My Fox Ate My Cake

by David Blaze

  My mom had convinced him months ago to buy two dozen eggs because the chickens were farmed raised. He was a hard sell, because he could have gotten them cheaper at the grocery store. He was grateful to get the fresh eggs that came from chickens my great-grandma Rita had raised. But we didn’t know Old Nelly’s eggs were packed in his cartons.

  “I was sick for weeks!” Mr. Bob reminded us for the thousandth time. “I had to eat my food through a straw.” He exaggerated, but there was some truth to it. Old Nelly was my great-grandma’s favorite chicken, but she only laid rotten eggs.

  I looked into the crowd all around the park. I was hoping to find Melissa — she came most Saturdays and we would hang out. Sometimes we would share one of those hamburgers they grilled there. I was disappointed when I didn’t see her. Everyone was wearing jeans and t-shirts. The most popular color of the day was flannel. I thought it was strange when we first came here from the big city, but now here I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt like everyone else.

  “What are you doing with those eggs?” someone said from the side of our table. I smiled because I knew who it was. Mr. Hunter stepped over to me, smiled, and shook my hand. “Good to see you, Joe.” He nodded at my mom. I wondered how he had that long gray mustache and bushy eyebrows, but no hair on his head.

  “Leave him alone,” Mrs. Hunter said when she passed him and hugged my mom. She used to have some brown in her hair, but it had turned completely gray. “He’s got better things to do than talk to an old geezer like you.”

  He put his hands on his hips like he was offended. “Women,” he said, shaking his head. “Can’t live with them — can’t live without them.”

  “Oh, you hush,” she said, giggling like a teenage girl. They were very much in love. She pulled my mom aside and said they needed a minute to catch up.

  “So,” Mr. Hunter said to me, “have you seen the gas prices lately? Almost three dollars a gallon!” I had no idea if that was good or bad, but I quickly calculated. I got a weekly allowance for doing my chores, and it was enough to get two gallons at that price. It took a lot more than that when I filled the gas tank for my mom.

  “It’s better than the old days,” he continued. “I had to walk ten miles through the snow and sandspurs just to get to school.” I doubted that was true, because sandspurs can’t grow in the snow. I nodded at him like I was amazed and believed everything he said.

  “Jonathan,” Mrs. Hunter said to him when she came back to us, “leave that boy alone. Quit trying to turn him into an old geezer like yourself.” I tried not to laugh. She hooked an arm around his arm. “Let the kid enjoy his childhood while he can.” She winked at me and pulled him away.

  Mr. Hunter threw his hands up. “Sorry, Joe. Don’t forget what I said about women.”

  I wanted to answer him, but I realized several kids were staring at me. Another pointed at me. I had no idea what their problem was. I moved my tongue around my teeth to make sure there wasn’t something stuck in them. I didn’t find anything. I looked down at my zipper to make sure it was up — all good.

  Melissa caught me off guard when she appeared right in front of me. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked. She wasn’t smiling and I had no idea what she was talking about. I could only stare at her, confused.

  She pulled a cell phone out of her pocket, pushed a button on it, then shoved it in front of my face. I was shocked and wanted to tell her to be careful, but I couldn’t. I saw the one thing I didn’t expect to see.

  A video of Fox talking to me was playing on her phone. It was the same one Shane had recorded. My heart was beating fast. “Where did you get this?”

  She put the phone back in her pocket. “It’s all over the internet. It already has over two million views.” The twang in her voice got higher. “What’s going on, Joe?”

  All I could do was shrug my shoulders — even with all of the evidence in front of me. I don’t sweat much, but my shirt was soaking wet. Melissa was the one person I wanted to tell about Fox. Now that was taken away from me. Now the whole world knew about him.

  “Let me see that again,” I said to her. I was scared to death about what would happen to Fox. I couldn’t even think straight because my head felt like it was about to explode. I grabbed the phone from Melissa and asked her to give me a minute. I had to show my mom. She agreed.

  My mom was with another customer when I reached her. “Happy chickens make better tasting eggs,” she told the man looking at the cartons.

