Lost in Distraction

by BJ Harvey

  I tell Shay everything. What I felt when I saw Elle’s photo in the file, the sorrow I felt reading about her background, and the tragedy of losing her family. Nobody should ever have to face losing their world in one fateful night. It was just pure luck she was not there too.

  I finish my verbal confession to Shay with the kiss. It may not have been a ‘hold on to your coat tails’ kind of kiss, or a deep plunging exploration of each other, but it was mind blowing all the same. A kiss that showed the possibilities, the desire to do more.

  All in all, a total and utter mind fuck.

  Shay looks at me, shaking his head, “Dude, you know this can’t happen. You’re putting everything at risk, especially her.”

  “I know man, but it’s like we’re magnets. She is amazing. She is surprisingly strong and she has no idea how beautiful she is. There is no sense of entitlement or ego. She doesn’t let anybody get close and from what the file says, she hasn’t let anybody get close for a very long time. But she seems to be opening up to me.”

  “B, you can’t do this. You’ll get pulled off the job if Gibbons finds out,” he says, desperate for me to see sense.

  “Only if they find out, Shay. I’m not going to tell them and I know you won’t, either. Maybe getting closer to her will help me protect her. She might confide in me and I might be able to find out more about her father’s business and any deals he had going. Isn’t that what Gibbons is hoping for? To find out about her and her father?”

  I’m desperately trying to justify my position here, and I can tell Shay isn’t buying it.

  “I trust you, B. I know you’ll do the best by us and the job. Just be careful, okay?”

  It is as sentimental as we ever get with each other. None of that man hugging business or whacked out handshakes here. “Yeah, man. Now give me the low-down about these developments you mentioned earlier.”

  And just like that, we’re back to business.

  Shay and I leave the bar around midnight, and I walk by Elle’s apartment just as a precautionary check. I look up and see her lights are off and smile. I hope I haven’t freaked her out too much with the kiss. I couldn’t stop myself. The moment she turned towards me, and I saw that she was battling with her own conscience over what to do next, I made the decision for her. God, I can’t wait until I can kiss her again, but next time it’ll be a deep, plunging, mind-bending kiss that leaves her burning for more. I walk over to my parked car down the road from her place and settle in for the night.

  After lying in bed for a good hour, I decide I need to get up and do something constructive with my Saturday. I shower and make some eggs for breakfast before I decide to go for a run, changing into my yoga pants and a tank top. When I reach the street, I turn towards the park and notice a man sitting in his car a few feet away from my building. He’s just sitting there, looking around. That is a bit weird. Maybe he’s waiting for something? I shrug my shoulders and push play on my mp3. A song about being the only girl in the world blasts in my ears and I start running, the song setting a nice easy rhythm to move to. I may not have known him for very long but already this song reminds me of Brax. When we’re together, he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in his world.

  It’s nice.

  I started running a year after the murders. I was struggling to leave the house on a daily basis and just wanted to shut myself away from the world. My therapist suggested I try running, and it was the best suggestion anyone ever made. It is a great coping mechanism, helping me clear my mind and block out the world for an hour or two.

  But today, I can’t get the kiss with Braxton off my mind. Thinking of his lips on mine makes them tingle again. It was so intense I could barely breathe. Just mere inches apart and staring into those ice blue eyes of his, I was lost. And, to be honest, I don’t know that I want to be found.

  A song about Bonnie and Clyde starts playing in my ears and I slow down to a slow jog as I approach my building. I know I need to cool down and stretch so that my muscles don’t seize up. I learned that lesson the hard way. I check my watch—it’s been about thirty minutes—and when I look back up I see that the guy in the car is still here. He’s just sitting in his car, but looking down like he’s trying not to be noticed. I pause when I realize he could be a photographer or a journalist. It’s no secret that I’m going to college on the East Coast, but I thought they’d leave me alone now.

  Obviously not.

  Shaking my head I turn up my music and start running, I need to clear my head.

  Shay calls me bright and early to inform me Elle has gone for a run. I scramble out of my bed and throw on some shorts and black wife-beater along with my running shoes. A quick splash of water to my face and I’m out the door, running towards the park. Shay can’t move from his post outside her building, not without it looking obvious, so I have to follow her instead. My mp3 player changes songs and suddenly I’m running along with a song about losing yourself to the music blasting in my ears. I smile to myself. It’s a fucking fantastic song to run to.

  I reach the park and see Elise running in the distance ahead of me. She’s in her own little bubble again. I can see headphones in her ears so she must be listening to music, like me. I wonder what she likes to run to. Maybe pop songs, chicks love that shit.

  I adjust my pace to match hers, but make sure that I’m far enough behind that I’m not noticeable. I wish I could just tell her I’m watching out for her. Maybe the closer we get, the more I can admit. I chastise myself. No, she can’t ever know. There goes that conscience again.

  She starts heading for her building after about an hour. I stop when she’s around the corner from her place and text Shay to tell him he’s on again. I turn around and start walking back to my house. A good way to cool down and stretch my muscles at the same time. While my phone is still in my hand, I decide to text Elise. I can’t wait to see her again. I hope it’s not soon. Maybe she’s shut down again after our kiss. A light hearted text message will gauge how she’s feeling this morning.

