The Outsider

by K'Anne Meinel

  Next door to her hotel was a coffee shop. She went in clutching her new purse as though it contained all the millions she had won. Still, it was her most valuable possession at the moment. She had, after considerable thought, put some of the cash she had withdrawn into her front pocket, just in case anyone stole her purse. As she sat down in a booth at the coffee shop, she worried they would throw her out. Had she still looked like a street person, she knew they would have. She sniffed slightly, wondering if she still smelled and relieved she was at least washed and wearing clean clothes. Still, she knew she needed more clothes to change into and she had to wash these clothes, which had been on her dirty self. They probably had some of the odor of her body on them. At least she knew she looked presentable, which was what she needed to survive here. They waited on her pleasantly and she was soon eating a plate of scrambled eggs and toast. She would have liked more, pancakes and other things, but knew her stomach couldn’t handle that much food. Using her credit card and leaving a generous tip for the nice waitress, she was pleased with how it all went. She returned to her hotel room, using the door card like a pro, and threw herself on the bed with a smile. She could learn to like this! Not having to worry if they were going to throw her out of the restaurant had been such a relief! She realized appearance was everything. Just last night she would have been thrown out without a second thought. Today, she looked presentable so they treated her better. It gave her food for thought as she stripped down to her underpants and then looked down at her chest. She was not wearing a bra. Betsy probably hadn’t thought of that as Joy was not very large. Her frame and lack of decent food hadn’t allowed her bosom to grow very large. She was not worried as she snuggled under the covers for the first decent sleep she had had in a very long time.

  Joy slept the rest of the afternoon and night away, her young body needing it after the stress of the past few months, and most especially that morning. Meanwhile, her millions were making news as the lottery announced that the winner they had been looking for the past couple weeks had come forth. Her complete name was released to the newspapers and the TV stations blared the news. Cecelia saw it on the nightly news and called Randall, who turned off the game to change to the news station. They compared notes and then called Patricia and Stewart. By nightfall, all four siblings knew of Joy Louise Parker’s windfall and the anger over their little sister was reignited. Years of forgetting her now created an envy that was not healthy. The siblings felt they rightfully deserved to have some of that money. After all, they were older…and wiser. Their ‘little’ sister slept on in a hotel room in downtown Milwaukee, some of them mere miles away from her, and they had no clue how to find or contact her.

  * * * * *

  Joy awoke feeling refreshed for the first time in who knew how long. Sleeping in alleyways was not conducive to a good night’s sleep. Staying at a shelter, there was always the fear that one of the other patrons might try to steal from her. Sleeping in her apartment, there was always the sounds coming from her roommate’s bed to keep her up at night. She had learned to sleep in small stretches and the uninterrupted sleep she just had made her feel disoriented for a moment until she began to remember what had occurred the day before. It all seemed like a dream. Then she looked around the unimpressive hotel room, wondering for a moment if she had dreamed it. As her eyes fell on her bank jacket and then her purse on the nightstand next to her, within arm’s reach, she realized it was not a dream.

  Joy slowly rose from the bed, wondering at the time. She saw the digital clock and read 7:00. Was that a.m. or p.m.? She made her way to the drapes across the window and peeked out. The sun greeted her, so that told her it was a.m. She licked her lips and realized she needed the bathroom. She slumped her way towards it and sat down on the throne. In only twenty-four hours, how much her life had changed! Before, she would have just squatted somewhere in an alley and today she had running water. She looked at the shower, realizing she could take another or even a bath! Joy indulged herself with another bath, washing her hair again and wondering at the marvels of hot water. She looked at the hair on her legs and under her arms, realizing that she could be all girly now and remove that if she wished. It was light blonde and barely visible on her very white legs. Betsy hadn’t included a razor in the bag, but Joy had never used one before anyway. She laughed at herself. Next, she would be worrying about makeup! She had no idea how to use it!

  She lay back down on the bed after towel-drying her hair. Slowly, she pulled the brush and then a comb through her hair. Already her hair was responding to the washings and brushings; it looked 100% better than it had the previous day. Healthier, it shone in the muted light of the hotel room.

  Slowly, she considered what she should do that day. Obviously, getting more clothes was in order. She couldn’t wear what she had worn the previous day indefinitely, although she had in the past, for months at a time. She also wanted to retrieve her things from her previous apartment. She wondered if anyone had found her stash. Surely, whoever had been waiting at the bar for her or at her apartment was not still there after all these months? She reached for the channel changer and after studying it a while managed to turn on the television set on the dresser. At first, it seemed too loud in the room and she turned down the volume. There seemed to be a lot of talking going on as she started to scan through the stations. She found some redneck television show, then one in Spanish, then a few commercials. She watched them, fascinated at first, and then changed the channel, going through the limited range they offered for her viewing pleasure. She finally settled on the news since they were showing the weather. It looked like it was going to be a beautiful day. Since she had started watching so late in the broadcast, she completely missed one of the lead stories, which was about the highest paid winner in Wisconsin’s history…Joy Louise Parker! Finally, she shut off the noisemaker and got dressed for the day. She was hungry and determined to eat at the same coffee shop as she had the previous day.

