Unravel

by Tara Lynn

  I wouldn’t get more than this. No explanation on how a lecherous man and a helpless girl were both equally worthy of her support. Not even a verbal apology, just the reasons that made her weak. Maybe she still worried he’d come back. Well, let him. He wouldn’t find the same girl he’d left, and I wasn’t going to waste words with the same woman who had stood aside.

  “Yeah.” I returned to the dishes. “He's fine.”

  “And you and Everett seem to be getting along fine.”

  I forced a shrug. “I guess.”

  “He's really not so bad deep down. I can see the way he takes care of you.”

  She had gone back to rustling in the cabinets. Either she meant nothing or maybe she didn't want to know. At least it worked well here.

  “He's just being decent.” I shoved the last plate into the tray.”

  “Decent. Yeah, that's the word. That's what he is right? I was worried when I saw his bike and the way he spoke to you when he met, but he turned out to be a good man.”

  I slammed the faucet shut. Right. She had seen that and still she had just shut her eyes and hoped it all works out. Thank god it did this time.

  I turned to storm out past her, but she was peering into the fridge and making a list with her back to me. I waited for my chance, but her words kept tumbling through my head.

  Rett was a decent man. Underneath the leather, under the gangster strength, he was the same sweet, hot guy who had lay with me when we were younger. That's all I could see when I came back. It wasn't that I forgot who he was on the outside.

  It was that he did, whenever he was with me.

  I rubbed my sore fingers and undid the tangled yarn. So what if he wore a cut and became a biker through and through? My stepfather had worn a uniform. He had sworn an oath to uphold the law, to protect the people of this town. He had promised to cherish my mom, to cherish me.

  And he had forgotten who he was when he was with me, too.

  Maybe I wasn't such a fool to fall so hard for Rett. Time might change him. It had before. I wouldn’t be blindly loyal. If Rett became someone awful, my feelings would follow. But right now, with me, he was exactly everything I wanted and deserved.

  My skin prickled and it was more than the heat, more than lust. I missed Rett, even with him so near, right in his room.

  My mom shut the fridge, but my anger had long gone. I stalked past her, but she held out open arms. I threw her a limp hug.

  “I'm so glad you're happy,” she said in my ear. “You’re family now. Just take care of each other and everything will be ok.”

  “We will.”

  I patted her back. For once, she was exactly right.

  I vaulted up the stairs, eager to follow through on her words. Rett's dad was out already and I planned to head into Rett’s room and get a taste of what was coming later that night.

  Instead, his arms found me as I ran right into him waiting at the top of the stairs.

  “Oof.” My breath rang out as he caught me. His strength enveloped me, along with the smell of diesel and leather.

  I drew it in deep, nestling in the feeling of being in his shell. But I remembered just what it meant if he was wearing his cut.

  “Where are you going?” I asked, with a sinking feeling.

  His sharp features were half lit by the light from my room. His lips curled into a wicked smile.

  “I'm taking you to your friend's place.”

  “What?”

  “Maria. That's her name right?”

  I stepped back, tried to figure out what we were joking about. Rett looked dead serious.

  “I'm not staying over at Maria's,” I said.

  Rett bent into my ear. “No, but that's what you're going to tell your mother as I walk you out of here.”

  “To where?'

  “Somewhere you'll like.”

  Something big and soft smacked my thigh. I looked down and saw a tent roll. My heart pounded.

  “We're going camping?”

  “Once you pack.”

  I shot past into my room and emptied my backpack. It was well into spring, but the land around us didn't hold heat. Still, I packed just sheer panties, a couple tight tees and shorts.

  The tent was going to get pretty hot regardless.

  Rett cupped me by the back and pressed me forward down the stairs. We marched down, my legs wobbling. I was so ready to throw myself around his chopper, around him.

  My mother was still in the kitchen. I simply parroted the line about Maria that Rett had told me, then pressed outside. Rett followed a minute later. The blanket of stars felt electric as we headed for the bike.

  “She might wonder why you don't come back later,” I said, clambering on behind.

  “Let her wonder.” His voice rumbled through his chest. “Her imagination won't come close to the truth.”

  The rumble cut on under me, and I gripped him tight as we shot off down the road.

  The night air flowed warm over us. I hadn't seen any reason to bring sunglasses, so I just had to shut my eyes and rest on Rett's broad back. I kissed his shoulders through his jacket, and the engine revved like my lips carried power.

  The ride was over far too soon. The engine slowed and the tires scuffled as we went off the road. I opened my eyes. We were riding down a shallow scrubland hill towards the edge of a low cliff. Right as I started to worry, Rett turned and stopped the chopper.