  She told me to hold on for a minute when I tried to get her attention. She was busy, but there wasn’t any time to waste. I yelled her name. “Mom!”

  She gave me an ugly face that let me know I was in big trouble. “I’ll be right back,” she told the customer. She grabbed me and pulled me aside. “Don’t ever yell at me again. What’s gotten into you?”

  I put the phone in front of her face and let the video play, the same way Melissa had. My mom froze. I didn’t think she was even breathing. “Mom? What are we gonna do?”

  She snapped out of her trance and told me to get into the car because we needed to go home right away. I didn’t argue. I grabbed the phone from her and gave it back to Melissa. “I’m sorry,” I told her. “I’ll explain everything later.”

  “What about my eggs?” the customer my mom had been with asked.

  “Take them,” she said. “You can pay me when you buy more next week.”

  SATURDAY AFTERNOON

  My mom drove through town like a racecar driver. She sped through every light. The tires squealed with every turn. I held onto my seat as tight as I could.

  I ran to the house when we got there, not knowing what to expect. Uncle Mike didn’t answer his cell phone when my mom called him from the farmers market. I feared the worst. Maybe someone had seen the video and broken into our house. Maybe they had kidnapped Fox!

  I threw the door open and nearly fainted.

  Fox was sitting on the couch with my uncle, watching wrestling on TV. They were laughing and high fiving each other. I had thought for sure my uncle Mike would never accept him. “That’s gonna hurt!” Fox shouted at the TV. “Get a real job!” my uncle joined in.

  My mom sighed and shook her head. “Boys will be boys.” She walked over to the couch, tapped my uncle on the shoulder, and told him they needed to talk. He told her that he was busy bonding with his new friend, and the wrestling match would be over soon.

  She grabbed the remote control from him and turned the TV off. “Mr. Awesome Muscles was about to make his move!” Fox whined. “The world needs his awesomeness!”

  My mom huffed and said to my uncle, “You ruined him.”

  Fox stood up on the couch and flexed his hairy arms. “My name is Mr. Awesome Muscles. Prepare to feel my awesomeness!”

  I couldn’t stop laughing. Fox didn’t have a single muscle on his body. I was surprised he didn’t run from the big men fighting in their underwear on TV. I remembered when he was scared of cartoons and hid behind the couch.

  “Calm down, Mr. Awesome Muscles,” my mom said, trying not to laugh. She took out her cell phone and held it up for Fox and my uncle to see. She had found the video of Fox and was playing it.

  My uncle stood up and said, “We have to do something.” He looked at Fox like he was worried for him.

  “I couldn’t agree more,” my mom said, turning to me. “Jonah, take Fox and Dana out back to feed the chickens. The grownups need to talk.”

  “But, Mom…” I said. I needed to be a part of whatever they were planning. I knew more about Fox than anyone else. And I had promised to protect him.

  She came to me and put a hand on my shoulder. “Let us talk for a minute, Jonah,” she said softly so only I could hear. “We have to figure out what’s best for Fox.” She nodded slowly to make sure I understood. “We need to review all of our options, and we don’t want to scare him. He’s fragile.”

  Fox yelled from the couch, “My name is Mr. Awesome Muscles, and I’m going to bring the pain!”

>   “Maybe not too fragile,” my mom said, patting my shoulder. I realized she wanted Fox out of the house so he didn’t hear anything discussed that might scare him. And she wanted to make sure I could protect him.

  “Come on, Fox,” I said. “Let’s go outside and play. You’ve been cooped up in here since yesterday.” My mom smiled at me.

  Dana walked into the living room from the kitchen with a tray of chicken nuggets in her hands. “What did I miss?”

  I stepped outside with Dana and Fox, and wondered what was going to happen next. I feared my best friend was in terrible danger.

  “I’m not cleaning this up,” Dana said with her arms crossed. “Your party, your mess — you do it.” I didn’t know what she meant at first and why she was so feisty, but when I looked at the backyard I realized it was a mess from my birthday party the day before.