  Joy passed right by the newspaper offered for a quarter in the box by the door of the coffee shop. Her DMV photo was on the front page. She went in and ordered hot chocolate and scrambled eggs and toast again. Her stomach was wondering at having two good meals in a row. She’d eaten very late the previous day and nothing since. She seriously contemplated having those pancakes…maybe tomorrow.

  Stopping at the desk of the hotel, she asked them to call her a taxi and had the driver take her downtown to the Grand Avenue Mall. Stores were just opening as she walked in clutching her purse. She was not sure where to start. She looked around, bewildered at the selections, unsure of what to buy. Should she wear what she had seen others her age wearing or should she try for something a little more modest? She had no clue. She almost bolted back out the doors as people looked at her curiously in her bank jacket. That finally determined her first purchase. She needed a different coat or jacket for the winter weather. The bank jacket, while nice, had the embroidered pocket and that was making her feel self-conscious and a fraud. It was like she was advertising the bank or that she worked there.

  “May I help you?” was a familiar refrain from salesclerks anxious to make a sale as she looked through stores where she had only felt comfortable looking in windows before. Going in was a whole other level. Joy kept her purse clutched to herself as she looked carefully at the selections. The prices scared her even though she knew she could now afford it. But one hundred and fifty dollars for a jacket? That was outrageous and she moved on to other stores. Still, she bought nothing. The problem Joy was having was that she was looking at boutiques or chain stores, which was not helping her dilemma. She briefly thought of calling Mr. Mueller at the bank and asking his recommendation, maybe Betsy could help her, but even she knew that was beyond what a banker could do for her. She was determined to do this herself. She had, after all, shopped with her mother at fourteen…she could do this!

  She ended up getting a pleather jacket, a couple of blouses, and a few pairs of slacks and jeans. She bought so
me nice shoes from a chain store that she could wear with all the outfits and settled on some simple cotton underwear. Trying to find her first bra was embarrassing, but she was surprised at how it felt to wear one after all these years. After all the walking and the stress of trying on the clothes, she was exhausted. She ordered a piece of pizza and a soda in the food court, doing some people-watching as she ate. So many people had families or friends to shop with. She watched toddlers irritate their mothers or grandmothers, and teens giggle together. It was then she realized she had never had one good friend that she could do that with. She was a little sad about that. She’d had friends in school of course, but her mother and father had been so much a part of her life that she hadn’t found one she needed to confide in or be her ‘best’ friend. They had all drifted away as she entered the system. She’d never been in one house long enough to make another friend. Even on the streets she knew she could trust no one. That made her remember her things. The only things important to her were the items in her hidey hole in that bedroom. How was she going to get them?

  Joy nearly had someone steal one of her bags while she mused over what to do about her dilemma. Only the fact that she had seen the ruse on the streets kept the teen from absconding with her new pleather jacket. She took the time to remove the tags and put it on, carefully folding the bank jacket and putting it in the bag. She really liked the blue color of the new jacket, the straps hanging down, and the loops that were sewn into it to make it hip-looking. She shopped a while longer and then left the mall. She left the bank jacket with a drycleaner and slowly walked up Wisconsin Avenue as she looked at things from a new perspective. She could go in any store on this street now and buy whatever she wanted. She couldn’t think of a thing she wanted though, not really. She knew she had a lot to think about in the next few days. She had her future to think about and what she would want to do.

  Instead of getting a taxi to take her back, she clutched her bags and realized she should have bought a winter jacket instead of the stylish pleather jacket. She’d also need gloves and perhaps a hat. She was totally unprepared for the harsh Wisconsin weather. It had been worse in her sweatshirt and ill-fitting jeans, but then she’d accepted that as her lot in life. Now, she didn’t have to. Joy realized that she could end up with a lot of teeny-bopper styled clothes and she really didn’t like what she saw on the teens these days. She also felt far too old to wear such things. She again thought of the idea that people treated you differently based on what you wore. She also realized they would treat her differently if they knew how much she was worth. As she walked along she stopped in another store and looked around. She was ill-prepared for the elegance of the store and felt very uncomfortable. She didn’t stay long, but it gave her an idea as she headed back towards the mall. The drycleaner had said they’d have the jacket in about an hour and she really wanted to return it to Mr. Mueller. He’d been very kind to her and she didn’t want him to think she was ungrateful. She also wanted to give the teller, Betsy a gift, and with that in mind she slipped into a card store and searched through the selection. She finally found a simple ‘thank you’ card and slipped a fifty in it and signed it. She slipped the card into her purse, realizing that the purse was ill-suited for her, but necessary for now. As she waited for the hour to go by, she went into Boston Store and looked around. It was nice to see a higher-end store, but she knew there was more that she was missing and it couldn’t be absorbed in a day. While she could have bought clothes here too, she wanted someone that could direct her to the right stuff, not just to fill her closet. She did see something she knew she was going to need…a luggage set. She would have to move the clothes she was purchasing eventually; she couldn’t stay at the hotel indefinitely. She bought a hard-sided large case and its matching smaller cases, all fitting together like a Russian doll set she had once owned. Her mother had explained about the nesting dolls and it was a pleasant thought. She also liked that the set was on wheels and she put her other purchases inside and just pull the big case along. While there, she saw a beautiful camel-colored coat that came to her knees. It was rather pricey, but she knew it would do for winter and for the nicer clothes she wanted to purchase. She also bought a matching set of gloves and a hat, feeling decadent for the first time in her life as she put them all on.