  The silence echoed all around us. Rett stood and helped me off.

  “Looking good?”

  The cliff dropoff wasn't more than a dozen feet, but it stuck out here like a ledge. I walked as close to the edge as I dared and looked around. The earth sat blood brown under the pale moon, the brush a ghostly white and simmering gently like curls of steam.

  “It's beautiful,” I said, walking back. “Also terrifying.”

  Rett came up beside me. “You weren't so scared of the drop before.”

  “Before?” And the air left me. “We walked here when we were young.”

  “When you were just fourteen.” He stood by me, not holding me. “Fourteen and fearless.”

  “I didn't know that there were things to be scared of then.”

  I shut my eyes, and tried to see how it had looked before. I must have been a couple inches shorter, but that was about all I could change. Had the world seemed brighter? Had the shadows cast by the cliffs, by the brushes seemed less dark?

  Rett's arm laced my shoulder. “Well, that’s all gone. I’m here for you.”

  The future lay open as the air off the cliff. If I leapt off though, gravity would still pull me to Earth. Some forces out there just had to be endured. Rett might have made my stepfather recede from my thoughts, but it had still happened. He would always be in my memory, out there somewhere – even if he wasn’t hurting me up close.

  “You're acting like you’re the one who saved me.” It sounded harsh, but I didn't try to pull me away.

  His arm tensed and released. “I'm just stating a fact.”

  Why was he bringing this up? All the steam I'd built up coming her had condensed. I just felt hot and muddled with the past.

  “Things happened in between. You can't just unwind time,” I said softly.

  “I thought coming back here might let us bridge it.” He ticked his head at the cliff. “You can walk right over that gap and find yourself fearless once more.”

  A pocket gust hit us. I imagined it tearing us over the edge, but my heart didn't race. It felt like we might just fly, at least for a little, and that would be enough.

  Rett's lips nuzzled my cheek. All that bundled warmth came loose again. I didn't understand my own body or how Rett could wind it up and then pull me loose with such ease.

  I turned to him and kissed him back deep, but right before I could unravel completely, my brain filled with worry. I tugged away.

  “What about you?” I said.

  “What about me?” His voice was already husky.

  “You brought me here to take me to m
y past. Can it take you back, too?”

  His eyes were steel in the moonlight. Without answering, he sank back onto me.

  “You didn't answer,” I mumbled in between kisses.

  “The only thing I care to go back to is you,” he said. “And I have you.”

  It seemed like a question. Then, his hands cupped my rear, and all this talking seemed pointless.

  “You have me,” I whispered harshly

  He released me only long enough to unfurl the sleeping bag onto the ground. Then, he kissed me back down onto it, teasing my shirt off.

  I could see my skin, pale in the night. He sank against my breasts quietly, nudging my cup down and lapping at the nipple like some feeding animal. I groaned as my torso ran with current. My legs swung wide, a deep ache appearing strong and hot between me.

  The hard edges of his cheek moved to the other breast, moving it up to kiss at the spot where it reached my chest. I cupped his face and hummed faintly. It was all out of my control.

  Rett had revealed that. Once he was done with me, I wouldn't remember anything about this place but tonight. The past and the present would neatly cut off the years that kept us apart – and all the heavy things receded deep in them.

  Rett tugged his own cut off and paused to rip off his shirt. His tan body ran dark in the night, and his mouth set upon me again, his skin shadow to my light. He unhooked my bra and cast it into the dirt.

  “Rett!” I sighed.

  “You don’t need that tonight,” he said. “Be an animal. Be here with me.”

  He pressed me back into the cushions with a vicious kiss. I went even looser.

  He huddled over me and squeezed my breasts. I groaned.

  “Be louder, baby,” he said. “No one can hear us here.”

  His hand shot down into my panties. His finger pressed slick inside me.

  “Oh, god,” I bucked up into him. Another finger plunged into me, hooked up deep. My body shot white. I cried out.

  “Good girl,” he sighed, and his hand began riding me. I heard it, wet and slick, strong as it found my pleasure.

  I clutched the thick arms digging into me, as my ache blossomed into something beyond me. His thumb found the outside of what he was building inside, and in moments I heaved and came around him. I heard myself wailing out into the wind, like he’d exorcised something deep.

  When sight returned, Rett's gorgeous face was cut with a dazzling smile.

  “Good.” He pecked my lips. “That’s just the start, baby, but you did good.”

  He slipped his pants off back his legs, and centered himself over me. His arm lay flat around me like a vise, and holding me still, he kissed me and slid into me. My voice rose to break the kiss and soon his growled the air, too.

  For that whole night, we became animals. We became primal.

