He turned off the car. "May I come in?"
"All right."
Jack waited on the couch while Lauren took Skippy out for a short walk. He prayed for direction while she was outside. When she came back, he was ready.
"Come sit beside me."
He waited until she dropped on the couch.
"I want to make you happy, Lauren. You seem happy when we're together. Explain to me why you object to my presence."
"You'll be here for a few months then you're off to Central America. Why should I leave myself wide open for more disappointment? You're different. I don't know how I feel when you're around. You can be friends and be satisfied. I don't know that I can. You talk about God all the time." She continued. "I don't know I want to listen to that for five months. I'm tired of feeling pain. I'm tired of hurting all the time."
"Lauren, everyone feels pain. You can't shut yourself away from it. God can shoulder those burdens for you."
"I've been just fine for the past year without any help from you or God."
"The first few times I saw you, you didn't look fine. You looked half-dead."
She jumped up. "Losing your parents can make you feel that way."
"People die all the time. It's part of life."
"That's your great answer? Don't tell me how to grieve."
He stood and walked toward her. "You're not grieving, you're acting like some spoiled princess locked away in a tower. You think you can punish your parents by refusing to live or feel? Or are you punishing God because the last thing your mother ever said to you was to trust Him?"
Lauren pulled back her hand and slapped Jack with all her pent-up frustration and anger. He saw it coming and could have stopped her, but he didn't. For a moment she looked at him as if she hated him, but he tried to show her compassion. Her face crumpled.
"You are so full of yourself. Get out."
"I'm sorry, Lauren. I don't mean..." He turned and left. What else could he do? He'd already said more than he should.
He drove home, replaying the conversation over and over in his mind. Could he have said it differently? Should he have waited to confront her desire to waste away? Was he refusing to see any way but his own?
He trailed out to the beach and sat on his dock. With the whole expanse of heaven before him, the Lord felt closer. God, open her eyes to your truth. Open my eyes. Let Lauren feel your love. Show me, what comes next? Do I push or wait? Silence greeted his thoughts, but he did feel God's peace settle over him like a mantle. Thank you, Lord, I'll wait on You.
He sat outside for a while, letting the stillness minister to him. He glanced at Lauren's house occasionally, but when the lights went out, he turned and went up the steps to his cottage. Tomorrow was another day.
Lauren relived the scene with Jack over and over. She couldn't believe he'd said those things to her. She couldn't believe she slapped him. Why was God doing this to her? Why do You keep sending people You're going to snatch away from me? I know You're doing this to me on purpose. Well, it won't work. This is my life. I can take care of myself.
Immediately, she remembered Jack's voice. "No bother. I enjoy taking care of you."
Was God trying to tell her something? She went to bed.
Chapter 5
The next morning Lauren got up late and sat on the porch. She half expected Jack to come over or call, but she didn't hear from him all day, or the next, or the next. When days turned into weeks, she eventually quit checking her machine for messages. She stopped hurrying home to see if there was some ridiculously silly note on the back door. Valentines' Day came and went. She stopped caring. Almost.
Work began to occupy more and more of her time. Thankfully, Peter Wright had been spending a lot of time in Destin, trying to further their firm's interests there. When he popped into her office one day, Lauren was surprised and not exactly thrilled to see him. She frowned.
"Lauren, I've tried to give you space and time to forgive me. Can't we be friends? I want to take you out."
"I forgive you, Peter. You don't need to take me out."
"I'll believe you if you let me take you out...anywhere you want. I won't try to touch you. We'll go as friends. In fact, you can make it a double-date. Ask Ryan and Sue to go with us."
Lauren wasn't really interested, but this would probably get Ryan and Sue off her back about Jack.
"Fine. Where do you want to go?"
"Dinner and a movie. There are a bunch of new shows coming out this week. We could go out Friday night...your pick."
Jack had always let her pick.
"All right."
Sue called Lauren at the office the next day. "Lauren, what movie do you want to see this weekend? Ryan said Peter is taking the four of us out to eat and to the movies."
"I don't know. Why don't you check the paper and pick something?"
"All right. Where do you want to eat?"
Lauren considered for a second. "Let's go somewhere near the theaters so we don't have to worry about being late for the show."
"Are you ready to talk about what's happening between you and Jack?"
"Nothing's happening. I told him I wasn't interested."
"Lauren, you were more than interested. You were enthralled."
"I haven't heard from him since that night. We...had an argument."
"Don't wait too long, Lauren. He's a grown man. He'll find someone that's not playing hard to get."
"Goodbye, Sue."
The thought of Jack with someone else was not a pleasant thought. What had she expected? The college was full of co-eds more than willing to spend time with an extremely charming and attractive man. And Jack had told her he was tired of being alone.
When Friday came, Lauren left work early so she could go home and relax before Ryan picked her up. She was so uninterested in going out that she didn't even feel like changing her clothes. There was no sense in giving Peter the wrong impression.
At the last minute, she picked something because she knew Ryan would expect it.
When Peter picked her up, he stood at the door, smiling. "You look...incredible. I like those jeans."
His comment barely registered as she brushed past him to walk to the car.
