Your Own Human

by Arizona Tape

  How did this happen? I had just downed two full packages of +fluids to satisfy my needs. I thought that soothed all my wild cravings. That was what I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe the lack of my nutrients caused my weird obsession with her blood, but I could no longer deny that something else awakened in me.

  Something that couldn’t be suppressed by my +fluids.

  For now, the disgust at what I had done and my love for Heather was what kept me from attacking her neck again, but what would happen the next time we were intimate? When she flooded my senses, when I lost control.

  What was I supposed to do? Never sleep with her again? That was ridiculous. I would never keep that up. I craved her. Emotionally, mentally, physically… And as it turned out, in a different way as well.

  A vile, disgusting, but oh so delicious way.

  No! Bad vampire!

  I scolded myself, giving me a mental slap on the wrist. Heather was my girlfriend and I didn’t want to harm her. It was already bad enough that I hurt her the last time with my strength, now I violated her and taken something I never should have. But the worst part?

  I wanted it again.

  Chapter 17: Blue

  “Okay, spill it. What’s going on with you?” Heather burst out, no longer able to keep silent and ignore my strange behaviour.

  To her credit, she was doing really well at being silent when I rolled out of the bed like a blanket burrito. She didn’t peep when I stared at myself in the mirror for several minutes as I pulled my face in every grimace possible.

  I felt different. Was I different? Did I look different?

  “Noffing iff goinff onf,” I yelled back without removing the fingers from the corners of my mouth. Carefully, I inspected my fangs, popping them out and back in, wondering when exactly they came out to play.

  “You’re being weird. Will you please tell me what the problem is?” she tried again, but I waved her question away as I wondered if my tongue looked redder.

  “I’m fwine!” I blubbered as leant closer to the mirror. Did my eyes have a different tint of purple? Was that a hint of…?

  “You’re not! What’s going on?!” Heather interrupted my thought. The bed veered up and she approached me. She twirled me around and gazed at me with a stern but tender look in her eyes. “Please tell me what has gotten into you,” she whispered gently, cupping my face reassuringly.

  I let out a long, heavy sigh as I contemplated if I should tell her or not. If I made sure it never happened again, I didn’t have to tell her this. But then again, was it fair of me to keep her around under a false pretence of safety? After all, I promised myself time and time again I wouldn’t hurt her, but somehow, I always did.

  But if I told her about this… She might leave. If I didn’t tell her, I could pretend everything was fine and we were great and… Oh, who was I kidding.

  If I didn’t tell her about this, my guilt would consume me. I looked at Heather, the girl I wanted to spend a couple of human lifetimes with and decided that she deserved the truth. I owed it to her.

  I turned her towards the mirror and waved her hair away. Gently, I tilted her head to the side.

  “Look… There. Can you see?”

  She stretched her neck and gazed at her reflection curiously. Even when I directed her attention to it, she didn’t notice. That was how small the mark was. But it was there. Undoubtedly. I felt it. I tasted it. I tasted her.

  I brought my index finger to her neck and carefully touched the little puncture mark. “Here…” I whispered, shame and disappointment colouring my voice.

  She frowned and squinted at her reflection. “The hickey?”

  “No… Right next to it. There is a little… Umm… I… Well…”

  “Well?”

  “Okay, please don’t freak out… But… I… Errr…. During the course of our… Ahem. Sexy time… I might have bit you, sort of?”

  “Excuse me? You sort of bit me?”

  “Well not sort of. I did bite you… A little bit. Right here.”

  “You bit me?”

  “I bit you.”

  “You… Bit me?”

  “Yeah, me.”

  “You bit me?!”

  “Yes, I did! I bit you. I bit you! And I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for it to happen! It’s just, you came and you were coming and I got all swept up and before I knew it, I was tasting you and—”

  “Okay, stop rambling, please.” Heather held up her hand to stop the freight train that was coming out of my mouth. “Have you ever bitten someone before?”

  Shamefully, I shook my head. “Never.”

  “Have you ever bitten me before? I mean, during the other times?”

  Again, I shook my head, my eyes falling to the floor.

  “Did you ever want to bite me before?”

  “No… I mean… No… I don’t think so?”

  She looked at me thoughtfully and scratched her cheek. “What happened then? You didn’t just bite me by accident. What are you not telling me?”

  And so I told her the whole story. About how I hadn’t been drinking +fluids and how I noticed my weakened state during the run. How I became intoxicated with her scent and how I grew fascinated by her blood. And how it distracted me when we were being intimate and how suddenly I tasted her on my tongue. How it gave me the biggest high and how I passed out for a couple of seconds. How the taste turned from nectar to bile. How I detested myself for what had happened. How it worried me. How I was scared that after hearing how our history was made, I was turning into someone I was not. That I was scared I couldn’t protect her anymore, that I feared this would be her downfall, that I didn’t know how to protect her from myself. That I was sorry for what happened and that I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself.

  As I kept rambling on and on, she shut me up by a kiss. A soft, innocent kiss that sent shivers all the way down my spine and made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

  “I understand.”

  I rubbed my ears in confusion. Did I hear her right? Did she just say that she understood?

  “You do? Why?”

