My Paper Heart

by Vernon, Magan

"Aunt Dee is a really amazing cook." I beamed. "Probably the best in the whole Parrish."

  "Yeah, it looks like you haven't missed too many of her meals either." My dad smiled.

  My mom and sister froze. I don't think either of them were completely oblivious to the events of the past year. I remembered last Thanksgiving where my mom witnessed me eating an entire pumpkin pie, and then spend the next half an hour in the guest bathroom with the water on. But for some reason it actually didn't faze me. I just smiled back at my dad and took another huge bite of lamb. I wasn't scared of what fights could ensue or anything else my parents could throw at me.

  "Well, we do actually have a reason that we gathered you all here tonight." My mom grabbed my dad's hand.

  "Oh, us first!" Beth protested, pounding her fist on the table like a little kid.

  "Alright Beth, I guess you first." My dad smiled, taking a big gulp of his water. I noticed he didn't have a glass of bourbon or scotch or any alcohol, odd. I was surprised that he didn't get angry either.

  "Well." Beth beamed at Ben and grabbed his hand. "Ben and I are expecting a little bundle of joy!"

  She looked back at us.

  My dad almost choked on his water and my mom squealed with delight. Before I knew it, everyone was jumping around the table and hugs and kisses were flying about. I honestly had no idea that they were even trying, or hell, that he could still shoot straight. I found out her due date was in March, so she was about a month and a half pregnant. She had been keeping it in for that past couple of weeks so she could wait until everyone was together to tell us.

  It was actually kind of nice that she wanted to include me. I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing that Blaine wasn't there. He was an uncle himself, but this was something that was my own. My first time being an aunt, and I knew that baby would be more spoiled than any other living creature.

  The screaming and hugging went on for what seemed like hours before we all sat back down and mom cleared her throat to get all of our attention.

  "Okay, now for our news!" My mom clasped her hands together as she sat back down at the table.

  "Your father and I have finally sold the house. We close at the end of the month and finally get to move into the condo at Trump tower!" she spilled with delight.

  "Well, will there be enough room for the baby when we visit?" Beth questioned. I loved my sister, but of course Beth was always first.

  "There are three bedrooms, and a den. So we should have enough room for Libby, the baby, and an office." My dad smiled.

  "Um, well you probably don't have to worry too much about a room for me. I can just get an air mattress when I come home," I said between bites of lamb.

  "Well you'll need a bedroom, Libby where else are you supposed to stay while you go to school?" My mom cocked an eyebrow.

  I wasn't sure what to say. My goal of the summer was ultimately to get back into school, but now I didn't know what I wanted. To go back to Louisiana and work at the antique shop forever? Maybe try and get back into Illinois State? I was still treading water and coming back home made me feel like I was drowning.

  "Well, that's something we can discuss later." My dad changed the subject. Obviously I wasn't a high priority. "Tonight we celebrate!"

  He raised his glass and we all clinked ours together. My sister was having a baby, my parents were getting a new house, and I was rejected by my boyfriend. What a day to celebrate.

  Chapter 24

  Kristi wanted to take all of her bridesmaids out a couple days before the wedding to The Pleasant Hill Spa to have a day of pampering. And of course to get beautified for her wedding. I started putting on sweat pants and a tank top, since it was a spa I thought I should be comfortable, and then realized I was in Chicago and going out with a bunch of sorority girls. It was like that first night in Louisiana. I thought my image was everything and I knew they would be judging me by it. I instead put on a pair of jeans and a white tank top. I didn't have time to do anything with my hair and figured that shouldn't matter too much. I just threw it up in a ponytail as I headed out the door.

  The spa was out on the North Shore, so it wasn't too far from my parents’ place. It had been awhile since I drove through town and was like going through a different world. I longed for the willow trees and swamp grass of Elsbury, and even more I really wanted Blaine at my side.

  But I put on a happy face as I ran through the doors of the spa. This was going to be the same resort that Kristi would be getting married at in just a few days; as she would tell us over and over. I couldn't miss the girls when I walked in. Leave it to a bunch of sorority girls to be completely made up to go to the spa.