  “Is there any more cake?” Fox asked. I ignored him because after that nasty fart last night, I’d never let him eat cake again.

  I looked at both of them like they were nuts. I held up the bag of chicken feed I brought with me. “We’re just going to feed the chickens.”

  “Oh,” Dana said, snatching the bag from me. “You should have said something sooner.” She walked past us and kicked a balloon floating over the grass.

  “You know what we should do?” Fox asked, rubbing his paws together. “We should find out what’s inside that outhouse once and for all.” He had a mischievous grin on his face that made me think he was up to something.

  “You’re not trying to trick me again — are you, Fox?” He had distracted me in the past so he could get to the chickens. I thought we had solved that problem, but old habits are hard to break.

  “You have my word,” he promised. “You know you wanna do it. I’ll cover for you.”

  Dana came back to us. “What’s taking you guys so long?” Her eyes were bulging out of her head like she was angry at us. “I’m not feeding those chickens by myself.” She shoved the bag of feed back into my hands. “You do it.”

  “He wants to see what’s in the outhouse,” Fox told her. “But he’s a scaredy-cat.” I assured him that wasn’t true. My mom wouldn’t let me use the outhouse, and that made me want to see what’s inside more than anything else.

  “So you’re a chicken?” Dana taunted me. “I get it. Everyone’s scared of something.” She nodded her head. “You’re scared of an outhouse.” She tucked her arms in and flapped them like wings. “Chicken. Bawk, bawk.”

  Fox licked his lips. “Mmmm, chicken.”

  I wasn’t a chicken and told them as much. It was awesome to have a toilet outside. “I’ll go in if you promise not to tell.” They both nodded. Fox was standing with both front paws behind his back. I wasn’t sure if he had a way to cross his fingers, but I was worried he did.

  “Go on, chicken,” Dana said, laughing. “Show us what you’re made of.”

  I set the bag of feed down and marched to the outhouse. It was a wooden tower with a half moon carved into it. I read on the internet that the moon had two purposes. In the old days, the half moon meant it was for women. A star on the door meant it was for men. The main reason it was there was to let light in.

  I took a deep breath and reached for the lock to open the outhouse door. I almost changed my mind, because my mom told me to stay away from it. Maybe there was something inside I wasn’t supposed to see. Maybe it was dangerous.

  “Chicken!” Dana shouted. “Bawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.” I turned to see Fox had joined her in flapping his arms and strutting around in circles.

  I yanked the door open to show them I wasn’t afraid. They’d have to eat their words.

  Something green jumped out and attacked me! I ran from the outhouse as fast as I could, screaming for help.

  Fox and Dana fell on the ground, laughing. They didn’t care about me. My life was in danger, and all they could do was laugh.

  “What’s all that ruckus?” my mom asked, sticking her head out the back door. “I told you kids to feed the chickens.”

  “Joe’s scared of a grasshopper,” Dana said, laughing at my expense. “It jumped on him, and he can’t stop screaming.”

  Fox nodded his head. “Look, I’m a chicken.” He stood back up on his hind legs and flapped his arms.

  My mom rubbed her temples. “Quit playing around. Go feed the chickens.” She disappeared back inside, shaking her head.

  The grasshopper jumped off of me and I was fine once I could breathe again. To be fair, I had no idea it was a grasshopper. All I knew was I was attacked. I should’ve listened to my mom and stayed out of the outhouse.

  Dana and Fox joined me at the chicken coop. “Told you I wasn’t a chicken,” I informed them. They laughed at me.

  “Mr. Awesome Muscles wouldn’t have run,” Fox said. “No sir.”

  I was glad no one else had seen what happened. And I hoped they never found out. Being in the sixth grade was hard enough already. “Just feed the chickens.”

  We grabbed handfuls of feed and threw it out to them as they wandered the fenced in area around the coop. Fox kept licking his lips.

  As I watched the chickens eat, I realized Old Nelly wasn’t outside. I didn’t think Fox had anything to do with it, but I had to find out where she was. “I’ll be back in a minute,” I told Fox and Dana. “I need to check on Old Nelly.”