  Heather shrugged as she inspected her neck again. “I always knew you were a vampire. And I knew what that meant, even if you didn’t. When I met you, I thought I was mistaken and that you all had evolved far beyond your savage ancestors, but I noticed some little things.”

  “Little things? What do you mean?”

  “Well, do you remember in the beginning when you did all those tests?”

  I nodded slowly, wondering where she was going with this. “Yeaahhh…?”

  She awkwardly scratched the back of her head and then showed her open arm to me. “Remember when you gave me some kind of medicine. I bled a little. And you seemed really fascinated by it. I wasn’t sure if I imagined it or not, so I didn’t really pay attention. But…”

  “But?”

  Heather bit her lip and pulled a face. “Okay, this might sound a little bit creepy… Well, a lot creepy. But every time I got my period, you were much more mellow and easier to appease. It wasn’t that you became a different person, but I noticed you were much more… Let’s say attentive.”

  My mouth fell open and I stared at her for a good couple of seconds before I managed to shut my trap. “And that didn’t creep you out?”

  She chuckled awkwardly. “It did a little bit. But nothing ever happened. So I figured it was just a dormant thing. You know, a reflex or something. It never scared me or made me feel insecure, I just figured it was a natural but harmless reaction.”

  “Damn it!” I yelled angrily at myself, hiding my head in my hands. How hadn’t I noticed these things? How did I not feel different? Why didn’t I realise it had something to do with her or her blood?

  Heather noticed!

  “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. You didn’t know about your history. You couldn’t have guessed.”

  I shook my head in disappointment. “I’m a scientist. I should have noticed something was up.”


  Softly, she kissed my temple as she cooed sweet words in my ear. “It’s going to be okay. Now that we know, we’ll just be more careful, okay?”

  Why was she being so nice and understanding? “You don’t hate me for it?” I asked quietly, scared of her answer like a little child that did something bad.

  “I don’t hate you. You might not have considered all this, but I did. This, you. It was always part of the deal.”

  “This me?”

  “The vampire in you,” Heather smiled, wrinkling her nose cutely.

  “What does that mean?” I asked in confusion, wondering what exactly she saw as vampiric.

  “Your purple eyes that flicker when you’re angry, your fangs that pop whenever you feel threatened. Oh, the growling when you’re displeased or very pleased. After a while, there wasn’t so much eye flickering or fang popping. I think you stopped being so angry at me. But once in a while, you were sitting on the couch or lying in bed, growling in happiness.”

  “I was?”

  She snickered lightly as she kissed me. “Yes. I thought it was cute. You looked like a purring kitty.”

  I gasped. “Oooh, you take that back!”

  She chuckled and as her laughter brightened up the room, she stole another kiss from my lips. She grinned and pulled me away from the mirror, away from my worries.

  With a grin, she pushed me on the couch and fell on me in a warm embrace. Her lips found mine and after an endearingly reassuring kiss, she cupped my cheeks and her blue eyes met mine.

  “I don’t care that you bit me. I don’t. To be honest, you were always drawn to my neck, I’m surprised you haven’t bitten me before. But I’m worried about why though… I worry something might be wrong.”

  I rubbed my shoulder and sighed. She was probably right, but I didn’t want to turn this into a big deal. I just wanted this to go away, but could I afford to wait and do nothing about it?

  “It might just be something small. Maybe after a couple of days, the +fluids will take away this feeling,” I argued, but even I heard how bleak my voice sounded.

  She frowned and a thoughtful look appeared on her beautiful face. “Maybe,” she muttered, but I could hear the doubts.

  “You don’t seem convinced.”

  She gave me a long and intense look and I could see her pondering over something. She seemed conflicted, but I couldn’t figure out about what. Why would she be conflicted? Had I done something else? What was going on? Was it something I said? She looked just as conflicted as I had ten minutes ago. What would she have on her plate?

  “Do you need to tell me something?” I asked carefully, trying not to accuse her of something, but I could see the worry in her eyes.

  Heather ran her fingers through her blonde hairs and after another second of indecision, she gave me a pained look. “You look different.”

  I tilted my head to the side as I furrowed my brows. “I do? In what way?”

  “Yes, at least, I think you do. Your left eye… It looks almost blue?”

  I breathed again. Thank gods it wasn’t something I did wrong. Relief washed over me, but as quickly as it came, it disappeared as her words hit me. Oh no. If she thought my eye looked different, it wasn’t my imagination. It wasn’t my reflection or the light. This wasn’t good.

  “You really think so?” I asked, widening my eyes as far as I could so she could look again, still hoping she and I were both mistaken.

  “Yeah, I didn’t see it at first, but it’s almost if there are blue flecks in there,” she admitted quietly, like she thought it would upset me or something.

  “Damn it.,” I cursed, angrily slapping my forehead a couple of times. Stupid body. Why did it have to betray me like this?

  “I don’t think it’s your imagination. Maybe there’s something going on with you? Not having your fluids, spending time below ground, being around humans?”

  I nodded slowly and admitted she was probably right. What a nightmare. I finally thought I had things under control and now this?

  Really?!

  “Maybe you should go see a doctor or something? Do you have doctors here?”