  Brax: Hey babe, how are you this morning?

  Elise: Hey yourself. I’m great, just got in from a run. Pegged you for the sleep-in-late type

  Brax: LOL. Nope, early bird gets the worm and all that. Want to hang out later. I can come over this afternoon

  She doesn’t reply straight away. Shit. Time to back track.

  Brax: or we could just meet somewhere, no pressure or anything

  Damn she’s still not replying.

  I get home, and I hop in the shower, needing to cool off after my run and thoughts about Elle’s ass moving up and down in front of me. I tried not to look but hell, I’m a guy and she has a nice ass. Especially when she runs. I check my phone again when I get back to my room and I’m relieved to see a text from her.

  Elise: Hey, no my place sounds good. We could watch a movie or something. What do you like to watch?

  I want to say thrillers, but I stop myself.

  Brax: Drama or comedy, I’m pretty easy.

  Elise: *Giggles* I bet you are.

  I crack up laughing. I didn’t realize she’d take it like that, but damn she is cute as hell. She has a bit of spunk to her and I can just imagine her sitting there with a grin. Two can play this game.

  Brax: Bet you’d love to find out. See you in about an hour?

  Elise: Yeah, sounds good. I’ll find something for us to watch. See you soon.

  After a quick tidy up of the house, I have a super quick shower and put some makeup on. I want to look good for Brax.

  His text kind of threw me for a loop. I honestly didn’t expect to hear from him so soon. I check Netflix to find a movie we can watch, secretly glad he didn’t say he liked thrillers or horror. I’ve had moments in the past where certain scenes have triggered a panic attack and I’ll never be able to watch horror movies again. I settle on a movie about a college music competition, something light and funny.

  I’m putting together some snacks in the kitchen when I hear the doorbell. I open
the door to see Brax standing there with Chinese takeout and a ridiculously cute grin on his face. I let him in and can’t help but grin. That warm feeling is back. After being cold inside for so long I find I’m welcoming it. And the more time I spend with Brax, the more I feel it. I grab some plates, and we set our food on the coffee table.

  “So what are we watching, babe?” Brax asks while dishing up his plate.

  I look at him, raising my eyebrow at his term of endearment.

  “Babe?” I say with a smile.

  “Aww come on, Elle. It just slipped out,” he explains with a cute grin that makes me melt.

  I can’t help but smile back. “It’s okay. To tell you the truth, I kind of like it,” I reply, avoiding his gaze. I haven’t got a lot of experience at this flirting thing, but he’s making it easy.

  The movie starts and we sit on opposite ends of the couch, enjoying our food and watching college kids trying to sing in tune. I can’t help but laugh at the silliness of it. As I giggle away, almost forgetting that I have company, I glance over and see Brax turned to his side, watching me. He lifts his arm onto the top of the couch, gesturing for me to join him. I move over a bit so I can lean into him and rest my head in the crook of his shoulder. Wow, I’m enveloped in heat now. Not just warmth, but it is pure unadulterated heat. I can feel his heartbeat through his chest and its racing almost as fast as mine. Shit, I’ve never felt anything like this before. What’s going on?

  The moment I looked up at him I knew he was going to kiss me and there was no way in hell I was going to stop him. As he leans down and takes my mouth, I open my lips to him, granting him access.

  For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m home.

  Chapter Five

  The past few weeks seem to have flown by.

  Brax and I have seen each other most days, except for the nights when he has school work to do. We talk, we cook, we watch movies, and we make out for hours. God, I am already so addicted to him and the way he makes me feel. I catch him just staring at me sometimes, and the smile he gives me makes me melt, but I’m not ready to go any further than kissing just yet. I haven’t been with anyone like that for a long time, and it’s not something I’m in a hurry to do. I want it to be with someone I love instead of a casual hook-up to get past the pain like I’ve done in the past.

  The one thing I’ve missed out on by shutting everyone out is female friends. I don’t have any, not even someone remotely close. I don’t have to work for obvious reasons, so all I have in my life is school, my apartment and Brax. I miss having someone to talk to about everything, a girlfriend I can confide in, but I haven’t known any different for the past three years. I’d like to have someone to talk about Brax with.

  I smile whenever I think of him. I haven’t seen him since Sunday and it’s now Tuesday night. I sent him a text earlier asking if he wanted to go grab some dinner somewhere. He texted back saying he might have a late study group, but would let me know.

  So here I am in a tank top and pajama pants, sitting on my couch on a Tuesday night in the middle of September, watching a menial television game show. I hear a knock at the door and rush up to answer it, thinking it could be Brax surprising me. I open the door, but instead of Brax, I’m met by my father’s business partner, Harold Brimstone. Harry and Sylvia were very close with my parents when I was growing up so he’s always been Uncle Harry to me. However, he has always made me feel uneasy, even as a kid. I don’t know what it is about him, but he comes across as shady. He is the acting CEO of Brightlight Industries, my father’s… I mean, my company now. He is in charge of everything until I finish school and take over from him.