On the way to the restaurant, they made idle chit-chat about the office. Lauren listened half-heartedly, but she was thankful when they met Ryan and Sue.
Throughout dinner, the conversation ebbed and flowed around her. She smiled a lot but contributed little. She didn't have to. Ryan and Peter could talk on any number of subjects. When they veered to work too often, Sue always shifted them away.
At the theater, Peter left Ryan, Sue, and Lauren in the lobby while he went to get tickets. Lauren stood idly drumming her fingers on the side of her purse.
Sue hissed at her. "Lauren, I told you not to wait. Isn't that Jack over there with that blond bombshell hanging on his arm?"
Lauren remembered the woman from her parents' church. What was Jack doing with Kitty Keller? Kitty had invited Lauren several times to join the singles' fellowship nights, but Lauren had always resisted. It didn't appear as if Jack was resisting the vivacious woman with the short blond bob.
The sight of the two of them together gave Lauren a pang in her stomach. Kitty and Jack were perfect specimens of good looks, and they looked as if they were accustomed to each other's company. Kitty held her hand possessively on Jack's arm and hung on his every word, occasionally laughing up at him and batting her eyelashes intimately.
When Jack glanced Lauren's way, their eyes locked and Lauren quit breathing. She was glad she'd changed clothes.
Peter approached with the tickets, and the contact was broken. But Lauren noted the flare of recognition in Jack's eyes when he caught sight of Peter. She didn't know whether to feel ashamed or enraged. Certainly she was mature enough to know whether it was safe to go out with someone or not. Besides, she was with Ryan and Sue.
The line moved forward, and Lauren settled in a seat.
Sue leaned o
ver to whisper. "I don't think Jack liked seeing you with Peter."
"He wasn't alone either, Sue."
"That's your fault."
"Shh, the movie's starting."
Jack's heart took a beating when Peter walked close to Lauren and put his hand on her back. He'd finally gotten so incredibly bored and lonely, he had let Kitty talk him into accompanying the singles group to a movie. What would Lauren think now?
God, I left her to you and look who she's with! How much longer do I have to wait?
Lauren didn't catch much of the movie because her thoughts were trapped in a refrain of conversations she'd had with Jack.
"I need a friend here, and I was blessed enough to find someone that believes the things I do...I know God's love is the greatest thing that ever happened to me...He's taking care of you even though you don't see it...Just be my friend, Lauren...You look…beyond beautiful, gorgeous even...I want to make you happy, Lauren...God can shoulder those burdens for you...You think you can punish your parents by refusing to live or feel? Or are you punishing God because the last thing your mother ever said to you was to trust Him?"
She didn't know how she made it through the ride home with Peter. He rehashed the movie, and she made appropriate sounds at all the right places. She had no idea what he was talking about.
When he pulled in the driveway, he reached for her hand. "Can I come in?"
Lauren opened her door and got out without waiting for him. "Some other time. I'm just exhausted. It was a wonderful evening. Thanks." She ran to her door and went inside.
Lauren quickly got Skippy and went outside. She was so preoccupied by thoughts of Jack that it took several minutes for her to realize she was shaking with cold.
She looked down the beach at Jack's cottage. The lights were off. She'd been wrong. She needed him. Even if he left her, he had something she needed. And he was right, she was happy when she was with him. She walked back to the house. Now what do I do?
Inside, she heard the doorbell ringing. Ugh, I'm not in the mood to argue with Peter. She opened the door, ready to let him have it.
Jack stood outside, leaning against the doorframe. He was still wearing the black, short-sleeved polo and jeans he'd been wearing at the movies. He looked particularly masculine in black. If he hadn't been holding a huge pizza box, she would have vaulted into his arms. He smiled uncertainly.
Lauren looked at the box. "What's on it?"
"Anchovies."
"For me? But you don't like them."
"If we're going to be sharing for the next few months, I better get used to it." He shrugged. "I only put anchovies on half."
With part of her mind, Lauren noticed he was declaring they'd be together for the next few months. The other part responded to his statement. "That's just as bad, the taste bleeds. At least, that's what people say when they try to share with me."
"You're worth it."
When Lauren held out her hand for the box, Jack followed her inside. She put it on the kitchen counter and turned to face him. When she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him, he didn't stop her. He pulled her closer and deepened the kiss.
Oh God, this is what I want, this woman for the rest of my life.
When Jack pulled back, he noticed a tear slide down Lauren's face. They needed to get it out in the open right away.
"What was that for, Lauren?"
"An apology."
"That was the best apology I've ever gotten."
"Can you forgive me? I was nuts."
"I wasn't angry, but I forgive you anyway. Do you forgive me?"
"You were right. I just didn't want to hear it."
His heart leaped. "What are you saying, Lauren?"
"I was angry at God...at my parents. I no longer feel God is trying to punish me. I'm not sure how I feel about Him yet, but you've shown me that knowing God is something far different than I thought. I'm willing to take another look."
Lord, she's so close. Thank you and help me continue to be your witness.
"Are we ready to eat pizza?"
Lauren backed out of his embrace. "I'll get plates. Why don't you grab some drinks?"