  "Libby LOL, we were hoping you didn't get stuck in the swamp or something!" Kristi screamed and ran over to me. I wish she would just say laugh out loud instead of abbreviating it or even just laugh or something, but that was Kristi.

  Kristi was also the type of girl that didn't leave the house unless she was completely made up. Her red hair was newly highlighted with blonde streaks and perfectly straightened before put in a bumped up ponytail that had to take her hours. But she made it look messy as if she only took a few minutes to do it. Since she was a natural redhead she didn't tan and the orange glow about her was obviously from a spray tan. And even though we were supposed to be getting facials and massages, she couldn't help but layer on the liquid eyeliner and foundation. I guess one needs liquid eyeliner to match a hot pink bride t-shirt?

  "Hey Kristi." I smiled, doing a weak little wave.

  "Oh my, look at what the south has done to your hair!" She took her tiny hands to tousle my ponytail. "Someone forgot to pack her straightener!"

  The rest of the bridal party giggled in the background.

  "Well I guess that's why I'm at the spa." I shrugged.

  "Now, is that hunk of southern man with you or did you leave him at home with the dog?" She stood on her tippy toes to look around me.

  "I saw his pictures on Facebook. Sign me up for one of those!" One of the other bridesmaids piped up.

  "Um…" I bit on my lower lip looking down. "He actually didn't come to Chicago at all," I whispered.

  "Oh."

  Everyone got really quiet for a minute before the lady at the front desk called our party back for manicures. I was glad for the interruption, but knew that wasn't the end of it.

  ∞

  We were getting our pedicures. Kristi sat two girls down from me and I had another sorority sister on each side. Kristi was the golden only child, so her wedding was not only an elaborate jester, but everything down to the bridal party was big. There were ten of us and we took up the entire room.

  "So, I guess Beau's been asking about you all summer." Lacey, who was next to me in the chair, poked me with a freshly manicured nail.

  "Yeah, and?" I leaned back in my chair as the lady scrubbed my foot furiously with pumice.

  "Well he is going to be at the wedding tomorrow and you know, since it doesn't look like you have a date," she remarked.

  Not only was Beau not someone I wanted to talk about, but Lacey was one of his many little trysts. Of course she says it was all a big mistake. They were really drunk at a party. But when you think about sisterhood, I don't really think you should be sleeping with your sister's boyfriend. Of course, being the timid Libby, I was trying to please everyone. I just shrugged it off and accepted her apology. Now I realize I shouldn't have been such a pushover.

  "I think I would rather go dateless, than ever touch Beau again with anything less than a ten foot pole covered in saran wrap."

  The girls all ooh'ed followed by a round of giggles.

  "It looks like the south gave Libby some balls." Another girl quipped, again followed by a round of giggles.

  "But really Libby," Kristi piped in. "What happened with Louisiana boy anyway? I mean, from your Facebook statuses I thought things were going good."

  I would have discussed this with Kristi, but the truth was I really didn't want to. She gave me the
advice to tell him that I loved him, that didn't work. In all reality I felt like she didn't really care what happened with Blaine and me. I wasn't saying she was a selfish person, but the only child syndrome really turned her into a bridezilla. Twice today I had seen her scream at an employee, and not just raise her voice, but an all-out nostril flare screaming.

  "You know, I guess it was just a summer fling or whatever." I shrugged, hoping soon the subject would go back to Kristi.

  "Speaking of summer love." Lacey piped.

  Kristi's phone started ringing. Of course her ring tone was the bridal march. Gag.

  "It's Gabe!" She squealed before putting the phone to her ear.

  "Hey Gabey, I missed you so much!" She cooed in a baby voice.

  I almost kicked the lady at my feet. That was almost exactly what I said to Blaine in the bar when I was trying to make a show in front of his ex.

  Kristi went on with her baby talk before she said her good byes and went on for about five minutes of 'No you hang up first.' I was stunned. Kristi had a degree in business finance, not just some blow off degree, but a genuine business degree. She was on the honor roll and even did an internship with a Fortune 500 company. But for her fiancé or her sorority sisters, she turned into a thirteen-year-old girl.

