "Just wear old clothes."

  He grinned inside, pleased she was giving him another opportunity to take part in Jeremy's evening routine.

  "I'll slip on his pajamas if you'll warm his bottle." She pointed to the stove as she stood poised in the doorway. "It's in the refrigerator, ready to go."

  He eyed the pot of water on a front burner. "Will do, but don't you think it's too hot for jammies?" The room's temperature was definitely warmer than what he considered comfortable, and he had the added bonus of having damp clothing to cool his overheated skin.

  "He wears a diaper and a T-shirt," she called over her shoulder, "not footed flannel sleepers."

  He opened the fridge and found the bottle, then paused as he noted the sparse contents. A few apples, a bag of carrots, a carton of eggs and a near-empty quart jug of milk didn't come close to filling the space. Just thinking of food made his stomach growl a reminder that he hadn't eaten, either.

  Quickly, he closed the refrigerator to conserve its cold air, plunked the bottle inside the pan and set the water to boil, then called in a pizza delivery order courtesy of a number he found in the phone book. With their upcoming meal under control, curiosity drove him to check out her cupboards. Their sorry state matched the refrigerator's.

  Before he could snoop around a bit more, the bottle was ready and Sabrina appeared in the doorway with Jeremy gnawing frantically on his hands and smacking his lips. "How are you coming?" she asked as she bounced him on her hip.

  He shook a few drops of formula on his wrist. "I guess this is warm enough. Want to check for yourself?"

  She did, then pronounced it a
cceptable. "Would you like to feed him?"

  He heard a trace of reluctance in her voice, as if she hoped he'd refuse, but he couldn't. "I'd love to."

  Once again, she handed Jeremy into the crook of his arm, but this time his fingers brushed against the soft swell of her breast and she gasped. Afraid to move for fear he'd drop the baby, he froze.

  Immediately, blood rushed to his groin and his body responded as if they hadn't spent the last year apart. Saints in heaven, he'd missed the feel of her skin against his, the way her fingertips had glided across his abdomen, the sensation of taking her in his mouth and driving her wild.

  She moved just enough to break contact. "Do you have him?"

  The breathless quality in her voice suggested that the accidentally intimate touch had rekindled those memories for her, too.

  "Yes," he said, hoping she wouldn't notice how his trousers had suddenly tented.

  "Take the rocking chair. And be sure you burp him every few ounces because he feeds too fast. If you don't, we'll be giving him another bath," she advised wryly, "and you'll be wearing 'eau de formula'."

  Adrian obeyed. Silently and under Sabrina's watchful eye, he fed and dutifully burped as instructed. Apparently satisfied by his efforts, she eventually disappeared into the kitchen. He was flattered that she trusted him, but the bleakness in her eyes suggested another reason. Perhaps she couldn't sit by and watch the man who'd rejected her so completely fall instantly and irrevocably in love with their son.

  He may have wedged his size eleven foot in the proverbial door to get this far, but he had a lot of penance to complete before he could step inside.

  Jeremy had emptied the bottle and was asleep by the time she returned.

  "What now?" Adrian whispered.

  "Lay him in his crib," she answered. "It's in my bedroom."

  He followed, loath to let the little boy out of his arms, although he couldn't and shouldn't hold him all night.

  Just as he was about to lower Jeremy onto the mattress under Sabrina's watchful eye, the doorbell awakened Jeremy. He wrinkled his face and screwed his mouth into a wail.

  "Who's that, I wonder?" Sabrina spoke in a near whisper.

  He kept his voice low, too. "Probably the pizza I ordered."

  She stopped in her tracks. "You ordered pizza?"

  Adrian heard the surprise and displeasure in her voice over Jeremy's unhappiness. He shrugged as he soothed the baby against his shoulder and tried to console him with a pacifier. "What can I say? I was hungry and I assumed you were, too."

  She lowered her gaze to a point somewhere near his breastbone. "I…um, I can't pay him."

  "I didn't expect you to feed me," he told her. "My billfold's in my hip pocket. Take what you need." He turned to give her easy access.

  She gingerly removed the wallet, as if she was afraid to touch him, then disappeared. As he crooned softly to Jeremy and the youngster settled down once more, Adrian studied the room. Zoo animals dotted the bedding and a mobile featuring similar creatures hung from the headboard. The rest of the room was filled with more baby paraphernalia, a small dresser and her bed.

  Jeremy seemed to own all the equipment necessary for a baby, but Sabrina definitely lived a spartan existence. Before he had a chance to work the inconsistency out in his mind, she reappeared.

  Without his wallet, he noticed wryly. Clearly, she didn't want to return it to the place where she'd found it, although he'd rather hoped she would. He missed her touch, even as impersonal as it would have been.

  "Is he asleep?" she asked.

  "I can't tell for sure, but he hasn't moved, so I think he is."

  Ever so gently, he placed Jeremy on his back and covered him with a light cotton sheet. For a long moment, he stared down at the miracle of his son.

  Unable to stop himself, he snaked his arm around Sabrina's waist and pulled her close, allowing himself a few seconds to revel in the moment. "Thank you," he whispered.

  "For what?"