"You drinking caffeine tonight?"
She paused while reaching up for the plates. "I think we've got a lot to talk about. I want to be awake for this."
After he blessed the food, they began to eat.
"What changed your mind? Why haven't you called?"
"I didn't change my mind until tonight. When I saw you with Kitty Keller, I felt sick to my stomach."
"So...you're just jealous?"
Lauren put her pizza down and looked directly at Jack. "No. I mean, yes, but that's not what changed my mind. During the movie, I thought about everything you'd said to me. I realized I had thrown away the most precious gift anyone's given me for a long time, unconditional love. You never asked me for anything. You just wanted to be my friend. I was a fool to lose that."
"I don't know what to say."
"Tell me it's not too late. Not too late for us to care about each other, to be real friends, the kind that last."
"I've missed you." He took her hand. "It's not too late. That's what I want. What about that Peter guy?"
"He's been working almost constantly in Destin. I haven't seen him. Tonight was his way of making sure I wasn't holding a grudge. That's the only reason I went...and the fact that Ryan and Sue would be there. What about Kitty?"
Jack rolled his eyes. "A major mistake. I've felt alone the last few days. She caught me at a vulnerable moment on Sunday. I agreed to go with the Singles, but she had more pairing off in mind. I slipped out after the movie while they were all discussing where to go next."
"She's going to be annoyed with you."
"She'll get over it. I knew who I wanted to be with, so I took a chance."
"Why?"
"The look on your face when you saw Kitty. It was one of those truly satisfying moments. I knew you cared, but it threw me when the boyfriend walked up."
"I could kiss you again."
"You better not. How much restraint do you think I have?"
"As much as God gave you."
"Thank you, Lauren. But I'm afraid you think better of me than I really am."
"Not possible, Jack."
They finished their pizza, talking the whole time. Lauren had many things to share with him about developments at the marketing firm. She was beginning to feel passionate about her job.
Ryan had been so impressed with her research lately that he'd asked if she was ready to head up a whole department. They'd never had a research department before. Everyone had done whatever they had to, to get the job done. Ryan felt they were finally large enough to have a research staff.
It was an incredible opportunity for Lauren. She'd have that on her resume if she ever went somewhere else. She had actually developed the research department at a marketing firm.
Jack's news was just as important to him. He found out the junior college had a student Bible study, and he'd gone. He'd been impressed with the whole set-up, so he made it a point to tell his classes they could find him there and what times the club met.
He couldn't share his faith during class, but he did direct class comments on the philosophies they studied. He could support school clubs and announce his schedule to the students, inviting them to join him at the Bible Club. He'd had several students respond.
"Were they girls? I'd have followed you anywhere if you were my teacher."
"Well…follow me to the couch." Jack moved to the sofa. "I've had a couple of girls, but they brought their boyfriends. Especially when I announced the new topic we were going to cover."
"What?" Lauren plopped down beside him.
"Passion. I've been studying the passion of Jesus. Without really understanding what I was asking for, I asked God to fill me with a passion for Him. Then I read Acts 1:3, it says Jesus showed Himself alive after His passion. I looked up that word passion. It means His suffering. So passion involves
suffering. Jesus loving us so much that He not only took away our sin, He became our sin. Jesus showed selfless love no matter the cost to himself.
"I think God expects the same from us. Part of being a friend is learning to lay down your life to love someone else. 'Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.' But I also believe if God gives you a godly passion for something, anything, then you'll never be left with nothing when it's over. God will greatly enrich your life."
"Like when you leave I won't be left with less, I'll be left with more than I had."
"I hope so, Lauren. I know you've given me more than I ever expected to find while I was here in Pensacola."
Lauren's eyes appraised him so warmly he was tempted to lean forward and kiss her. The kiss they'd already shared surpassed his expectations. Had Lauren felt the same?
"Jack?" Lauren cleared her throat.
"Sorry, I hadn't expected you to kiss me. I know you didn't mean anything by it, but it was…special to me."
"I feel the same. It was a bit more than I anticipated when I…it was spontaneous, you know?"
"I think we might need some guidelines. How about no more kissing?"
Lauren turned a serious face to him. "I think you're right. Jack, if I ever caused you to mess up your missionary thing, it would destroy me."
"I can't get over the change in you. It's like meeting you all over again. Maybe I should kiss the new Lauren to see if it's the same."
"Jack!" She pounded his shoulder in exasperation. "Who's tempting who?"
The following Monday, Lauren walked into the office on cloud nine. She ignored the curious glances of other office personnel.
When Lilly walked in Lauren's office with a huge bouquet, Lauren thought of Jack.
"Is this from Peter again?" Lilly asked.
"Peter? Why would he send flowers?"
"Everyone knows you two went out with Ryan and Sue on Friday night."
"Oh, that was nothing."
Lauren pulled out the card. Love, Jack
"They're from my neighbor."
"Are you finally willing to admit he's your beau?"
"He hasn't actually said so, but that's how I feel."
Lilly took the card out of Lauren's hand and read it. She looked back up at Lauren.
Wind on the Sand (The Winds of God) Page 7