  My father effectively mapped out my future for me before he died. It’s not that I don’t want my father’s company. It is his legacy that he built from the ground up, but I just don’t like being expected to run it.

  Realizing Harold is still standing in my doorway, I open the door and gesture him inside. He has a quick look around and sits down in the loveseat I have next to the window. “How are you, Elise?” he asks, looking me over.

  “I’m good, Uncle Harry. What brings you across the country for a visit?” My voice drips with dissent.

  He’s aware that I don’t like him and by the way he seems to revel in making me uncomfortable I’m sure the feeling is mutual. “No need to be like that, Elle. I just wanted to see how you were doing and make sure you were all settled in. This place is great for you,” he says as he gets up and starts walking around the room.

  “It’s Elise, not Elle, and thanks, I like it,” I state defiantly. I wonder what his game is this time.

  For the past two years he has been in my face about the business. I know the ins and outs of my father’s last wishes and the company’s constitution. I remember Harold was seething when my father’s will was read out and he found out about all of the changes made before his death. The changes basically prevent Harold from taking over a controlling stake in the company while I am still alive. As the true CEO, I am the only one with the power to make any constitution changes in the future, including any that would allow him to buy my shares. This is something that he has hounded me about for the past year or so.

  I was recently informed by a number of the directors that he has been working to increase his stake in the company and currently owns a 40% share, but as the majority shareholder who holds 60% of the company, I’m not looking to give up my controlling stake and this is a decision that dear old Uncle Harry can’t accept.

  Before I moved out here, he would constantly ask me if I had changed my mind. This is the first time he has visited me since I moved to the opposite side of the country, though.

  “What’s this about, Uncle Harry?”

  I’m annoyed at his presence now, knowing exactly why he has gone out of his way to visit.

  “I was in New York for business and thought I’d pop in to check on you. You are very important to me, you know.” His words sound sincere, but they are lined with distaste. “I also wanted to check whether you had considered my buy-out proposal any further since the last time we spoke.”

  As I said, he can’t accept that I’m not interested.

  With the most impeccable timing in the world, there is another knock at the door and this time I know it must be Brax. I open the door and he has a gorgeous smile on his face, holding a pizza box from the same pizzeria from our first date. As he leans in to give me a welcoming kiss, he spots Harry over my shoulder and suddenly tenses up.

  What’s the matter with him? I hope he doesn’t think there is anything gross going on.

  “Brax, this is Harry Brimstone, the CEO of Brightlight Industries, my father’s company. He was friends with my father,” I explain, totally confused by Brax’s suddenly stoic behavior.

  He shuts the door as he enters, walking straight past Uncle Harry when he holds his hand out to shake Brax’s. Wow, this is totally unlike Brax. He’s never rude to anyone. Harry tilts his head a bit, like he is trying to work out who Brax is, before returning his attention back to me.

  “Elise, dear. I must get going, but do ring me if you change your mind. It can all be settled rather quickly when you make the right decision,” he says to me quietly, pulling me in for an awkward hug. I jerk myself away from him quickly and make my way to the front door to show him the way out.

  Once he has gone and the door is closed and locked, I walk straight into the kitchen and stand on the opposite side of the counter to Brax, glaring at him. “What was that all about?”

  All he does is shrug his shoulders. “I don’t like him. He seems sketchy.”

  I can’t believe he is being so nonchalant about his behavior. He’s never met Uncle Harry before and he’s acting like he can’t stand the man. Before I can stew about it any longer he puts his hand behind my neck and pulls me towards him, giving me the most spine tingling kiss I’ve ever had. It’s hot, desperate, and there is no doubt that his intention is to shut me up on the matter.

  It works.


  He pulls away, and I just stare at him. He has literally just kissed me speechless.

  After demolishing a whole pizza between us, we attempt to watch Dirty Dancing. I say attempt because we manage to watch ten minutes of the movie before I am pushed down on the sofa by Brax and we proceed to make out like teenagers.

  Considering that up until three weeks ago I would avoid any contact with other people, I’m finding this all comes very naturally to me. Brax makes it easy to relax and helps stop me from thinking too much. I’ve never had anyone make me feel the way he does. From the first moment I saw him in class, I could feel him. He was like a small light shining through the darkness that was my life. My dark side has been all I’ve known for the past three years, so any light seems to shine brighter. I’m scared if I open up to Brax and tell him what I’ve been through, he might run the other away. Is it better to tell him and lose him now, or wait until we’re beyond the point of no return and have his rejection crush me?

  Sleeping in bed later that night, I have a nightmare far worse than any I’ve had before. I wake up at 2 a.m. shaking and covered in sweat. Even though I’m awake, I still feel like something is closing in on me. I’ve never had one as bad as this before. I grab my phone and quickly text Brax.

  Elle: I think I need you to come back.

  Instead of texting me back, my phone starts ringing straight away and the caller ID shows that it is him.

  “Hello?” I answer shakily, still reeling.

  “Babe, what’s wrong?” he asks. I can hear the worry in his voice.

  “Sorry for waking you up. I just had a bad dream, and I’m feeling a bit unsettled.” I feel really bad for disturbing him now because he sounds really worried about me.