  I pinched my nose and inhaled sharply. “I doubt it… I don’t want to go to a doctor and compromise your safety or expose your world.”

  “So what will you do? Ask your father?”

  I shook my head. “I can’t… He took the blame for your escape and ever since, the council has had him and his work under supervision.”

  “Oh…” Heather looked at me with big, sad puppy eyes .

  “Hey, it’s not your fault. I did what I thought was best to protect you and father did what he did to protect me. We’re just looking out for each other. Besides, this is not the first time he’s been under supervision.”

  Slowly, she nodded her head, but I could tell from her eyes she wasn’t completely convinced of her innocence in this part.

  “Anyway. I have a ‘friend’. She’s a top class doctor, a brilliant scientist, and very discrete. I really didn’t want to see her again this century, but I think it’s time I pay her a visit. See what’s going on here.”

  “Uh-uh…” Heather slowly hummed, her eyes boring into me. “A friend,” she repeated, making quotation marks in the air as she dared me to lie.

  “Okay, fine. Not just a friend. She and I… We kind of sort of you know.”

  “Kind of sort of?”

  “Yeah… I wish I could give you a better definition of our relationship, but that pretty much what is was.

  “Aha… Are you still kind of sort of?”

  “No!” I exclaimed loudly, surprising both Heather and myself. That sounded really defensive. Damn. I just didn’t want her to get the wrong idea.

  “I meant no… Look, we had something going on for a long time, but after a while I just couldn’t do it anymore. It turned into a bit of a mess and both our feelings got lost in a maze. I didn’t feel like untangling it, so I broke things off with her. We broke up many times before, but this time I really meant it. I’m just not sure if she knows that.”

  “Go on?”

  “I didn’t see her for a very long time… And then I met you. And so, a long time became an even longer time. Now it’s been almost ten years since our last… Kind of. And I don’t know if she will assume I want another sort of with her when I see her.”

  “Do you want another… Kind of sort of…?” Heather asked carefully.

  Decisively, I shook my head. “No. She and I were over a long time ago. I just don’t know how things will be between us.”

  Heather nodded her head slowly, taking in this new information. What a day for her.

  “You should go see her. If she can help, I want you to get in touch with her… Wait. Let me rephrase that. If she can help, I want you to talk to her,” she grinned, kissing my cheek.

  I stared as she stood up for the bathroom, overwhelmed with all the trust she had in me. My fangs popped out as my vision blurred everything but her. That wasn’t good. I really needed to make that phone call. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, something was going on with me. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it one bit.

  Chapter 18: Johanna

  “Come in,” a silky smooth voice called out as soon as I knocked on the door. I swallowed the lump in my throat and gathered all my courage. It’d been a long time, but her voice was exactly the same. And like always, it send a single shiver right down my spine.

  With a shaky hand, I waved the door open and let myself into her world. Nothing changed. If someone told me it’d been only yesterday since I was here last, I’d have believed them without a doubt.

  “Aria. What a lovely surprise. I knew it was you,” she spoke, even with her back turned towards me. I rolled my eyes and held back a chuckle. She hadn’t changed a thing. She would always pretend she felt me arrive, even though we both knew she was just good at recognising my scent and picking it up.

  “Johanna. It’s been a while,” I returned her greeting, internally cringing as I heard ho
w formal it sounded. Johanna. In our entire relationship, I never used her full name. But now it seemed almost inappropriate to just go back to her nickname. Even if she had waved away all formalities by using mine.

  I hadn’t been called Aria in a long time. Almost ten years now. After all, she was always the only one who insisted on calling me so. I hoped not to feel nostalgic but I knew I was already in trouble. There was just something so painfully familiar about her that it made me ache.

  She let out a deep breath and I knew she was smiling. After all, I could tell by how her shoulders moved and how her back tensed. So when she turned around and I saw her face, I wasn’t surprised by the cheeky grin on her lips.

  Gods. She was still as beautiful as the last day I saw her.

  “So formal, Aria. You never called me Johanna, remember?” she smirked, approaching me with swaying hips.

  “That was a long time ago,” I argued, subconsciously taking a step back to stay out of her reach. A futile and utterly useless move. With one extra step, we were face to face. From far away, she was a babe, no doubt. But up close, I could truly admire her perfectly polished features. The dark beauty mark above her voluminous lips that held a permanent smirk. Her straight nose and high cheek bones called out classic beauty just as much as her shaped eyebrows and lustrous locks of hair.

  She was easily the sexiest woman I encountered in all my years. And I lived many years and met a lot of people, so that was saying something.

  The cheeky grin playing on the corner of her lips gave her a mischievous look that concealed her true age and always made me feel like she knew something I didn’t. It frustrated me beyond belief, yet it was one of the things I loved so much about her. Used to love.

  Without any effort, she caught my gaze and her dark eyes narrowed as they pierced into my soul. She studied me and her nostrils flared as she took a big whiff of my scent. Her upper lip curled up in what I thought would be a smirk. Wrong. It morphed into a snarl and she turned abruptly, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

  I silently sighed as she put distance between us and managed to calm myself down. After all this time, having her in such close proximity still made me a little dizzy.