  The sun rose, made the half erect tent we had put together in the middle somewhere glow red like the illuminated walls of a human body. I gave Rett’s sprawled form a gentle squeeze and climbed out naked into the coming day. I sat bow legged on a towel, watching the shadows begin to fall from distant mesas, under the vast cloudless sky above.

  The only thing that would have made this moment more perfect would be a cup of coffee and having my pad to sketch it out. It was all I wanted, no high scores, no awards. Just the guy sleeping in our cave behind me and the world in front of me.

  Austin might be where I was headed next, but I didn’t have to wait to be who I wanted. I already had everything I needed.

  But the guy that brought me to myself – that I might lose.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Everett

  I stood on the field, shoulders slumped, watching the embers of my football dreams fade.

  The freshman recruits were dismal. It was clear in the way they mumbled their plays, the stiffness with which they lined up their shots, and the way their fumbled grabs sent the ball crunching to the turf. Marlo had even strapped on his gear to give them a boost, but they couldn’t even match his level.

  Coach Jacobs screamed his voice out, but at least he was getting paid. I got nothing. I'd built this team into something out of love for the game. Now, I was a father watching his son tarnish the family name. It felt worse than seeing my own father hang a blight around our own name.

  Despite it all, I stuck around even after the sorry shits dragged themselves aching to the locker rooms. Marlo shrugged as he walked past, but I gave him a clap on the shoulder. Jacobs and I moved around, picking up gear in the vast and silent stadium.

  “You don't have to stick around,” Jacobs said, as I dropped off a stack of orange cones by the stands.

  “Said I'd help,” I said

  “The only help I needed was showing those boys how to play. I doubt God himself could come down here and make that happen though.”

  “Sorry, coach. I tried.”

  “Ah fuck, I know you did.” He rubbed his bare head and stared off at a goalpost. “They just aren't you.”

  “That ain't such a bad thing.”

  I headed back out for some practice padding a kid had shed mid field. I hefted the white foam vest. It hit me that I’d probably never hold it again.

  Hell, it was just a game. I knew that. Football wasn't life, but it was a way to a better life. It wasn't an easy thing watching that path etch away before my feet, not knowing what to do about it. It’d been easier without an offer. Now I couldn’t decide which way to run.

  When I went back, Coach Jacobs was back by the benches. I walked towards the padding pile, but he yanked the one from my hands as I passed and hurled it to the ground.

  “Why in goddamn hell have you not signed that offer, Tull?” he growled to me.

  “What?” I said. Jacobs never used an unkind tone on me.

  “You know what I mean. I don't know what's going through that head, but the choice is easy. Find a way to take whatever offer Austin sent.”

  “It’s not that simple.” I tried to head back out, but his hand gripped my shoulder and twisted me back.

  “What in the hell can that club offer you to come close to this deal? They're a bunch of criminal deadbeats.”

  I glanced at the hand gripping me. “You shouldn't be talking about the club like this to me. I'm a prospect.”

  The coach let go, but his eyes didn’t lose an ounce of heat.

  “You're not one of them,” he said. “Not yet.”

  “You don't know a damn thing I do off field.”

  “No. But I see what you're doing here. You care more about this than you do them. Why else are you here helping me? Your partner hit the showers as soon as the whistle blew. Hell, I know he’s only here cause of you.”

  I shrugged. “I'm just doing what I promised. I said I’d take care of the team.”

  “And that’s what you told those criminals too, huh? That’s why you won’t buckle on this?”

  “In a way,” I said.

  Jacobs shook his head. “That's honorable, son, it really is. But you're too young to surrender your life. I can’t promise you’ll go anywhere in Austin, but I know you won’t be going anywhere once you’re in with them good here.”

  I glared at him, the empty rows of seats piled above. “You done?” I said.

  He chewed on his lips. “I've said my piece.”

  I headed back out to move off the last few bags. Jacobs thought I still wasn’t one of the MC, that it was some loose code of honor that bound me. But every time I even looked at that offer, I could only think of that one wrong play. The only honor in what I’d done had been in how it started. The darkness that came after was all on me.

  It all came back on the field, just as it’d been doing over and over these last days.

  “What is this?”

  I was standing in the powder yellow dirt outside the MC club house. Clash had handed me a single key, and now he ticked his head at a rusted brown old station wagon.

  “That’ll be your ride,” he’d said. “Cops round here know it’s ours so you�
��ll get no trouble. There’s a piece in the glove compartment just in case, but this should be a milk run.”

  “A piece?”

  “A piece. A gun, boy.”

  “I’m gonna need a gun?”

  He spat the ground “I just said you won’t, didn’t I? I like to carry one, case of an ambush, but I don’t see that happening here.”