  "For having him," he said simply. "Under the circumstances, it would have been easier to choose another option. I'm so glad you didn't."

  Her smile wobbled as she gazed at the tiny figure in the crib. "There wasn't another option," she said simply. "He was all I had."

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ADRIAN had always prided himself on achieving his goals, but his success at pushing Sabrina out of his life so she could have a clean start had been an expensive accomplishment. The experiences he'd lost as a result were priceless. All these months, he'd imagined her happy, prosperous, and relieved that she'd escaped a half-hearted relationship. Instead, he'd found her struggling on her own to maintain a home and a job as well as being a single mother to his son.

  Oh, yes. His so-called victory was hollow indeed.

  He tightened his grip on her waist to hug her. How could he ever undo the damage? It was obvious from their earlier conversation that he could talk until he'd used his last breath, but words wouldn't heal her mistrust. Action was the only thing he had left to prove he'd changed.

  However, as he gazed down at her, his intention to devise a strategy faded. If the anguish on her familiar, pixie-like face had haunted him before, he'd never be able to sleep again after seeing her somber expression or her pain-filled eyes. Her mouth trembled, drawing his attention to those sweet, warm, moist lips that had always driven him wild.

  He wanted to kiss her, to "make it better", as his mother had always done whenever he'd sported a new scrape or a painful bruise. Before he could debate the pros and cons of taking the liberty, he simply took it. He lowered his head and gently brushed his lips against hers.

  Nothing happened. Just when he was ready to concede defeat, her lips parted. As he hauled her closer, he sensed her rising on tiptoe to meet him.

  Aware of her response and gratified by it, he continued his light pressure, knowing she was near tears and hoping his non-verbal apology could stem the oncoming tide.

  Slowly but surely, her response changed, as if she'd understood and accepted what he was trying to say without words. Her hands slowly came up to rest on his chest and she molded her mouth to his.

  An instant later, she jerked herself free, horror written on her face. "We can't. No." She shook her head and took a step back. "This doesn't solve anything."

  Not everything, he mentally agreed, but in his opinion they were certainly heading down the right path. "I know it doesn't," he admitted, "but—"

  She rushed out and he followed her to the center of the living room where she stood with her arms folded around her as if she'd drawn inside herself.

  "Why did you come?" she asked in a trembling voice. "Why couldn't you have stayed away?"

  "Because—"

  As if she'd gathered every bit of strength from within, she squared her shoulders and her eyes flashed fire. "You need to go. Out of my house. Out of my hospital. Out of our lives!"

  "I know this is tough—"

  "You have no idea," she said bitterly.

  "But it isn't easy for me, either. I'd go if I could, but I can't, Sabrina," he said flatly. "Not after knowing we made a beautiful boy. Don't ask that of me because I can't give you what you want. I just can't."

  * * *

  I can't give you what you want.

  Adrian's comment echoed through Sabrina's head as he waited for her reply. Given his sense of responsibility and his devotion to family, she truly hadn't expected him to walk away so easily. Neither would he be satisfied with her doling out Jeremy's time with an eyedropper. Unfortunately, although she'd suspected he'd respond exactly as he had, she'd hoped he'd do the opposite.

  She chewed nervously on her lip, resigned to the prospect of his steady presence and taking an active role with their baby while he fulfilled his contract in Pinehaven. However, it was anyone's guess what he might do or want after he returned to his position in Denver. For a while he'd probably phone every evening or organize weekend excursions. He might even set up one of those webcams in order to see Jeremy in real tim
e as he talked to him, but the novelty of being a long-distance parent would wear off as soon as he got tired of dealing with the logistical problems. Or so she hoped.

  Until then, though, he'd be underfoot. What she truly hated about having him in her home on a regular, if not daily basis, was that she wasn't as immune to him as she'd believed. At the moment she didn't know if she was upset with him for kissing her or upset at herself for responding.

  She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear with a shaky hand. "I had to ask."

  He nodded, as if he understood how desperately she wanted her life back—the life she'd had before he'd rolled into town. "As long as you know I'm in this for the long haul, we're both on the same page."

  "And how long will that be?" At his protest, she held up her hands. "It's a fair question. I thought we were in a relationship for the long haul, too, and we both know how quickly that changed."

  "Nothing, short of my death, will keep me away."

  It was a vow, she sensed, spoken firmly and with sincerity. One thing she knew about Adrian—when he committed to something, nothing would sway him from his decision. Whether that character trait was a positive one or was a flaw, his set jaw and determined demeanor telegraphed how completely immovable he was on this subject.

  If she had to surrender this battle, she would surrender under her own terms.

  "All right, but we need a few ground rules," she told him, noticing how the tension seemed to leave his shoulders and relief appear in his eyes, as if he'd expected more of a fight. "We've both seen or known families torn apart by strife and I don't want Jeremy to live in the same state of uncertainty when we're together."

  "Neither do I."

  "And no more of what just happened in my bedroom. We both reacted to the emotional moment. That's all it was," she insisted. "I'm not interested in picking up where we left off before Clay's accident. The relationship we once had is over."

  He opened his mouth as if to protest, but she glared at him. "OK," he said. "We'll take that as it comes. Anything else?"