  Fox took a step back. “Good luck. She likes to throw those rotten eggs. Don’t come back smelling like wet farts.” It was a risk I would have to take.

  I stepped into the chicken coop and looked for her. I looked high. I looked low. I found her perched in the back, eyes closed, breathing heavily. Something was wrong.

  I had no idea what to do. I had to tell my mom. Did they have a doctor for chickens? I hoped so because this was my great-grandma’s favorite chicken and the last piece of her we had left. It was funny she thought Old Nelly laid golden eggs.

  I headed out of the chicken coop to see if my mom was ready for us to come back into the house yet. I hoped they had good news for what we planned to do with Fox. I’d do whatever they wanted to keep Fox safe.

  “Wait,” some woman said from the back of the chicken coop. My heart jumped. I swear there wasn’t anyone in there with me. I turned back to see Old Nelly stepping off of her rotten eggs. Her eyes popped open. “Please wait.”

  If that had happened a few months ago, I would have run out of there screaming for my life. I should have believed it when my great-grandma said Old Nelly talked to her.

  “You have her eyes,” Old Nelly said. I didn’t know who she was talking about. I walked back to the old chicken. I kept my distance, in case she wanted to throw one of her smelly eggs at me.

  “Whose eyes?” I asked her.

  Her breathing was hard, and she had a difficult time speaking. “Rita’s. You have Rita’s eyes.” That was my great-grandma. My mom always said I favored her.

  “Do you need help?” I asked her.

  She tried to laugh. “I’m not a spring chicken anymore. My time is near.” I think she smiled at me, but it was hard to tell because I’d never seen a chicken smile. “Rita made this a wonderful life for me. I enjoyed our conversations.”

  I wanted to know more about my great-grandma, but Old Nelly was speaking slower and slower. I had one question I needed to know the answer to.

  “How did you and Fox learn to talk?”

  Her eyes were half closed like she couldn’t keep them opened. I was afraid I would never hear the answer.

  “This place is magical,” she said painfully. “I was chosen to be here.” She took a deep breath. “So was the fox.” The next thing she said left me with more questions than answers.

  “So were you, Joe.” She closed her eyes and didn’t move again or say anything else. How did she know my name? How did she live so long? What did she mean I was chosen? Chosen for what?

  I stepped out of the chicken coop and let the sun hit my face. I was so confused I couldn’t sense anything else around me. I only kne
w Old Nelly for a few minutes, but I would never forget her and what she said.

  “Kids!” my mom shouted from the back porch. “Come back inside!” A few seconds after that she shouted, “Was someone in the outhouse?”

  I had no intention of answering that question. I joined Fox and Dana as we headed back to the house.

  Fox sniffed my pants and said, “At least you don’t smell any worse than you did before you went in there.”

  “Gee, thanks,” was all I could say.

  When we got back into the house, my mom had us sit on the couch in the living room. Fox had some hairs left behind on it. I picked them off, one at a time.

  My mom and uncle stood in front of us. “We all know Fox was recorded talking in a video,” my mom said. “That video has been seen by more than three million people now.”

  Dana faced Fox and put out a hand for a high five. “You’re famous!”

  My uncle said, “That’s not a good thing. There’s no other animal like Fox.” He directed his attention to my best friend. “We don’t know what this means for your future. You’re going to receive a lot of attention.”

  Fox wasn’t smiling. “I want to go home.”

  My mom sighed. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Fox. People will be looking for you. Good people and bad people.”

  I could tell he was confused, and I knew he wanted to find his parents. “We’ll take care of you. I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

  My mom agreed. “We need some time for this to blow over. We’ve already taken the first step.”

  I looked up at her. “What did you do?”

  “I got in touch with Mr. Connors,” my uncle said. “He assured me that he didn’t know the video was online and he would have never allowed it. He’s had his son take the video down.” My mom showed us her phone. The link for the video was no longer available.

  “This is good — right?” Fox asked.