  And then it hit me. That's what I had turned myself into the past school year, and that wasn't me. The realest I had ever felt was when I was in Louisiana. When Aunt Dee let me do the books, no one else had ever had the confidence in me. And when Blaine would talk to me, he wasn't trying to dumb anything down, or trying to just use flirtatious jokes to get what he wanted. No, he wanted to talk to me, Libby. The real Libby Gentry.

  ∞

  After dinner with the girls it was getting pretty late. They wanted to go downtown, but I told the girls my parents wanted me home early. I lied, but I had to make a phone call and it was the only call where I was for sure, I would get some answers.

  "Hey, you were the last person I was expecting to get a call from."

  I could hear the low voices of the evening news in the background while Dina spoke. I knew she would be home on a Wednesday night.

  "Yeah, I know, but friends call each other right?"

  I was sitting alone in the McDonalds parking lot. Almost everywhere had laws against driving and talking on cell phones, and I didn't want to go home to have this conversation. I thought I'd better be safe than sorry.

  "What do you want, Libby? No, Blaine hasn't come over and tried to seduce me." Her voice sounded annoyed.

  "Have you seen him or heard anything about him?" I figured she had to have heard some sort of gossip. It was a small town after all.

  "All of us sure were surprised when you left for Chicago without him." I could hear her almost whistling through her snaggleteeth.

  "I've tried everything Dina!" I was almost in tears now.

  "I've called, texted, e-mailed, Facebook messaged. And still I've heard nothing. And I want to come back to Elsbury more than anything. I love working at the shop. I love living with Aunt Dee, and I truly love Blaine. I just…" A single mascara-ridden tear fell down my facial. "I don't know what to do."

  I could hear her breathing deeply. It was almost a full minute before she finally answered. "I’m only doing this because I like you." She rambled off a number.

  "Dina, I don't need some sort of booty call," I protested, wiping my face with the back of my hand.

  "It aint no booty call, that's Jackson's number. Blaine should be over there or at least with Jackson. If he's not, Jackson should have some answers."

  "Do you think he'll pick up for me?" I sniffled.

  "Well there is only one way to find out."

  ∞

  I couldn't call right away. I just didn't have it in me and it was hard to get up the courage to do it. So I drove home. Before entering the house I made sure I didn't look like a hot mess. I, of course, after spending a day at the spa, did look like an overdone beauty queen. But that was about the end of it.

  It was nine o'clock. Mom was upstairs in her office going over some files and Dad was sitting in front of the TV watching a Cubs game, but strangely not a single drop of liquor to be found.

  I tried to slowly creep past him, not to disturb him. I didn't want to be lectured or have to answer a million questions.

  "Hey, Libby."

  I stopped and did an about face toward the den, popping my head in, hoping to quickly get up to my bedroom.

  "Hey, Dad."

  He patted the seat next to him on the couch, something he hasn't done since I was in middle school. I reluctantly crossed the room and sat down next to him.

  I didn't want a lecture and that's what I was afraid was coming, but instead he smiled.

  "You know Libby, I have been keeping in contact with Aunt Dee whether you know it or not, and I just want you to know that I am really proud of you."

  I almost choked on my own saliva. I didn’t remember my dad ever saying he was proud of me. Hell, or even seeing my dad sitting around without a glass of some sort of brown liquid in his hand.

  "You know in high school you were insecure. You just poured yourself into your music and then just labeled yourself as a band geek. Then you go off to college. I think, you know things will change she'll find herself there." He shrugged.

  He then turned toward me. In truth there were a lot of features that I had of my mom's, but no one could deny that my dad and I had the same brown eyes. His eyes were usually full of fury, but this time they had softened as he looked at me. I guess I not only had my dad's height, but I had his smile as well.

  "Then you go to Louisiana, which I expect to be a punishment, and you'd be begging to come back and start working at my office. But you didn't. You stuck it out and it's really made you the young woman that I always thought you were."