  Stopping back at the drycleaner’s, she paid for the quick service and set off down Wisconsin Avenue, warm for the first time in a long time out in the snowy mess. The wind blew down the avenue, but she was comfortably ensconced in her camel coat and gloves. Her hat kept in her hair and warmed her head. She didn’t mind the wind against her face for the first time in years. She felt buoyant and happy to be alive as she strode along pulling her new suitcase behind her, her dry-cleaning slung over her shoulder, held by her hand encased in fitted and matched gloves. She stopped in at the bank and returned the now clean coat. Mr. Mueller was pleasantly surprised to see the change in her.

  “Looks like you’ve been shopping,” he smiled at her, seeing the delight on her face.

  “I needed a few things,” she indicated the coat and suitcase. “I wanted to return this,” she unslung the coat and handed him the hanger.

  “Oh, thank you. That was not really necessary…” he began.

  “Sure it was, and I thank you for the other day,” she told him, realizing how much had happened since then. “Is Betsy around?” she asked.

  “She’s left for the day,” he told her, wondering why she was looking for the teller. He had a momentary worry that perhaps the teller had somehow offended this important customer. She would lose her job if she had.

  “Could you give her this?” Joy asked, pulling the envelope from her purse. He could see Betsy’s name on the sealed packet.

  “Of course,” he said politely, wondering what it contained and slightly annoyed that it was sealed.

  “Thank you,” she said and turned to go, the suitcase behind her.

  “Ms. Parker,” he stopped her.

  “Yes?” she turned back, less fearful than she had been the previous time she’d been there. In fact, walking into the bank she’d really been okay with it.

  “Remember, if you want to talk about those other accounts anytime, please call me,” he rushed.

  She smiled. “Yes, I’ll get to that eventually,” she promised.

  He returned her smile, seeing how much more confident she really was. The clothes made a huge difference.

  “Have a nice day,” she said politely as she turned away again.

  “Have a nice day,” he repeated back, but she was walking away, a confident stride in her step, not at all the homeless waif she had been the other day. He wondered what she had been up to. In fact, his curiosity had him pull up her accounts to see the activity and he viewed the credit card usage. Not a lot had been spent, but the purchases at Boston Store hadn’t come through yet. All he saw was the food she had purchased as well as the few clothes at some stores in the mall. He wondered if the young woman would go on a spending spree. He hoped he had given her sound advice that she would follow. It would be a shame to see her go through that kind of money.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Joy was feeling good. She’d made some small decisions and each one made her feel more confident in herself. Buoyed by this feeling, she still didn’t want to take a taxi. Instead, she marched confidently down the avenue and towards her hotel. She looked in the store windows a little differently. No longer would she just have to wish, she could have. She didn’t want junk though, she wanted nice things. Then she started thinking about where she would keep those nice things. Did she want an apartment? A house? She couldn’t stay at the hotel forever, although she had heard of such things. She knew there were nicer hotels too, but for now she was content. She continued her march, the snow starting as she reached the driveway for the hotel. She smiled at the desk clerk and headed for the elevator. Feeling better about using such technology, she got the green light for her room key on the first try. She wheeled her suitcase int
o the room and set up the luggage rack for it. Unpacking her purchases, she tried everything on once more and then, removing the price tags, she packed it all away, hanging up those things that needed it. She looked at the pathetically few items she owned. They would nowhere near fill the suitcases she had purchased, but that was okay. She didn’t need much, not yet.

  She decided to go down to the coffee shop for dinner, not turning on the television and missing the lead story all about the new millionaire in Milwaukee. The driver’s license picture, which was several years old, did her no justice. Blissfully unaware of the main news story on the television and the one in the newspaper, she was also unaware of the new ad that had appeared in the Milwaukee Journal—Joy Louise Parker, please contact Cecelia, Patricia, Stewart, or Randall and it gave a phone number. The phone began to ring off the hook as reporters, TV stations, and the unscrupulous began to ply them for information. The ‘childhood’ that her siblings would tell about Joy Parker was much different than Joy herself would have told, much less recognized.

  As she quietly ate her dinner, she felt full very soon after she started, not used to eating regular meals or so much at one time. She thought about what she was going to do the following day. For some reason the pictures and documents under that floor were nagging her. With that in mind, she stopped and looked at the phone book in the restaurant. Finding what she needed, she pulled a quarter out of her pocket to call one of the agencies she found.