  He patted my knee and looked off dreamily.

  "My mom loved Elsbury, you know. And she was a lot like you when she was younger. Then she fell in love with a boy from the North and moved us up here and they said she left her wild past. The love of her life really changed her, made her the woman she always knew she was."

  He looked down at me.

  "Now I'm not saying go off and marry this Blaine kid, or that you should run off with him. But what I am saying is that I am happy with what Elsbury has made of you, and I think it's the woman I always knew you were. You left Chicago a girl and you became a woman."

  He stopped talking and patted my knee.

  "Now come here and give your old man a kiss so we can stop this sappy moment." He smiled and opened his arms.

  They were some of the nicest words my dad had ever said to me, and I knew I had to make that phone call to Jackson.

  Slowly I crept back up to my room and closed the door. Sally of course, was right at my heels and happily licked my wrists once she jumped on the bed next to me.

  I had the number written on a crumbled napkin and I slowly punched in the number. It was now or never.

  "Y'ello, this is Jackson." A slow, southern drawn voice called.

  "Hey Jackson, its Libby."

  I could hear voices in the background and the sound of the TV. Some sort of video game was being played. I could hear Blaine's voice over everyone else's. Maybe it was just because it was the one I was used to the most.

  "Hey, hold on just one sec." I could hear him moving as he spoke. Soon the voices inside the house had stopped and I heard the creak of a door, and the chirps of grasshoppers and other nightly creatures.

  "Libby if you really needed a date to the wedding that bad you should have asked me before Blaine. I already own a suit," He joked.

  I couldn't help but smile. "No Jackson, that's not why I called."

  "I know, I know. You like them blonde and moody," he quipped. "Well if you want to know the truth, the boy is miserable. Anytime he sees any sort of tall blonde girl I’m afraid he's going to start yelling your name."

  "Really?" I sat up and Sally stirred in my lap.

 
"Libby you know the boy's in love with you. I've tried to talk to his stupid ass about it, but he just keeps ignoring it, changing the subject or grunting."

  "Well, what am I supposed to do? He's the one that stood me up at the airport. I put my heart out there." I tried to maintain my composure, and I really had to stop this being on the brink of tears thing.

  "Libby, darling. The boy may look like a tough ol' guy, but he's honestly just a big puppy that didn't want to be left alone in the backyard again. So he thinks if he runs now he won't get left alone."

  Leave it to Jackson to use dog analogies.

  "Hold on one second honey." I could hear him set the phone down. It had to be on something rusted because it creaked through the speaker.

  Then more creaking in the background and muffled voices before someone picked the phone back up.

  "Hello?"

  It was Blaine. My heart stopped. I couldn't breathe.

  "Uh, hello? Is anyone there?"

  "Blaine? It's me." I whispered.

  I was afraid he would hang up, or just say something horrible. He didn't. Instead the sound of crickets grew louder and the sound of his work boots against the pavement rattled over the phone.

  "Libby?" He questioned.

  "Look Blaine. I hate what you did to me. I hate the fact that you couldn't say that you loved me back. I hate it even more that you felt like since we had an argument you couldn't still come with me to Kristi's wedding. But the truth is, whether you love me or not, I still want you here. I still want you in my life."

  "Libby, I don't know what to say. All I can really say is that I’m sorry. I fucked up big this time." His voice almost squeaked with nervousness.

  "I can forgive you Blaine. I really want to. You’re my biggest reason for wanting to come back to Elsbury. I miss the south. I miss Aunt Dee, but most of all I miss you," I blurted.

  "Can you honestly say that you love me, Libby? After all the hell I've put you through?" I could hear him pacing. His boots crunched against the pavement of Jackson’s back patio.

  "From our first meeting when I called you names, to our fights about sex, to me not telling you that I loved you; can you say that after all that, you still love me?" I could hear him breathing, it was heavy and slow. It was a lot of emotion for him at once. I didn't think any guy is really good with any kind of emotion, and every time we did fight, he usually handled it with frustration. This was the first time I actually heard him just lay it all out on the line.